I hope you're not too disappointed in me. I wanted to be so much like you, and I've failed. I hope someday I can see you again, I wish I could make you proud. If nothing else ever happens in life for me, I just want you to be proud of me
I know I am a shit fiancee, and right now your trust in me is lax, but I need you - as much as it hurts - to trust me that I will not fuck up a second time. I also know that my track record is sketchy at best, but again, I need you to trust me.. How else will I be able to redeem myself? By you guilting me into a crying fit? Yes, I need to be punished but this is just unfair - I didn't do this to you when you did the same to me?
I'm aware that you did not lie about it, and came right out and told me, whereas I waited 3 weeks to tell you, but that is because I am a fucking chicken-shit cunt and I only hoped that the ordeal would go away... But that's not really a good way to take up responsibility, I know. But that changes today. I will take responsibility for my actions and do my best to heal your heart.
That's all I can do right now, it will take time that is true.. But.. just be patient with me, please?
I think about you a lot but I'll never say because I know I'm not in your heart.
I watch you in class sometimes, the way your eyebrows furrow and the way your back hunches over the desk. I love the way your hand smooths your hair back and the way you'll look over at me sometimes and smile.
I love how when I told you I was having a shit day and how I just needed a hug, you pulled me closer.
But I know I don't mean more than a close friend to you, and I'm alright with that. I wish you the greatest happiness and I hope you find a girl who will love you quietly and joyfully the way I always have.
>>16723529 I miss you, I pushed you away, Emma, I still love you and think about you so much. I'm so sorry that I pushed you away, everything was so petty in the end. You were the one I truly needed. Now you might be dead, or missing, I never got to learn. You didn't deserve what I did to you. You didn't deserve such a hard life babygirl.
E, I know you think you made me better but you are dead wrong. I never actually got better. The entire summer I was either starving myself or puking, and what you said near the end of our relationship sort of made me spiral out of control. You don't tell someone who's gained weight through recovery that they look fat. Especially if they are a low normal weight. It's not fucking right. They'll hold on to it E, no matter how silly or shallow it may seem to you. I remember every time anybody has ever commented on my body or weight. Not because I want to remember, but I just do. It will play like a soundtrack in my head at night. Some days I won't get up at all, just so I don't eat. And I'm so tired of it, E. You were the only person I could open up to about this. Now nobody knows and I hate you too much to even think about contacting you and it's all only gotten ten times worse. But, hey, now it's time to pretend that I'm perfectly fine again. My sister will be awake soon. My head hurts. M
you're just a bit too fat for my taste. I'm skinny myself, and I just find it very unhealthy. it realy looks like you're just stresseating. for me it looks like emotional instability, I find that very unattractive.
The time spent with you was the best I've spent in a long time. I think you're the one girl who I've actually liked in the past couple years. I wish a relationship wasn't so difficult given our situation and that I could read you better, but maybe that's part of the allure, someone who isn't so easy to read. I wish things were just definitive enough to know if you feel the same.
T- My crush on you started out innocent as a schoolgirl's But I've started thinking about you when I touch myself Sorry I find myself incredibly attracted to you I get hot and bothered when I think of you Isn't it supposed to be easy for me to get sex as a girl? So why am I scared to make a move? -S
There could've been something more between us, but I never acted on my feelings. I'm sorry we met. You're still always stuck in my mind. I can't be mad at you for rejecting me. I know I waited too long I was just wishing it didn't matter to you. I can only hope that whoever you're with now really loves you & isn't just using you. I'll always cherish our friendship, well the memories. Maybe someday like you were hinting I think. Anyway I think I'll go get my mind off things for a bit. Why am I even writing this? IDK Haha well so long
I don't want to be here anymore. This thread is sickness. My heart is breaking because I think that someone I like wrote something very mean to me and that is just crazy, so improbable. What the fuck are we doing here? Now I'm addicted to this shit. It's hurting me. The only reason any of us are here is to write imaginary letters to someone who hurt us who we can't talk to in real life. And then there are the mean people who write letters in to tell people they are fat, or a sociopath, or autistic, or roastie or projecting or pathetic or a disgusting whore or a bad pianist (WTF??????) for writing these letters . It's just so goddamn depressing why is it like this?
P You are my best friend right now. Thank you for being here in my time of need. I know some people think you're crazy and malicious but you've done no wrong to me. You've only made me a happier person and I appreciate you more than you'll ever know. You're the only one who's remained constant in my life since the day I met you, and I love you. Too bad you're a cat.. I would send this to ya. A
>>16725099 I couldn't agree with this more. Over all these threads give me massive amounts of anxiety and paranoia and I cant stop fucking reading them. They're like a disease. It makes it worse that people come on here and post nasty things about other people because they don't have the balls to say it to to the persons face. It would be unrealistic to say that we should all support each other but god damn, where is the basic decency?
SW, I miss you so much. Please don't be awkward pr think I'm trying to get with you again. We're legit going to be business partners. Only unprofessional thing I'll do is kick your man's ass. If he thinks I'm trying to get with you he's dead. Fuck my coworkers, I only want to share with you. We have something in common. -K
You can't just walk back into my life any time you want. I take back the last thing i said to you, the door isn't on the latch. Every day that goes by i lose a little more respect for you, and want you a little less. Every day i see more and more how the break up wasn't 100% my fault, but also a large part yours, and also how shit you treated me leading up to and after. You said some horrible abusive shit to me and i took it like a chump. So I'm not just gonna be here waiting while you go out having fun and then suddenly decide you want me again. I'm better than that and i have more self respect than that. If you want me, you want me now, you don't want me in 5 months or whatever, you want me now. The last thing you said to me was that you can't imagine a future without me, that I'm your soulmate. So stop messing me about. If you don't want me, come and fucking tell me already.
We live across the ocean from one another and have a bit of a language barrier, but I can't help but realize I'm developing feelings towards you. I always firmly believed in "internet relationships don't work" and "it's impossible to fall in love online." But now I'm finding myself falling into that.
Every time I have messages from you in my inbox, it brings a smile to my face. The last few years were a really dark time, but talking to you reminded me of what I used to be like. Now I'm becoming closer to my true self. I'm not even trying to grow for you (changing for the sake of others is one of my biggest mistakes), but don't think that you didn't play a role.
I hope we can meet up when I travel to your country this summer, maybe some day you can even join me here in America.
you're very attractive. like, so attractive it made me nervous. I wanted to talk to you but my sister was talking to your coworker about Bowie and I didn't have much to contribute. It's not that I don't like his music, I'm just not as big of a fan as she his. I wanted to talk to you; I said a total of 6 words to you. I was hoping you'd approach me. shit, I don't even know your name. what the fuck is wrong with me? people don't always make me this nervous. I'll drop by again soon and say hi. god, you're so attractive. M
Why won't you answer your phone when I try to call any of you. Why even add me in facebook if you're never going to answer me? I'm really sad about the whole thing and I'm going to stop even trying to contact you.
I was a pretty worthless son, wasn't I? I only stopped being a NEET after you died and so you never got to see me do my thing. You've never had a conversation with your daughter-in-law, and I'm really sorry about that. You would have loved her. It was a nice wedding. I hope you're in a good place now and I wish I had spent more time with you during your last days.
I wish I could have asked you for advice. Job advice, life advice, marriage advice - I know you would have had a lot to share and I would have had more confidence during all these times I stumbled if knew you were just a phone call away.
I'll see you again soon, I hope. I have to believe that.
I am fucking madly in love with you and just want you. I look past your bullshit all the time and accept your flaws so why can't you just do the same for me. I'm not a puppy who is going to come back this time though and knowing that this is truly over kills me
J. you said we will never be more than friends, I still text you like i did before, i wouldn't be a good friend if I treated you any different. I will never tell you that every time i text you i cry, and my heart breaks more with each text. D.
Z You're still who I write to when I feel like shit. I can blame it on you, I can blame it on the world, myself, whatever. But still I'll just feel like shit, disconnected, uncertainly falling toward some doom. You'll always be my only dream, that dream of traveling around the world, you beside me, making and seeing jams, painting and living beauty. You'll always be the truest sad songs. -jp
L, I miss you so much it hurts. I decided to go to therapy, a couple of weeks ago. You'd be so proud of me for asking for help. It is going good, I'm starting to get my shit together. My mom loves telling me that I am "functional" again. I just wish you could tell me that you're proud of me. I've travelled a lot, over the last couple of months. I couldn't stay at home because I missed you. I've seen so many different countries and I've been.. no, not even happy, but distracted. I read a couple of nice books, and bought a ton of graphic novels. Which I didn't really read, because I'm horrible. But I will, I promise. I found out a fucking great chocolate. Lindt, extra dark, with toasted almonds. It makes me think of you, every time I eat it, you would have adored it. I wish I could get all excited about food with you, God how much I miss it. Medicines are doing good. Doctor L s is doing a good job with me. I smile every time I sit there, and I think you're there, like my guardian angel, taking care of my little sick body. I look at his eyes and I think of you. I feel dumb, because his eyes don't smile when I walk in. I sleep really badly, you know. No reason to get up at 8:30, so I'm always sleeping in and going to bed so late. I feel like giving up sometimes, but I keep going, I swear, because I owe it to you. I want to be the awesome girl I would have become if I still had you by my side. I miss the way you bit your lower lip when you looked at me. I miss your smile and when your legs itched. I miss your voice. I miss your eyes, and your sweaters, and your freakishly long neck, and even your stupid ugly hair. I love you so much. I hope you feel it. I hope you think of me. See you next life. Yours, M.
What? So we're going to throw it all away? Just like that? A year of all this, just to collapse within the matter of days? Man, I actually thought you liked me. But you only used me as a cum dumpster. Why couldn't you just tell me that you didn't want anything more? I invested so much time in you, only for fuck all. Thanks, I guess. Thanks for leading me on. You were the first guy I had loved in years, and once again, the universe has given me yet another reason as to why I shouldn't ever let myself be vulnerable.
I hope I get to see you Tuesday. Please forgive me if I start to cry. I've prayed about it, for God to give you peace; I still feel that I deserve what I get so I don't really bother with myself. I'm so thankful that you're still so patient with me... I hate it that it took me a YEAR to realize just how wonderful you truly are. I pray that we have many more years following.
S I know you said we would see each other again but since winter break that's now been a little over a month ago. I was so taken aback when I saw you then I didn't even get the chance to ask you the things I wanted. Are you seeing anyone and if not would you want to go with me to get some coffee? The things you said in class always left me thinking and I'd really love to just chat sometime. May we could even talk about how the deer are back on campus or how we both know A apparently. If you want to see me too, let me know. Until then and if not, I'm going to keep moving forward to graduation and I hope the best for you too. You left me smiling. Thank you C
I'm sorry if I'm not that good of a partner to be in a relationship with. I have been alone for so long, that I don't remember what it's like to be wanted and appreciated by anyone. Even if it's a relationship parted by oceans, and to some extent languages.
I used to tell myself that online relationships don't work. That they are a waste of time. That they have little value. I remember when you wrote that you wanted to be more than friends, and that it was okay with you if it was just until I would find someone else to be with. In reality I had constantly been growing feelings for you three months prior to your question. Which made it all the more heartbreaking to see you say it would be okay if I found someone else in the meantime.
I don't want anybody else. I want you. I want you more than anything else. No one can even come close to how absolutely stunning you are as a person.
I've cried so many times these last few weeks, because I can't wrap my head around how I got to deserve someone as kind and caring and considerate as you. And I've cried so many times these last few weeks, because I don't understand why you would pick me of all people to be with, especially given the current circumstances. But I am beyond happy that you did. I don't think I'll ever be able to truly put words on how happy I am.
I don't know if I'm strong or weak for crying while writing this aswell. But I'm feeling actual emotions for the first time in more years than I could care to remember. I guess after all the years of believing that I was not good for anything, your love and kindness broke me in.
You stole my heart, and gave me life. Thank you. For everything.
i dont know what you did to me or how you did it. ive spend every day of this past year wishing you'd reach out to me, and when you did, i was so terrifiedi could barely breath
i looked up abuse and manipulation tactics yesterday. i couldnt sleep. you used so many of them. i think thats how you convinced me this was all my fault, is all my fault. you told me lies about myself and what id done until you convinced me that i had hurt you, and your manipulation was only self defense. i dont blame you, though. i probably deserved it. you probably didnt know what you were doing
i keep having dreams that you punch my teeth in, or break my ribs, or reach down my throat and pull my lungs inside out. i keep on worrying about the lies you might tell our mutual friends about me. or if theyre true.
you make me feel and act and cry like some emo fuck, you make me want to die, you make me want to do something so horrible you'll murder me, the thought of you makes me want to dig my fingers in between the bones of my forearm and rip the veins and arteries and tendons out and check for the rot thats surely gathering in the seams of my vascular system
The reason I push you away is because I might be offing myself next month. It's better that you don't get close to me like that.
I thought I was happy. I really did. You made me 10x happier, but you also make me 100x depressed. The thing is, you need me. I can't leave you, but fuck, you need me... I need you, too. But I'll never tell you that.
C, I'm sorry I miscarried. I'm sorry I stressed myself out enough to let it happen, that I didn't slow down. I know you didn't want them, because you were young and just starting your career with so much potential. You were still cool with your friends. You could still do everything you wanted to, spend money endlessly, leave whenever you wanted to. I'm sorry that in hindsight, you felt bad for not being there for me. And I'm sorry I'm still angry that you refused to come to any appointments. That you threw the ultrasound photo away. That you moved back in with your family for the three months I was pregnant. That you didn't cry that I lost our kids, not until a year later. I know you weren't ready to be a dad, but I didn't know you'd abandon me like that. I didn't know you'd make me do it on my own.
I'm so sorry. I still love you, I tell you that every day. Because I do. But I'm sorry I'm not over it. S
I'm so lonely when you go to sleep. You and I don't hardly spend any time together, yet we live together... we are just sick of each other I guess. :/ It makes me depressed as fuck... and all I want to do is wake you up right now and suck you off, but no. :(
Look, I could make a long ass post emotionally spilling my guts about how I feel and all this other shit, but it won't matter cause chances are you won't see this. I'm sorry for whatever it was I did last week or yesterday that's suddenly made you look right through me and not acknowledge my existence whenever I'm around. I'm not as tough or as angry as I look. I'm just hiding how shitty I feel inside. But I think you know that already.
I fear that with you being increasingly busy and moving up in the world while I just sit here day after day that soon enough I won't have a place in your life. We don't talk as much as we used to and really, I miss those days.
I love you. I wish I knew what I could do to play a bigger role in your life. And I don't really want to lose you as a friend or otherwise.
I do not know where to start but I hope I can say things properly instead of my pathetic attempts before the weekend.
I have hurt you so hard in ways I never even imagined to do. I am filled with anxiety and see myself inexcusable no matter what. To hurt you like this was too much even for me. I feel that I have failed as a human being. It has made me realize that there is much wrong with me, my attitude and my behavior towards a lot of things in life. There are things I never realized that I have to work on because I have not been feeling the pain it has created for the people. I have lost people in life for many different reasons, and many in common with the reason I lost you. But never have I thought about it and understood that the problem lies with me. I'm the wrong one. I used to always assume that it is the world that is at fault, not me. But now it's clear and I can not help but feel ashamed.
A year may not be much if you think about it, but given what I have learned and how I have developed since I met you, it feels like an eternity. The eternity I had with you was not enough. Not according to me. Admittedly, I'm really glad I got to know you and that I had to spend so much time with you. You were there for me and that I could experience new parts of the world that I would probably never set foot in. I also got to experience Denmark in a new way. I was hoping to experience Poland, for the first time in the way it was meant to be experienced; with you and not with the school. (1/?)
>>16728757 One of the problems was that I always had a hard time giving you space and time, I remember when we were apart for a while in the beginning, you had "forgotten" me. When I met you then, you were very reclusive and 'awkward'. You felt uncomfortable being around me and since then I never dared to go long periods without seeing you. I was afraid that I would not last a day at that pace and I wouldn't be enough.
I know you tried to keep up the relationship, and I may not have realized it. We had different ways of doing it and it ruined us. I wish only that we had been communicating more than trying to just stick together. I'm tired. I'm so tired of doing wrong and promising to never to do it again. I feel I have reached the bottom of it all. I can't go on, and I got to experience the primary function of how our relationship as both couples and best friends could have been in the last couple of days before the disaster. Our communication and understanding before the weekend made things better. But I took it too far. I was too upset. I was too stupid. So I helped with negativity and destroyed everything you had for me with a few simple words and acts.
I wish I really knew what was wrong with me. I wish I could, just as easily as you can, get used to new people and new routines. I could let in people and trust them. I do not mean I want to be a copy of you. But I am referring to that I want the ability of social interaction and knowing the morality of things that would make life much more simpler for me and people i meet. So I could've understood in the beginning of the relationship that you needed time for yourself. Even though I'm aware of it now, in the moment when the anxiety stifled my conscience and common sense, I could only get down a lot of crap on paper and take Blueberry to you, hoping to hand over an undamaged soul, before I hurt her. Though I would not hurt her in any way, but in that moment I was too afraid to just sit still. (2/?)
>>16728769 I can not do much more than to apologize. I have sought an appointment with a counselor at the health center. I feel there is a lot I need to work on, a lot I have to talk about and a lot to cry about. Because of my stupid choices in life, I have not only lost my girlfriend, but also my best friend, who has kept up with me for more than a year. I do not know how to describe that feeling. It would be like smashing something you value the most in your life. Something you pour your soul in order for it to be allowed to exist and get the very best in the world. So you happen to just destroy. You step wrong, you're blind in that moment, you forget to think, and just like that it happens. You stand there and you look at it all and you get ice cold inside, and do not understand what you have done.
I still do not know how to explain it to you. I can write ten pages on how much you mean to me and how important you have been in my life. But I will never be able to make you understand it. I am merely a failed man who loved you too much for my own good. Nevertheless, I hope that I can meet up with you as before. To be there for you and know that you are there for me. To be a person that makes you happy and not sad. I regret so much in my life, but worst of all, I regret all the times I kept you from being happy.
Of all the pictures I have ever taken, these are my favorite. There are days I want to experience again (even though it was not anything special about them). Some are shaky but it is a bit like life, and you just have to enjoy the beauty of it instead.
I wish there was more time in this world for us. You will always be important to me. Sorry for everything
I broke down and cried. I have no right. You were never mine, nor I yours. We never staked those claims, and I wonder if you're feeling as miserable as I am right now. Probably not.
But now it's all hitting me so hard. You went out of your way to walk past and catch a glimpse of me, and now you still appear, but it's painfully apparent you're avoiding me, and it's not entirely my fault, you know.
Now I know you'll never talk to me again, and despite myself, it hurts, and I want to cry it all out, but I can't right now. And it's shitty knowing that you liked me, too. And it's even shittier knowing you won't talk to me because I'm now seeing someone. I fucking miss you, and I know I shouldn't. I know this is wrong, but I've lived my whole life with this kind of pain, what is fifty more years of it going to hurt?
This kind of pain is the worst. At least with bruises and scabs, you know they're gonna heal. This? I don't know if it ever will.
>>16728757 >>16728769 >>16728808 Feels anon. I know how you feel. My girl, of 6 years, left me two months ago for similar reasons. When you're an emotionally dumb, but sensitive caring guy like us, you love someone so fucking much with every fibre of your being, but you don't know how to show it and you're so scared of losing them that you do everything wrong and it ends up pushing them away. And then when you figure this shit out, it's too late.
The one got away. I can be the best most amazing man in the world to the next girl in my life, but she'll never live up to the last girl.
But anon, it's good to see your faults, and to blame yourself, but don't do it too much, you're young and inexperienced, and no break up is 100% one sides fault. Even if she did bad things just as a reaction to you, two wrongs do not make a right. So accept your errors but don't be too hard on yourself. When you see those happily married couples in their 40s, they are only that way because they had heart breaks when they were younger, and learned from that how to be a better partner.
M. You know, I like talking to you. I care about you. But I don't feel any different from other close friends, apart from wanting sexual relations. And I know that one day, I'm going to end up dead because of my own choice. So it's better off for you if you just stop talking, and we end things entirely. Thank you for offering so much to me, you won't understand how grateful I am to enjoy it.
I know you struggle with wanting to not be a hero. I'm a failed case, and you're not going to change my mind in suicide as much as I'll let you believe. I want to save you from your nightmares, but how can I do that when I know I can't save myself? Fox.
Haven't written one of these in a while so paedon me if it's a little dry. The reason for it is that in this state of mind whatever I say is gonna come out as a cry for attention, and I wouldn't wanna trouble you with my shitty vanities and eccentricities leaking into your life if they're gonna do no good by the end of it.
You must be wondering what's so wrong that I can't spare the time of a few words. Truth is I don't even know anymore, I'm not angry at the slightest, not with any of you, and I just wish I could lighten up a bit and tell you everything that's been bothering me lately, but honestly you probably know it better than I do. My life is like a company of loose ends and feelings that I need to get off my chest yet I have no idea how to tie them together to set myself straight once and for all. Where do I even start? Am I not doing something you want me to do? Is there a way I can make us come together quicker? Is this a joke to you?
God, I have so many questions. Do you really see this working in the real world? Do you really believe we can get this right? What do you want from this?? It's so extremely hard to figure out your intentions, that's what makes it so difficult to act genuinely upon whatever feeling I have. Because knowing you I might as well be throwing all these bottled up feelings into the trash, or even worse, projecting them to a bunch of people I've never even heard of. But it's not like this long distance relationship could get any more embarrassing so... fuck that.
Being honest here, recently it's just been more appealing to stay inside than the fiddle diddle you come up with. Anyway, what I wanted to say in the beginning is that I don't see a happy outcome out of this. Guess I'm just grasping for some hope here, but am I wrong?
Also... I'm gonna just say it: Do you see us hanging out together naturally irl? Because I can't see this going any other way but comically wrong. Too late to keep it professional, uh? lol
EVERYONE DO NOT TAKE THE HYPER TRAIN TO PREDICTION AND PRETEND YOU HAVE A MAGICAL ORB PREDICTING WHO WILL BE WHO AND WHO SHOULD BE WHO! JESUS CHRIST! OKAY YOU CAN'T PREDICT THE DAMN FUCKING FUTURE! YOU DON'T LIKE THEN WHO CARES! STOP IT NOW!
Us breaking up sucked at first because all I could do was miss you. I'm starting to remember all the reasons I wanted to break up and I don't regret it. You were a shit gf and a liar and I was just as bad as you. We were awful together and the fact you wanted to bring a kid into it was so fucking stupid I can't believe I almost agreed. I'm not happy without you but I am much more peaceful and relaxed with you gone. I wish we could have worked out but life doesn't work that way and we are adults now. It feels good to finally let go of you and I'm actually ready to move on and find a girl who I can have a happy relationship with. Youre just a life lesson to me now. I hope you never contact me again because I know we will get back together if you do and that's a stupid thing to do.
how the fuck is it possible to be afraid of food? you're fucking ridiculous. honestly I'm pissed, because I want you to be healthy and you're acting as if food is some sort of poison. you're going to die. you take care of everyone else but yourself. cut that out, everyone notices that you don't fuckin eat. I know you think you have some deep dark secret but everyone knows. honestly I don't know how you can stand to do this. you don't even have insurance. you have such great potential and you're about to waste all of it because you want to be fucking sick. stop it. I love you. I care. now go eat a burger, it's been 3 days. you're so stupid oh my god.
We had it so perfect together, I know my sex drive was low, but you didn't have to go and cheat on me like you did, you KNEW I had a problem with you doing that but you still did, and then you left me...I don't know what more I can do with my life, without you it's hard to go on, but after what you did to me it's hard to even want to keep going
But I have to, I wish you didn't do what you did...I hate you, but I love you.
Genius, when I tell you that the reason I left you is because of your trust being placed in the man who supposedly abuses you rather than in me, it's actually the reason. I'm a tolerant man, but that was several instances of you confiding in him and it then coming from him to me. The whole Christmas present thing about my sister and your public "anger" was just the final straw because you spent whole days with him. Welcome to a form of jealousy, I left you and told you to go be with someone you can trust. That person was and is him.
B I've only met you a few times but you're a drunk asshole. You crossed my mind and it made me angry, but I'm sorry E did that to you. I'm sorry I denied it completely, I just didn't want to think he would've done it. He fucked up a lot of people's lives.. And from stories I've heard you remind me of him. He's ruined his life. Stop being an asshole before it's too late. Hope everything is well. I guess. M
>>16730942 This is the most unfortunate set of circumstances really. Love without sex is friendship, no matter how perfect things may have been otherwise in the relationship. The other partner feels unattractive, unwanted and this leads to questioning of why your libido is faulty. It's not irrational to think that they felt cheated, or perhaps believed that you were cheating and that explained your lack of desire. Anon, I feel your pain and I love you, chin up. >>16730942
H, i dont know much about you but i fell for you and havent felt that way in a long time. it didnt work with m, now i feel like it might be weird to try something with you. i hope we run into each other more.i feel like theres something worth exploring here s
What the fuck I loved you so much and suddenly you ended it. The day before the break up and the day before that we had a great time at your house, cooked together and stuff, and you even gave me a book to read. A week before that i got the best love letter i've ever gotten from you. And then I suddenly get a phone call from you. Saying it's over and that our relationship was a mistake. Saying i was not to be trusted and that 'she's not for sale'. Said some horrible stuff about me taking pictures of her. I would never do that shit, we've known eachother for 6 years we were together and broke up several times. But this time I felt like everything was going well. Sure i kinda spoiled her a bit, but she's always so happy when she gets a gift, made me feel good. I'm sad. It really came out of nowhere. And by phone. I really hope we could break up in person. Did i mean so little to you that you did it by phone? I don't get it. I ment you no harm. I miss you.
A- Why did you let your mom convince you to break up with me? I loved you, and I thought you loved me. Having you there with me at prom was my fondest memory from all my time in high school, and I wish I had taken more pictures. Being with you was amazing, and I've yet to meet another girl that made me feel like you did. I should have tried to convince you to stay, but I didn't, and now last I've heard you're married. I wish things would have turned out differently. -T
P.S. - I never did get my swimsuit and towel back.
It's been almost a decade since you disappeared without a word heard from anyone. We spoke daily for hours talking about everything and anything. I've forgotten what you have looked like and I hate myself for it because if I had a picture I could do so much more to try and find you just to make sure you're still here. I hope your disappearance has nothing to do with your bf being released from prison but I'm almost certain it is.
I still remember the first time we spoke in that chatroom and hitting it off, becoming great friends, I had doubted myself I was in love but I should have told you anyway because I was.
This is what my life has become, searching for a girl I love in a world too big too find. I wish I had done more....
You don't think I know how you feel, but I do. That's how I've felt much of my life. Heartbroken because someone I loved chose someone else. But what hurts is that I wanted to be with you, too. And maybe I'm imagining it, maybe you don't actually care.
But I can tell from the way you look and act that you're unhappy about something. And if it's my fault, I'm sorry, because I promise you, I'm just as hurt.
I didn't feel like I was good enough because neither of us could take the risk and make the jump that would have brought us together. I'd probably start drinking again if it weren't for football.
This intangible pain is the worst because I have no idea how to make it stop. Maybe in the next life, my favorite.
For what it's worth, you never made me feel second best. It was all in my head, and I knew it. We can blame it on me and my second guessing myself. I really like the guy I'm with, but I don't think I can fall in love with him, and I don't want to hurt him, so I'm gonna do my best to move on. You'll never be mine, and I don't think you know how much it fucking hurts. Like an open wound that keeps getting stomped on but I'm completely hollow and can't feel the pain... But I know I'm bleeding out.
I would have fallen in love with you, and that's what scares the shit out of me.
>>16729497 thank you so much for the response. I just don't know how to deal with it. I live in the same city as her and apart from her I have no one else. I have a difficulty of building relationships. even friends, because some part of me doesn't care about people that way. But she fucked me over and something about her made me want to keep up with her. I hate that she's not part of my life. When she picked up her stuff it made me feel like I had no soul left. She took it all. I was left with nothing. I don't feel at home in my own home.
It's been more than two years ever since you beat the shit out of me because I wanted you back. It still makes me furious whenever I see videos about domestic violence on Facebook.
What's worse is that everyone in school knows another version of the story. Everyone in school knows that I started the fight and provoked you. You told everyone that you just defended yourself, so you had to beat the shit out of me. Now everyone sees me as a psycho bitch. Fuck you, I allowed you to do that because I loved you. I allowed you to do that so that you can let out all of the frustrations you had for me. I allowed you to do that until I was spitting blood out, you fuck. And two months after that, I even accepted you when you wanted to get back together. How much of a sucker was I for you? Wow. Yes, we got back together, but you just left me after a week because you had to "find yourself". I would have been fine with all of that if you didn't fucking twist the story, you dick.
Fuck you, fuck you for twisting the story that made me change the way I looked at romance, love and all that shit forever. Fuck you for twisting the story which turned me into an evil bitch in the eyes of everyone around me when I was actually the one who got fucking battered by the one I loved, fucking you, at that time. Fuck you for ruining relationships for me forever.
I know that I have someone now. I know that we love each other. I know that things like the shit you put me through won't happen again with this person. But the thing is, you ruined me for this person. The love which I gave out naturally in the past, became diluted with fear. It's because you beat me up two years ago.
A lot has changed after those two years. I know I shouldn't think like this anymore. I know that I shouldn't victimize myself like this anymore. But fuck you. I keep seeing you in school, I try being civil in front of you, but all I really want is to get back at you for everything you've caused me.
Dear J, I can't stop thinking about you, everything's boring to me unless I can connect it to you in some way. But I'm keeping such a big secret from you. I don't want you to be in trouble because of me.
S You seem like the type to be here.. I know you think it's okay to flirt with her because you sell her weed and everything, but leave my sister alone, she's a lot younger than you and way too smart for you. and she has a fucking boyfriend bro. M
I still think of you sometimes. We could be happy. You could be happy with me. We could be the happiest people on earth. We could travel, fly to music festivals in Europe this summer. I could help you moving through this pain. Through this emptiness. I tried, you know I did. Nothing has worked out because you were so closed-minded at these times. We could pass the most romantic, peculiar weekends at your place, listening to the music we love.
Damn, You were my babe. You could be my babe. I miss you.
I'm sorry for having avoided you for the past few weeks. I keep trying to bring myself to talk to you, but every time I see you, I get too scared at the last second, wave, and keep on walking along. I've been thinking about you a lot recently, and I just want you to know that I really like you. I'm worried that if I tell you, you'll get mad or feel too weird around me, and I don't want to risk losing a good friend. I've known you for a while now, and, unlike my pointless high school crushes, I feel like something could actually work between us.
I'm normally quite good at reading people, but I just can't seem to tell if you have feelings for me too, or if I'm interpreting all of your occasional, awkward glances and nervous laughs as something more than they really are. Sometimes I even wonder if we both feel the same way about each other, but we're just too afraid of scaring the other off or being humiliated in front of everybody we know. After all, we both know what the vast majority of our peers thinks about gays.
Still, chances are that you're not into guys, and if I ever try to tell you how I really feel, you'll just cut me off and I'll never see you again. Even so, I wish that I had the confidence to just sit down next to you and ask you if you'd like to go out for dinner and a movie some time.
"He's in the closet! He's in the closet! I can so see it!"
Like what? If you went to a garbage disposal, guy told you constantly there is nothing in those boxes, and saw a bunch of cardboard boxes that are empty and kept on saying there is something inside it and opened it and found nothing. Was there really anything in it? Really was there anything to begin with?
>>16733827 You know there are a lot of reasons why people may look at each other and if you think that it is because of sex or romance. I think you are pretty retarded. A girl in college looked at me and it meant "watch it." so you best not think everytime someone looks at you it means they are interested in you. Now this is dead in the water by now and should be.
By now you've probably noticed that I'm not coming back so I wanted you to know why. When you divorced dad you told my brothers and me that he was wasting your life and you couldn't stand it. That was why you had to move 600 km away from him. The reason why you got the custody was cause he worked to much anyway. It later turned out all his hard work was for us kids, even Daniel who weren't even his. You then proceeded blaiming all our hardships on dad until David tried to kill himself when he was 8. Then it was Davids fault you hadn't had time to pick me up at daycare, Davids fault you missed my soccerpractise and Davids fault I was raised by grandma, grandad and our neighbors.
Later on when David became a jouvenile and got locked up you were to sad to take care of me, the only child who still depended on you.
That was why I called dad and rode the buss those 600 km every single friday and came back every sunday night. Thank god dad thought a 10 year old needed atleast one parent availeble.
Four years later you couldn't come up with reasons anymore why the rent was due, why we didn't have food and why I had no clothes that fit.
That was why I started working, to eat every day, to have roof over my head and to have clothes on my body. Not cause you needed help, not cause I loved our neighberhood and not so you could brag to your friends about how good son I was.
I started working to get myself away from you, and now I have finally achived. I got a schollarship and will become a engineer. I told you I was heading to the gym but I actually went to college. I won't call you on xmas, your birthday or ever come visit you again cause you never did those things for me.
EG I just want to forget everything that has happened in the past two years. I want my friends to understand what was actually going on, but they never will, and they'll never want to speak to me. I want to have friends. I want people to stop forgetting that I exist. all I have is a small portion of my family and my cat. nobody wants me, and I'm too fucked in the head to trust those whom actually care. I've never had any ill will towards anyone. I've only ever tried to make everyone happy. my efforts have always been misunderstood, but I was too naive to understand that. In the end, all it took was one person to drive me over the edge and that was you. you told everyone I was crazy, and nobody wanted me around. I made efforts to see people to try and restore said friendships and I was treated as a sort of poison. nobody wants me because of you. I tried. nobody can say I didn't try. you fucked up my life and I'm still pissed about that. not because I loved you; this has nothing to do with how I felt for you and everything to do with what you've done to me. because of you I feel guilty for things that don't even make sense. you were really good at manipulating my head. you're so fucked up. I hate you. I don't want to hate you, but I do. I'm never going to be myself again and it's all your fucking fault. I hope you see this. you'll probably be more amused than hurt. fuck you for that MG
Fuck off trippfag attention whore what makes you beter than other anons for you to have a ID? Do you need validation for your actions on this board? I see you as the bottomfeeders of 4chan with no shred of humility and a lethal dose of narcissism. So do us a favor and go die in a forest fire you unbeffiting pile of green armpit puss.
Dream woman, I'd been doing so well but tonight I slipped up. I lost control and I polluted myself. People say that when a conversation happens the person who is being discussed can sometimes know despite being at great physical remove; their ears start to burn. I hope that your beautiful ears did not burn tonight, as I would never want to bring you even the mildest of discomforts. Your ears, or the rest of your wonderful person: I had a conversation about all of you with myself and it was most improper. At least I know I shall sleep comfortably tonight in this familiar but long abstained glow. I have not felt this at peace since we spent that day together burning things and I fell secretly in love with you. Please don't let my failings tarnish you. My weak thoughts and depraved fantasies are mine own and of no consequence to you or your dignity. Stride on, goddess, unheeding and inviolate. Treasure of my days and nights. Fulcrum of my life. You wear these heaviest of coats without even knowing that I have dressed you thus. Stride on, sharp one, strong in your self and in your purpose. I will follow you, even if you never turn to look back. I will love you even if my love is worthless to you. I will never be disheartened for I seek not to trap you or posses you: I seek only to love you. Loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done. Loving you is the only meaningful act carried out in a tangle of inane and banal mundanity. Loving you holds the world together with a golden pin. PS: I think your arse is just the right size, stop trying to make it smaller please.
I hate being rejected 5 minutes after I fuck someone. It hurts like fuck. I don't know if this has happened to anyone here but it really sucks. Then when you see that person in the bar and they ignore you it brings that humiliation back again. It's almost surreal. Am I wrong for feeling phased off? Especially since the bastard started up with me first.
But according to the breakup rules you're supposed to just suck it up and cut all contact.
>>16723529 Dear dad, Here's the truth, I am a stripper and my boyfriends 20 years older than me. I will never introduce you. We have been together for 5 years now and although our ages are vastly different, he is the nicest person I've ever met. In the last 5 years we have had 2 arguments that both passed quickly and peacefully. He treats me so well. He is my best friend. He encourages me to stay I college and knowing him has made me a better person. Also...the stripper thing.... Well, this is how I'm surviving right now. I am working on my phd in applied mathematics and this job is keeping me afloat while I finish. I know you would be upset if you knew. But you'll be proud when I've made it through. I have so many secrets from you, I feel like you don't really know who I am. I have to live with that for now. But the things you should know are that I'm the happiest I've ever been and I'm finally going some where. I love you dad and I'm sorry.
When you sat next to me earlier, goddamn did I want to hug you.
I wanted to talk to you... not about anything in particular... just talk... but it was crowded and I don't do well in groups so I kept my mouth shut.
Sometimes I think you can read my mind... because I know I don't talk much, but when I do you always seem to know exactly what I was going to say... sometimes I don't even get to open my mouth before I get an answer. If you could read my mind (and to me, that's still a possibility), then you'd know how I feel about you.
How it drove me crazy when I said "bye" and you said "Bye [my name]" in a surprisingly softer and high pitched voice.
To be honest, it's been good talking to you and seeing you these last couple of days... for some reason, before I had to go off work, you seemed mad at me. Were a little more aggressive and a little hostile actually. I like that you're being less angry now.
I'll probably never tell you this in real life, but I love you.
You keep me warm at night and help me enjoy life. I love you so much but it hurts when you leave me. I physically hurt and I wonder why. Is it because I can't support you? Only every paycheck do you stay around for a while. I'm tired of waking up and you're gone. It's devastating.
You're like a cat or a dog that has nothing to give but unconditional love. The warm feeling when someone you care about hugs you. I love you, A. One day we'll be together for ever.
We both had our own red flags, and ultimately we both felt robbed because life kicked us both in the teeth. I want so badly to try a relationship with you again and know for sure if we would work or not but I can't because I'm fucking terrified of being hurt again.
But if what we had was so good, if we loved each other that much, why did it have to end in the first place?
My gut tells me not to trust you but I don't know if it's my natural paranoia or if it's an instinct I should follow. I know you're seeing someone else right now and when I found out it felt like my heart was breaking again.
But I know what I'll end up doing. I'll fade out again you'll hear less and less from me and I'll avoid you if I see you at school.
And I'll run away back to my war, because that's the only thing I was ever good at and the only place that ever made sense to me.
Because I don't understand regular life. And because I'm a coward who'd rather lose himself in anger and war than bear the pain of being a man.
I woke up after a series of bad dreams last night to your response. It was such a good feeling. Honestly, I've never had so much wash away like that. God, it felt so good. But now.. I don't know. The already feel as if I'm getting my hopes up again. I wish I mattered more to you. I don't know why. You're just really sweet.. But it's stupid.
This sucks. I'm sorry I put you in this position. I think you're a really great friend. I know I've been saying shit half on purpose to hint that I like you, so I'm sorry. I was being self-indulgent. I already knew you wouldn't like me. I'm sorry for spoiling the friendship we had with this.
I said I'm a strong independent woman but I'm not, and it's already too late because I've already been hurt by my own actions. I knew what I was getting into. But I didn't tell you my other "secrets" that in addition to having social anxiety too, I also have clinical depression and suicidal thoughts almost every day. I know you opened to me, but this is why I can't open up to you. I am pathetic. I am a basketcase. I don't want you to think I'm annoying and think I'm a burden.
I hope you can take this as a compliment since I think you are so admirable and you have all the best qualities. I brushed it off but I really like you a lot and I've been thinking about you every day since last term. I haven't had a single negative thought about you even though I've tried, and I've tried to get over you but I can't. I'm sorry for having an unwanted overburdening feeling for you. I know what it's like to have to reject people too. I just hate being in this position.
J. i just met M. and he seems like a really sweet guy. If you are playing the" just friends" game as a test, you are going to end up losing me, think fast my friend, you know how i really feel. You know i would do anything for you, if its just a game you need to tell me know. D.
I wish we all could just get over our shit by playing Goldeneye on the 64.
Life is full of conflict and very overrated. That being said, we could learn a lot from eachother from our personal stories. That would be utopia. People learning from eachother within an equal an unfearful environment. That is what humanity needs.
I'm so sad. I hate myself. I hate what they did to me. I'm slowly starting to slip off the rails. I'm sort of starving myself. I don't know what to do. I'm so desperately alone and I don't know how to fix it. I thought college would make it better. I was wrong.
Fuck you haters. Doing nothing but bringing people down and making the world worse. Allowing them wallow in ignorance instead of evolving like we are supposed to. This lack of "evolving" is killing the environment and the human consciousness. I hope you are happy. :)
Hey, Your silence just solidified what I was originally thinking. Uhh, it's heartbreaking honestly, but not the first time you've made my heart break. It's a familiar feeling. Wish I was as important to you as I first was. Whatever now I guess. I think what happened with us changed my perspective on a lot of things, especially about myself. See you relatively soon I guess. - Me
A, I love you so much, I can't stop thinking about you. Always when I think I'm over it, it creeps back up on me. Every time you tell me something that's worrying or upsetting you I wish I could make it go away because I hate to see you in pain. I wish I could tell you how I feel but I know it'd ruin everything so I never will. I don't want to lose my best friend. When I let myself feel it all, my heart hurts so much it feels like it's going to explode. I guess it's all moot anyway since after tomorrow even the tiniest chance I ever had of getting a happy end with you will vanish like dust in the wind. C
dear m8 Can't believe I thought I meant something to you. I don't know why you used to talk to me all day,and hardly don't anymore, but it was great while it lasted. Hope our stupid conversations were as good for you as for me. Meeting someone like you honestly helped a lot during that time when I had like 1 other friend. I just thought there was an actual bond between us, but you seem to have ghosted on me.I guess I was just someone to message at 3am; now that you have friends its not necessary.Can't lie, I miss it. Fuck I knew I shouldn't have gotten so attached. I'm terrified I won't find anyone else as great as you, and I really don't want to lose your friendship. Glad we had some good adventures though, you're a good drinking buddy. No idea exactly what you think of me but I hope we stay in touch. I swear i'm not a complete fag. Not mad at you. I'm probably just needy and want attention 24/7
How dare you chew my ass out for a week, saying that I need to be more honest with you. And then.. THEN.. you come off and tell me that OH! YOU FORGOT! YOU SLEPT WITH SOMEONE IN THE EARLY STAGES OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.
Why did you have to sit down next to me? I sat at this bus stop because I'm walking home after a 9 hour shift and it's all uphill and my short legs are hurting Now I'm too socially awkward to get up and keep walking because you thinkin waiting for a bus and I don't want to get up and walk off because it might just look like I am after you say next to me ughhhh I feel so awkward
I can't wait for this bus to come so that when you get on it I can makes run for it
Dear f I told you if you ever hit me, even once, that I would leave you. Everything was going great for us, I let you take my virginity and many of my first relationship milestones. I thought you might be someone to spend my life with. It was great up until you came back from the work and barked at me like I'd done something wrong, as soon as I tried to say something you back handed me. My darling I warned you. I hardened myself and told you to pack your things and leave. I warned you, you hit me again and I told you once more to leave. You packed, you left. You'll never drink tea with me ever again my heart, my door will never be open for you ever again. I warned you. I did. Why didn't you listen dear one? Love D
I need help man. I can't do anything. I miss your encouragement.
I'm frustrated because I tried a lot of different things but I'm also kind of amazed at how many I've tried without stopping, and how still I'm thinking of possibilities to go at. One would expect me to give up, but stubbornness runs in my blood. I see that now.
Perhaps this is just part of the game. Maybe I was a fool for thinking that it would all be a streamlined process. Maybe true warriors work with this anxiety boiling their gut.
Maybe nothing else is left to be afraid of after you acknowledge how hard it is? Because anything difficult that you encounter can only get less difficult.... if you keep attacking it everyday.
Huh, I feel like I realized something typing a fake letter to you, prof.
Medication is rough. Seems like I'm building up a tolerance to anti-depressents, and my physician thinks I've moved into severe depression. I never thought about killing myself, but I'll admit to thinking about my possible end. I think everybody does that sometimes.
What's really tearing me down is regret, and apathy. At my age (20s), I shouldn't even be worrying about the former. That said, I can't help but think my experiences have negatively affected me. I wonder how withered I'll be when I finally lose it, and how I lose it too. I've always felt altruistic, to the point of being a curse, and I don't want to sacrifice that just to put bread on the table.
Perhaps the most horrifying future I can see, is filled with monotony. We've become so content with office jobs, mortgages, taxes, settling down. Modern society has been built around these, and people cover their ears when a different opinion comes along. The human spark has long died.
I'm still a little tipsy, so if there's typos I apologize, but I know there won't be because I was drunk all evening and you didn't notice. It's amazing how through months and months of sobriety I can still hang on to my tolerance, my texting skill, my familiarity with it all.
Just a few weeks, maybe even a few days before that night when we began, I remember telling someone "I could never be in long distance relationship". You changed it all, not that what we have is a relationship. I don't know what it is, and it's burning me inside, our heart bedazzled good night and morning texts, you calling me baby, wish you were here's, everything, we're not just friends, and even you can't deny that.
I feel a relapse around the corner though, I can taste it, tart in my mouth but warm in my heart, fuzzy in my head. I've been drinking, and I'm not going to be so ignorant as to pretend I don't know what's next. it's just disappointing, because I want you to make me want to be the best person I can be.
I'm being so vulnerable Taylor, and I can tell you're holding back. I want to skype, but I'm terrified to ask, I'll probably never ask. I'm just so insecure. What do you mean when you say stuff like "come move in with me"? I know it's a joke, but how many shade of truth are there? I don't know how you really feel at all, beyond vague, cumulonimbus declarations of "I like talking to you", meanwhile I think you might be the one.
>>16735269 I'm a J that really needs D to show some more signs of interest first. Maybe you have and my situation is completely different.. But I'm sticking to just friends because it seems that's what you want. Trust me, I've wanted it to be more than that for really, really long.. But I'm really afraid and I have good reason for it. I hate games, and all I want is your soul.
>>16735873 >>16735875 Nah, I'm not in Oregon. I wish you were one of his friends or someone with some perspective on the situation though, I need someone like that to talk to. Idk, I'm like driving myself crazy over this
I didn't know you were coming in today. I hate that seeing you makes my heart flutter. I feel so nervous that the adrenaline makes my skin tingle. It can never amount to anything more than a crush. I hate getting to know you more... finding out more things we have in common. How much I want to keep talking to you and keep your attention. How I want to love you in my own little way.
Fate is strange... dangling you in front of me like this even though the thought of you being mine is confined to my silly daydreams.
B, Why wash my love enough? I feed when you were hungry; I covered you when you were cold; I made you laugh when you were sad; I gave you a family when yours was away. Why can't you love me like I love you? I wish I could hate you. -P
You're right. I shouldn't be upset. I knew exactly what I was getting into. You can't help being yourself. The only things keeping me in this shit-ass relationship are fucktons of codependency and gaslighting and a total lack of other options. Any neutral party would only have to look at this shit for like two seconds before screaming at me to run for my life. Sadly my life isn't at a point where I could make a break from you and not succumb to the desire to crawl back, but you're probably in for a rude awakening once it is. I give it a year or two, and thankfully the sex is good enough to keep me distracted in the meantime.
You wanted to reconnect, and we have, but moments after we did, I knew it was a mistake. I find myself stuck in the same old habit of meticulously checking your wall to make sure you're alright. Every time you like something on facebook, I read into it far too much, because even after all this time we spent apart, a part of me still loves you, and nothing could be worse for me at this moment.
I had the opportunity to tell you how you made me feel all that time ago, when you destroyed, rebuilt, then destroyed me again. Instead, I sympathized with your condition because I know its responsible for how you act, at least in part; But how much? Which actions of yours are a product of your condition, and which are intended, then masked with the convenience of mental illness? I was warned about how you were, admittedly by someone unstable, but their words ring true with every iteration of your feelings made visible.
And yet, the one truly at fault is me, because I am only responsible for my own actions, and keeping you in my life is one of them, even if it is to avoid hurting you, because of a love that by all rights I shouldn't feel.
Yet as angry as our past together makes me, one look into your baby blue eyes is all that it takes to break me down and rebuild me into a replica of a being that was once in control. Hate and love have never entwined so resolute, even though I know a surgical instrument placed in another hand to sever our connection would be the sweetest gift I could receive, and is the only method of freedom I could know at this point.
You, I never expected your support, on anything, ever, to begin with. I know what kind of hollow person you are. I think I always knew. I think that somewhere inside your heart, which you yourself took into your own hands and snapped in two, you knew it as well. If you don't like yourself, then change into someone you can like, but I think we both know that was yet another sympathy ploy. It all was. You relish bad things that happen to you because you can use them as a reason, a crutch. You embody every single thing you have come to hate. I neither need nor want your understanding or "forgiveness". You have nothing, not even those things, to give. You are worse than your father. You are worse than the men from whom you wish you could save women all the time, women in the street who you felt more sympathy for seeing their less than perfect partners while ignoring your own.
Knowing myself, I know that there was no harder I could have tried for you. Nothing else I could have done for you. If I had, I would be sitting miserable and wishing for death and you would be the same, same as you always are, never truly touched by anything.
You get back what you put in. You gave me nothing but words, and they were always empty, promises always broken. Lies were still ringing in my ears when you said you couldn't trust me. I protected your feelings because I cared, didn't want to stomp on your already distorted self image. But it was The Sympathy Game for you.
...but none of it matters, because nothing can touch you. Not unless you say so. And your word is the key to being, or so you will die believing.
>>16733173 It sucks. You have to go out and make friends. Use the site meetup.com, i have and its really good, you just say you're going to an event, and then everyone there will be expecting you, and since its a thing where they try get new members, like a club or whatever, they love new people and will accept you. It's probably the best way to make new friends these days, otherwise you can join some hobby clubs or sit in bars. Post your steam if you want someone to vent to.
>>16723691 I'm probably not your J but I spent several years with an A. There were tough times but to me it was pure bliss. I miss the hell out of here and she really was the one. I won't commit to anyone else now, just meaningless flings and focusing on my career. I can't find anyone worth sacrificing the bachelor life for but if my A came to me today and said lets be together I would take her back in a heartbeat. We talked for the first time in forever on Mew Year's Day. Just exchanged a couple of emails. Then like always she disappeared
Hey J,N,T,M,S,F and all my other friends and family. I need to tell you something: I hate being alive, I desperately want to go, if there was a way I could kill myself without hurting any of you I would. As you know, I stopped going to school and started to slowly become more of a NEET, it began to have a negative effect on my health so my doctor sent me to a therapist to help me feel fine enough to get my life in order. I'm ashamed to say that I've been lying to him, I know he can help me, but I've never told him how I actually feel about anything. I've told him about having occasional existential thoughts but that's it's never lead to suicidal thoughts. That was a lie, I tell him that my relationship with my brother is fine, that's a lie, I hardly ever speak to him, I tell him that I want to go back to school, that's a lie, I hate it. These therapy sessions are pointless and I am only wasting this poor man's time and I feel incredibly guilty for it. I've only ever considered going back to school just to see your faces a few more times, so I can talk to you and walk with you because spending time with you guys is one of the only things that I don't start to slowly dislike more and more with each passing day. I don't want to drive you away, I need you, but at the same time I want to drive you away so you can find someone you'll be happier around, because I can tell that things aren't the brightest when you're around me compared to others and all I want is for you to be happy.
I've had this written for a while now. I've planed to send this to you a few times but I've never gone through with it because I was afraid you'd feel guilty.
I know I need to stop fucking around if I'm commiting to it, and I know my life choices and everything else I've done so far have been far from what you would call promising. I know all this, in fact, I know it so much it's mind-boggling to believe you ever wanted something serious out of this.
I have abashed myself beyond belief and there is NO ONE to blame for that. Nothing besides intrusive thoughts that fucingng pop in my head for whatever reason. I have no idea what is happening, ever since the time we met it's like every shitty aspect of my life and things I have done are being shoved down my throat all at once. It's just hard to take in, but as they say, you gotta eat it to shit it away, right?
And that's just the easy part, if I'm being honest. It's no picnic walking among your family feeling like a charity freaking project. Oh God, it's gonna be an awkward couple of months till everything falls into place...
Dear Z I'm sad that our friendship is going down the shitter. I don't want to have the feeling that I only annoy you, but half the time I try to talk to you, you don't even reply. I just wish I could take it back to how It used to be, where you were just as interested in me as I were in you. I've never been good at letting go
i had a dream about you last night. you came home and everything felt the same, like you'd never left. i don't know if our relationship will ever be like it was before, and that kills me inside. i don't even know if you feel the same anymore. you've been my whole life for so long, i can't picture myself without you. it's been six months and it still hurts to wake up and not see you next to me.
>>16735899 I truly doubt that you are my J as I made it very clear how i feel about him and he said all he was offering was friendship, I was truly hoping it was just a test because we had so much in common and I could see it work, I guess he couldn't. Maybe he was just afraid because he had been hurt so bad before but he had to have known that i would sooner cut my own throat than hurt him. Guess that didn't really matter. Its ok I never did to anyone anyways. I just hope he finds what he is looking for at this point, I really feel like I just don't matter anymore. He knew I had been hurt also ,and he did it at a really tough time for me too, so i guess his point was made. D.
D I'm seriously at the point I'm going to make you choose. I promised myself I would never be that person though so I will probably just break up with you instead. I can't handle it. I can't handle her. You lie about how much you talk and hangout. You're both fucked in the head. B/ has warped your view on women and she's pathetic. She's probably been an issue in your relationships before but you just don't get it. I'm sick of it. I don't want to marry a guy who texts another bitch daily. Go be losers with her. I deserve better and I'm done.
From the first time I saw you I thought you were the most gorgeous girl I had ever laid my eyes on. I will never forget the first time I talked to you. I still can't believe you agreed to go out with me in the first place. You were so amazing; smart, beautiful, funny, fun to be around and overall my dream girl. I'll never forget how waking up next to you were the best days of my life.
I'm so sorry I was a piece of shit drunk. I'm so sorry I became a jealous, abusive prick. I never wanted to become a person like that, especially to you. I'm so fucking sorry I got drunk and hit you. Every day since then I have regretted it. I don't blame you for cutting me out of you're life. I know it has been 7 years but I never got over you. I still think about you every night. I have tried to move on but people just bore me and I can't get any further than the first date. You were my soul mate and I fucked up. I fucked up bad and I know it.
Since you came back into my life last year I have been praying and wishing for that 2nd chance. I still remember when you and I babysat my niece and you told me you'd want me to be the father of your children. What hurts most of all is it almost happened, for you, without me. I'm so sorry you miscarried with your ex fiance and got cancer. Your chance to be a mother came and went and my chance of you as the mother of my kids went long ago.
I miss you so much and I still love you with every fiber of my being. I can never apologize enough. I would give anything for that 2nd chance. Anything.
Dear dozen or so virtually identical-looking dudes I see every night,
What is up with you guys? What the hell are you doing? I mean, I can guess and it's chill but how does it work exactly? Who's in charge? Are there rungs in this ladder you have to climb or what? I'm very curious.
What we had wasn't love, and what we had wasn't perfect, but I miss it time to time. I miss the teasing, the affection, and the satisfaction of having someone who cared. You found someone else after I broke it off, and that doesn't hurt or anything, but I miss having someone to talk to everyday. You weren't all that bad, we just weren't 100% right for each other. We were probably about 75%, and I was looking for at least 99%. I wish you kept your promise and stayed friends with me instead of just being on okay terms with each other.
You're a good person and I hope that dude isn't a piece of shit. Anytime you wanna talk I'm all ears.
So here i am still as stubborn as i was all these years ago. I just want to tell you you still owe me three years of my life and hard work. You still owe me for all these times i got overwhelmed by my paranoia, whenever i heard any sound anywhere near my door. You still owe me for making my phobia even stronger than it was before. But you know what? I want to thank you for all of that. I want to thank you for every single spark of hate inside me. Every single one of them kept me alive for all these years. I will be getting my revenge at some point and you are aware of this as well. Until we meet again,
You spoke to me once. You came up and whispered something in my ear. Then I asked your name and you took off.
So what do you know? I get the feeling you know a lot, if not everything. Thus I am very interested in knowing you. But last time I saw you you kind of hovered a bit but didn't say hi. I kept waiting. So wtf? Are you fucking with me too? Was it a joke, what you said? Why are you guys fucking with me? Haven't I been fucked with enough?
Oh, and you look really good without the beard btw.
>>16738460 Speaking as a D who texts a bitch daily and is less than transparent about time spent together: good call. Give your D the push to go and be happy with the bitch. You can't be true to two people, so you deserve better than you've ever going to get from this. Walk away, find someone better, someone who can be all yours.
I'm sorry about your son. I have only now begun to comprehend what losing someone like that is like. He wasn't my first contract, but he may be my last.
All of these years of doing what I do, hundreds of people, and I've been able to do it successfully, without remorse. Years have gone by, and I seldom think of any of those who I have taken away from this place.
I'm getting older, and it's starting to hurt me. I looked at your son; I looked at him and saw something in him that reminded me of myself. Not because of who he was, but because I knew that at my age, he could be my son too. I saw him as a child, not as part of the contract. He was far from innocent, but I can't erase the thought of knowing what it would be like to lose my child, my son.
My next contract is supposed to be your daughter, you know her and E were in this together, and you know that they both attempted to use their influence to win over the wrong people.
This is where I retire. I will not touch your daughter, nor you. You are safe from me, but I cannot say that the man who funded me will rest easily on this. I know where you've fled to, it's safe. I was tasked to follow you, to do my job, but never to report anything.
Your secret goes with me, I will attempt to make my peace before I go, perhaps I will see E and tell him how sorry I am for what I have done, for now, all I can do is say this to you.
You've controlled your urge to make love to me for so many years now, even making blogs and videos to control your thirst. It was also very brave of you to play hard to get and bluff your way to the top. I think you've almost earned your little dog treat/snack now, but not quite. Because you've been a very bad doge too. And just smacking your ass won't do it this time around.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND ME A LETTER OR GIVE ME A CALL OR HELL, AN EMAIL? This is killing me! Did I get in or not? Should I reapply in Spring? I need to know so I can start looking for jobs or apartments!
Fuck you. Nothing in my heart can express the anger, disgust, and sorrow you have brought me. "Hur dur, I want you as a friend. So I'm going to lie to you and lead you on so you can keep being my friend." Fuck you. A bigger fuck you when you just lie straight to my face and hide shit from me, what kind of fucking FRIEND does that shit? Why the fuck would I even want to be friends with someone who just wants to lie to me.
I'm going to kill myself in the near future, there is nothing you can do about it. You were the last straw and you ultimately have proven women are nothing but lies, deceit, abuse, and horrible traits that just want to hurt "nice guys" for fun while you go fuck someone else.
Maybe just fucking maybe if you listened to me maybe once instead of fucking flirting with other guys, you would have known how big honesty was to me. And not only did you have a chance to redeem yourself from your first fuck up, you did the same fucking thing a week later. I got 50 other fucking women who just want to be my friend, I don't need you in my life just like I don't need them. Your friendship means nothing to me and if I wanted friendship I could get in many many more places.
Go figure, the "nice guy" who can never get a girlfriend doesn't need anymore friends!
M. this morning you kept talking to me even though you were at work ( i had no clue) because you didnt want to ignore me, and now, you are ignoring me, I dont think I can take another person doing this to me. i am ready to just give up and bail. D.
Thank you for showing your soul so tenderly to me. I lied to you. I do have a crush on you, that's what I lied about. And I want you bad. You're so pretty. So, so, so, pretty. Please show me an ounce more of affection, just an ounce, and I'll get by for another week, it will tide over the tremors and my bones racuously grinding on each other, and my heart beating so quickly it's like a dove is trapped in my lungs. Sometimes I think of your lips gently resting on top of mine like a tourniquet. And feeling you mutter some epherma in my ear in your cute drowsy state, just graspig at my chest... I'd like you to call me a peach, a little angel, sweetheart.
It's still an amazing ride. And even though I'm kind of ashamed that you saw me so emotional two days ago, I'm glad it was you that was there to comfort me. I'm still sorry that it took me so long to realize that you were the one, but now I hope these last few years have been worth the wait.
When you decided to end what we had last month, it nearly broke me, its the only way to put it. I never got to tell you why I fell in love with you, or that thing that always bothered me, which I'd always dance around and never talk about. Well, for a long time I was in a not-great place, I didn't really care about anything, I was just floating through life until that vague time for me to leave rolled around. I'm not even sure what started it, it probably was just the sum of a whole lot of messed up things that happened to me over the years, but I felt that no one really cared about me, and that it was probably my fault, so I shouldn't ever expect anything of the sort from anyone cause I was clearly an asshole who deserved to be alone. Then I just saw you walk past, and I... I don't know what I felt, all I knew is that I needed to talk to you, to know you; and before I knew it, I was taking every opportunity to talk to you, and just seeing you had become the thing I looked forward to the most in my day. It wasn't until I met your boyfriend that I realized how I felt for you, that your smile was the most important thing in the world to me, and that you felt the same way, that I realized that I loved you. I was so close to falling back into what I was, being the person who hated what he saw every time he looked in the mirror, a broken excuse for a person. Then I remembered what you said about relationships, how you give a piece of your heart to everyone you're with, and how you felt like you didn't have much heart left to give. But, that small sliver of heart you did give me fixed me, made me whole again, and that if I went back to what I was I would be wasting the most precious gift anyone's ever given me. So I made up my mind, I'm not just gonna mope around until March, I'm gonna live damn it, I'm gonna move on with my life. I still love and miss you, but I won't dwell in those feelings, don't have much time left, can't spend them being sad.
We've been talking on and off for months now and you still won't leave me alone. You try too hard and I can see through your every move. Have you ever heard of the wastehistime meme? You are the perfect example of why it exists
I know we have only talked for a bit so far, but I already feel like we have a good connection. But I'm afraid I am going to mess this up like I do every other girl. Especially since you exist in such a tricky situation. I know it is probably weird for me to obsess over this, but you are the only girl I have legitimately wanted to go out with ever. Something inside me tells me this will go good, but at the same time I also feel the volatility of the situation is going to scare you away. I'd do anything to win your trust if you gave me a chance.
Fuck you. I dont' know what your fucking game is but tonight you pretended not to know me. I know what you said to me. Fuck you. You guys are fucking weird. Why are you fucking with me?????? Why ME??:?
I would never admit it, but yes, I do avoid spending time with you. You'll always be my mum, but I do, for the most part, only choose to visit out of a sense of obligation. You're too volatile, sensitive and obnoxious. You must realise that it isn't that everyone else is an asshole, it's that how you perceive people (as either your best friend, or your worst enemy) doesn't give people much room for error, especially with what you expect from them.
Everyone is dealing with Grandma's impending death differently, but that doesn't mean they don't care. Yes Grandad's being a bit of a dick at times, but he's dealing with exactly the same shit as you, so please have more patience.
Your previous marriage has left you with problems, mum. We all know by now how abusive he was, and I know that certainly isn't your fault, but it has left you similar to a traumatised dog, lashing out over the tiniest perceived threat or challenge, and it's simply too much work to be one of your only friends.
I miss being your Bun a lot. I wish you'd come back to me, but all the attention you once gave me is now hers;last week, it was all mine. I don't know what I did wrong to make you change your mind. And now we're friends again but things are already so different. I really wish we did all the things you said we'd do, like watch anime together, or play new co-op games together. I wish I told you how I felt sooner. I feel so lonely. I wish I could send you random messages and links. I don't know if you liked getting those, but you always replied so quick.
At first as we met, I never liked you. You seemed annoying, immature and no passion about anything. But you would write me once a day, once in three days... You were there when I needed someone near. You were here with me when I got heart broken. You made me smile while I was crying. Said stupid things to keep me smiling. It just showed me you care about me. .. And then I fell for you. Now at this very moment, I'm crying for you. Where are you when I need you? I guess I fucked up. I like you a lot and I told you that You said you care for me but not the same way as I care for you.
I've never felt something like this for a guy. Now you're making me insane. You said you didn't want to hurt me by being together. But either way, you're still hurting me.
I constantly shit post with key words to get a reaction out of you because I'm a mixed up sac and don't want to deal with whatever is going on in my own life. I'd rather terrorize you than deal with my own shit. Sincerely not that dude.
Firstly and importantly, I have not told anyone from school about us, except for J who I came here to Uni with. L does not know and nobody in my year in SF knows. My 21st is coming up soon however and I am naturally very concerned about what will be discussed as all my friends from home who you've met will be there as well as the SF guys. I have also told my new friends from University about us, not for bragging rights as they never met you! But because it's been naturally almost impossible for me to have moved on during my time here at soton.
There will come a point where I will tell my old friends from school, and it may come soon. It's been Three years since I left, and I know truthfully I would like to stop lying to them about what happened at school we what we did.
You had me all prepped to be a dad at 17 and dealing with the abortion without telling anyone was the hardest part I have not got over combined with you talking about marriage so often and having Iris so soon after we broke up. The rest of what we dealt with when we were together I have got over and I won't mention here. I can appreciate the C and D were more difficult for you than for me, naturally, but my time after you left was rather miserable.
I know sometime in the future we will talk. I've begun writing an autobiographical novel about what it's like to go out with a teacher eleven yrs senior for two years without telling a soul, and I'm taking a year out after i've finished the degree to finish it combined with other projects. There's certainly enough content with what we went through and I intend to publish (if possible) in anonymity.
So that tatted cow I saw you with that night was one of your clients? I saw her pay the tab. Jesus man you are a fucking manwhore for real. How dare you come up on me? I fucked a whore fuck me. Oh, and everyone also thinks you are a police informant. So don't pull this high and mighty shit with me. And tell your fucking friends to stay the fuck away.
D I know you're trying to keep me motivated, but please don't get angry with me if I don't get jobs I interviewed for. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry you think I'm so lazy and I'm sorry I feel so depressed lately. I've already told you why, but I don't think you understand the full extent. my entire life has been fucked over and I'm having flashbacks every single day about things that happened while I was still there and I want to claw my skin off. I almost jumped out of the car last night while your mom was driving like that. I only eat if I'm high and I'm sorry if you've noticed; it's hard to eat. I've been trying, and you've seen that. I want to get a job; I'd love to have something to distract me. I'm trying harder but I have a crippling fear of people and can't guarantee my social anxiety won't fuck things up for me. I'm trying not to make excuses. I sound like I'm making excuses. I'm sorry, I'll stop. I'm just so fucked in the head lately after all that I'm so sorry. I'm a shitty sister. M
Just don't take to heart anything I said during the time we were apart. When we're away it's hard not to misjudge your facebook pictures, probably because seeing you so happy around all those people makes me feel like l don't even exist and you don't really care about me. They make me worry about the space I will occupy in your life, on your bed, and if we would be in the right road at least once in my lifetime. I wish I wasn't so defensive and simply went throught with it like the old days promised, but now I can't help but feel like it's way too big of a step for me.
Dear Ash, Stop defending LGBT like it's a sin to fuck up and stop cramming your beliefs down my throat, I'm not gay. Also talk to your dad so you'll stop being so upset all the time and start doing your school work so you have somewhere to go, please. P.S. Having tattoos doesn't make someone more of an individual. In fact thinking that makes them more normal. You get tattoos cus they're cool. Sometimes.
Dear, Dad I understand you're having a rough time right now, but i have been as well we went through the same shit, yet years ago when i was an adolescent you acted like an immature child and threw a yemper tantrum if you could not have my attention all of the time, this was not okay, i had very hard classes and was working hard to get to the college I'm at now, grow up, seriously the world does not revolve around you , and wallowing in self pity and drinking yourself to sleep will only make things worse, dad i care about you but being around you is harmful for me and you cannot be around me until you have better control of your emotions and become more mature, i don't resent for throwing all your problems on me as i saw first hand what that does to a child so i can avoid it in the future, but i will not be around you until YOU make a change, stop drinking, open your mind a bit and then i will see you again, until then I'm on my way to fulfill my dreams, i love you, goodbye
Everything I like about myself at the moment is thanks to you. Your support has brought me to a place of optimism, where I actually feel alive, and where I look forward to the future. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I sang an improvised song about you today. I kinda wish that I'd recorded it as already I've forgotten most of it... oh well. It was a very true song. The melody was a bit plain but the words were heart-felt and the performance was genuine.
I have left a note about you in a secret place where it may not be discovered for years. Or possibly it will be found tomorrow morning. It is a short note.
I miss you. I am really looking forward to seeing you again. My heart jumps whenever I hear from you; I know it's going to get jackhammer-crazy when I next see you in person. Don't make me wait because I just can't stand it.
Such exquisite pain, this. Intangible, surreal, yet so powerful I would drop to my knees were I weaker. It is the sort of pain which hollows one out and makes a heart wonder if it will ever heal. Absolutely exquisite.
He doesn't need to know, nor do you. My misery is of my own making, and it is up to me to change my mind about it. Were it possible to change the situation, I would make you mine. If only I knew which path to take.
Have I sent a mudslide across that road? Is it, as I type, barricaded by boulders tumbling down? And are you advancing so quickly I won't reach you once the path is cleared?
These are the moments I feel so alone and I feel so cheated. I should tell you, I have never been lucky in love.
I don't promise you paradise. The world isn't a straightforward place. We need an opportunity for victory. That's what is lacking in paradise. In every paradise. Thats the flaw in its construction. The serpent isnt the enemy, its the tempter. I am thinking of a real challenge, which you have to fight or else be vanquished. I'm thinking of the chance to test yourself in battle, to win or die. We are all human and we can't live unless we fight.
I don't promise you love and comfort. We will have fights. Huge fights. You know that I detest lies. I find that a policy of complete honesty is the best one with dealing with women. I tell them exactly how I feel about them and I always tell the truth. You know that! And I expect my woman to be the same. I need you to tell me truth about everything. Also with this way you can help me so I can better myself which i strive for everyday.
The people around me are moralless zombies. I will push you to be not one of them. I'll solve your self confidence and compulsive lying problem! I found the flat you are living in. I found you a decent job. I made you met with nice and classy people. I teach you new things all the time. Even I gave up my predilection for virtue & truth for you. I dismissed your small lies and lowered my expectations of love.
After all the lies you said to me, any compassion I had for you would turn into contempt but it didn't. I'd feel sorry for you but still I think you can change. Each time you lie to me I could feel resentment welling inside me, it keeps growing into something far more dangerous. But I'm trying so hard to not show you that. That willing to fight and change you holds me on the line. But everything has a limit. I need you to stick with me and I'll make you a better and stronger person.
i know you're incredibly depressed. Even not talking i can see the signs and i can just sense it. Why dont you just talk to me, think about the times you were at your upmost happiest. it was when you were with me. and you know it. So why be this way, dont be so stubborn
>>16742685 There are several Ds in this thread at the moment. Why so vague?
My... second.... initial is M, if that helps you to find where the treasure is buried or whatever else reason you have for asking. The M stands for "so much for anonymity". What are your initials, anon, and what is your favorite colour?
If only I had the confidence to tell you how I really feel, to not abandon the topic every time we speak. I know I can tell you, I know you will listen. The unknowns are what keep me away. What if you don't reciprocate? Has this been for naught? Have I lost my thoughts over you for a dream that will never be? I wish I could do more than just stare from across the room, or hold awkward conversation about the class we were just in, making terrible jokes while longing to just tell you. Only a few friends know of my feelings, but you don't. I don't even know you as well as I want to. I'm working on it. I've tried to figure out what you like, who you are, but I can't do it quickly enough. Maybe if I hint enough, you'll ask me about it, but how long will that take? Months? Years? I've lost all my focus at times just thinking about what might be if I just told you...
You did some artful rearranging, eh? But when I see your face now, all sad, and I hear a certain song, I seem to forget it all. I remember that date at the museum where I slept on top of you for several hours under the floors where we could hear everyone talk. And the fluorescent stars, like in an arcade. and that moment we had where I saw a genuine smile. Makes me forget I really never knew you at all. Too bad. You were really dumb but I was charmed by you...or so I thought.
>>16742717 It's boring, and I've been frequenting this board as of late.
I fell into a deep crush on a waiter. Probably a year and a half ago, now. And looking back, he liked me, too, but all of our attempts fell through.
I started dating someone who just so happens to work with him, and now it hits me. When it's too late and I've spoiled my chance already.
But the look on his face when he saw us together was just so sad. I don't really know what to do. I like who I'm dating, but the pain is real. I've not seen my boyfriend in over a week, too. Doesn't help
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