Just found out that all my buddies (guys i've known for 8+ years) took a guys trip without me. One of my friends even flew in from out of town to go. I didn't hear about it until yesterday when he said he would be "passing through town" and would love to get dinner on sunday and then the rest came out.
I'm pretty sad that I was friends with these guys for 8+ years- lived together - went to college classes together - partied together - spent late nights out together, and now i'm cut from the bros ski trip.
Right now when I get a text on Sunday saying "hey lets grab dinner before my flight back" i'm gonna do a snap "naw you already spent the weekend with your friends" followed by a "fuck you" and a block. Any other tips? I'm still pretty mad desu. It's 6am and im awake.
I know how you feel OP. You feel like you wasted years building those relationships and now these people aren't your real friends. This is a good opportunity to strengthen relationships with other friends and maybe hang out with some people you haven't seen in awhile. I wouldn't say anything too hateful to these guys, but i wouldn't continue to hang out with them at all. Just cut ties and move on. Sucks but it's the only option to maintain your integrity.
literally no reason, except that one of the guys going on the trip is a future attorney ( i am a licensed attorney) and a few weeks ago I gave him some advice (stop picking random fights with people, stop driving drunk, stop doing so much cocaine) and he basically told me to fuck off and that he has no reason to listen to my advice. I'm assuming he veto'd me from the trip but honestly who knows. I've been friends with all these guys for a long time and we've been through a lot so it's confusing to me. I feel super disrespected though and i'm not going to be friends with people who make me feel that way. Period end of subject.
Don't cut all ties suddenly just start ignoreing them slightly. When they try to invite you somewhere make an excuse to not to go but when you're talking to them act friendly.
if they are your "friends" they will know they did something wrong. If not they will stop talking to you either way you win.
Happend to me eventually my friend knew he did something wrong and apologized
sorry, people misusing or overusing literally peeves me.
your friends did a shitty thing. you can confront them and get your answers and closure, or completely ignore them. confronting them may be more satisfying.
either way, it's time to find another friend or two and cut those assholes off.
It sounds like the invitation is sincere, but that a single dinner is all they're willing to tolerate with you. Maybe you're just a shitty companion. Or maybe you're simply not on the same wavelength as them a lot of the time. Whatever the case, you should try to understand that people aren't going to spoil their fun for your sake. Yeah you were bros back then. You also enjoyed friendship back then. You have to weigh the present on the present circumstances. Right now they're just not that cool with you.
If you don't want to have even that one dinner (perhaps so they can remember that you are a cool person) then simply don't reply. You're all but out of the group anyway.
It's definitely not quite as you paint it, but I appreciate the effort. We weren't bros "back then", these are people that I kick it with almost every week. My one friend that moved away I have flown to visit since he moved and always make an effort. Years ago after I helped him get through a breakup from his long term girlfriend (who he cheated on) he told me that he had been planning on marrying and I was going to be his best man. Not quite just bros back then.
You're pretty much right with the "a single dinner is all they're willing to tolerate with you" is probably true with my buddy that moved away, and i'm pretty sure it's something similar like "we only kick it when we're getting fucked up" with my other buddy in the group. Not that I don't actively try to be friends, but you're 100% that it's just not reciprocated as of late.
LOL ok thanks for that anon, i actually laughed. I'm planning on just ignoring them completely, if anyone outright asks i'm not gonna lie, but there's no reason i should dwell on this any more. I have other friends and relationships that I could do better at, so i'm going to work on those. I appreciate all the responses
Classic cognitive dissonance. It makes him not feel guilty. Look I've had similar experiences and what I did was just be up front and put all my chips on the table. My real friends changed their behavior and gained respect and the others moved on and that's ok.
I've had the similar incident a long time ago. They just didn't invite me to many things and hanging out with them my presence felt tolerated not appreciated.
I assume that they did this probably because there is something that you have that they don't enjoy. Something you haven't picked up. Another one could be group leader talks alot of shit about you and the rest just followed or agreed.
But fuck it find a group that does appreciate you. Unless you think there is something about you that should be drastically changed I would listen to other anons and find new friends