How do I cope with life's withering assault? I've been down on my luck lately. Only bad things happen to me and there's no way I can control it.
In the past couple of years I've been kicked out of my house, suspected of crimes I had nothing to do with, unable to find a job, went into debt to go to school when it never paid off, and in general have been drifting alienated through life. My friend of 8 years is suicidal and I am frankly don't have the reserves to care. I feel like he's dragging me down.
Worse, society sucks. It divides the complex human condition into a competition between winners and losers, as if there weren't systematic inequality and imbalance of opportunity and some people did nothing to deserve their disadvantages or advantages.
I remember a time when life wasn't so shitty, when nice weather was enough to cheer me up, and running around the streets as a kid was enough excite and compel me. The world was a mystical place and anything was possible.
Now I feel as an adult a need to develop some kind of standing, and have a burning desire to apply myself. But I've been battered and bruised and nobody will ever bear witness to your struggle except you.
life is suffering
it was as true 2500 years ago as now. no cellphone, video game, youtube, or other modern gadgets change it.
in youth we are naive, inexperienced, ignorant. as we age, we become more aware. we see the impermanence inherent in life, that everyone we love will die, we will die, every attainment in life is temporary, everything fades away and changes.
nonetheless, the vast majority of people live in hope, clinging to every bit of pleasurable sensation they can get before dying. we live as if permanent happiness can be attained within the world.
i think buddhism is just as relevant as ever since it speaks to the fundamental problems of human existence. in our modern times, we are very distracted by the glittering gadgets and distraction entertainment culture, we are losing the ability to think deeply, we merely drift from one distraction to the next.
op, my sincere advice is: don't run away from these feels, go even deeper into it for the sake of developing wisdom.
Personally the only reason I'm not killing myself is because then I'll never know new discoveries about space (new planets, new insights in the beginning of time, etc.). Also I know everything is temporary and I try to withstand everything so I can become a silent observer.
>everything is temporary
Change will happen, you cannot know when. Keep looking for a job - every day. And a place to live.
Take it day by day. Don't give up. Things do not stay the same.
Life can go to total shit in few months. I got diagnosed with a disease that left me unable to sleep, i had to quit work for 8 months to recover through surgery that didn't went quite right. I lost my fucking house, I had to move in with my parents after living 5 years on my own. After 3 weeks I snapped after being awake for 8 days in pain. I was put in insanity ward for 30 days spawn, drug tests everywhere, somebody watching you pissing, no privacy, no basic human rights. After 30 days released because no insanity diagnosed, as soon as I got sleep I was normal. I was injected with several neurolepts and other sedating medicines, doctors constantly trying to make up schizophrenic diseases for me even though it was a delirium caused by insomnia and alcohol consumption.
I've have it worse than most of you guys. I've lost all. My house, family, old friends, girlfriend at 25 and it took only few months of downfall. I still have my job and went back to work 2 months ago, but these days im just doped out on daily boozing and smoking weed.