LDR General Thread

>>16734431
don't do it.

How did you all meet? I met a QT through Interpals.net, but are are not "in" a relationship yet. On my end tho, it sure feels like it. We fake cuddle a lot. We will both be in bed, and send each other gifs of people cuddling. It's fun. But I don't know how to tell we are "official".

>>16734436
The only way to know is to ask, man. Every relationship requires communication, and it's even more so when it's long distance.

I've liked a bunch of boys online over the years. But a relationship never developed.
That doesn't work for mere mortals. I think enduring such a tough quest is not for us plebs. Money, time, maturity, commitment and trust must be invested. And you must be a super human because not being able to touch the other person is hard af for me.

I met my bf during that tumblr raid back in 2014. I had messaged him for posting something insensitive and then apologized later on because i felt bad lmao. We became friends and then friends turned into crushing pretty hard on each other. Eventually we exchanged steam names to play vidya together, and soon after that we started dating! He lives in Texas and I in Ohio. I'm 18 and he's soon to be 21.
The best advice i could give would be to visit your partner often (I know that it can be difficult sometimes, but it's possible! My bf and I have had 2 visits already within the year and a half that we've been dating and Im visiting him again in march), communicate about everything, have something that you can do online together (skype, vidya, ect.), and remember that the wait is worth it if they're the right person for you.
Planning trips for the future definitely helps with the waiting and gives you something to look forward to.

I've been with my gf for 2.5 years now, and in february next year she'll have to move out of the country for 4 months for an internship

wat do?

>>16734431

LDRs don't work long-term. The younger you are, the less time you can be apart.

I used to be in a LDR. For me one of the worst things was the time zone difference. Our time zones were 6 hours apart and his was earlier, so by the time any real shit happened to me that day and I wanted to talk about it, he was already asleep. But conversely, I was always available to hear his problems. So it was really one-sided, and that started to grate on me.

Plus he got physically lonely after a while, because he's the kind of guy who wants cuddles and spending physical time together. So he got himself a cuddle buddy and then ended up kissing her. Ugh. They never went further than that as far as I know, but my trust was shot after that.

In the end, the final straw on the back was when we figured out our life goals, and they turned out to be incompatible. He wanted to have the freedom to travel the world at a moment's notice, doing cultural studies, whereas I wanted to stay home and be a teacher, giving back to my community. It'd have had to be long distance FOREVER, and I didn't want that, not with the problems we already had. What if we had kids? Either I'd have to raise them alone, or I'd have to miss out on their development for months on end. So we broke up, and now I'm dating someone who lives only an hour away.

Your mileage may vary, though, and that comic posted by >>16734665 is definitely worth the read. It says pretty much everything I would have said, and then some.

I believe that to be in a LDR you need to have already built a loving relationship before you are seperated. My boyfriend and I were together for 10 months before he went to college and now he is four hours away. I've been with him a year and 3 months. Its hard, but daily phone calls are great. I see him on the weekend every three weeks when he visits home, and I can't wait till he is home for the summer. Every little second you are together IRL matters a lot so make everything count!

>>16734662

4 months honestly isn't very long Tbh

Can you really say you're in a relationship if you've never even met? Maybe it's because I have some serious issues but I would never in a million years commit to someone online.

I met my fiancee online over 7 years ago. We didn't meet for the first time until 20 months had passed, at which point I traveled to her country and moved in with her. We have been together happily ever since.

It takes commitment, maturity, and making yourself incredibly vulnerable to keep something like that alive and healthy, and it is not right for the average person.

But it certainly is possible.

>>16734662
Honestly it shouldnt be that big of a deal, especially with that kind of established history.If it drives one of you to cheat or break up I don't imagine it was very strong to begin with.

>>16734611
>I met my bf during that tumblr raid back in 2014.
Well that's certainly unique. Was he one of those people mass dumping shit to screw with people?

>>16735148
Nah. I think he was just laughing at the people who were upset, but I don't remember exactly desu

>>16735087

what do you do for work? Before and after the move?

I'm from southern Argentina, girlfriend is from Sweden. It was 4 years on August, coming up on 5 this year. She was 19, I was 22 when we started talking.

She stayed with me for a year and a half here and managed to travel about twice a year outside of that for a month or so each time. Been lucky to be able to do that, but yeah, distance AND time difference are bitches.

Most likely closing the distance first by me going to Sweden while she finishes college and then moving back here, then I dunno. Problem is I have a really sweet job in real estate here and if I go to Sweden, my education doesn't work for shit there and money would be tight if I can't find a job. And it feels bad to suddenly have to be an immigrant, too.

We met on OkCupid pretty fucking randomly, she put matches by % anywhere, and I was top, visited my profile and messaged me something about liking a certain book. I messaged back something about a book and almost left it at that, but the following day I sent her another message and yes. I had joined only the day before, so online dating worked pretty well for me.

She was and is really cute.

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I feel sad as fuck right now. Girl who caused me to open up emotionally, the first person who I ever developed feelings for, only person I have really cared about just shut me down...

"Noo! It was real, really. It was spontaneous. I've always been spontaneous. I can't tell lies...

I'm just not ready for a relationship. We just met once. And ok, we talk a lot. About lots of things. But, I mean. This is not enough to me
And let me be honest. I don't even sure I'll be ready for a relationship if we'll meet more times.

That's why I thought I've made a mistake with you. I knew you like me. And even though I knew that I did not want any relationships, I started talking about cuddles.
Ok, it was real. But I should have not talking about that if I didn't want any other men by my side.
I don't know if you can understand what I want to say.
Huggins, kissing and all those stuff were real to me. But this doesn't mean that I want a relationship. I should have tried to say nothing about. Because you like me. And I don't want to hurt you. You do not deserve that.

So I feel very bad now. And I hope you will forgive me."

>>16736386
you love him , and you want to kiss and cuddle him but no relationship ... ??

okay that's weird

Actually LDR are sucks because of time zones and distance , and also there will come that time that you will miss the other person and you want to kiss him and be with him , but you will find nothing except your cold computre or phone , that's what really hate about it , specially if it's hard to be with him.

i'm a guy , and i have weird stories about LDR , i don't really know why but girls fall in my love so often by internet , they say i'm a good talker , and i look good too and they like my funny and honest character .. so i just give them something special they never find it in any other guy .

but in the other hand , i love LDR because you meet a person in his pure state , i'm not sure if i can explain that , but in real dating the person start acting fake and try to impress you and so , but when you talk with someone online , most of the time his not lying, and just being his real self , so when you love that person , then you love his soul and his character first .

now i'm in a very hard moments with that girl i met in Omegle 8 months ago , we start talking just for language exchange , then some kind of frindship start grow between us , we changed numbers and we start talking in Whatsapp , we talked almost all the day everyday and share everything we live , and i knew it will end by getting addicted to each other , and i was right.

we loved each other , and we went from friendship into a love relationship , and she's waiting for me because i will move to her country in couple months to study , and we decided to live together and make it up for all the time we missed each other, it's a great fantasy , but i think it have an end now .

i'm conservative and i have different view at life than her , she's so liberal , and that's start creating problems between us, like going to parties and drink , and you know what happen in parties ,now i broke up with her ( yesterday) but i still doubt my decision , should i give it a chance to know her better ?

>>16735680
Online dating didn't work out well for you if you've gone 5 years without having sex thanks to the website.

Was in a kind-of-ldr with someone I met in 4chan from all places.
At first it was all sparkles and bubbles but it ended as bad as you could expect.
My advice, don't do it. Or at least don't get too attached and be ready to bail out at any moment.
Even if they tell you that they love you and you are their world.

>>16736711
also someone who had a positive experience will say : go for it and attache to it ..

you can't judge all situations and all the people with your experience

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>>16736773
Yes I can and I will.
By not compromising you are in the safest, more convenient spot 100% of the time.
Letting your expectations drive you is a foolish thing to do.

Met my boyfriend online 7 years ago. He lived 500 km away from me. Dated LD for a while, moved in together 5 years ago. He moved away again for a master, but he'll come back in a month. I can't wait.

Advice:
> Schedule meetings. As often as you can.
> Spend all holidays together, actually living together.
> Spend at least 45 minutes a day on skype. Have lunch/dinner/breakfast together.
> Do something together. Watch movies, play games, whatever.
> Get a routine.
> Be honest with yourself and do not idealize your partner.
> Keep things sexy.

>>16736809
don't be so blind judgemental , you look stupid .

there is also people who even got married through Internet , and they are having a great life .. so it's different from one to another

;; wish I could be with him, /adv/

>>16737221
what happened?

>>16736682
>meet twice a year for a total of 2 months each time
>she's lived with me for a year and a half on top of that
>5 years without having sex

How do you figure?

>>16734432
/thread

>>16737440

I just learned my lesson..

I started today a LDR with this girl from Morocco and i live in México. She's awesome and we share a lot of stuff together but please, give me some advice about how can we handle the distance. There's 6 hours of difference between us. Thanks, anons.

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I had one LD "thing". I wouldn't call it a relationship because it was never official (on both occasions). We would sleep together through Skype, play video games and watch shows together. The first time it fell through because I was a fuckboy so we cut contact and she got a bf. The second time, she still had feelings for me but only wanted me as a friend.

It's a kind of somber feeling you know man.... Damn.

>>16736611

It really hurts

>>16734431
relationship turns into engagement into ldr relationship into her moving on without telling me until she was pregnant. 5 years down the drain. if you ever get in one, be prepared to work. i don't feel like talking about the details right now, sorry

>>16737454
meet irl asap.

>>16736825
>Don't idealize your partner
Whar do you mean by this? Like don't give too many compliments? What's wrong with that?

>>16737627
Not him but I think is something around the "don't expect them to be perfect" or "expecting that everything about them would match your preferences"

LDR can work, we were lucky at the time flights were cheap.
Married and living together, she chose to live over with me but she misses her family too much so we are moving over there at some point.

TLDR - in a LDR when you get a place together it is probably best to move to her side than his.

>>16737495
trust me , i really know your feeling

>>16737941

:(

I'm graduating in May and hoping to go to grad school. My boyfriend has been ok with it, telling me to go to the best place that accepts me.

If grad school doesn't work then I'm hoping to get a seasonal job in my field in the same state as him.

About a week ago, we went to a party. I took him home and we were cuddling. We started asking me not to go and the like, I couldn't really say anything.

None of the grad schools have gotten back to me so far, and this worries me.
Do I really want to stay here because of this guy, even if grad schools don't accept me? What if they do accept me?
I'm not very good at relationships with no physical contact.

Anyone want to ease my mind?

>>16738733
you will end up cheating anyway.
why even bother worrying about pointless stuff?

>>16738872
Assuming I'm a cheater is really stupid. I'm a girlfriend, that is worried about her future relationship and wants to continue to be in that relationship.

Yeah, LDRs are hard. That doesn't mean I'm going to start sucking some other dude's dick because he is closer. If I feel it can't work I will break it off; not hop on some other chad because he is the closest guy I can get.

Stop being so bitter. I'm sorry if one of you exes cheated on you, but not everyone is like that.

>>16734432
too late
wat do now

>>16738921
1. don't cheat (stay away from horny people especially under the influence)
2. communicate once a day (1 hour phone call)
3. plan and schedule the next time you want to see each other (something to look forward to)
4. know when its time to give up (your partner is being suspicious or won't answer your calls)
OR
5. greet them with a smile, kiss, and some tears in the station

Gud Luk

>>16738944
lol I was just givin that guy shit, I've been LDR for over 5 years and while non-LDR relationships are better, if you really care about someone you shouldn't give them up just because it gets harder to see them

>>16736773
>also someone who had a positive experience will say : go for it and attache to it ..
I had a positive experience, and I still warn people away. LDRs are hard work, and they're emotionally brutal almost beyond description. They are certainly not something you should get into casually or lightly.

>>16738952
Oooh, 5 is a long time.

I was in one for about 2 years off and on. It was stupid idea. I was totally using the dude for a good lick. So I stopped it and cut contact.

As a general rule, don't do it. If you are going to do it, understand that something's gotta give. One of you is gonna have to move someday. Suffice to say, I'm trying to learn German. (Oh, n make sure you're "official")

>>16739289
yeah it's fucking sad what people will do when it's not official.

> I'm a relatively attractive young adult female but I have a hard time making friends in real life because I'm super shy.
> soc is a decent place to accumulate some kik's to practice talking to people.
> I never post my picture in threads, I don't have a profile picture on kik, I use a random username and e-mail for my kik address and post saying that I want clean chat only.
> lots of people send dick pics anyways or are unkind/creepy so those conversations don't last.
> every once and a while I meet a nice person and build a nice lil anonymous friendship.
> about a month ago one such friendship forms, the more we talk, the more I like this person.
> One day, he says he wants me to see his face, sends a pic of him waving.
> I actually send him a lil video of me waving back.
> we become closer, start talking non-stop
> basically I catch feelings but try to play it cool, a week ago he says he really likes me
> I cave and say that I really like him too
> start sending pics/videos and messages of our days to eachother
> I want to be with him
> he lives literally as far away from me as possible on this planet.
> he wants to meet
> should we meet /adv/? I have no doubts that I will fall in love if we do. Should I just save myself the pain of a long distance relationship or go for it?

Thoughts?

>>16739413
Get to know him a bit more - Just to be safe (this can be done while buying plane tickets)

Met him halfway, when you do meet him. Also bring a couple of friends. This is will be a new place for the both of you and having some old friends would make you comfortable and ensure your safety.

My personal opinion is to not start a relationship with him. I think LDRs that start irl are more successful. Online relationships feel distance and can end on a whim.

If you don't care about this ending abruptly, going nowhere, or having an open relationship; then go for it.

Good luck

>>16739555
>Met him halfway, when you do meet him. Also bring a couple of friends.

Yes, totally, if you're in Australia and he's in the US, you should completely buy tickets to Japan for yourself and a few friends and meet him there, kek.

Honestly though, sounds like a horrible idea. 4chan isn't a good place to be meeting people from, even if I don't think all LDRs are necessarily shit.

You'll regret it once the honeymoon period is over, 100% guaranteed.

>>16739570
>Yes, totally, if you're in Australia and he's in the US, you should completely buy tickets to Japan for yourself and a few friends and meet him there, kek.

You wouldn't want to go on a vacation with friends somewhere you haven't been before? As long as my friend paid the flight I would go.

I think it's a stupid idea, but during infatuation anything seems possible. Might as well give her condoms, but mention abstinence.

>>16739555
>>16739570
Thanks for the honesty. I was thinking maybe meeting 1/2ish way and it could be a bit of a vacation for both of us. I was thinking I could book tickets for 3 or 4 months from now and if things are still as strong we can meet and if not I will have a lovely little vacation by myself.

>>16739570
I would also like to note that it was never my intention to "meet anyone" from here. I was just looking to work on my conversation skills anonymously. But it just kind of happened.

>>16739581
>You wouldn't want to go on a vacation with friends somewhere you haven't been before?

Not everyone is rich, not everyone has friends, most friends wouldnt be able to travel most likely, if an LDR is going to be started, you don't want to be spending more money than completely necessary, tickets will fuck you over in the long run and so on.

It's not even a real possibility kek.

>>16739593
>I was thinking maybe meeting 1/2ish way and it could be a bit of a vacation for both of us.

NO. You haven't met this person before. Let him come to you. You dont want to be stuck in a foreign country with someone you're not even sure you'll click with, etc. You're the girl, have him come to you and meet him first with a couple of friends either with you or nearby.

It's a REALLY terrible idea.

>>16739603
Even if it kind of just happened. I've had a lot of experience talking to people from here and there's some really faulty people around, even if at first they seem alright.

>>16739604
>meet him first with a couple of friends either with you or nearby

The worst idea by far, bravo

No need to have a cockblocking team on standby

>>16739604
Thanks for your input. I know that I would be more comfortable with him coming here too, it just seems kind of unfair, even if we split the cost. I know that "I'm the girl" and it's more likely for me to be taken advantage of, but that being said, I'm not fragile little girl either. But I totally see where you are coming from and I agree I would be more comfortable that way.

>>16739632
>reinforcing gender roles in the current year
For once I'm glad I have a feminist girlfriend

>>16739632
If you split the costs there's literally nothing for him to complain about, he was going to be travelling either way if you were to meet halfway. And if it's aiming to be serious, getting to know where you live, maybe meet friends and family and so on it's always the best, it helps you feel a bit more connected.

Pay no heed to the tripfag, he's a shitposting cunt. You don't even have to introduce your friends.

When I met my gf after talking for 6 months, in the same cafe we went to in her country, 2 of her friends were having coffee nearby just in case she needed support or something. It's still internet, you never know.

>>16739645
You just reiterated what I said

Not my fault your girlfriend is an untrusting stupid whore that thinks you're going to rape her

>incase she needed support

What a retard

>>16739645
Haha thank you anon, I feel like this is solid advice.

>>16739679
I'm happy you think it is

Make sure to post again when it ends horribly so I can masturbate to how right I was with your tears

>>16737941
>>16736611

Look what she just sent me

http://pastebin.com/jpDFJqT4

should i get into a relationship with one of my best friends? we care about each and are really close and the feelings are mutual but we're going to college in different states next year and I want to know if it's worth it or not

>>16739797
Why not?

You might break up, but if this person is your best friend they will continue to be friends with you after your relationship is over (most likely won't be as close as before though.)

>>16739806
>why not?
well there's always after college isnt there? i mean that probably has a better chance of working out in the long term, which is what i care about in regards to this person. id rather not date at all if it means we wont be as close as we are now i guess

I need help

I posted this in the "write a letter" thread while I was half drunk last night

Taylor,

I love you. Fuck! It hurts to say that.

I'm still a little tipsy, so if there's typos I apologize, but I know there won't be because I was drunk all evening and you didn't notice. It's amazing how through months and months of sobriety I can still hang on to my tolerance, my texting skill, my familiarity with it all.

Just a few weeks, maybe even a few days before that night when we began, I remember telling someone "I could never be in long distance relationship". You changed it all, not that what we have is a relationship. I don't know what it is, and it's burning me inside, our heart bedazzled good night and morning texts, you calling me baby, wish you were here's, everything, we're not just friends, and even you can't deny that.

I feel a relapse around the corner though, I can taste it, tart in my mouth but warm in my heart, fuzzy in my head. I've been drinking, and I'm not going to be so ignorant as to pretend I don't know what's next. it's just disappointing, because I want you to make me want to be the best person I can be.

I'm being so vulnerable Taylor, and I can tell you're holding back. I want to skype, but I'm terrified to ask, I'll probably never ask. I'm just so insecure. What do you mean when you say stuff like "come move in with me"? I know it's a joke, but how many shade of truth are there? I don't know how you really feel at all, beyond vague, cumulonimbus declarations of "I like talking to you", meanwhile I think you might be the one.

So yeah, talk to you tomorrow.

You know who

I met this guy on 4chan two months ago, we just clicked from the start, and have been texting near constantly since

I guess the next step is to ask him to skype, idk what I'm really doing. He lives about 5 hours away

>>16740222

Shit.

I'm no expert by any means. But using the L word after 2 months and never skyping before seems fast as fuck.

>>16740241
haha, I meant to address that. I was drunk. I don't love him.

>>16740250

Why not just say "hey, wanna skype sometime? I think it would be fun! :)" ?

I hate it.
Even with poly I miss my main line of physical affection to the point of the physical side effects of my depression slowly creeping back into my life. Sleep isn't fulfilling. Talking to people isn't plesant. It's getting harder to put on that fake smile at work, and my pain threshold is getting lower.
It sucks, don't do it, save yourself.

>>16740275
because I have serious issues being vulnerable, and serious reservations about investing emotionally further into this.

I guess I just want him to be the one to ask, that sounds stupid, but I have issues.

Do you have LDR experience? We're both sophomores in college

>>16740292

What about if you care very much about a friend who lives overseas. And you have sex with them when you meet IRL and make out and cuddle. But yo are not dating. Is that ok?

>>16740298

What's the issue with investing more? 5 hours is nothing. You could meet IRL regularly on the weekends.

>do you have experience?

Well.. This is my issue that I have >>16739727

>>16740299
You can probably be buddies with them, but praying on a chance for meeting in the future is one sure way to fuck yourself up.

>>16737627
It's really easy to show just a part of yourself when you're distant. You see just want they want you to see.
I didn't know many things about my boyfriend before we moved in together. Sides of his personality he didn't like, mostly. And we've talked constantly for the firist 6 months before meeting, and then we met every 2 months/spent weeks together/talked all the time.
Just don't expect things to be as amazing as they are through text or on the phone. They rarely are.

>>16740308
Basically, I'm not entirely sure how he feels about me, the situation, long distance, i mean, I can guess based off of the level of affection he's showing, but idk.

I can't have another intense heartbreak, it'll send me to relapse, and i'm already on the edge.

I dream of being able to visit him on weekends, if it were just up to me I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I live with my parents, and because of my drug issues they don't trust me at all, so i'm not too convinced how willing they'd be to just send me away every weekend.

I've resolved to ask him if he wants to skype on our "two month anniversary", and maybe try to get some of these questions I have answered soon too.

The situation you're in is basically my nightmare. Shit fucking sucks man. She's asking you "does it matter?" in regards to possibly being in a relationship, of course it fucking matters, that's one of the only things in life that matters. I wish you luck, I really do. idk how you can stand the broken english though

>>16740312

Noted

>>16740332

Just skype. The first Skype session will tell you a lot. If he wants to skype after the first session. Then that means he's in some way shape or form interested. It's a step you have to take, otherwise if you don't your talking will become boring and end.


I got used to the broken English. I don't think she meant anything negative by "does it matter?". I know she cares. But yeah..

>>16740340
Ok, I'm gonna do it. Better to just find out then to keep a fantasy alive that's basically unfounded at this point. Wish me luck...

>>16740357

good luck. Yes just do it. It's nerve wrecking at first, but once you are in the video chat it's easier.