People who lose their shit in stressful situations
Unfortunately the only time to get a warning about this is to experience a stressful situation for them
It's literally fucking dangerous. This became most evident to me when I had to get through a natural disaster with someone whose composure went out the window. We started burning through resources and getting distracted with constant stress, and it was only a moderately precarious situation. The effect of a serious emergency would be compounded several times over by someone like that.
>>16748930 >People who can't explain why they're mad >People who hold grudges >People who complain about their problems, and don't do anything to solve them. >People who criticize others for things they do too >Controlling or possessive people
In general, I try to stay away from people who don't understand and can't deal with their emotions, and with people who don't recognize their problems. They are just looking for people to take care of them and pity them, without having anything to offer. Controlling people are just a pain, and they have a lot of issues. Not worth the effort.
If someone does not have a sense of humour I feel that's a red light. This includes people whose humour is only mean spirited and at the cost to others who are different. This feels less like humour and more like trying to quell insecurities, basically bullying.
So many warning signs of their type, I don't even know where to begin. As a man, I can usually tell a DA female if she revels in her independence (e.g. loves to talk about how "strong" she is or espouses feminist values that have nothing to do with equality), is overly critical/suspicious of traditional couplings (e.g. marriage, monogamy, etc.), usually tries to flaunt how "sexual" she is in some feeble attempt to prove how no one controls her, etc.
I just don't fuck with it because I'm very comfortable in wanting to be with one person who wants to know me and wants me to know them. Don't have the time or energy for someone who is suspicious about the whole prospect of letting someone else into their life.
>>16748984 I've tried to talk people down from panic. They appreciate it but only long after the situation has passed. In the moment it only makes them more upset because you're "not taking them seriously." They're just incapable of control.
>>16748984 I am >>16748967 My best friend is like this. I love her, but she's really immature. I tried to teach her how to express her emotions and talk about her problems. She got better, but still... We've been friends for over 20 years, I grew up, she didn't.
>>16748990 Trying to calm people down is tricky. I'm a medic and a surprising amount of my job is this, so maybe I can offer you some advice. To quickly wrap my head around what I'm dealing with, I classify people as such: Green: Little to no signs of panic. Can think clearly and respond to all questions and requests. No need of treatment. Yellow: Some panic, person is aware of situation. Eyes dilated (big pupils). Can still think and respond to questions, but is agitated. Orange: Panicking, but still in control. Hands shaking, skin pale, eyes wide. Able to follow simple directions, but have no fine motor control. Can not think very logically and cannot successfully lead. These people are usually flustered, or aggressive and desperately trying to do something, even if it's not helping. Not very useful in this state. This person needs the most help, can be brought to a yellow with support. Red: Severe shock, does not make sense when talking, if talking. Unable to do anything and may only follow the most basic instructions ("go over there"). Hard to console, as they are overwhelmed. No use. Black: Unresponsive. In the fetal position. Cannot do anything for them, as they cannot be interacted with. Cannot walk or move.
If you have any questions on this, like how to help or calm people down in the short term, let me know.
You want to help them and talk about their feelings and shit but you won't get in there. Their hearts are chained up with a "no entry" sign on it. You'll only waste your time and you'll get incredibly frustrated. And nothing is ever their fault.
It was a hard thing for me to realise, you can't "fix" people. You may support them but they have to have initiated it themselves, then you have a shot at meaning something to that person. Some people you really do want to steer the fuck clear of. There is nothing beneficial for you to be found there. At most they lean on you, chew you up and spit you out when they're done with you and rob you of your energy, leaving you cracked and empty and feeling like absolute shit while they move on to the next sucker.
Keep your own needs in mind. Love yourself, first. It's okay to think of yourself, even if it feels a bit "selfish".
>>16748984 Yes, which is exactly why I don't fuck with it anymore.
Long story short, ultimately it comes down to people don't change core aspects of their personality (by a certain age most people have learned what they are from myriad attempts and failures at changing, your efforts won't be any different and they know that), you can't help someone who doesn't want help, and ultimately, WHY someone behaves in a way that is distasteful to you doesn't really matter before the sheer actuality of the WHAT that is said behavior. You just stop caring about the excuses for it and just want them them to stop being what they are; a fruitless desire.
>>16748930 >most crackers >people I get a bad gut feeling about >anyone who doesn't "smell" right. It's not a literal "gross, your body smells offensive" smell, it's a "something really off about you and my nose doesn't like it" thing >people with Hannibal eyes that can strip you down to every mommy issue, every flaw, and can read every slight shift in body language
>>16749049 I'm aware of all of those techniques. I'm sure you're also aware that they're not foolproof. What's more, you have an edge in that you hold a position of authority in an emergency situation. That's not the case when it's just a pair or group of people put under pressure.
In the big picture I'm not as concerned about making it through the situation because it's much easier to disconnect entirely and take care of myself. This is all just in regard to the question posed by the thread about who I avoid. I'm not as interested in calming people as I am in avoiding emotionally reckless ones.
1. People that would bend the truth to come out looking good in stead of admitting they made a mistake or hurt you. That would go to great lengths trying to convince you that it was really your fault, just prying and fishing for things in your behaviour that "confirm" what they already "know" about you.
Warning signs: doubting yourself and your perception, feeling shitty, useless, dumb, guilty and sometimes ashamed, them so warmly welcoming your guilt and instantly "forgiving" you for "your" wrongdoing.
Why avoid: I value sanity.
2. People that can't take anger, that are hypersensitive to you indicating a boundary or explaining how they hurt you/fucked you over. People that expect you to take their emotions in far too much regard, to the point where they want you to take responsibility for them and want you to think about how THEY will feel about everything you say.
Warning signs: being too forgiving, feelings of self-betrayal, overthinking everything you said, worrying about leaving someone with a shitty feeling even though you were just being yourself and did nothing wrong according to your own standards. Feeling icky around these people.
Why avoid: they have no boundaries, they don't want a relationship, they want confluence.
3. People that constantly need reassurance for their mistrust and suspicion towards you. They constantly demand you play open card with them and share everything while they are never prepared to give you the same trust and they keep everything to themselves. They constantly hold you in probation. It never comes to the point where they actually want to kick off the relationship.
Warning signs: feeling uncomfortable around them, realising this person knows everything about you while you don't really know anything about them after many years.
Hey /adv/, this seems like the best place to post my story > be me > be applying to art school > get rejected (fuck knows why) > decide to go on a murder spree Dubs decide who I go after This in 20th century Germany btw
>>16749106 Mmhmm you are right that it is not foolproof, nothing really is with people in emotional shock. But that authority edge doesn't have that much of a hold in the people you are trying to avoid. Controlling them is really just a matter of integrating an assertive tone with how you believe they will respond, but it sounds like you have experience in this. Well, as for spotting these people, they tend to be someone who, in normal circumstances, wants to lead, mixed with a emotions that sometimes seem over the top or inappropriate. You probably know these signs better than you realize, you already know what your looking for, noticeably emotional and a risk for recklessness.
>>16748930 I steer clear of no one. Towards all men I act with equanimity, tolerance, and acceptance. There is no reason to fear any man, if we recognize that all men are equally capable of actions based on fear, desire, and passion. With that knowledge in mind, to avoid one man for superficial reasons is to blind ourselves to the pervading nature of all mankind, and will set us up for painful disillusionment in the future as people we thought were 'different' from the others act contrary to our expectations.
The only away to avoid betrayal, lies, resentment, and selfishness from others is to totally avoid all men. But to act so, aside from its impossibility, would only serve to keep us living in constant fear, which is far worse a fate than any sort of act committed against us by other men.
People who walk around with a slack face and dead eyes.
drug dealers (caveat: I do drugs so I never look down on people who deal. In fact I respect them. However, drug dealers tend to think they have tons of great friends but in realty just have customers who blow smoke up their asses so they can continue to get their fix.)
>>16749116 We must have two different experiences with empaths. At least my person isn't a textbook empath.
Mine was with one who was a psychiatrist who would act one way in front of students and staff and be a completely heartless person in private. She would use her people reading skills and college education to play games with the minds of others. Watching her on campus is such a thing to witness
>>16749122 >that are hypersensitive to you indicating a boundary or explaining how they hurt you/fucked you over. People that expect you to take their emotions in far too much regard, to the point where they want you to take responsibility for them and want you to think about how THEY will feel about everything you say.
I'm with this in theory.
It's just that my experience is that I typically here this rhetoric from people who want to avoid responsibility for their misbehaviors. It's very easy to use this logic to bolster an accusation of someone being "needy", when really they're just calling you out for behavior that is unacceptable in any reasonable context.
>>16749181 Exactly. People who tend towards sociopathy and people who tend towards hypersensitivity are almost always "toxic" to each other. One can legitimately demonize the other all day all night all eternity.
Well, I'm talking about people here that regard the expression of a boundary, a wrongdoing or being hurt as a FAR WORSE offense than the actual hurt. All of a sudden, you are the offender. Now YOU hurt HIM which is now the focus, and the original hurt is instantly forgotten. They guilt trip you and turn that shit right around to purge their ego's. The ol' bait and switch. They startle you with their extreme, disproportionate emotional response and try to get you to back down by making you feel harmful, clumsy and guilty.
It's toxic and crazy making and makes you feel like absolute shit.
Perhaps if there's a clear evidence of a deep self-loathing, and it gets really depressing after a while, but even then I'd probably talk to you about it because self depricating humor is always a sign that you dont take yourself too seriously and you are still positive and optimistic, and if you are depressed, there's the will to do something about it and the realisation that it doesn't define you.
>>16749282 No, because excessive self-deprecation is a sign of a fearful nature, and all men experience fear. Who am I to judge a fearful man, when my own mind at times becomes similarly fearful, contrary to Reason?
It would be truly mean-spirited to deliberately avoid a man based on something so superficial.
>>16749291 This. Two people who were born to fight ripping each other apart because of a physical attraction that resulted in nothing good. Or maybe there was a moment there when they physically touched thAt opened wounds in both of them and they turned on each other.
I'm going to say that this thread has been helpful to me. I had a bad scene with someone after a impromptu hookup that really left me sad/angry and I really just wanted that person to say they were sorry for what happened. That would have meant a lot, instead he acted like he didn't know me which made me feel humiliated. I didn't know this person so I asked around and found out some shit. Which was really too much because he acted like he was too good for me when he'd done all this bad shit. Honestly I still wouldn't have cared about that if he'd only treat me like a human being. Now we've both trashed each other and he has a lot more friends/associates than I do, so I've been fucked.
>>16749682 Are you talking about the girls who dye their hair crazy unnatural stuff, or do you just like blonde? What about blondes who dye their hair brunette?
I usually avoid mothers. Doesn't matter what kind, single or not, old or teenage, whatever. They're unreasonable and astoundingly bitchy people, and yes that stems from my own mother, but I've seen so many other mothers that are the same way. They also always feel the need to relate everything back to the fact that they're a high-and-mighty mom. I hear it so often in my classes, I never have to ask.
People who refuse to take accountability for their actions.
People who think they're better than others.
People who make promises without ever keeping them.
People who only treat you nice because you happen to agree with them.
There's looking at you, Ryan. Thanks for ditching me on my 21st birthday and ignoring all of my calls while I got drunk my by myself. You're a disingenuous, hollow person. I guess I know why your parents don't like you that much, either.
>>16748930 I've always been a very good judge of a person and have avoided pretty much everyone who could have a negative impact on my life. Though after reading this thread im realizing its all been automatic/common sense. Ive never really tried to think of the warning signs i have noticed ive just known haha. Wish i remembered so i could share more.
people who lie to you about stupid things--meeting famous people, having exotic pets, having illnesses, things that make them sound "unique" and "interesting" >oh, I have borderline personality disorder >I was at a sleepover with friends and one of them called up [famous actor] and I talked to him for 20 minutes after everyone went to sleep and he said I was cool >I have a wolf hybrid
people who steal things from you and claim you gave it to them >you let me borrow it >oh, you must have left it here
people who fake illness, injury, or rape for attention >my fiance raped me and that's why I left him (no, you found out he was cheating. just say it. everyone knows.) >I'm allergic to everything especially white sugar it makes me act really hyper!
people who cheat on their significant other, or knowingly be with someone who is cheating >self-explanatory
people who change their sexuality every other week >now that you and I are dating, I'm gay >oh, that pisses you off that I hid this from you because your dad came out as gay after 13 years of an abusive marriage to your mom, cheated on her, and ruined your lives, and I already knew this? >you don't want to date me anymore? >I'm straight again lol >you joined tumblr? >now I'm trans and bisexual
sore losers >I'm going to break off an entire friendship and later claim you were manipulative and abusive to our mutual friends because you didn't let me win at yu-gi-oh. I'm 23.
people who act melancholy at parties or social gatherings and wait for others to ask them "what's wrong?" and baby them >sad smile >it's no big deal, I just want everyone to have fun >mopes around when everyone has fun >tells everyone to leave him alone when they dare ask >forces people to pry because it means they give a shit
>>16750354 people who get extremely defensive when you question them and treat everything like a personal attack >you said my boyfriend has a pointy chin >you are making fun of my boyfriend and you hate me and him >WELL FUCK YOU WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK I'M GOING TO GO HAVE LOUD PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SEX WITH HIM IN THE ROOM ACROSS FROM YOU *RIGHT NOW*
people who continue doing shitty things around you when you've already talked to them about how they hurt you/make you uncomfortable/you don't like it >hey, can you not smoke around me? >I don't mind if you're friends with ____, but they're kind of shitty to me, so please don't invite them along when you and I hang out >I'm trying to set a good example for my younger brother/sister/child/etc., can you not smoke/drink/cuss while they're around? >I have a lot of friends who are cops and you're a 20-something white girl who grew up in an upper-middle-class small town, can you not roll down the windows of the car I'm driving and yell "OINK" whenever we pass a cop car and just be a general ass?
these are multiple people I have interacted with one way or another, and a few friends' stories.
>>16748930 >cant admit fault >people who withdraw at the first sign of stress >people who cannot empathize >people too obsessed with materialistic items >people who immediately start blaming when an issue comes up >people who try to force you to drink or do drugs with them >almost anyone who has lost custody of their children >large amounts of jealousy that turn into rage >any self-diagnoser
I don't actively try to avoid people based on personality flaws. I enjoy talking to people, but there is a limit to how much I'll open myself up to them. It depends on how acidic they are.
That being said I try to help people on /adv/ every day. Many of them only want to reassure themselves or troll each other, not take actual advice. At best I've been thanked, at worst I've been told to kill myself.
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