Hey /r9k/, I recently got into my first relationship, but the problem is that I feel like I'm not a relationship person now after a while. Just meeting up with her seems extremely hard and spending time together is extremely tiring. I feel like I just disconnected too much from society after all these years of no friends. Would it be okay to break up with her? I mean, I'm not a good boyfriend either with these traits
Having to interact with a person daily is really bothersome, I also feel extremely weird when we watch something and cuddle, like, it actually felt better just to do all that stuff alone. It feels so overwhelming to have another person around, while I do the stuff I did alone all this time.
I don't really know why she is with me, I don't have any abilities, look like shit, am depressed all the time and even suicidal, I don't have any qualities someone would want from a partner
She obvious sees enough of something positive in you that she has feelings for you. Either you're not mentioning it or you haven't even realized it yourself. But it clearly exists.
I would say stick with her. Being introverted is one thing. Disconnecting yourself from society forever is another. And you can't keep that up forever. I've learned that first hand.
You will have to come out some time or another, and having someone whose close to you can be like a window into it. So I'd say give her a chance and listen to the good things she has to say about you. You're your own harshest critic.
I don't really know, everyone told me I'm worthless and my parents asked me, why I haven't killed myself already, so I have a extremely negative picture of myself.
I don't know, it is just so hard to have another person around, it makes me so uncomfortable, like, I seemed to have accustomed to the lonelyness, having contant with another person seems to feel worse now than just being alone. I can't really fullfill her emotional and interpersonal needs like that, she probably feels the same about it in a way.
Sorry, /r9k/ is one of my mainboards, I often do that mistake on other boards, even on my other mainboards
Sounds like you hate being around people because the people you have to deal with most often make you feel like shit when they're around. After having to deal with it so long, it starts to get to the point where you are a lot happier being alone. Like it's better than risking being around someone and end up having them say or do something that makes you feel even worse. Especially if you have have low self-esteem and already think poorly of yourself. I've been in that boat before and still struggle with the feeling from time to time.
It's shitty and it's not something you can just turn off. But you'll have to slowly ease yourself out of that sooner or later, as uncomfortable as it is at first. Regardless of whether you stay with her or not.
But like I said, she obviously seems something in you, enough to the point where she is attracted to you. So you already know she doesn't think poorly of you. And having someone like that around will help you pull yourself out of that hole. But it's up to you to make that decision.
You said it's stressful and tiring being around her and that you feel like you can't fulfill her needs, but that doesn't answer the most important question. Do you actually have any feelings for her?