How do I overcome sexual anxiety, /adv/? I've struggled with it on and off for years now, and have been having bouts with it the last couple monthes. I'm in a long term and very happy relationship, and am very attracted to my girlfriend but I still get sexual anxiety which essentially winds up with me not being able to get/maintain a boner when the time comes for sex, even when I'm horny as all hell. I just clam up, worry I won't be able to perform and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; and the more times its happens the worse it gets, I end up remembering the last time, etc.
This isn't with a stranger or somebody I'm not really into either; its my girlfriend whom I'm extremely comfortable and open with and am honestly very attracted to (although I've had this problem far more prevalently in the past with people I'm not as comforable with) . I can literally masturbate fantasizing about her but when the time comes to have sex, sometimes the anxiety kicks it, I get nervous and feel forced or awkward, and at that point I can't get a boner if my fucking life depends on it. To be honest, I don't know how people DON'T get nervous or anxious over sex, especially when its with people they AREN'T as familiar with. Any advice on how to get over this or deal with it, guys? Its extremely frustrating.
Do you masturbate more than once every four days? if so, stop. In your twenties, you shouldn't jack off more than once every four days. If you're in your thirties, once a week max. Forties, once every two weeks.
Not cumming often will give you a huge boost of sexual energy. If you don't cum for four-five days, you will have zero problems getting hard. You may cum fast, but that's fine. Totally normal when you have a loaded gun. Either have your gf give you head or a blowjob before sex, then eat her out until you're hard again. don't be afraid to jack yourself off while eating her out to prep yourself.
You can also jack off immediately before sex, but you'll need five-ten minutes to get hard again. This only works if you didn't cum often the past few days, otherwise you'll have a subpar boner or won't be able to get hard.
and when it comes to anxiety, also totally normal. Try this:
Shift your inner thinking to a more confident voice. Realize that sex isn't a big deal, it's just fooling around and having fun with each other. You don't have to perform like a porn star, just do what your body wants to. Get out of your head and into your body, focus on the feelings that you're experiencing next to your gf.
Also learn how to eat pussy properly. Look up the video of Sunny Lane giving a lesson on how to go down on a girl. just google search sunny lane how to eat pussy video. you'll find it. The key is to suck, not flick with your tongue. Suck on the clit and vagina like you're extracting the life out of it. use the pressure of your head against it as she gets closer, and do full slow licks up the vagina to the clit. Never flick the clit with your tongue, it's not fun.
Practice makes perfect. The more sex you have, the better you'll get at it.
communication is key: Talk to your partner, explain what kind of sex you require to perform well. If you want to take it slow and gentle, tell her. If you only want to focus on her, tell her.
Also look up the book The Multi Orgasmic man: sex secrets every man should know.
It changed my life. Google the pdf. It's a short and easy read, and just reading the first few chapters will make you feel way more confident in bed.
I used to have horrible performance anxiety. I also realized a lot of it was coming from my dependance on sex. I didn't want sex for fun or to communicate, I wanted validation. Remove the need for sex, and think of it as just "fooling around." it's seriously no big deal, you're just enjoying the act of fulfilling your instincts. Do what your body wants to do, and get out of your head.
Also huge: BREATHE. Learn how to breathe into your balls. When you breathe, expand your abdomen, not your chest. Breathe deeeeeep into your testicles, hold for a second, and exhale. This will remove a lot of pressure that forms when you're turned on next to a naked woman. Taking a deep breath will give you ten-fifteen seconds of relaxation and confidence. repeat as needed, but don't drive yourself crazy. again, stay out of your head, just make sure you're breathing enough.
The best position for anxiety is girl on top. Your PC muscles will relax, your body will feel more comfortable, and it makes it much easier to last long during sex. I like to start with my gf on top, then missionary, then finish with doggy style.
Always always always make sure your gf cums at least once before you put your dick in her. This will make you feel much more at ease because even if you cum fast, she'll already have had an orgasm so it's all good.
Either eat her out or just use a lot of lube/saliva and rub your hand up and down her vagina with all your fingers until she cums. it's not difficult.
Remember to take it slow, and relax. It's not a race. Slow sex is the best sex.
What you're experiencing is perfectly natural, never feel bad about your sexual performance. nobody is good every single time. doing kegel exercises can also help.
>do you masturbate more than once every 4 days
whoops. i do this daily. but as of late i've tried toning it down a bit. once i get a gf i'll try to start doing it even less, to not at all.
Loss of ambition, low energy, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, depression.
Not only does my mood and energy improve when I ejaculate only once every four-five days, my vision improves, movies are more enjoyable, I can flirt with women with ease, I perform better in bed, music sounds better, I can play guitar better, I do better at school and work, I just feel better.
Also cumming after not cumming for five days feels magical. Not tired after, I feel high for hours.
Try it. Nofap doesn't mean no cumming ever, it means breaking the habit of jacking off too often. You become addicted to the endorphin rush it gives you like a drug, and it degrades your soul.
As you get older you have to cum less and less often. Twenties, no more than once every four days. Thirties, once a week. forties, two weeks, fifties, once a month. Sixties you should no longer ejaculate. That's why men die earlier than women and men often get erectile dysfunction in their old age. They have less sexual energy and expend it too generously.
I had no idea, actually i have developed kind of a premature ejaculation problem. Had no idea it came from fapping to much. Ill try your advise anon!
I asume this goes for sex aswell, not just masturbating?
Nope, sex will only improve your performance. It produces waaay more endorphins than fapping, and trains you to focus on the full body sensation that stimulation gives you.
Fapping will make you cum fast if you cum fast when you fap. After four days of no fapping, fap. But take your time, and don't look at porn or images. just use your imagination. Think of a girl you like, or your gf, and go through the motions of making love.
Start by thinking about just cuddling, kissing, then making out, then taking each others clothes off, then sex, etc.
Practice edging. it's actually possible to orgasm without cumming, and it feels great.
What you do is this: Jack off slowly, and think of your excitement as a 1-10 scale. 1 is soft, 10 is about to cum and can't stop it. Try to stay at a seven.
As you imagine something that really turns you on, like you're pounding your gf, get to an 8 or nine. Then when you feel that rush of energy flow through you, stop. Right before you are close to cumming, stop fapping completely and focus on the feelings going through your body. Take a deep breath, then continue fapping. You just orgasmed, but didn't cum.
You can do this multiple times, and the more times you do it, the more powerful your ejaculation will be.
Try to have five orgasms before you cum, and try to fap for at LEAST ten minutes. I usually go for twenty minutes, because I like long sex.
A lot of people like to jack off by cumming within a minute or two, because they're afraid of getting caught. This is a bad habit, and trains you to cum fast even during sex.
Fap like you're making love to a beautiful woman. Take your time.