I'm 32 year old male. I'm a nerdy, lonely sort of guy. I live by myself, have a full time job in IT and I've never had any experience with women until I met my girlfriend. I play video games, love movies, watch anime, I like to collect movies, toys, figures, etc.
I met a woman online, she's 35 at the moment and we hit it off well and we became a couple. She knew going into this that I was a dork. I didn't exactly hide it and she seemed pretty okay with my hobbies.
We've been together for about a year and a half and she wanted to have a serious conversation with me. She said that she loves me and thinks we have a great relationship but she thinks it's time we got really serious.
She said we're both getting old, and we're both childless. We should starting doing things like moving in together and maybe start planning for the future. Seemed okay so far but then it started to get a little more personal.
She said she's had concerns about me since we got together. She said she loves me but my hobbies are 'childish; and 'weird'. She says I'm 32 turning 33 soon and I'm still playing video games and collecting toys. She says my hobbies take up so much of my time and I don't even go out and do normal things.
Then she pointed at my figures, specifically the girl ones and said it's weird that I seem to be attracted to cartoon girls and have these weird perverse statues of girls. She said it makes her uncomfortable and told me it's time I took a hard look at myself and start acting like an adult.
I was pretty taken aback from this, it just seemed to come out of nowhere. I felt kind of bad. She wants me to get rid of all my stuff and start acting more like a guy that wants to be a husband and a dad.
I'm at a loss. I do love her. She's the first woman I ever made a connection with but I like my hobbies. It feels like she's making me choose between her and my hobbies, but maybe she has a point. Maybe I need to grow up.
Should I get rid of everything?
There's a lot to talk about in your post, but the key point is that, while 35 is pretty late for a woman, at 32 a man is far from needing to settle.
I know it's hard to let go of the girl you finally lost your virginity to, but you should use your recent experience to build up your confidence and find younger, better matches.
Don't do it OP. You're not forcing her to change and doesn't have the right to make you change. If she doesn't accept you as you are, break up. Trust me, there are plenty of girls out there who are unto games and anime well into their 30s and even 40s. You'll be miserable if you sell your figurines, videogames, etc only she will be winning. Drop her.
If you like those things, keep them. If not, put them away.
As well, if she's making demands about how you two are going to live life from now on, I'd be weary. I've seen men change from top to bottom because a girl told him to, and in the end, he was left alone.
You need to be sure this woman is worth living with. She feels the childlessness much more acutely than you do and is in a hurry to settle down. Just be aware.
I see...some of her points. The only valid one being about your female figures. Really, it's a little creepy to be in your thirties and still have little dolls of scantily clad girls (I'm assuming they're all anime figures, usually teenagers and young adults). That would be a dealbreaker for me, honestly.
The rest is a little weird. Tons of adults play video games. Also, it's not unreasonable to keep a few of your favorite figures.
I don't find figurines weird at all. Everyone has different taste and every taste is a valid one. Same with playing videogames, watching anime, etc. There ain't a limit in age to stop this. Same with guys that collect baseball cards or antique cards. Everyone has different taste. Deal with it.
>she's had concerns about me since we got together
So she's had a problem with you since the start but she's obviously got an agenda and wants to change you to suit her ideals.
I would have dumped her then and there, she doesn't love you. Someone that loves you accepts everything about you, you're just another meal ticket.
don't change for the woman. She got herself into this. As you said, she knew beforehand of your hobbies. As a compromise, if I were you, I'd acquire a cabinet. A nice looking one, for displaying stuff. Try looking at goodwill, or on Craigslist, or along the side of the road at trash day, to minimize out of pocket expenses. Polish it up and clean it up to look nice. Then, place it in your room or whatever space is designated as yours. Finally place all your figurines and collectibles into the cabinet. Try to fit all of them in there, so everything has a spot.
There. You get to keep your stuff, and hopefully your woman lays off of you. Relationships are about sacrifice and compromise, but it doesn't mean giving up what you love just to suit someone else.
If she seriously doesn't get off your back after placing all your collectibles in a small, non harmful spot (a spot that's yours), then seiously consider dumping her
There's a fuckton of girls who are into figurines, if you're into them, why'd would you settle with someone who's not? or at least someone who can't understand your hobby?
My brother makes a living out of selling this shit (i dont like them myself) and he's hapilly married with a girl who's also into anime and figurines, i've been to their house, they have 2 rooms designated to store figurines, i think they make from 5 to 6k every anime convention and we have one here every 3 months. I'm honestly jelly of him
You might be making one of your biggest mistakes by agreeing with that bitch
Just letting you know /r9k/ is laughing at you.
You know shits bad when /r9k/ the butt of 4chan is laughing and making fun of you.
OP this is just a warning to you, right now, that bitch you call a lover is manipulating you. She has you under your thumb and she fucking knows it.
Dont get rid of your stuff put me in storage or something, for the love of God, you can give everything to a woman but never let her take your identity and never let her have your heart.
You fucked up big time son. Big time.
Talk to her again about it, and if she won't yield then I regret to tell you the relationship is doomed. You aren't a teenager; you're a grown man and she needs to accept who you are. Expecting you to outgrow a hobby at this point in your life is simply unrealistic. I'm not going full r9k "bitches and whores" but if she wants you to give up an innocent hobby (unless you are somehow devoting an unhealthy amount of time to it) because she doesn't like it, then your relationship will never work. A relationship where one person is concerned with "fixing" or "improving" the other has never, and will never, work. Even if you bend and give up the hobby, something else will come along, then another, then another. I'm not saying she doesn't love you, but she's more in love with who she can make you into. She can't expect you to change any more then you can expect her to change. Compromise is a healthy part of a relationship, but expecting the other person to just give up parts of their personality entirely is not.
Ive been there Anon, and trust me, if she makes fuss over things like that, she will turn into a bitch. Try to reason with her, put aside your feelings, she seems like shes desperate so dont let her walk over you. Your hobbies are you.
I don't know OP. She may have some valid concerns.
I'm a little older, and I view men who collect dolls and toys as being somewhat...less than ideal, in terms of cultivating positive masculinity within themselves.
Yes, that's a nice way to put it.
OK, so I think your hobbies are gay as fuck, and juvenile, and if my son was doing that, I'd carefully mix a little fatherly shame and encourage him to grow up some.
Now, balance that with the need for a man to be his own person. His own man, more or less (maybe less, in your case, but whatever). You want the people who love you to accept you without having to work at it, but that's a bit disingenuous. The only person who loves you unconditionally is your mom, and that's if you're lucky.
I might suggest gaming things out in your head- the potential upside and downside of doing something, or doing nothing at all.
... and it's not like this is a new thing, as much as I wish it was. In the bible, 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul said
"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish things."
Son, you are doing childish things, but that alone isn't a good enough reason to stop in order to make someone else happy. If your GF is correct, you will know in your heart that she's correct. If you can't part with your frankly disturbingly childish cartoons and toys, you should be sure that they're enough to keep you content in most ways, regardless of any limitations they may place on forming quality relationships with other people.
We never stop growing up. In a few years you won't love the things you're doing in the same way that you do today. If you don't evolve and grow in your tastes, you stagnate, and a man who stagnates in adolescent hobbies is going to be a lonely goddamned man.
/r9k/ here. You're pretty much a textbook example of a beta provider. The best thing for you to do is to dump this old hag, groom yourself, and go grab you a qt weeb girl in her early 20s. Many women consider men in their early to mid 30s to be in their prime so it's not too late for you.
>as being somewhat...less than ideal
So don't date OP? How is it ground breaking news/advice that people are different. If OP's girlfriend is THAT opposed to his hobbies, then they simply aren't compatible and will break up regardless. Not because of OP and not because of his girlfriend, simply because they are different and have different opinions on a pretty important part of a relationship. More so, everything limits your ability to form relationships with people. Because people aren't the same. Being a blue collar type will limit your ability to be attractive to white collar sorts, and so on for different lifestyles/hobbies/opinions. OP needs to find someone who accepts his hobbies and doesn't demand he change. Just the same as his girlfriend needs to find someone she loves as they are, not who she can turn them into. This is basic relationship 101: "you cannot change your partner". Also I don't really see what is "disturbing" about his hobby. I'm not an animu guy (I used to be but haven't watched anything since my teen years) but still. He collects plastic figures. How is that any different than my buddy having posters of pinup cartoon girls straddling Harley's in his garage? And he's probably the stereotype of what people like /r9k/ would call a "normie Chad". He isn't hurting anyone, he isn't doing anything deviant or bizarre, he's collecting toys. A bit different, but hardly "disturbing".
Getting rid of your animu shit is no guarantee that she'll stay with you or that she'll stop there and be content with you changing that one thing. If my colleagues and friends are any indication, it's usually the opposite that happens.
Unless you put your figurines everywhere around the house like an autist there's no reason to change anything.
Women never respect men they can change. What will be your advice to OP when he throws all his stuff in the trash and she leaves him ?
Define childish. Women buying tons of useless shit like make up, shoes, high-end electronic they don't use and unnecessary big cars probably isn't childish according to you ?
Being a weeb sucks when you're a NEET manchild because it's an unsustainable financially and mentally. OP has a job and got a gf. His weebfaggotry isn't a problem as it is sustainable. What would be a manly hobby according to you ? Watching sports ? Buying a $80 ticket to watch other people run after a ball instead of buying a $80 figure ? How mature.
if you give in to this demand, you will give in to others.
this is a power game, she doesn't care about the figurines. She only wants to test her amount of control over you.
If you give in, you lose respect from any man who finds out but not nearly as much respect lost from her
Drop the sack of shit, don't drop your hobbies for anyone. It simply isn't worth it.
DON'T DO IT YOU TRIPLE NIGGER
NOT FOR ANY ROASTIE
>letting anyone tell you what you are and aren't allowed to enjoy
You aren't hurting anyone, you have a job, you have (from the sounds of it) your life in order. There's no reason a responsible adult should let some bitch tell them that what they're doing is "immature" and that they should stop.
Seriously OP. Don't let her dictate what you're allowed to enjoy in life.
Her demands aren't unreasonable. A lot of the stuff you have is for kids so yes you should grow up a little. On the other side your hobbies arent bothering anyone.
She wants to change you into a husband to settle down with. Honestly I think some change for you is needed as an adult but giving it all up is too much. Tell her this and if she cant accept that then she's not the one.
Why is everyone immediately jumping to conclusions? The fact of the matter is, OP is a fucking weirdo and if he wants to be in a serious relationship then he shouldn't playing with toys.
It's not normal, she doesn't have an agenda. She just doesn't want the guy to be dry humping his toys when they're trying to have kids.
If she's making a note of how she's childless at her age then things are definitely in your favor here. Think of it this way, a man can have a child whenever but a woman has a biological timelimit to be a mother and if she knows this then she's not in the position of making stupid demands like that. Remind her that it's your way or the highway and she'll either learn to deal with it or be left alone because a 30-35 year old woman is way more fucked than a 30-35 year old man is.
Don't change yourself to make someone else happy. She wants to have her perfect little family before her baby-popping time is over, and you're just not quite what she needs; she's trying to change you to fit her picture, and that's messed up.
You have a job. You support yourself. You sound sane and well-spoken. To someone who didn't grow up watching anime/playing video games, it might look odd, but you're not hurting anybody and it's what you happen to like. Don't feel bad about yourself. Someone who doesn't accept and appreciate you for who you are and tries to change you isn't someone you should be with.
I personally don't think your hobbies are weird - even the anime girls. But, I grew up playing video games, watching anime, used to have a few Revoltechs of my own, so I understand the appeal. You don't need to grow up - you're already grown up. She needs to be more accepting or find a man whose hobbies she won't shame him for.
This. As a person whose seen this situation come up frequently in his community (/o/, usually "EITHER I GO OR X MOTORCYCLE/SPORTS CAR/PROJECT CAR GOES")
Its at its simplest a shit test to determine how much can she control you. Respond by at the very minimum outright refusing/denying her, if not dumping her. If you let her control you you will let her control your happiness, eventually getting married and 5-6 years later a slow boring sexless marriage that ends in divorce.
>She said it makes her uncomfortable and told me it's time I took a hard look at myself and start acting like an adult
This is woman code for, it's time you start donating all your emotional and financial resources to me while expecting nothing in return
Dump her - find a girl in her 20's who likes the same things you do and cultivate that relationship with someone who likes you the way you are.
Also, at 33, you aren't 'getting old' in terms of having a child.
At 35, she is. Basic biology.
Drop her. It's only her first demand. If she values your desires so little who knows what she'll be doing next. There are women who would be happy to put up with your habits. This one obviously is not one of them. What can 'getting serious' mean except the beginning of a long battle?
Don't you think this is indicative of how she sees you? She wants to make impressions on you and cast you into her own mould. Is that how *you* would treat something you value?The problem isn't really your hobbies, it's her vacuous mindset. You will throw those figurines away and then she will throw you away once it becomes too much effort to form you into her image. There's no point to changing who you are for a fleeting woman.
Drop her and find someone who isn't going to make you stop doing something that makes you happy. You are relatively wealthy and you have an established lifestyle. You will be able to find a woman that is appreciative enough of this to shut the fuck up about your figurines and whatever else you enjoy. It sucks, it really sucks to lose that year and a half investment, I know. It's better to lose a 1 1/12 year investment than your way of life and 3 years though.
Ever wonder why she is childless at 35? Probably because no other guy would put up with her shit tests. If she was a reasonable person who had really wanted to have children she would've been able to find a guy who wanted them with her. My guess is that she is childless because of these kind of shit tests.
I would go with the cabinet suggestion mentioned earlier. Don't get rid of them and don't be unreasonable about it, but make it clear that you value your hobbies and that you will still keep your "you space".
If OP ignores us and throws away his stuff i hope he remembers us when the divorce papers start pouring in and the cash and happiness start pouring out
>This. As a person whose seen this situation come up frequently in his community (/o/, usually "EITHER I GO OR X MOTORCYCLE/SPORTS CAR/PROJECT CAR GOES")
is that seriously a common thing?
OP here. You guys have a point, I would be miserable if I gave up my hobbies and tried to find some new ones. I don't like sports or any of that stuff, it's just not me.
I don't think she's trying to manipulate me. I want to believe she loves me enough to not do that, but maybe I'm just blind to the truth. She really hurt my feelings though and made me feel like she thinks I'm a weirdo. Why didn't she tell me sooner that she didn't like this stuff? I feel like she's just been faking it with me.
I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm starting to question everything now just because of this. You guys are right though, I won't give up my hobbies. Even if people think they're weird, it's who I am.
I guess I should try and talk to her and tell her I don't want to give up anything. But now that I know how she feels, I feel like she doesn't respect me. Am I just overthinking it?
OP, I know how you feel, but at the end of the day, she should have known it means something to you and respect that. Unless you hotglue your figurines daily, she shouldnt butt in. If you feel you would regret it if you let her do as she pleases, you most likely will. Shes past her prime, shes not in position to make demands. Also openly wanting children is a red flag
Opening post describes classic manipulation
>she wanted to have a serious conversation with me
>I don't think she's trying to manipulate me.
>I want to believe she loves me enough to not do that
Yeah, OP - that 'hope' you have is what she's counting on.
Do you even want to have kids? Because if you don't, or are even 'meh' about it, she's trying to rush you into something that benefits her more than it does you.
>She really hurt your feelings and made you feel like a weirdo
She meant to. She wants to change who you are so that she is happy.
>Why didn't she tell me sooner that she didn't like this stuff?
Because she wants to change who you are so she gets her perfect man who can support her and give her children.
>I'm starting to question everything now because of this.
You should because she seems like she wants to change you, which I consider inherently immoral especially for a partner.
>I feel like she doesn't respect me
No shit sherlock. Her saying your hobbies, which are very much a part of you, are weird and childish is disrespectful.
She said disrespectful things to you because she wants you to change so that you'll fit her image and make her happy.
EXTREMELY common. Just browse Craigslist where a reason for selling is "my wife says it's gotta go"; just type in "wife" or "girlfriend" as a search term and look what comes up.
Just proof its not because OP is into anime figurines he hotglues when she's not there. It happens to normies all the time too. OP could be into model fucking train sets and she'll still ask for it to go.
>Reason being I got married and my wife hates motorcycles. So I have to choose.
>the only reason for me to sell is my wife doesnt allow me to ride any more.
>must go wife wants it out
>my wife wants me to sell it.
>Selling because I need a bigger car and a automatic that both my girlfriend and I can drive
>wife want me to sell it
>Brought home from the dealer and dropped it in front of his Wife. She said park it and never touch it again!
Women have a special propensity for this stuff. My father got divorced by my mother, he now works 60 hours a week and barely makes a living. He's a fucking manager at a trucking firm and I made more than him at my first job at McDonalds. He still asks me when I'm going to get married. It's incredible how cucked some men get. They're so cucked that they still think they're in the wrong.
OP you should realize that she's 35, way past her prime and right at the wall. At this point she wants someone to father her babies and you're the best she could settle with. In a last ditch attempt to "assert" herself she's making you get rid of all the things you enjoy so that you only end up focusing on her and her needs, while neglecting yourself.
This is a recipe for disaster, but hey at least you already got some experience with women, maybe if you got a confidence boost from this whole thing you can start working out, improving your appearance, etc. and find someone else? Never ever get oneitis, no matter what age you are.
Females extract resources from men. When the resources go into anything that doesn't benefit the female, it's deemed "useless" and "childish". This is why you have to sell your chinese cartoons, your gaymer PC, your car, your motorbike, your dog, your horse, your kite, your kayak, your plane, your boat, not because you're a manchild, not because it's dangerous and she wants you to be safe, but because she wants the resources for her to ensure her survival in order to have offspring of her own. If you're lucky you will be the sperm donor. If you're not you're just giving everything to a woman for no reason.
Don't take my word for it as I'm from /r9k/ but I've seen so many men, family, friends and coworker, get absolutely wrecked this way that I wouldn't risk it. You really can get condemned by one woman to live devoid of meaning, which is why so many divorced men opt for suicide.
>So it is not rocket science why men are 9.7 times more likely to commit suicide following divorce than women.
She is trying to manipulate you whether it's consciously or not. She might not think it's manipulation, but that's what it is. Her reasoning is that you "need to grow up," but how are you not grown up? Just because there's a societal belief that toys are for kids? Are you not grown-up despite the fact you support yourself with a job and are obviously able to budget well enough to support your lifestyle AND hobbies?
She probably assumed being with her would "mature" you and you'd throw out your figures naturally, but now that she's realizing you won't, she has to ask you. No matter how nice she is about it, the fact remains that she doesn't accept you and she's trying to shame you into changing. If shame doesn't work, then she'll move on to threatening to leave. She'll use whatever leverage she thinks she has to try and make you into who she wants.
A hobby is hobby. It doesn't matter if it's anime tiddy figures, taxidermy, cars, video games, hunting, painting, programming, baking, whatever. If it makes you happy and you'd be miserable without it, it's not worth giving up as long as it doesn't negatively impact your life.
I don't know if I'd say she doesn't respect you, but I do think she looks down on you/thinks less of you for having the figures or she wouldn't be telling you to grow up and get rid of them. The bottom line is, someone who really loves you will find a way to accept all the important parts of you, even if they think you have weird hobbies. A person who loves and supports you wouldn't go "you need to grow up, throw out all your anime figures, they're weird," they'd stalk your watchlist and buy you a figure for Christmas.
I remember when I went to a colleagues house to get some off the clock work done he showed me an new oscilloscope he bought, set him back 3 grand, he told me to absolutely keep is a secret from his wife, I always found it odd that he needed to hide it since it was a purchase related to his work.
>Implying OP's gf actually cares about him and doesn't just want his seed before her womb dries up
Men age like win and women age like milk. Men who are 35, 40 or even 50 can still get women who want them to father children. It is a lot harder for women in their 40s or 50s to find a good spouse and they have a lot more trouble with children.
What? That's not true. Sometimes ultimatums can be positive -- a last-resort kick in the ass to a partner who's willfully refusing to see that something needs to change. A long time ago I told a girlfriend, you need to start taking better care of yourself, physically, or I'm out; I'm not going to sit around and watch you destroy your health. She listened. We're engaged now.
This ultimatum, though, there's obviously no excuse for. It's completely unreasonable.
If your hobbies are harmless and give you enjoyment don't let others take it away from you. You poured so much time into it. She should accept you for who you are.
Even if you want to move them, don't get rid of everything.
I have never heard of a man getting rid of this things ending up with him being happy.
When shit goes south, and it will, she'll leave and you'll be alone, and figureless, and out of all the money you spent on them.
Women think they can change every man they get into a relationship with I swear. But then men have issues with control.
You can't make someone manipulate you into their ideal, the option to change is up to yourself.
I didn't say that is the way things should be or the way I want things to be. I am stating that is the way things tend to be.
Are you saying that older women aren't discriminated against and treated worse than older men? Are you denying their plight? I can tell you are the REAL misogynist.
>>Maybe I need to grow up.
If you get rid of your stuff you will trow out a part of yourself.
If she can't stand you as how you are,than she isn't worth it.
Changing you into something that isn't you.There is no love behind it.
Cos they're going to defend it, this place is an echo chamber full of like-minded, emotionally stunted manchildren.
OP if you showed this collection to normal dudes, let alone women, they would call you a creep.
4chan does not have healthy views in sexuality. We've literally moronic anons to turn gay and be one step away from turning tricks for money.
She couldn't do any better than you, so she decided that once she was able to sink her hooks into you she'd manipulate you into being the man she actually desires.
Sorry, but it's the truth.
-Fictional characters aren't people
-You have no proof that op is a lolicon
-Your obsession with pedophilia is suspicious
In this regard
>He jerks off to children.
Unless you can provide a picture of OP jerking off to actual children, you are guilty of defamation and must pay $500000 to my client as he walks away free.
>if you do not do everything a woman tells you to do, you're a disgusting virgin pedo weeb manchild that should MAN UP
Classic shaming tactic.
>healthy views in sexuality
Advocating cuckholdry and submission isn't healthy at all, anon. It's the recipe for divorce and suicide.
>I know little but act like a I know all
Just like a girl.
>Chinese cartoon toys
It's kinda sad for a male of any age to have something like that.
>She says my hobbies take up so much of my time and I don't even go out and do normal things.
Well, do they? You need to have stuff that you do together.
And here's the deal, no one deserves to have someone in their life, just like no one deserves to be happy. You need to get those things by yourself and everything in life comes with a price.
>And here's the deal, no one deserves to have someone in their life, just like no one deserves to be happy
But girls deserve to have everything for free apparently please explain your belief system to me it seems interesting but very complex.
I collect figures of series too, but PERSONALLY, I do think that figmas and figures of scantily clad women just aren't for me. I'd feel embarrassed displaying them, even for characters that I like, like Yoko from TTGL, or Satsuki from KLK (Why wasn't there a figma of her in her normal school uniform? It looked so good!), again, PERSONALLY I would compromise and sell off the more risque figures, but keep everything else.
Like the other Anons said, it's your hobby, she know exactly what she was getting into when you started dating, and she shouldn't try to change you into something you're not, ESPECIALLY if you can support yourself, your hobbies, AND her without issue. This whole situation is kind of a red flag, but I can understand why you're hesitant on the right move.
Basically, she should just accept you for you. If you did this for her and got rid of everything you enjoy, you'd end up resenting it for the rest of your life, causing any future relationships with her to be strained. Alternatively, she might view it as you putting your animoo and vidya gayms above her as a person, and begin resenting you for not loving her enough to work 'with' her. It's a slippery slope, but the only thing you can really do is rationally discuss how you both feel. Confirm that she's the love of your life and no person, or worldly object, can supersede that, but your hobbies are apart of who you are. You've likely been gaming and watching anime since you were a child. It's one of the things that's shaped you into the person you are. (If you work in IT, then gaming was probably one of the catalysts that got you into technology, as an example) so having someone step in and try to rip that out of you is... well, foolish.
TALK to your girlfriend. Really talk to her. From a 'normal' perspective her worries aren't unfounded, but considering your situation, you're obviously past the point where you'd become an immobile NEET who does nothing but jerk off to cartoons.
No way anon, like many others already pointed out: Don't change for her, she should like you the way you are.
>really into video games and action figures
>show her my collection worried she'll shun me
>she reacts positiviley and wants me to play the games with her and show her all my figures
I don't mean find one that shares your hobbies, but one that accepts your hobbies or at least understands them. Sure hobbies come and go, but if she's forcing you to change for the relationship in a way you don't want to, then I say end it. Just my two cents. It's your relationship ultimately, but just don't want some anon to become miserable.
It's not the fact that they're plastic figures, it's the fact that OP's woman is making him choose between her and things he likes to 'become more of an adult'. Replace anime figures with watching sports, or reading books, or fishing. It's not the hobby, it's the standstill that's the problem.
I think OP should talk to her and explain how he feels about it some more. I'm not fond of having scantily clad anime women statues around, but I know some people (men AND women) do. I just collect super hero and video game characters, but I understand where OP is coming from.
Jesus fucking christ, you don't even know what that means do you? You just parrot shit you read online. Reminds me of when scientology hating was taking over the lives of anons beyond pointing and laughing.
OP you are 32 and have niche tastes in possibly questionable things. You are very late in life to change direction. It is downhill from here. She has legit concerns and you probably couldn't do better than her unless you get a gold digger or a mail order bride.
Think carefully and don't just listen to the opinions you want to hear.
>it could be a motorcycle
>it could be a project car or sports car
>it could be a gun collection
>it could be a best friend
>it could be a loyal dog
>it could be literally ANYTHING op cares for greatly
ditch the bitch, op.
>she has legit concerns
That he collects scantily clad anime figures? Why is that a legit concern?
>Can't do better
What are you basing this off of? The truth is we have very little knowledge of OP other than he was virgin until he got with her (which is concerning) and that he likes vidya and animu. Those aren't necessarily good metrics to judge his future success with women and the "best" he can get.
Brag about them online. Look at them. Part of the reason is to support the industry.
No, in the context of the logical implications of what I'm implying, it is cuckholdry you're advocating.
>it could be a best friend
Damn, you just reminded me of a friend whose wife decides what friends he should or shouldn't keep.
Have you ever gone on a vacation for say a week, or so, before?
If so, did you play any games or watch any anime while out of town? Think of how much time you spent out of town thinking of or doing any of those hobbies.
Now imagine, taking where your at now and dropping scale by 80%.
She may just be overwhelmed by the volume of it all. Say (as an example) 100 dvds, 30+ figures, maybe a few wall scrolls, etc.
If you reduced it all of the quantity of items shes surrounded by and bring down your overall time of watching anime to 5-ish hours a week; this would be something I would approach her with.
She understands this is you and what you like. Sounds like she is just overwhelmed by it since she is comparing you to the greater population. If you make the effort to bring some understanding to the table, you should expect to see some back.
Hope this helps.
>But girls deserve to have everything for free
How did you come to this conclusion?
And you're making a mistake here by saying things like "why do I have to do this, but girls don't have to?" Well, no one gives a shit, that's the thing. Life isn't fair. OP will either creep out his girlfriend and possibly lose her or ditch little girls made of plastic. It's completely irrelevant if wanting both is wrong or not when OP needs to pick only one. You can whine all day about it, but she'll still be creeped out about the toys.
>friends, dogs and socially acceptable hobbies and interests are the same as collecting figurines of naked little girls
Sorry, but it's not the same. Social approval is important to most women.
>OP will either creep out his girlfriend and possibly lose her or ditch little girls made of plastic
There is a very high possiblity that he will ditch the anime shit and she will leave her.
>She said she's had concerns about me since we got together. She said she loves me but my hobbies are 'childish; and 'weird'. She says I'm 32 turning 33 soon and I'm still playing video games and collecting toys. She says my hobbies take up so much of my time and I don't even go out and do normal things.
You know how you spin this? You'll make a great father.
Women are usually childish in the extreme and it serves a purpose (sometimes) because it's something they can share and do with the kids they're raising.
Your kids are gonna have a fuckin' rockin' toy-filled childhood. That's how you sell it to her (and honestly it's probably true)
(unless we're talking about sexy figurines, which might be a problem)
Yes. I don't even know how collecting sexualized anime broads can even be considered a hobby, but either way it's strange regardless of how old you are. Frankly I'm surprised this girl didn't run for the hills the moment she laid eyes on all that crap. Time to make a decision - the toys or the broad.
Interesting how you don't wonder why she's single and childless at her age. Interesting how you don't wonder why she got with OP knowing his hobby and suddenly it has to go away.
stop acting like it doesnt happen all the time
i'm a old man
its not social approval its simply control. they get jealous and decide you can't have lunch with your girl friend you've known since you were in high school. they decide your 7 year old lab isn't worth keeping around. they give you stupid ultimatums like ITS THE BIKE/CAR/X INANIMATE OBJECT OR ME. look at >>16719897 and quit pretending its a unique case. you don't know how many cheap sports cars motorcycles i've come across and even bought because their wives/girlfriends just wanted the garage space and more importantly control of their partner. you don't even realize how many relationships where these ultimatums were given stay together (just a hint, very few).
>Why is that a legit concern?
It's socially unappealing. I'm sure she plans on having friends come over if they're living together, she'd feel awkward about it, ergo, it's an issue.
What people in this thread CRUCIALLY are ignoring is that all relationships require compromise and adjustment. The details of the compromise are important, but avoiding compromise altogether is impossible in a healthy relationship.
so now, maybe the solution isn't "get rid of them" if you can figure out the whys and wherefores of her issue with it and come to a compromise.
....that'd be the adult thing to do, anyways.
/o/ here, came specifically to say this.
It's the cancer killing middle aged auto enthusiasts. It's also the source of cheap shitboxes that some poor bastard has been forced to sell because he cucked himself for his wife. It's truly depressing.
This also happens in other hobbies but I think it's really most common with cars, when some harpy decides that your 2-door turbo/v8/whatever manual RWD or AWD shitbox absolutely must be replaced by an automatic AWD or FWD crossover SUV. Not just complemented, either, but replaced. It's like they want to make sure you're not happy on the weekends, either.
>they get jealous and decide you can't have lunch with your girl friend you've known since you were in high school.
She's not jealous of his anime toys, trust me.
>they decide your 7 year old lab isn't worth keeping around.
No sane woman will tell her boyfriend/husband to drop the dog.
>ITS THE BIKE/CAR/X INANIMATE OBJECT OR ME
If they have no rational reason, telling them to fuck off works wonders.
>sports cars motorcycles i've come across and even bought because their wives/girlfriends just wanted the garage space
Garage space, fuel prices, selling cars for cash, abandoning expensive hobbies and other financial reasons are pretty rational when the couple isn't wealthy. Similar goes for motorcycles, they scare most women to death, especially wives and mothers. They just don't want the men in their life to end up dead.
>importantly control of their partner
That's just ridiculous. Women are attracted to dominant men is the first thing. Second thing, telling someone to sell the car isn't how you achieve control.
I mean, listen to yourself here. Her wanting a grown-ass man to stop playing with toys of naked little girls is not her trying to control him, it's her trying to find a mature man to be with instead of a perverted man-child.
>OP has a job, a gf, and hobbies he enjoys
>this is pathetic
It's not like his hobby is riding dragon dildos, faggot.
I'm not the guy you're replying to, but you are a retard.
You can rent storage for $30/month or less
So fucking what? You don't have to drive the project car every day
>selling cars for cash
This is his decision based on his financial situation. If she tells him to do it, she should have already sold all of her shit first.
>other financial reasons
Why would he have a fun car if he couldn't afford it? I mean, sure, if it's "we just lost both of our jobs and can't afford the mortgage, we will lose the house if we don't sell everything in it!" then maybe you have a point. Otherwise fuck off.
> telling someone to sell the car isn't how you achieve control.
Yes it is. Google shit-tests. I have a friend whose long-term gf first asserted her control over him by setting up a savings account in his name since he was bad with money (he already had one account, this was supposed to be a second one). From that point onwards it was straight downhill as she forced him to stop doing anything fun, stop socializing, be "responsible" 100% of the time, etc. He eventually dumped her, with good reason.
>Women are attracted to dominant men
Sexually, yes. Socially they just want someone who makes them look good. The two are reconciled when she asserts control over you and takes your resources + forces you to do exactly what she wants during the day.
I'd meet her half way.
I think she's right about the toys, it's time to grow up a little but you're allowed at least to watch anime and play vidya.
You're allowed to have your guilty pleasures but make sure you moderate.
Yeah basically. Pose them, play with them, take pictures, collect them, retool or repaint them, learn more about them (the character, medium, etc.).
>I think she's right about the toys, it's time to grow up a little but you're allowed at least to watch anime and play vidya.
>electronic toys and cartoons are okay
>but toys aren't grown up enough
You lost me here.
>You're allowed to have your guilty pleasures but make sure you moderate.
But yes I agree on this point. Everything is good in moderation.
You can easily get a younger gf who won't make you leave your passions
Telling me to give up my hobbies is the ultimate no-go for me. They were there for me before you and will still be with me after you.
She's the one that should deal with it.
It's easier to hide your power level when you don't have statues of half naked anime girls everywhere.
Videogames and anime is still relatively normal today it's the merchandise that gets you into hyper nerd realms.
>"DUMP ANY BITCH THAT DOESN'T ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE"
>"wait why can't I get a gf"
If I had one wish to be granted I would slay every normalfag on the planet
>She says my hobbies take up so much of my time and I don't even go out and do normal things.
Its always a good idea to have diversified hobbies and interests. That being said, you shouldn't give up your figures. You can have nerdy interests and more mainstream hobbies. You don't have to be 100% neckbeard or 100% Chad.
Was that meant to be insulting? Insults only work if the other person is inferior. I have the high ground.
Hey OP, this is gonna be a long post but I’ll do a tl;dr at the bottom so it doesn’t get overwhelmingly boring/wordy.
So for a little background, I’m a femanon who’s also into the figure hobby and have had relationships with guys who have and have not had an interest in anime. Each relationship when I started dating someone, we would accept that the other party was/was not interested in anime and that was it. You have your own life. Hobbies, interests, and I have mind. It’s nice to share common hobbies and interests but you shouldn’t have to sacrifice them if it’s not toxic. Like can you not get off with your girlfriend unless you’re staring at the figures or thinking about anime girls? Why does she see them as a weird point of your interest? Does that mean she doesn’t like you watching porn? Do you spend so much money on figures that you can’t pay bills or rent?
I understand the stigma that may come with having an interest in anime (like being a weeb or liking 2D girls, etc.) but as long as you’re not autistic about it, what’s the harm? (inb4 liking anime makes you autistic by default) What’s the harm if you keep that shit contained and it’s something you enjoy?
>TL:DR Is the hobby affecting your relationship outside of your girlfriend just saying she doesn't like it?
If you hang around /toy/, you’ll know that thread we have once in a while about selling your collection if your significant other asked you to. And the general consensus is always: no, I’d rather not sell my figures but instead if I got over the hobby over time, maybe I would or even give them away. Other anons say they would keep their collection to share with their kids in the future. Not saying to hand your kids lewd loli figures but maybe if you do decide to slow down with the hobby, consider what is worth keeping for your private collection, what to sell/give away, and what you can share with others like your kids if you decide to have a family.
Also if she knew that you had these interests going into the relationship, why the fuck did she expect you to change? I’m not saying people don’t develop/change in relationships but you can’t date someone expecting them to definitely change. You can hope for changes you’d like to see but not everyone does. And I understand that sacrifice is important in a relationship but you gotta weight the benefits and the cost. Yes, you love this girl and your hobby is important to you too, but say you sell your figures and games, then what? What if she asks for your to sacrifice and do more? What if she wants something you don’t like raising a family? Do you want that? Are you mentally and financially prepared for that? Has she sacrificed anything for you? Are you 100% she would do the same for you if your roles were reversed? Take what you want into account too and give it some thought before you talk it out with her.
TL;DR Maybe you will change in the future, so give that some thought as well. However don't let it be forced upon you because you'll most likely just end up unhappy.
Best of luck to you, mate.
Change needs to come from inside.
I know that's corny as fuck, but it's true.
Do YOU feel motivated to change, or are you only thinking about this because she said so? If it's the latter, the change won't stick. A couple days after you give up your stuff, you'll start wishing to have it back and buying new ones.
She needs to realize that her demanding you to change anything is pointless if it's not what you want inside.
From personal experience, my ex-bf made me give up fanfiction, and although I went along with it at first, I ended up resenting him for it and writing it in secret, and this resentment over this (and other things he made me give up over time, like any of my friends who didn't like him) made me dump him in the end. It seemed trivial at first, but eventually my thoughts turned to "How come he's allowed to do time-consuming hobbies but I'm not? This is fucking dumb!" And then in the end I couldn't take it anymore.
I'm not here to judge your hobby. I don't know you personally and have no idea why you're into it or how much you're into it. All these outraged femanons jumping to conclusions just reminds me why I'm wary about hanging out with other feminists, because pushing one's perception of the world onto random strangers isn't gonna help anyone.
What I am here for is to remind you that unless you personally want to change, it ain't gonna happen just because some lady told you to. So now turn the ultimatum back on her: either she accepts you for who you are and lets you evolve at your own pace, or she can go find some other guy.
The cabinet compromise seemed reasonable, btw. And if you think of a compromise you'd be cool with, by all means, bring it up. But don't give up your hobby unless you want to.
Dude if she was ok with you and your hobbies when you started dating then she should still be ok with it. It seems strange that she would suddenly want you to stop. You shouldn't have to change your hobbies for someone else.
Take a stand and if she doesn't budge then say goodbye. Stupid line, but it's very true: Plenty of fish in the sea.
looks like she's not really into your personality, she just wants someone to settle and have kids to fullfil her personal desires
she basically see you as a tool to fullfil her own interests (making a family)
This is standard practice for women, OP.
They find a guy that has shit they want like a stability and money and try to change everything else about him to suit their desires.
Don't let her change who you are.
Don't let her change who you are, if she doesn't like the real you then she'll leave sooner or later.
If she's understanding but not indulging in your stuff (which is understandable) consider moving your stuff to a specific room, your mancave so to say. Coping with a spouse's hobby is different from living in it 24/7.
Many men have hobbies that aren't shared by their wife, but they find some way to indulge without having her live in it.
23 year old female here
fuck her keep your hobbies i reckon it's cool and it's a part of you if she really loves you she would support that
---also be assertive or you will end up unhappy tell her the truth about how you feel and what you will and wont compromise
Well.. I think this is a sign of fundamental incompatibility. You shouldn't have to stop watching anime or playing video games. I think it's reasonable for her to be weirded out by the figures though, and I say that as someone with a collection myself. Anyway, if I were you I wouldn't relent my hobbies. She can either deal with it or move on. But I have options and you may not..
>plastic inanimate toys designed for pervs
>blood and flesh human being
>I'll ask a chinese cartoon forum where other losers share my hobby
Man, you're 32 and you're the lonely nerdy type.
If she's had concerns since you got together and didn't discuss them with you until she felt she could influence you to change the way she wanted, that's fucking lame.
It literally means she was never ok with your hobbies, she always planned to force you to stop. Think about that shit.
If you do decide. I'd like to hold onto them. Then if you ever feel like you miss them i can return them. Im a poor kid with really nothing, but the illusion of having a collection would be cool.
I'm conflicted. On one hand I think collecting anime figurines at any age is spergy as fuck, on the other hand I strongly feel that interfering with people's hobbies isn't cool. I feel like if she had a problem with your figs (assuming you didn't hide them until after you had already formed a connection and were open about who you are from the beginning), she knew where the door was. Also I believe if you got rid of them it would set a precedent for her feeling like she can micromanage your interests. I don't know man, it sucks because I'm sure you love her but can see this playing into one of those "It's [interest] or me!" situations. I wish I had some advice for you but all I can offer is my 2c.
Don't let her control you. She's older than you even, and it's more of a loss for her than it is for you if you broke up.
You have the upper hand here. Start doing what she says now and it never ends. Maybe it will still not last and what will you do then? Then you have no GF and no hobbies either.
Tell her to respect you the way you are, that is the only manly thing to do.
I feel bad for you OP, so I asked my own bf what he thought about this thread and to put it bluntly we both agreed she's being manipulative. For example, if someone asked you to give guitar, art, sports or baking that would be unfair to them. Find a cute girl that's into nerdy stuff like you and doesn't want you to change(unless you were ready to). Good luck OP..
Sorry, you misunderstood. I don't own any waifu figures(Unless Power-suit Samus counts), I said that I'd be too embarrassed to own them, even if they were for characters that I like. (With the exception of School-girl Satsuki. If a figma existed, I would have bought it day 1)
Welp, if it was me, she would have been in the dumpster and her shit in it with her at the pointime where she insulted myou interests.
Drop her ass.
Honestly, go for a compromise, and if she doesn't go for it, then she's being a bitch and is trying to manipulate you. Say that when you move in together you'll have your own room for hobbies and it will be contained. You'll cut back on time spent and money spent/stick to a strict budget on what you spend. You don't have to give it up and you don't have to give it away, and honestly if she tries to make you then she isn't worth your time. That said, I can understand where she's coming from, hence the compromise. Put them somewhere out of the way where you can enjoy them and she isn't bothered by them, and if she has an issue with that then she isn't right for you. At the end of they day they bring you joy and are something you are interested in and it's not fair to ask you to just stop the things you like, but in a relationship you will have to compromise and this is something that be compromised without a whole lot lost on your part.
I think you're in the right op; when she got into the relationship, she shouldn't have expected to try and change you. That's not right regardless of who it is, and you should keep your hobbies that make you happy. But I do want to bring up
> She says my hobbies take up so much of my time and I don't even go out and do normal things.
If that's true, you should try toning down the weeb hobbies. Not saying to get rid of your figures, but maybe do more stuff with her, or try out a new hobby you've always wanted to try.
Best of luck.
Also post your collection.
Yeah cause pvc 32dd 1/16 scale pink haired girls isn't considered mildly perversive. I've seen how those dolls look...(hnggggg) I know it's still a hobby of yours but you might wanna tone it down a notch.
EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!
A woman's relationship value drops like a rock after 35. If you have a good career, you can pick up a much better option ten years younger than her who actually shares your interests.
This bitch thinks she's got you hooked, and wants to change you. Fuck that. I am divorced once myself and that way lies misery. Much better off with Wife #2, who is a 23 year old cosplayer who makes more money than I do.
And when she moved in, I had to start making shelves for HER figurine collection.
Pic somewhat related, not my wife but one of her friends. I don't like you fuckers THAT much.
Put them in a smaller space..maybe call her out on her weird hobbies. She's unintentionally bringing you down, so point that out. You are employed...tell her you will try to have other interests as well, but do not give up your hobby completely.
>She said we're both getting old, and we're both childless.
Come on, this alone should make you realize it's a huge red flag.
Not even normalfags want kids anymore and besides, you are NOT getting older SHE is, that's what's making her desperate.
Weeb/geek culture is only getting bigger and there are plenty of chicks how are into that and spend even more than the guys. I'd say if she insists in making you lose your hobbies, take the experience this relationship left you and move on. At your age you can grab any other girl in her 20's who shares the same interests as you and not have her pressuring you because her womb is drying up.
I don't get the obsession with having kids for the sake of having them, anyway. I mean, I do want kids, but I'd rather not have them at all if I don't find a guy I actually want to be married to. To me, the kids should come after the guy, and if I don't happen to find a guy I love until I'm post-menopausal, too bad.
This entire idea of grabbing some random guy and trying to mold him into a perfect father figure is just mind-boggling to me. Can't she just go to a sperm bank or something, if she wants kids that badly? I feel sorry for any kids she might have in the future.
Haha no, fuck that.
I'm middle aged and my oldest son just started college. I've been married for 20 years. I have a den full of anime girls and my wife gives not a single shit.
It's only weird if you feel ashamed about it and act like you're ashamed. Be who you are and don't take any shit for it and people will respect your regardless of your faggy hobbies.
And friends who don't like it can go fuck themselves, I don't need friends like that.
WTF YOU ALL DOING?
Who gives a shit about some dumbass self entitle whore. I don't give a fuck about girls, sex or giving up my virginity.
I have hobbies and interest that are better off enjoyed by me alone. I was always fucking miserable and unhappy about not having a girlfriend or not getting laid. Then one day I woke the fuck up. Some dumb ass cum dumpster isn't going to make me happy. I can make myself happy.
I don't collect dolls, toys or have anime posters. I do watch and collect some anime, though not everything. Outside of that, you see my home I have a lot of normie boring shit everywhere, all clean and such. Good job, no bills. I couldn't be happier.
Last thing I'd want is some woman to come into my life and tell me my hobbies or interest is weird or childish. FUCK YOU! I don't want to be Normal McFucking Work 9-5 and talk about paying Normal KidMcScreamingShit to grow up and have the same normal boring shit day inn and day out. Fuck normal problems and same old crying shit day inn and day out on /adv/ lol
As a woman who married someone who doesn't get anime. I'm in the same boat on that 'weird' side. When that feeling is coming from being yourself around your life mate, it'll really make you question yourself. Honestly speaking, there should be a fair amount of balance if you're looking to new things to take on in life. Women do crave security when they're planning the rest of their lives. Even as an 'otaku', I would have to think twice about throwing all my money at manga and figures and I think when you've had a lifestyle where that's been something you can do for so long people have concerns about how much you can scale that back. Honestly speaking keep your figures,collect manga, make that a treat for yourself but if she wants to see that you can budget away from investing in your hobbies go ahead and demonstrate that but I would stick to my guns and make it clear if she wants to be with you that's part of who you are. That way there won't be any regrets later with it being an all or nothing deal. Maybe just instead of having your whole room be a shrine, have a curio or area in your home office/computer area. Both of your abilities to compromise will mean everything. One should never have to completely abandon them self for sake of another.
Cheers to a happy life!
Sup buyfag femon here.
You mother fucken if you get rid of your figures because of your partner that is gay shit. She needs to accept you for who you are not try to change you. I dated people in the past who ripped on my hobbies to no end to the point I kept it a secret and when my husband went in my room the first time I had an anxiety attack. Do you know what though? My husband loves me and decided to give anime a try for me and now we collect figures together.
You will find your partner Op just stop being such a push over and motivate yourself to better yourself with goals so you do not think you are shit.
Holy shit, this thread is still going? There's no fucking debate here.
I'm an adult and I'm reasonably secure in myself. I don't have any hangups. Consequently, I'm able to recognize that people enjoy different things, and so long as someone's hobby is harmless, there's nothing wrong with it. I have hobbies that my fiancee just doesn't get. She has some that I don't get. It's cool. I like that we're different people. I don't want to date a clone of myself.
Provided I wasn't blowing really noticeable amounts of money on it, or spending so much time on it that it was interfering with our life together, if my hobby was collecting figures from Japanese cartoons, she'd never demand that I give it up. My jaw would hit the fucking floor if she did. Most of my friends are either engaged or married; anyway, I've seen how they all behave in committed relationships. I'd be floored if any of them demanded something like that of their SO. Because they're reasonable fucking adults, and not huge cunts.
Anybody in 2016 who seriously thinks that collecting random toys, or playing video games, or watching anime (you know, a moderate amount, not all day every day) is 'weird' or 'pathetic' is a fucking child.