I'll be transferring to a 4 year college soon (compsci) and I'm afraid that I won't fit in with people. I don't go to parties, don't drink, don't want casual relationships or hookups, and I'm not really okay being friends with people who do that kind of thing. I assume like minded people group up, so what kind of thing should I be doing to make some friends and maybe even a girlfriend who's more like me? I'm okay with most things as long as they are appropriate and legal but I personally like games, drawing, programming, jogging, tennis, etc... really as long as it's something decent I'm okay with it.
>hobbies include video games, programming, art (throws in physical activities rarely performed to not seem too aspie)
>worried people won't be able to relate to his interests
join clubs on campus. find the one with a few cute girls. be the first to make a move.
...have you tried lightening the fuck up?
I mean, not being friends with people who do hookups... why? What is the reason?
I'm a jesus freak who isn't interested in casual relationships or sex before marriage but I don't give a damn what anyone *else* does.
For the record I actually exercise daily, usually alone though. I'll look into a list of clubs. Anything I should know before picking one?
When I say friends I mean close friends, I'll talk to anyone though. Mostly hookups bother me so I really don't even want to think about it.
Pretty much, but not everyone believe it or not.
Join the tennis or running club. There ya go. You'll have a hard time finding people who never drink or have sex since that's nearly the entire adult population of humans, but I'm sure there are some equally neurotic judgmental assholes who also like running, assuming your uni is large enough.
even if you feel like you're annoying people, talk to them.
unless you are a total sperg (and sometimes you will sperg), if you are genuine and confident, people will enjoy being around you. don't insult others. learn basic social practices. shut up when people ask you to shut up but also strike conversation, talk about stuff, laugh a lot.
best advice is this though: while you will meet people with similar interests and hobbies, you will NOT find anyone "like" you, because everyone is different. nobody is the same. do not expect to find another person like you, because in doing so you will disregard the people who have the potential to be your best friend. you will not find anybody like you, but keep an open mind to everyone and genuinely try to enjoy their presence. thats the best way to make friends
its college. much like highschool its clique based, except there is a higher concentration of nerds because they are more likely to get into college than your average tard (Save for those with scholarship tier skills).
so literally all you have to do is talk to people and see what they like. bring up your more obscure interests and see who latch on.
when in doubt, look at the clubs. theres going to be plenty for any real college. a lot of nerds and geeks these days are more errr 'mainstream' then you might think (Even back in the 90s, they'd have sailor moon viewing parties on campus where you'd all throw back beers, and even game nights tend to be booze fueled)
because drinking and having sex are normal human activity. maybe not natural in terms of drinking, but were hardly the first species to ever get 'fucked up' either so there is that.
the issue here is that you are unable to even be friends with someone who may drink or have casual sex when you arent around (which i would hope in regards to the latter).
thats kinda asshole behavior.
>>16761103 here. also, yeah...this too. unless you're dealing with crack heads, definitely don't put off an entire group of people who do very common people-things just because you're not cool with it. i went through this phase many times with potheads, people who aren't in college, etc and thought that it was cool to be an elitist. it isn't. it is way uncool. even if you meet other elitists like this, they will still not enjoy being around you. having this attitude in life just...well, *doesnt work*. just be open and really try to enjoy being around others. literally picture a door opening in your brain. shit works really well. at first, it will seem like you're just faking enjoying others...but eventually, be it a day, a month, or a year, you will find yourself starting to *actually* enjoy others and *actually* wanting to get to know them
Maybe my post was a bit extreme. I have friends who occasionally drink a bit but I've never been able to get along with potheads, they just irritate me. I have a friend who use to smoke a bit but stopped and became much more tolorable. I don't really think of myself as an elitist but I've had so many times where I've told people not to go to parties or do certain things, and almost every time they ignored me and ended up with problems. I'm not trying to be the "i told you so" guy but I've always been the person who makes safe decisions and few mistakes so seeing people do thing I see as stupid or pointless like getting drunk just infuriates me so I prefer to avoid it altogether. I don't have problems with safe drinking, but things like hard drugs or getting drunk I can't stand.
yknow this is so funny because i was literally just like this last year. im a sophomore in a huge college (ut austin represent) and all through freshman year i avoided drinking because i had this exact mindset.
i hate to say this but u are not special. none of us are special snowflakes. you are not better than other people and you choosing not to go out and have fun sometimes does not necessarily make you a wiser or better person. obvi there are limits to this - yeah, you shouldnt go clubbing on a monday night before a test or every night. but man the smartest people in the world, biochem and ee double majors take the occasional night to go out and have fun.
as for being the "i told you so" guy - you say you aren't, and maybe you don't show this to others. but, from your post and from what you're saying, you believe that you make better decisions than others in your head. so, you actually *are* the i told you so guy. you will not make friends this way dude, i promise you. there is absolutely nothing wrong with going out and drinking and hooking up sometimes. there is absolutely nothing wrong with having problems. hell, there isn't really anything wrong with making stupid decisions sometimes either, man. just trust me when i say that having the attitude of "i avoid people that do bad things sometimes because i make better decisions than them" is absolutely fucking wrong in so many ways and i got really fucked out of friends for having that mindset my first year. you will feel lonely and depressed. get rid of that mindset and u will be the most popular dude on campus (ok not really but u get what i mean)
I'll try being a little more open but I don't really want to be popular. Things like hookups will never be okay to me though. Maybe as a friend I talk to occasionally but I could never date a girl who's had any hookups. Honestly I'm hoping for a girl who wants to wait until marriage. I'll try being more tolerant of others but I'm not going to get drunk, smoke, or have casual sex myself.
ok, cool. yeah no ones asking you to do these things yourself, but if you just ignore others and say "well people who have lots of sex are bad people", then people won't like you. not even others who agree with you. being tolerant and open is key (・∀・ )
also keep in mind that you will drastically change in the next 4 years. lol you will even drastically change in the first month you're in college, provided you're stimulated with things that can change you. its very important to change - well, more likely absolutely fucking crucial to change. if you refuse to change, your life will not go anywhere and you'll be stuck somewhere you don't want to be.
let others change you and let even the strongest of your opinions become malleable. college is about riding the wave. eventually you can start making waves, but for now chill on that paddleboard and let your environment shape you
sorry im unloading all this, but another piece of advice i have: dance.
no seriously, fucking dance dude. if someones playing music, dance. learn to cook and how to dance like yung lean (srsly). practice in your room. its not only incredibly fun and will free you, but others will want to hang out with you more, even if it embarrasses you or them. break out of your shell and dance. it's the most direct advice anyone could ever give someone who is breaking out of their shell. if youre at a party, club, or someones just playing music loudly, dancing is always a great idea. people like to be around others who dance
Okay, like an anon said, you should really try loosening up cause as life goes on, you're going to meet more and more people who do the stuff you aren't interested in. It's sad, but true; this generation isn't that great on being "innocent" so to speak. My best advice is to really loosen up or you're not really going to get along with anybody. It's not that bad as being friends with people who don't do that, but for you, just opt out of anything they want you to do that you don't find suitable.
As for relationship stuff, I don't know man, I'm in a bad spot for saying that stuff haha.
I can actually cook pretty decently(mom taught me and she is pretty good ). As for dancing.... I'm actually good at it, but like you said I get really embarrassed. When I was younger my cousin taught me to dance but I've never been willing to dance at a party. I get really stiff and uncomfortable.
lol I meant cooking like the type of dancing. get over ur fear of dancing in public dude: you think people think ur dumb or they don't like it, but desu they do. it's like a subconscious thing: even if ur bad at dancing, people still want to be around you because people naturally like to be around fun people