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My life is in shambles
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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My life is in shambles

-I'm a virgin and have never had a girlfriend
-I'm nearly 30 and still living at home with my parents
-I've never had a job
-I'm overweight and my health is beginning to fail. I always feel tired
-No degree
-I'm building up debt from tickets and school loans
-I have no hobbies. All I really do with my free time is post on 4chan, play video games and halfass research random shit

I feel like I have no purpose, no direction and no structure to my life. I have no self control and do things that I know to be destructive to my life.

Thing is, I'm really tired of being like this. I want to be a normal person who works hard and is socially competent. I want to date, but I feel like a fish out of water when I try to get close to women. I have no self esteem and am extremely sexually repressed. I feel like I've irreparably damaged my life. Tell me there's a way out of this. How can I begin to put my life together and become a man that can stand on his own two feet.
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>I want to be a normal person
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Its too late man

All of that on this end too man, except I'm 23, severely underweight, work a shit job, and my debt comes form my mother taking bills and credit cards in my name.

I don't really care about having a girlfriend or anything though, all I really want is a group of friends.

Either way, you're not alone out there man. If anything take some solace in that. The first step in my opinion is professional counseling. They can't fix it for you, but they can help you do it, tell you how, what steps to take.
Thanks man. I appreciate you taking the time to respond and I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I think professional counseling is something I should look into. I hadn't even thought of that.
>-I'm a virgin and have never had a girlfriend
Go outside and talk to as many people as you can with zero expectation of gf. Tell yourself you don't even want a relationship right this second; you don't want to be forever remembered as right now. Spend 6 months just practicing your ability to talk.

>-I'm nearly 30 and still living at home with my parents
>-I've never had a job
Do you live in a shitty suburb with no real city nearby? If not, start spamming your resume all over. If so, just dig extra deep extra hard extra long and pull out whatever turd you can reach just so you can tell people you have -A- job. Once this is covered, network with family to see if they can help you relocate to someplace where a normal economy exists.

>-I'm overweight and my health is beginning to fail. I always feel tired
Start counting calories, if you want to feel better and love yourself more. It isn't hard to do. Look at the back of the label, measure out correct servings carefully, and write down every single thing you eat. IEat salad and grilled chicken to fill yourself up and avoid sweets.

>-No degree
Degrees are shit. Once you're even something resembling normal, you can go into construction and become someone who helps private contractors. Everyone wants stuff; everyone with money pays the people who make stuff. Contractors make big happy stuff and they are always in need of tradesmen who aren't druggies or violent or thieves or just plain fucking useless.

>-I'm building up debt from tickets and school loans
Sounds like you started a degree? You left that part out, but I'm going to take a wild guess and imagine that part is fucked up too. You can ask to see a guidance councilor if they haven't completely thrown you out yet.

>-I have no hobbies
Do you have any neglected shit in your room resembling a hobby? Spend today learning to love yourself again, then spend tomorrow on youtube searching for instructions on how to get started with whatever. Learn to draw?
ok well lets focus on the things we can easily control first

you say you're overweight and youre starting to develop health problems, this is one you can improve easily. Start exercising daily, yes I know its winter time but you can still exercise. Start with just some pushups, situps, and calisthenic exercises like jumping jacks which you can do right now in your room, get outside and go for a walk atleast 30 minutes every day. Google a couch to 5k workout regime and follow it, its something that literally anyone can do. Go to /fit/ and read the sticky, it has very good advice.

You say you have no job, how exactly are you supporting yourself? You need to find a job anon, even without experience you'll be able to find one easily if you put in some effort. When I was in your situation and had to get a job after dropping out of college I decided to try security. Its very easy to get into, all you need to do (here in NY anyway, may be slightly different in other places) is take a 2 day class and pay a licensing fee. Then I applied with a security agency (the two I used were securitas and us security, got hired by both but went with securitas) and I was working in under a month. It really was that easy. The jobs weren't particularly exciting but when I was doing overnight security I could bring my computer and just play games or watch movies all night. I did that while I was going through EMT school which is what I do now. That's another easy to get into field since the training course was only like 3 months.

Put the more existential concerns like purpose and direction aside for the moment and just focus on building up some structure. Once you've held down a job for a while you can start to think about finishing your degree through night classes, but that should be a more distant goal compared to your health and getting a job.

Remember, its never too late as long as you treat each day like the first day of the rest of your life, don't wait start tonight
when I suffered from depression I used a cognitive behavioral therapist who really helped me a lot, I very strongly recommend you look into that
construction is shit
As a 28-years-old virgin who never had a job, who dropped out of college and wasted six years in his parent's basement after that, mostly masturbating because even video games didn't take my mind off my sadness...
But who is slim, healthy, with a bit of money saved, and currently traveling around europe...
Your post made me feel better.

I'm human garbage, and I wish I would not wake up tomorrow, but I'm better off than you and that's a realief.
I really fail to understand how people like you can keep on existing and living their utterly shitty lives being just a huge pain in the ass for their families and endless source of shame and disappointment. I would just off myself desu
>no education
>no social skills
>no looks
>no intellect
>and that for 30 years

Where is your dignity, m8?
>I'm human garbage, and I wish I would not wake up tomorrow, but I'm better off than you and that's a realief.
If you can easily feel so relieved from reading my story, then what happens the next time you come across someone who is further ahead of you in life and is your age, or even younger. Are you going to go back to hating yourself?

To everyone else who responded thank you for your time, I'm taking your advice and putting it into action immediately. I can't afford to spend another day the way I have.
do 3 sets of 10 bodyweight squats for me then (which is to say, just a squat with no weight added) then leave your computer and go outside for a walk, unless you live in new york lol
You're right. I have no defense. I'm a terrible person and there's probably nothing I can do to make up what I've cost myself and those who love me. Still, I have to try or kill myself, which will hurt them even more and make it where everything they've done for me has been in vain.
>be an insulator
>charge $20k to do one part of a house

>be a carpenter
>even if you get convicted of a felony the work still won't run out

>be an electrician
>everyone is afraid of what you do so they either respect you or at least don't bother you

>be a plumber
>charge more than a lawyer charges per hour, because people cry like a bitch when their hot water isn't working

>become a contractor
>effectively a private business, which drives to the hardware store then to the worksite to sell people the pool/shed/deck of their dreams at a hefty markup

>be a recent grad
>What do you mean, there's fifty thousand grads and only fifty job openings in this field? But my instructor said the entire universe depends on his subject!
I did one set and my knees are hurting like a motherfucker. I don't think this is a good exercise for me at this weight. I'm gonna go take a walk now.
ok then, have a nice walk anon make sure you're out there for atleast 30 minutes

when you get back watch some youtube videos showing the proper form of exercises
(Different poster here)
If your body is too heavy for your joints, then it means you need to start counting calories immediately. Exercise burns calories but it doesn't prevent you from eating them all back on top of what you were normally going to eat that day. Got a smartphone? Download MyFitnessPal - it lets you scan barcodes to count calories. Otherwise, just write that shit down.
Start off by counting and reducing calories, but make sure you're paying more attention to what type of nutrients you're getting and balancing your proteins, fats, and carbs. Yes, it's important that you learn portion control but it's far more important that you cut out sugars and processed foods and start eating more vegetables than snack foods. Eat organic meats or strictly chicken. If you dont eat meat, I can offer a few ideas for alternatives. If you'd like any more dieting advice, I happen to know a lot. Start walking for an hour or two a day 5 days a week and when you're comfortable, practice yoga. This will help you, not only health-wise but will also teach you how to be mindful, and help you deal with stress (and countless other benefits you can Google because I'm lazy).
Drink water. No more soda.
If you smoke cigarettes, quit. If you drink, quit.

Go outside, even if the weather is shit. Go to a library, or a museum. Learn things. Read a lot. You'll never live with your eyes behind a screen all day. Fill out a few job applications a week, and call the places. Bother them. Don't harass, but bother.
I promise you, if you try all of this and stick to it, you will have completely changed your life around in a matter of weeks and you won't want to stop once you've seen progress in your emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.
You'll know what you want eventually, because your head will be clear from a large portion of your problems.
One more thing about weight: read the sticky on /fit/. It covers various facts and myths about fitness; part of the reason so many people are fat is because everything they know about nutrition is wrong.

Stuff says "sugar free" when it is basically sugar - just one example. Half the battle in weight loss is knowing WHY you are overweight, and why you struggle to cut. An entire generation was raised by TV in the absence of any positive role model. TV lies big time, study hard to set your head right.
>If you'd like any more dieting advice, I happen to know a lot
please share as much as you'd care to
>Are you going to go back to hating yourself?

Oh, and as I feel guilty for talking about myself in your thread in a desperate bid for attention, I will now give you advice.
I'm travelling for cheap, going to strangers' places and working a bit in their gardens or whatever in exchange for room and board and companionship.
As I have money most of my expenses go into train tickets and such, but if you don't you can backpack and hitchhike around. I met some people doing that.
I use a site called workaway to find and contact my hosts. There's also helpx and wwoof that work similarily.

I don't get that much out of it because I'm a social cripple, but it's a good way to meet people, talk to them, and become a more interesting person with stories to tell.
I also lost 5 kilos and became slim instead of skinnyfat on the way, so maybe that could also be a way for you to deal with weight issues.
I'm not even going to grace this with a polite response.

Get off your ass, get a fucking job and stop being a fucking burden on your parents.

Fucking date? You're dreaming. Get your priorities sorted. Try this in order
> get job
> get apartment
> pay debts
> repay parents (you owe them)
> realise a job consumes your life
> start enjoying free time more
> take up a hobby to take mind off work
> wow lost some weight
> feeling more energetic
> must be all that work
> newfound confidence and people skills
> standing on own two feet
> taking responsibility
> Being a man.
> Being a motherfucking MAN
> So on
> So forth
> Chat up debra at the xmas party
> Fail
> Quit job
> Move back in with parents

Thus your circle of life is complete. You have lived your life to its fullest.
I would say that some of these replies have already led you in a good direction, but I will say this. Your desire to not to live you life how you've lived it needs to exceed every and all of the boring/tedious/time consuming tasks that will be required of you in order to better your life. Prioritize in what order these tasks should be completed and actually do them. Good luck
Ok, this is gonna be long, but you wanted advice, so here it comes.

As previous anon has stated, don't worry about friends or GF right now. Work on yourself. This, by extension will help with job, which will then help with debt, etc. And the chain reaction begins.


I'm overweight, and I'm now losing a shit ton at a rapid rate. You need to change your lifestyle rather than go on a diet. People who have the mentality of going on a diet then have it in their heads that they'll someday come off their diet. You need to identify habits in your life that can be changed and then change them. A new lifestyle is the accumulation of these new, better habits - that way you don't need willpower like you do with a diet. You just live your new (but healthier and better) life. This is the difference between a diet - which is temporary and helps you lose a little weight, and a lifestyle - which is permanent and helps you lose a lot of weight and keeps you in shape for life.

I began this journey by stopping myself from putting sugar in my coffee. That's it. Just a tiny step. A week later I wasn't even missing it and so then I cut sodas from my life. This all took place while I was still eating KFC and making pasta carbonara at home. Eventually I cut out fast foods, unhealthy cooking, sweets, etc.

I bought some weights and started moderate strength training. I don't want muscle but I've tried losing weight before with just walking and it didn't work fast enough. Now I'm trying a two-pronged approach and having a lot more fun with it. Mon, Wed, Fri = Weight training, Tues/Thurs, Walk for 30 mins.

If you have no job and no hobbies, there's nothing taking up your time that could prevent you from doing any of this.

I highly suggest you read the sticky over at /fit/


The previous suggestion of sending out your resume may not work since you don't have much of a resume to speak of, having no previous job experience. If you have any friends or family who own a business, they may be able to lie and say you've worked there for X years and they could be a reference for you. That might be able to help you get your foot in the door.

If that doesn't apply, you're going to have to start at the bottom of the bottom. Start as a Walmart cashier or any other retail job. Otherwise it's manual labor. Might be able to get a call center job.

If you have money or can get a student loan, you could look at joining a polytechnic. I know it's more debt, but it's a way out of your sinkhole. Depending on where you live, http://www.ntma.org/ might be a place to try. They teach a good trade and they guarantee job placement. Machining can lead to a 6 figure salary. Friend of mine went through there and he's now a CNC machinist making about 75k.

>Living arrangements

Once you have some income, I would say move out from your parents home - even if the place you move into isn't an improvement like flatting with a couple other people or renting a room from someone's house. Just to learn to be on your own. Firstly, it'll toughen you up a bit and secondly, it'll teach you to interact and be with other people. If nothing else, it'll toughen you up a bit by forcing you outside of your comfort zone.

You have no purpose because you haven't given yourself any purpose. Nobody is going to assign you a life mission or set you on a direction and say "there's your goal."

If you feel there are barriers or walls preventing you from achieving anything I've laid out for you, just remember that most of these walls are just the walls in your mind.
I'm still here monitoring this thread. I installed MyFitnessPal and have begun logging my meals. I'll be updating my resume resuming my job search full force. I will update with my progress as time goes on.
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