Today me and my gf slept for the first time and were supposed to lose our virginities
Except that couldn't get erect, for some reason, i think its because i find condoms awkward
Im 18 and shes 17.
How fucked am I?
Pic semi related i guess
Its normal to have a tough time.My first time she was too tight for me to get in. she was grinding so much i finished on her leg. Never even got the condom on. Just keep at it with her and it will work out eventually. I am still with the girl i had my first time with and we have 2 kids. Losing your virginity together is the most secure relationship you can make.
This happens to almost everyone, penises are very uncooperative the first time in the chute.
It's not your fault, it's not her fault. (Make sure she understands this, inexperienced women often blame themselves in these cases.) Just calm down and keep trying, eventually you two will be able to actually enjoy it.
OP my friend when I lost my virginity I was very drunk and even though I was scared as fuck somehow it worked, condom on too
My advice to you would be to not think about the act as much as to just act like an animal, and you will do well
Good luck my frend
Have you tried masturbating with a condom first? This is definitely something you should try first. Condoms do feel weird and awkward and they can definitely be distracting. Don't worry, you're 0% fucked. It's only in movies that people's first time is perfect and magical, in real life when you do something for the first time then you're going to fumble and be confused a lot. That's okay. What matters the most is that you laugh about it and keep going. You should also make sure to communicate a lot, ask her how she feels and what she wants. Laughing and communication is the key to good sex!
Poor man, this happened to me as well the first time.
Now you are going to nervous you will not get it up the nest time as well, and all that anxiety will make you have trouble getting / maintaining an erection
I had trouble for a few years after that.
Got better after i got with a random girl while drunk, and i honestly did not care if i were going to impress her or not.
Then i realized it was all in my head, and things got better from there.
Best advice is not to worry about it, but i know by personal experience thats really hard. Phun not intended
>It's not your fault, it's not her fault. (Make sure she understands this, inexperienced women often blame themselves in these cases.)
Definitely! As I got older - I've been with two virgins, both of whom were extremely nervous the first time and had trouble getting erect - I know it's not about the partner, but because of the pressure and anxiety. It always works perfectly in movies, but that's not the way it works out in real life. Since she's your GF, just tell her you find her extremely attractive and you were just nervous. I went on birth control because my first BF (we were 16) blamed the condoms, but it didn't help and I lost my sex drive because of the hormones. Yeah condoms are a tad awkward, everyone thinks so, but it's the safest way to go about it, you can discuss BC later on. Just get comfortable with each others bodies, do oral, and try a few times with a condom - it will happen and it'll be great, it just takes some time.
But again, please reassure her it's not because of her, my first BF said "I don't know what it is... I probably couldn't even get hard if you were Scarlett Johansson", well asshole, the "probably" implied it could be because I wasn't attractive enough, and I broke down crying on the toilet lmao. FUCK YOU DUDE
Your first boyfriend said probably because he did not fuck Scarlett Johansson and therefore the statement must be hypothetical by default. He did not make an asshole statement. He was clearly trying to help make you feel better despite feeling like shit himself. You read way too much into the "probably" in order to justify your victim blaming due to personal insecurity. Poor guy.
Lmao dude, I was an insecure 16-year old, of course that's an asshole statement. Instead of being honest and saying "hey, I'm nervous as fuck but I think you're attractive, it has nothing to do with you", saying it's PROBABLY not because I'm too ugly is a dick move. How would that make any girl feel better? I've spoken with tons of my friends, both male and female about it, we agree it isn't the worst thing ever, but a terrible thing to say to your 16-year old gf.
Of course I'm not, she's overly gorgeous, but how many women are? If he was unable to get me wet and I couldn't have sex with him, I wouldn't say "hey, it might not even have happened if you looked like Channing Tatum", how would that help, lmao, do you guys not understand teenage girls at all?
It sounds to me like the guy was perfectly honest. It sounds to me like he did communicate "hey, I'm nervous as fuck but I think you're attractive, it has nothing to do with you". He did not fail at communication, he just happened to address the situation by making a reference to an hypothetical scenario, which involves the word "maybe" since it is, you know, hypothetical. He clearly did not say that he blamed your body. If he blamed your body then he could simply have said "I blame your body". Only someone who clearly ignores their own stressful situation in order to put it in priority to comfort your insecure mind would say that hypothetically fucking a supermodel would probably lead to the same circumstances. I strongly advise that you focus on what people mean to communicate instead of twisting words until you can find a reason to be upset.
>"hey, it might not even have happened if you looked like Channing Tatum"
You changed the sentence. It should be "It probably wouldn't happened even with Channing Tatum" and yes, it would be fine to say that.
>lmao, do you guys not understand teenage girls at all?
Understanding teenage girls does not mean having to cater to their needs and not having your needs catered does not mean being misunderstood. You're basically saying he was an asshole for not being good enough at comforting your irrational teenage girl insecurity.
I almost always have a hard time getting an erection with a woman.
I'm always too nervous if they're hot, or too unattracted if they're ugly. I finally found that happy medium with my girl, and for the most part I get erect and sex is fine, but my advice would always be to put it off 'til the morning, and then fuck with morning wood. Works best for me.
Kinda sucks I can't be spontaneous all the time, though.
>You changed the sentence. It should be "It probably wouldn't happened even with Channing Tatum" and yes, it would be fine to say that.
Well, you might have thought it was fine, not a single of my female friends I've shared this story with would agree. They all said it would make them feel like shit too, and my male friends laughed their ass off due to his stupidity. When I told him later how it made me feel, and I reversed the situation - using the same example as I told you - he agreed and apologized. It was NOT ok to me, he didn't think it was ok, and nobody I've spoken to - outside 4chan - agree, so it's not really up to you to deem it okay or not.
>>Understanding teenage girls
Assuring someone they're good enough and you find them attractive in a relationship where you can't get it up is not ~catering to their needs~, it's being a decent human being. I'm definitely saying he's an asshole for not comforting me enough and saying something that made me feel like crap, but I wouldn't call it "irrational" teenage girl insecurity. I'd never heard of any of my girlfriends partners who couldn't perform, and everyone would be insecure in that position. I thought it was my fault, and saying it might be, but probably wasn't - because I wasn't a 10/10 model or actress - is just a shit move and the wrong way to go about it. I also told my current BF about this, he laughed and said that was an idiotic thing to say and he couldn't imagine telling a girl that - he'd just be honest about the situation!
He wasn't though communicating properly, he said nothing about him being nervous or assuring me it wasn't because of my body. Involving a hypothetical girl in the situation is just such a wrong ass move and he said, years later, he's still embarrassed about that comment and he'd be hurt too.
Let's make this clear: You are 100% aware and KNOW for a FACT that he didn't meant to insult you, that he didn't blame your body and that he wanted to comfort you. You absolutely know for a fact that you are judging him for not being good enough for comforting your feelings while he was the one who needed it the most, while he was the one experiencing sexual dysfunctions and feeling shame and anxiety and a crippling blow to self-esteem, while he was putting aside all of these feelings boiling inside of him to make sure you weren't personally hurt by the experience? You are 100% calling him an asshole because he was not verbally skilled enough at comforting you during that time despite all of his good intentions, which you agree were good at the time and still agree are good now?
>That he didn't blame my body
>That he wanted to comfort you
At the point, I was not 100% aware that he was not blaming me, quite the opposite actually, and I didn't think he was trying to comfort me at all. We both agree it was a crappy way to do it, but we were 16-years old - shit happens. Why did he need it the most? We needed the same amount of comfort, I was just A LOT better at giving it. I felt just as much shame and anxiety as he did.
It was an asshole move, but I've forgiven him for it, it was many years ago and he apologized. But I think it's perfectly legitimate to be angry at someone because they're not verbally skilled and therefore say something horribly inappropriate and hurtful, no matter the intention. Don't compare your partner to other girls if you can't get it up and say it probably would have happened in the alternative situation, it's just clumsy and v. stupid.
>I was not 100% aware that he was not blaming me
You are absolutely delusional if you don't think the point of saying "it probably wouldn't happen even with a goddamn sexual supermodel body in the same circumstances" isn't supposed to take the blame away from your body and put in on the circumstances. It is absolutely undeniable that it was an attempt at comforting you.
>I felt just as much shame and anxiety as he did.
No. He was suffering a sexual dysfunction. He was the primary victim. He was experiencing a real problem. You were just standing there experiencing a made-up problem out of insecurity.
>It was an asshole move, but I've forgiven him for it
You are a real piece of work, my friend.
I see what you mean, and I think I might have overreacted, haha. Can't deny I DEFINITELY have some insecurities too and some stuff to work on, but thankfully, I've gotten a bit better with the years. Thanks for the insight, have a nice night!
I feel like I was too aggressive about this subject and yet you wrote a polite reply. I wish you a good night as well.
This anon needs an applause!
>not a single of my female friends I've shared this story with would agree. They all said it would make them feel like shit too, and my male friends laughed their ass off due to his stupidity
What the fuck, what a cunt you are.
So after this happened, one of the most feared and horrific thing that can happen to a guy.
You go around and tell it to your friends, not only your female friends, but male friends as well.
In what other way than trying to humiliate the poor guy could talking about his ED with other dudes be the end game ?
You are a cunt and you deserve to cry in the bathroom.
Now what if instead of trying to spare your feelings, he said something something like:
Well its not my fault you look like Whoopi Goldberg, how about we try a plastic bag over your head ?
Now this would also result in you crying in the bathroom.... But believe me, you would NEVER tell that story to ANYONE!!!
And take notes guys, if this ever happens to you, if you try to be nice about it. She will tell it to anyone that wants to hear. But if you make sure that she understand that its her disusing body, deformed face, pepperoni nipples, and the pussy that looks like sandwich form subway. Thats the reason you cant get it up, she will most lightly not talk about this experience to anyone
Consider this scenario:
>plan to go to THE hip new restaurant everyone's raving about it
>get completely fucking lost because you've never gone there before and it's hard to get to
>by the time you get there they've given away your table and you can't eat there tonight after all
Will she be disappointed that she's not getting the cool meal she psyched herself up for, that she can't talk to people about this great new thing every else is trying (or beat them to it)? Yeah, maybe. Will she think badly of you personally for it? Only if she's a psycho.
People talk up sex like it's supposed to be this easy, perfect thing that just suddenly clicks, but in reality it takes time to figure it all out. Missteps really aren't that big a deal.
I had the same problem, couldn't get a hard on at all. I told her I was too nervous and she didnt make a problem out of it. So we just chilled in the bed and made out a bit, and magically my boner came back once I was relaxed.
So you have to relax, so don't keep thinking about it all the time, and just let it happen.