Mid-late 20's guy with a girlfriend here.
I am reaching a point of desperation concerning people (including my girlfriend, but mostly other family members) constantly putting pressure on me to get married and have children.
I was just at a family gathering today, and several of my cousins several years older than I am had their little kids running around / generally being little shits.
Of course all the other (now empty nest) adults are cooing, holding the kids, and laughing as the kids smash food into their faces, but all I could feel throughout all this is disgust and despair.
Having a kid sounds terrible since it seems like you basically become a slave to them and lose all of your free time. My mom even said it herself one time years ago "I had my own life at one point, and I gave it all up for you kids."
I'm already going through enough anxiety because I'm going bald, my career isn't turning out very well, I have a constant fear of growing old/dying, and I'm generally poor, but now all anyone can tell me is that I should just give up the remainder of my life so that I can have a kid who'll help put me in a nursing home and bury me.
I barely have enough time to even live my own life, and people with kids look miserable as fuck 24/7.
It sounds like hell.
Does anyone have any advice?
Can anybody talk with me about it?
Psychologist here, I recommend covering yourself in honey and rolling around in sprinkles
looks like you are starting to feel the effects of getting old
you said you are generally poor and barelly has time for yourself
you still have plenty of time to decide if you are going to have a kid or not, so there's really no point in having one right now if you don't think you are prepared or want to
I feel like 'feeling old' in your 20s is disgusting, but I can't stop having anxiety every day about it especially when I'm losing my hair.
And I would never had a kid right now, but I feel like there is this looming deadline in my life that I'm going to hit when I turn ~30 to get married and have kids.
It's the inevitability of it. I either get married and have kids, push it off (which'll endanger the health / wellbeing of any kid I eventually do have), or just wait until my girlfriend's (wife?) eggs are gone forever, and I missed my chance.
I wish I could be 20 forever, getting old sucks dick.
getting bald sucks for sure, im 21 and recently people often think i'm about 25
i don't have a kid myself, but i think it's a matter of adptation
about 1 month ago i changed jobs, and the first thing i thought was "holy shit, i don't think i will be able to stay here for very long, this place is depressing"
but after a while i got used to it and don't see it as depressing anymore
it's not that i lowered my standards, but that i changed my perspective
At least I have a strong jawline like my dad so when I inevitably have to shave my head to pull a vin diesel I won't look too shitty.
I mean, of course I could 'adapt' to having a kid, that's what being human / alive is all about after all. It's just that I really, really don't want to because my life will basically be over that point evolutionarily, socially, economically etc.
I'm in exactly the position as you, just turned 25 and got married last year.
Started losing my hair when I was 21 pretty fast which makes things worse. Propecia stopped that but I took it took late because of all the paranoid dipshits complaining about it online so now it's kinda thin. Going to just avoid socializing until I can get a transplant and make it perfect again. Getting a nose job later this year to look younger and prettier.
Fuck having kids for now
M8, I'd say you should just shave it all off. I'm generally for modern medicine / taking medications to make your life better but especially considering how mediocre anti-balding drugs seem to work and their side effects (like increasing prostate cancer risk) it's not worth it.
I'm actually sort of relishing the day when my hair gets shitty enough that I need to shave it all off, because then at least I won't have to worry about it anymore. Having a shaved head gives you a hardass, knowledgeable/wise look as well.
The reason I really have anxiety about losing my hair is mostly because it just means I'm getting old, just another year closer to dying and disappearing forever.
Just listen to yourself. You're no where near ready to have kids, if you ever will be. Make sure you're honest with your girlfriend, and tell your stupid family to fuck off. I have kids, and I'm all about it, but it's not for everyone, and I can't stand people who harass other people to have kids. I waited until I was almost 30, though. There was a day where all of a sudden hearing a screaming baby made me smile instead of cringe. That's when I was ready.
The joy outweighs the misery, at least for me. watching them learn everything from how to use their hands, to the difference between a star destroyer and an x-wing, it's fascinating and satisfying. I recently lost someone very close to me, and having my baby close to me helped so much with the grieving in a way that I can't explain. Seeing her little smile, and knowing that there was a new life, someone new to love, I know it sounds stupid.
But I'm not trying to convince you, I don't expect everyone to embrace the magic of a baby. I understand how one can see them as annoying burdens covered in poop. It's just a matter of perspective I guess. It's the difference between wanting them and not.
I swear to god I can't figure out why men give such a damn about their hair. The only bad hair style on EVERY guy is a comb-over. Just own it.
I think bald heads make a lot of guys look younger, anyways. If I weren't a girl and it wouldn't make me look like I joined a cult, I'd go for the convenience of a shaved head in a SECOND.
>The only bad hair style on EVERY guy is a comb-over.
looks like you have a very peculiar taste
you can't really speak for everybody, many people, including women dislike bald guys
one of the reasons is because hair = youth
Why do westerners think guys shaving their ENTIRE head is preferable to having a bit of thinness? Even women lose some hair but they don't shave it all off
It seems like an extreme illogical reaction to me
Because when you go thin, you generally look like shit because it's obvious you're succumbing to being old.
If you shave it all off, it's because it's your choice, not because you got fucked by genetics (even though that is the root cause).
Also shaved heads look better than big ol bald spots.
I don't have a big bald spot, just a bit of thinness that can be concealed and fixed later with some surgery. I'm a teenage-looking pretty boy who wants to look good in weeaboo cosplay, I'm not going to do a 180 and start aiming to look like vin diesel
>If you shave it all off, it's because it's your choice
If it were really choice you would have shaved it before balding
I bring up vin diesel specifically because no one ever saw him 'start to bald' even though he is clearly bald.
He went straight from a thick head of hair (seriously, look at the picture of him with hair, that guy had a ton) to nothing, so nobody 'knows' if he did it because he wanted to look like a bouncer, or because he was going bald.
I'm not balding at all, but I've buzzed all my hair consistently since I was 20. I haven't ever wanted my hair to be longer than 5mm since, I'm 25 now. If anything, I started getting laid a lot more often with the buzzed head. Girls love rubbing their hands across my head now, never used to happen as much when I had more hair.
I really don't understand guys who fret about baldness. You're a man, aren't you? Being worried about your hair all the time seems so womanish.
Also as for kids... Is anyone putting a gun to your head telling you to have kids? No? Thrn stop crying over what other people want you to do and live your own damn life.