I need some help. I want to become a true alpha male and be manly in general. I go to the gym, try to wear nice clothes, stand up straight, and these sorts of things, but i feel very fake. Also i suck at talking to people, most of the time they are predictable and boring, and i get this mixture of disinterest and lack of subjects to talk about. It pains me to small talk to people and i don't know what to do about it. I have good body language too, but i find it hard to make eye contact because that, to me, usually implies that i'm going to say something, and that goes back to the problem.
what do i do?
It sounds like you worry what people think about you alot. It's a hard habit to kick. You're also clearly analyzing your own body language and mannerisms pretty intensely. That's ok at the beginning, but eventually you have to let go a little more.
For example--if you're sitting with some friends or a girl and there's a lull in the conversation, some might think
>It's really quiet right now. I should say something. But I don't want to sound awkward. omg I'm being so awkward. They must hate me now.
But why? Why not enjoy that moment of silence? Look around and let your thoughts wander for a moment. You're not obliged to entertain anyone or make lots of silly small talk. You might not realize it, but you are often predictable and boring too, and that's ok.
If you are comfortable, people will be at ease around you. You don't need to be domineering.
Not saying I'm some ultra alpha male but I think people see me as pretty calm and self possessed. Which is not always true, but I've gotten good at "fake it til you make it".
Also, instead of talking about lame bullshit, talk to people about their families. Their goals and their ideas about life. Tell them about yours. Listen and even care if you can. Instead of filling dead space, think of yourself as the older brother checking in, making sure all your siblings are doing well.
You're lacking selfesteem. Look into cbt worksheets.
My bf's a lot like you. He's big and broad and fit af. He's got very alpha bodylanguage and is decent at small talk. But that's where it usually stops. It took me a while to figure him out. I think his awkward side is beyond cute, but i guess he's really insecure about himself. But meh, aren't most people to some degree?
You are FOLLOWING an ideal imposed on you by the society. You cannot ever become a leader (alpha by definition), if you keep following.
Find out what is the different between you dreams and social ideals. Then go after your dreams. Be like a beacon that draws people near, because you put superhuman effort into pursuing something else than fucking attention and social status.
Yes, to attract people you have to focus on something else, something worthwhile. The funny part is, if you ever reach that point, you won't even notice or care much about the attention you have. Just like real alphas don't.
Forget buzzwords like alpha male and instead aim to be the person you want to be. Set goals for yourself and plan how you tackle them one after another.
Keep stepping away from your comfort zone and try your best to avoid the supernormal stimuli and focus on what is real. Supernormal stimuli is everywhere these days and causes most people procrastinate which is why most people these days are just simply lazy compared to people from 20's 30's. Everyone is looking for that easy way out of everything, don't be like them and accept the truth and do the hard work.
If you manage to do this consistency you'll start to notice how some people will simply fall below you and this will do wonders for your confidence. However be prepared as you'll likely make some enemies and grow distant from some people in this path. Sometimes you need to be selfish and crush some dreams to achieve your own.
You sound insecure and fearful, just like every other dude obsessed with being Alpha Male Supreme. There's no list of things you can do that will make you feel powerful if you still lack faith in yourself deep down. Actually *being* powerful requires a whole suite of abilities, one of which is knowing how to work with people. If you think people are boring it's probably because you suck at conversation and don't know how to build on small talk to create rapport. You also may have such narrow interests that it's difficult to find common ground. Expanding your horizons in general and working to becoming better at conversation, among other things, would help.
You'll feel better about yourself and life in general if you forget about being Alpha Male and just try to be a good person.