When your mind constantly wanders back to thinking about them When you miss them the moment you said goodbye You aren't worried about the future anymore You want to be the best you you can be You act silly when asked about them You want to tell the whole world how awesome they are You smile lile a moron when you think about them or see a text popping up with their name You have secretly already planned out your entire life with them in your head
>>16709735 Not when you have felt that with only one girl and she left you after a 2 years relationship and now it's been 2 years since you're lonely and living on the memory of the emotions listed above, but you realize more and more that you don't exactly know how it feels to be love and loved in return anymore
>>16709801 haha i was just joking around what i said is true i've been through that but i became a pretty positive person now so i'm okay heh Still feeling a little in love with my ex-gf (even though i haven't talked to her almost since we broke up) and i feel like i wouldn't be able to fall in love with another girl. But hey, gotta give it the time, we had a pretty intense relationship with very strong emotions so you can't wipe that away like it never happened
This isn't even a get it off your chest thread or anything i shouldn't digress like that but if anyone wants to know how being in love feels like, might as well know how it feels after
>>16709864 Oh man, i don't really know. I guess a big part of it (although she denied it was the cause) was the fact i was acting very insecure during the last months of our relationship and it just went downhill. The more i was insecure and jealous and everything the more she was annoyed, and she ended up not feeling in love with me anymore. The scary thing is to think she was able to stop being in love with me during the relationship, while two years later i still feel a little in love with her. But really i know she still has a lot of respect for me even though we don't talk anymore, when she left me i knew there was no point talking to her again because it wouldn't work, then for a little while we started talking again but we stopped because it was too difficult, and she started to date another guy so it was too hard for me to talk to her. I have never been mad at her for dumping me, always respected her decision and never blamed her. I was just, well, sad.
But really don't be scared by that. It's not what happens everytime of course, to each his own story, and believe me when it's real love it's worth the pain/sadness you might (or might not) endure after.
>>16709921 God damn. I can't even imagine the pain you go trpugh when the one you love is with somebody else. Whoa. That kind of hit me hard. I was in relationships before, but just recently i fell in love for real. And now i start to understand what it means to have your heart broken. Whoa. WHOA. Pic to lighten up again
>>16709935 I drove 6h to see my bf for 2h when we started seeing each other. He's still floored by this. I would drive to the end of the world if only to kiss and hold him for a momet and go on my way back again.
>>16709960 Yeah that hit me hard when i learned. i think they're not together anymore (she's kind of a loner type of girl, really) but i never really got over it, i grew some kind of unexplained hate for this guy i don't even know, that's kind of childish but hey. The sad thing is that she left me at the beginning of the last year of highschool, had to spend all that year of highschool seeing her around without being able to talk to her, and seeing more guys from her class graviting around her. Finally she got in a relationship by the very end of that year, and, it was with one of these guys. Hah. But that's kind of a good thing it happened at the end of highschool because after highschool you kind of move on naturally. But really i thought i got over it by the time but when i saw her with that guy the very last day of school i cried in my room like a baby
>>16710046 i don't know, but i'm pretty sure, yeah. i am ready for a new relationship now even though a little part of me wants to go back to her and all.
man i'm really glad and sorry at the same time my story touches you, i don't talk about that a lot even to my close friends and sometimes it feels good to talk about it.
in a way i am very proud i have lived those kind of stuff even though some parts were really hard, i feel really bad for people who lived their whole life with only casual sex and physical attraction when there's so much more to just that.
>>16710072 I think it's huge that you are able to look at it that way. I mean yes, i kind of was aware what i'm getting myself in but i figured that it's worth it so much even when it ends with a broken heart. i think the really scary part about being in love is that you want to do everything right despite you knowing all your flaws. I never realized just how scary ir is to truly fall in love. I think it was very strong from you to let your guard down like that. How sad to live a life and never truly love. I really hope you find somebody so special again and that things work out. Do you believe it's even possible to STAY in love? Like always?
>>16710088 It was very eye-opening. Suddenly it was clear why things where so difficult with the other relationships. You can work on such half-assed things all you want. It's just no ise if you don't love them. But how would you know if you never been in love before.
>>16710104 >Do you believe it's even possible to STAY in love? Like always? That's the biggest question i've been asking myself.
I absolutely did not see it coming when she actually left me, even though looking back there were obvious signs, i was just thinking to myself "oh well, it's not really good these times yeah, but it'll get better, just gotta spend some time together" etc. i was probably naive but i felt like the thing we had was so strong that it was actually not possible we would ever break up. Now i don't think i'll ever have that kind of confidence again with another girl, which might be a good thing cause i'll be able to make some change if i sense some problems instead of thinking "errr we're such a perfect couple it'll be fine".
>>16710154 Shit, creepy. I can't picture me and my bf not being together in any scenario. But i'm also afraid that i let things slack after a while because i'm so sure about us. What would you do different if you could go back? Do you think it's true that "the first cut is the deepest"? Do you think you aren't able to love so free of limitations again?
>>16710174 >Do you think you aren't able to love so free of limitations again? (Different anon but..) I think love is sort of like trust. When you try to give either, and get hurt, it's harder to be as carefree with it. You don't lose it, you're just more guarded. But loving someone, them loving you and supporting you, that helps take some of those walls down. It can get harder to do that if you have a lot of bad experiences, but at the end of the day you're the one that decides if you love/trust someone based on how you feel about them. No one can really force you to do those things.
>>16710174 hey i'm back ! didn't even know i was talking to a femanon btw haha, nice ! i don't talk a lot about feelings with other girls
What i would do different ? Well i guess not much considering i was just myself in that moment and all of this happened during a period where i was very insecure and a little depressed, so even when i tried to change i couldn't make those changes stay.
But anyway if i had to re-write everything, well i would stop being an insecure fuck when i had no reason to be. Because if you're too insecure or jealous during a relationship when you have no reason to be, then soon enough you WILL have reasons to be insecure/jealous. i hope you get what i mean.
>Do you think it's true that "the first cut is the deepest"? Yeah i think so. Haven't had any other "cuts" yet but i'm pretty sure none will be as important in my life as this one. You know what they say about your first love right... Oh and if sadly you stop being with your bf for any reason, don't try to forget. You won't. I know for a fact that i didn't want and i was actually scared to forget about all this with time. I didn't want to forget even though it did hurt. But yeah you gotta try to live with it. Your first true love will always have some place in your head for your whole life. I don't mind because i know it's the same for her, and i'm so happy to have had this role for her. i know no matter how many boys she'll date, i'll always be this first one, no one will take my place in her heart.
Fuck i sound so fucking corny on 4chan that's ridiculous. I'm used to be a passive-agressive motherfucker in here
As anon earlier said, when all the cheesy love songs make sense. When you think about them too often, even when you're with someone else. When you don't care if they're with you, as long as they're happy When seeing them upset hurts you, too. When you can look into their eyes and the whole world disappears.
Fuck. Eros - Young The Giant Makes me think of the one I've closed the door on, no clue why
>>16709652 When I felt that horrible, indescribable dread upon realising that no amount of time in this universe would ever be enough with her. When my greatest fear became not death, but the uncertainty of whether or not I would see her after I die. When I realised that without hesitation, I would give my life for hers. Above all else, when her happiness became more important to me than my own.
>>16710318 Now i understand about "all those walls i built". >>16710387 Hey, i'm back too! Dang, i'm rather insecure and just got oit of major depression. I really hope i cn keep up. But then again, he makes me want to be the best me i can be and is the best motivation to keep improving i ever had. You mean that's the meaning of the corny saying "don't cry because it's over, smile becaise it happened"? You mean, at some point ALL that very corny crap absolutely makes sense and you just think it's ridiculousely sentimental because you haven't been in the right place to understand? Whoa. Does this mean i have to reread every book now that i finally know what it means to be in love...! Neat.
>i'll always be this first one, no one will take my place in her heart
That's an oddly comforting thought. I sure am glad that i'm my bf's first true love too. How do we even deserve to be that lucky? I really hope we never forget how blessed we are and keep working on this instead of letting it turn sour. Tgis thread is so good. I don't want it to die down - ever!
Well, where else do yoi have the freedom to be as corny as you wish? I guess it's really hard for guys. Why can't they be as corny as girls irl? That's just not fair. We get to like all those cheesy quotes and listen to the most pretentious love-songs. Without provoking a single raised eyebrow. I really don't get it...
>>16710427 Damn. You really are between a rock and a hard place. How did this happen?
>>16710472 Fucking true and beautiful. Thanks for that anon
>>16709652 to me it becomes an obsession that feels really good but also theres ALOT of jealousy and irrational fears and eventually the realization that itll never work/happen and the following depression, followed by realism
All this shit everyone's saying is kind of true. Really though, the best way I've heard and the way I've experienced it is that you just know. When you're in love you know that it is the only thing that can describe the way you're feeling. It happens quick too. I went to sleep one day certainly not being in love with this girl. The next day I saw her and this goddamn way she smiled instantly made me know. It was fucking weird.
>>16709652 Plain and simple. You feel a gut wrenching anxiety when you don't hear from them, and you feel absolute bliss when you do. It's painful thinking about the idea of losing them, and simply holding them in your arms is pure bliss. When you can sleep soundly at night with them cuddling up to you laying their head on your chest and you feel at peace, that is when you can say you are in love. When the thought of being involved in their life invades your personal identity, that is when you can say you are in love. You are in love when the very presence of them give you the meanest, and widest grin you could ever hold. Because nothing is more honest than an honest smile. And if you smile like an idiot for one person as if they are a beacon of happiness for you, then you can truly say that you are in love.
>>16711056 Ex and I broke up because she couldn't fall in love with me. That we didn't get each other and the like. And deep down, I didn't fight. I didn't protest. I voiced how much I loved her, but she believes I deserve someone who can love me. And so I told her I'm not going to keep her in a relationship with someone she doesn't love.
The most painful break up, is a mutual one, between one person who was in love, and another person who was not.
>>16710789 How did it happen? I'd have to tell you not only my whole life story, but those of my spouse and of my love. Let's just say that finding a friend isn't that straight forward if the friend turns out to be the most incredible person - that's something that can't be unseen once it's noticed.
>>16711997 Not the same anon but I'm kinda interested in your story. Is she younger than you? What do you find in her so aluring? Does your love reciprocate? What do you feel when you see her, do you get nervous? What do you both talk about?
>>16712870 Your curiosity is inappropriate. I'll tell you a couple of things, whilst trying to keep this vague enough that she wouldn't know it was me if she read this. Which... yeah. That's probably not possible.
My wife is almost ten years younger than me. We met when I was quite severely depressed, although I didn't realise that at the time. A couple of years ago things got so bad that I had to get professional help. After medication and therapy and a few other bits and pieces I'm now much more well adjusted, and enjoying being alive. Unfortunately it is becoming increasingly clear that my relationship with my spouse was just "Oh, this is what happens next" rather than being driven by anything like actual love on either side. We had next to nothing in common to begin with, and the distance has only grown.
The woman that I've fallen for is closer to my own age, although still slightly younger, but I'm not sure that's a factor. We knew each other casually in the past, but a shared interest brought us together and she's been there for me over the past year or so as I put my life back together. She became a friend, then she became my best friend, then I began to fall in love with her without realising. We talk about anything and everything. I'm not as smart as she is so I don't think she gets quite as much out of this as I do, but I've managed to come to terms with that. Mostly. We've reached a level of intimacy in the things we talk about that I've never had with anyone else before. For a while I thought that I was lucky enough to have found an awesome friend - but my feelings have developed far beyond that. She is pretty much my idea of the Perfect Woman. It was a surprise when I realised that my love for her had crept up on me, but it's undeniable now.
I would be content to keep her just as a friend, but this is making living within my marriage difficult.
>>16713402 It's a real slap in the face to realise that things could be so different.
The woman I love is currently extracting herself from a failed marriage. I am wavering between trying to make my own functional but painful partnership work, and cutting my losses to get out. I think that a part of me secretly hopes that everything will work out just the right way and I'll end up with Her. Even if don't, though, this had shown me that what I convinced myself was love before actually wasn't. Some lessons are quite painful to learn.
I don't really know what's going to happen. There's a lot of business that needs to be resolved. I would never cheat on my wife, despite how overwhelming my feelings are for my friend. Things are a lot more complicated than I'm prepared to discuss here.
I am enjoying being in love, though. Despite the pain it is the only reason to be alive.
At the ripe age of 20 I fell in love for the first time. I spent my life moving home to home, state to state, never once learning how to maintain long term bonds and thinking about others besides myself. My downfall is my castle. We fell in love almost instantly. It makes me think of a certain supertramp song she showed me. The way she would turn her head to me and smile, with the sun shining through her hair in a way that would make make Helen of Troy jealous. We were inseparable. Our 7 month anniversary was a few days ago. I fucked up though, and so did she. 4 months in I was charged with a dui while innocent so I hired a lawyer, and that's when things went down hill. I would snap at her for stupid shit. I never had a lot of social guidance growing up and it was always just a shitty reaction whenever she would touch me or mess with me whenever I ate. I was cold and distant when we argued, but. I loved her. I still do. I was evicted from my parents home on the 1st, and her family graciously took me in while. Her and I looked for a place. It will never happen. She cheated on me on Friday night. I knew the next day something was up. There were scratches on her I didn't leave. It killed me. I don't blame myself 100%, but I didn't give Her what she needed. I was a selfish man. And now here I am in her bed. I hate fucked her 2 hours ago, I was angry, all I could see was his hands on her and hear her moans. We broke up immediately. We still sleep in the same bed. At least for now. I think the hate fuck ruined that. I still love her and I want to hate her. So much. But I can't. So you wanna know when you're in love? When the one who loves you back fucks some guy in the same bed you took her virginity in and then proceeds to tell you she enjoyed it
Love bites but you'll know it when it's gone. And love it even more.
>>16713437 Sorry for the curiousity, its just you sounded so grounded when you where talking with the other anon.
I think you should do what makes you happy and go on with life. You shouldn't get stuck in a relationship that's only standing because of the memories, people get divorced all the time so what the hell.
>>16714073 Well thank you for the luck, it's appreciated. My own personal circumstance is more complicated than I'm really prepared to go into on here. I'm sure things will work out in the end though. There's always an acceptable path if you look hard enough.
It's difficult to stay angry at the world when it has such wonders to show.
>>16710789 hey i'm back (again) ! So glad this thread is still alive, it's been an amazing conversation, really happy to have this
Hope your depression problems will be solved, honestly looking back to it depression and (healthy) relationships really don't go together so well.
Yeah in a sense all this corny cringe-worthy stuff make sense, at least when you're living it. This will sound even more corny and stupid but the day i knew i got over it was when i was thinking back about my relationship and instead of making me sad it made me feel happy. Yeah that could be one of those stupid quotes on a Facebook profile picture but it's just me being completely honest.
It's not that hard for guys to talk about this stuff like you'd think it'd be. I had many opportunities to share those kind of stuff with my friends - cause they're great. Even though it involved alcohol most of the time. It's still possible to have those kind of conversation without sounding weird between guys, when you're talking with people who know how it feels, they take it seriously. Most guys are more concerned about emotions, feelings, love etc than you'd than you'd think they really are. We just don't really like to show it to everyone i guess.
>>16709694 So am I attached too much with my best friend who's a girl? Dafuq? I smile whenever I get her text, wants to be with her sometimes but not planning a life with her. I actually want an another girl though. She's like my sister.
>>16709654 This isn't really enough for me. I've dated plenty of girls I liked hanging out with when I wasn't fucking them, but I still wasn't "in love" with them.
I've only been genuinely in love with one girlfriend, and it was both great and terrible. I've never been that close to anyone in my entire life. We had our own weird little language, could make each other laugh for hours, had really great sex most of the time, knew everything about each other's pasts, etc etc
But after a while, we fought constantly, both felt like shit when the other person felt like shit and couldn't do anything about it, and were so exhausted by our individual problems that we weren't addressing that it became kind of insufferable.
The closest I've come to being "in love" now is even considering going through something like that with a girl I'm dating. I'm a lot more guarded now, though. Being in love is fucking exhausting.
When you're outside on a bright and sunny day, and you catch yourself thinking about the way his eyes are the colour of the sky, only brighter. When you're washing your hair and you realise that no matter what, your hair will never seem as soft as his. When you're listening to a song and suddenly all the lyrics make sense. When you're making yours and his morning coffee, and you always take that first little sip of his, just to make sure that it's okay. When you see him for the first time in days, and he's just become even more handsome. When you juggle everything in one hand just so your other is free to hold his. When the best night's sleeps you ever have are when you're safely and comfortably wrapped up in his arms. When you catch yourself staring at him because even if he hasn't showered in days, he's still the most beautiful man you've ever met. When he's talking and you know you could listen to him forever. When you see him smile and remember that you're the luckiest girl in the world. When you make love and the passion you share burns hotter and brighter than a million stars. When he laughs and you realise you've never heard a more addictive sound. When you're laying in bed with your arms wrapped around him, and you feel that this is what home feels like. When you don't see him for a really, really long time, that when you finally do and the first thing he does is hold you so close you can feel each others' heartbeat, you need to literally force yourself to not break down in tears of joy. When he kisses you and tells you he loves you, the whole world just melts away, it's only you and him. When you don't care if you get your heart broken a thousand times, especially if it means keeping his heart whole.
>>16713645 I could feel your passion in your writing.
I felt my own love and hatred mix together in my gut as I read this story. I can't blame you for your anger, but if you honestly feel this kind of passion for her, then please tell her what you've told us. You've both made mistakes, so please do your best to keep her. When you're both looking back on this a decade from now with your kids at your feet, you'll be happy you did.
Don't make the mistake of choosing to be alone like some of us have. You don't deserve this. You've already told us you're sorry. Now tell her, please, Anon...
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