I'm dating a non American girl and every time I go to her family's house, they speak in their native language 90% of the time.
Although they are able to speak english, I'm lost 99% of the time.
I feel like this creates a barrier between them and I'm starting to hate going over.
Is it wrong that they don't speak English when I'm around ?
It's their house. Shouldn't they be speaking the language they're comfortable with in their own home? The fact that they make an effort to speak English 10% of the time for your benefit in their own home should be a sign that they're trying to be polite.
why don't you learn their language? I dated this fine ass latina chick for awhile and her family (grandparents mostly) spoke spanish when I was around, and they'd all slip in and out of it sometimes. Maybe they aren't very comfortable speaking English? I took it as an opportunity to learn a little bit of a new language instead of being a pissant little bitch about it.
It's rude. Not all cultures are aligned with western values though. The reason why I call it rude without qualification, however, is that it sounds like you're in America. When in Rome, do as the Romans.
in what sense? like morally? ultimately this is 'no big deal'. if they cared to include you they would but considering they arent even doing it when guests are around i imagine its not as easy for them as you think.
I think a lot of native english speakers take it for granted that so many people seem to understand them.
I recently started dating a french guy and on the surface he seems to have a complete grasp of the english language, but the truth is he does not. he struggles and its not only frustrating but exhausting to speak English. he kept saying hes 'pissed off' i guess he meant exhausted cuz he insisted he wasnt mad or angry.
it's fucking rude that's what it is. my family is both puerto rican and italian, i'm trilingual and speak to my family in both italian and spanish when we are alone at home, but when people are over we always strictly speak english as a showing of respect to those who visit the house. my whole family is fluent in english and can speak it without an accent (other than the ever-present NYC accent) but it isnt our first language. so to make a long story short, her family is being rude and you should tell her how you feel about that. my family doesn't do that to people because we wouldn't tolerate that at other people's houses so i hope this puts the situation into perspective
It is something that only immigrants who are poorfags do because they have no sense of manners. Be advised though that bringing it up will only cause a fight and nothing will change other than her being mad at you.
As someone who went to school with around 50% polish people, it's just a fact that they speak they're native language amongst each other, even when other people are in the group. My friend once asked them to stop speaking polish when non polish people were around and they declined on account of it "feeling weird to talk English to polish people". I don't think it's anything personal.
if youre really into the girl, learn the language on your own without telling her. at least a bit, enough to follow conversation. when you have learned enough, say something in said language to her. both her and her family will be impressed
Exactly my thoughts.
They are fluent enough to where I can hold a conversation about a wide assortment of topics, etc. Yet, my GF expects me go to her sister's house all the damn time when I dont even know what the fuk is going on
The only time they speak in english is if it's a personal question directed towards me.
I'm starting to spite her sister b/c i sometimes hear my GF saying
-"I dare you to say that to him" after her sister says something in her native language, which I'm assuming was about me (probably negative).
I know how you feel, OP. I once dated this girl whose family would constantly be talking about all kinds of things, and at least 80% of them had absolutely nothing to do with me at all. Events I hadn't been around for, people I'd never met; these bastards were shameless. And whenever they pulled this crap, they wouldn't even look at me, they just looked at each other! Like they weren't even talking to ME about this!
Dumped that girl, obviously. She was picking up bad habits, sometimes she'd talk to people at school that weren't me, I mean what the fuck, right?
That's not a country, bro. What language is it?
It doesn't take long to pick up enough to participate in a conversation in a limited fashion. Nobody's saying you have to become fluent. It would communicate that you're serious about the relationship and respectful of her family; they'd probably be impressed as all fuck.
Yea, and I get nothing but canned irrational/guilt trip responses
"Do you know how much she respects you?"
"You're very ignorant for thinking like that"
Meanwhile, I can sense her saying foul shit to my GF about me.
I dont get it either. If her family spoke ZERO english, I'd understand why they would not speak it.
But both of them are fluent enough to watch american movies and understand the dialogue....so what is stopping them from speaking English with me? If anything, it is their chance to improve their english skills.
The white guilt in me says "fuck you, OP, learn their language, English speakers are so arrogant, expect the world to cater to them, bah!" but then I actually think about what I'd do if I went to another country, learned their language, and brought one of them home and like... why the FUCK would I speak English in front of them if they don't speak it? That's rude as fuck. If everyone understands the second language fine and one person doesn't understand the first language, it should go without saying to use the common one.
So yeah, they're being pretty rude. I doubt you'll find grounds to comment though unless you're smooth as fuck, because like I said, white guilt.
If they're total assholes, yeah. If her family's really talking shit about him and his girlfriend just blatantly doesn't give a shit, then her shouldn't be dating her.
Most people are mature enough to recognize that learning a language takes time and that it's not nice to laugh at people when they inevitably make mistakes. It helps to not take yourself too seriously when you're learning, too.
Well, they're rude enough to speak their language in front of him when they can just speak English.
OP looks like your girlfriend doesn't respect you, just don't go to her family's house.
Then tell your gf that this makes you uncomfortable . She will tell their parents and next time they will be more careful about it . Happened to me once . In the middle of the conversation they return their native language and that pushed me out that night .
Yea, I doubt I'll ever go back.
If I was in her position, I'd feel bad for bringing my GF along and having my family speak in our native language while she sits down clueless/unable to engage with us.
>my GF expects me go to her sister's house all the damn time when I dont even know what the fuk is going on
Very, very rude.
Don't go any more. This is bullshit. Tell her so. Unless she is going to translate EVERY word (exhausting and doubtful), you should not have to put yourself in this awkward situation.
I would never speak my own language to another person if there's someone in the group that doesn't understand it, unless it was to ask about how to say something in english.
It's extremely rude. It's like shouting "this is not for you, you're not a part of our group".
By the way OP, I think your GF and her family are assholes and inconsiderate as fuck.
I think race plays a huge part.
Her older sister questioned our relationship bc she's old fashioned African cultured so she hasn't accepted the multicultural openess here in the USA.
You're right, if I'm talking in my native language and there is someone next to us who doesn't speak it....it's like a giant fuck you to them as they ponder their existence
Almost as if they want me to get sick of their antics.