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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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File: am I boring.png (204 KB, 547x602) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>make online dating profile
>upload 2 good pictures
>write a good, honest description
>message 14 girls
>not a single reply

Is this normal?

I'm no Ryan Gosling but I think I'm pretty handsome. I just say something like "Hey, you look pretty interesting. Wanna talk sometime?" I even message some below average girls who are into NEET shit and nobody ever responds. Am I boring/ugly?

pic related; a little bit of my profile
>>
>>16702393
You are a guy this is the norm. Women want a 10/10 adonis which you are not. Not calling you ugly but onlibe dating is a sham for men. Unless you are flashing off wealth in your photos or youre ripped with flawless skin expect to be ignored a LOT
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You are supposed to mention something from her profile that shows you actually read her profile.
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>>16702393
>I'm a realist, a cynic, and skeptical of trends
Autism
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>>16702393
well you aren't ugly but you aren't exactly handsome either. kind of average desu, but in real life, i'm sure you're considered a bit above that. the ratings get skewed once your face is online to be compared to the dozens of other men people had seen.

imo i think you stand a better chance of dating in real life than online. go to a bar or something... join a cooking club... maybe church.

so basically yeah, you don't really stand out.
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>>16702393
You're boring. Add a photo of you doing something cool, like running a half pipe on a snowboard, posing on your new Ford Mustang, playing beach volleyball or chillin in the pool of mommy and daddy's mansion.

Chicks like that stuff. You'll get plenty of replies.
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>>16702414
I have done this with a few girls, no luck from them either

I'll do it more often if it'll help
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>>16702393
You managed to make two paragraphs of words that say nothing more than
>I code
>I play video games

As a fellow cs/se, try talking about stuff you find interesting outside of your career aspirations. I'm sure you know as well as I that women as underrepresented in both of the things you mentioned that interest you so you should try to include interests that girls are more likely on average to find relatable. Even se girls are going to want more in a guy than what they do for a living.
>>
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Also, that pic is boring. Use natural light, position yourself off center, have a colorful background.

See pic
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>>16702393

That's a horrible profile, very few women are going to want to date you. But keep messaging, dating is a numbers game.
>>
I'm probably an 8 or 9, but I've only been able to get a short conversation with a 6 despite that, and I've sent off maybe 60 pms. I get a decent amount of obvious interest IRL, but online none at all. It's weird.
>>
>>16702432
This. What do you like to do besides code? Any sports, activities, interests like film books TV etc? I'm sure you can think of something, OP. You aren't a bad looking guy and I wish you the best of luck out there.
>>
You're cute but your profile needs more substance. Add a paragraph or two to your self summary and add some photos that aren't selfies.
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>>16702432
>nothing more than code and video games
>described hobby, career, values, personality

otherwise your advice seems solid

I'll give it a try, thanks
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>>16702438
>>16702443
>>16702452

Thanks for the encouragement, there is actually more to the profile.

I'll definitely try to come up with something more interesting to add though
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>>16702393
Hey [Ryan Gosling], it's really cool that you're creative! Do you dance? I actually am taking lessons down at [your local dance studio]. Have you heard of it?

[Anonymous Coward]
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>>16702467
>inb4 /adv/ makes fun of my tastes

also woops just noticed I'm missing a comma
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>>16702393
Nix the lines about cynicism, and the last one about video games. I've asked girls that use similar sites and the attractive ones say that video games as a declared hobby makes them cringe.

Make yourself stand out with your interests. You may look like the Poe guy from Star Wars, but even beautiful people can have all the personality of a wet towel. Make your interests friendly, inviting and positive. No one brags about being a pessimist, like you seriously thought that's attractive?
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>>16702482
Yeah I was hesitant to put video games in the first place. At first I just said I like to play "games", but someone advised against that.

As for cynicism, I kind of look for that in a girl yeah. Not necessarily pessimism but skepticism and critical thinking are important to me. If it's off-putting I'll get rid of it or reword it though.

At the same time, I think it's really important to be honest. I've tried relationships with girls I don't relate to and it was kind of soul-crushing.

Also here's the last of the profile
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>>16702393

Online dating is weird dude, When I was a teenager on MySpace I could get a lot of dates. When I turned 18 I found out about okcupid and was like "fuck! its like myspace, but there is no pretense of being a "place for friends" I would message girls the same shit I would on myspace and I either was ignored or met with little interest.

I found out after some time that the best place to meet girls is on non dating sites like facebook or tumblr. But on POF and OKC I usually have very little about myself

>name
>age
>city
>music genre I like/sport I like/ etc

Then I leave most of my profile blank, usually just message girls "hey! or "hey :)"

The ones that reply I just tell them they have super pretty eyes and ask if they want to text.

And as for messaging the "below average girls into neet shit" they're not going to be interested in you for the same reason you're not interested in them. I personally avoid people that like anime like the plague. They're never friendly for some reason.

Also, try to take some more casual pictures. Looking right into the camera and smiling against a blank backdrop isn't very appealing.
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>>16702437

So basically make himself look like a celebrity headshot? Yeah, because girls aren't worried about getting catfished or anything lel
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>>16702393
You gotta be more interesting dude. You sound like a snorefest. You need to put something in there that's funny, interesting, or engaging. Don't just fill out bullet points for your life. When you message a broad, say something funny, interesting, or engaging. They know you thought their profile was interesting. That's why you're messaging them. You need to do better than that.
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>>16702492
Languages
>C++
Haha, you're alright. I like you.
>>
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>>16702520
Thanks, I hoped someone would catch that lol

>>16702520
>>16702452
>>16702443
>>16702432

How's this?
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>>16702533
That's a whole heck of a lot better. Now as long as you have a good conversation starter, you'll be set!
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>>16702533
Definitely an improvement familia
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>>16702548
>>16702557
Thanks a lot, I'll get some outside pictures next time I'm out of the house too
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well you seem like a handsome guy, consider putting out the "skeptic and a critical thinker" and put something else but idk you seem like a good guy i donĀ“t get why people would not reply to you
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>>16702393

Online dating sucks. It's basically a numbers game no matter which way you look at it. Be a loser like me and die a re-virgin.

Also try not to make yourself sound so bland. I'm sure you're a wonderful guy. None of that comes out in your profile. Leave that shit out about being a realist, a skeptic, adn asjkfhaklsjdkjas. It sounds like the mating call of a true autist. Also the really love life bit. No one talks like that. Remember you're trying to sell yourself to a qt grl.

Your self-summary (and your entire profile, really) should give her a glimpse into what you're like as a person. Don't take it so literally. Have some fun with the prompt while still revealing things for a girl to potentially talk to you about. It doesn't have to be a recitation of your serial and model number. You're creative? Great. What do you make? You have a dry sense of humor? Cool, but I only see you saying you do. Into a movie or a tv show? Explain why. Show, don't tell. Same with your picture. Get one that's more interesting looking and less obviously a selfie (selfies are ok tho, just not that one).

Remember, it's a numbers game. Don't get discouraged. Try to get good at writing initial messages. Most girls' inboxes are filled with no-effort messages and the occasional unwarranted dick pic. SOMETIMES, emphasis sometimes, wait a 4-5 months and try re-messaging the girls who didn't respond if you're really into them and wrote them a nice message. Sometimes their inbox is full and it's worth another shot (yeah, OKC is a piece of shit). If they don't respond a second time, don't try again. OKC is trying to run a business so a lot of the things that made the site decent for women is now locked behind a paywall. They're only going to talk to you if you talk to them first.

Leave out the excessively nerdy shit unless it's an important aspect of a relationship to you (it is to me, but hey, I'm also single so don't listen to me). Good luck, friend.
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Couple things wrong with your shit my man. Your haircut is fucking stupid, lose that shit. What the fuck is that jacket? You look like someone's dad made a profile. Your self summary should be tailored towards attracting a woman. You want her to see some common interests, not stock boring bullshit about you. Your "what I'm doing with my life" is just as bad. You're a tutor and you're trying to trying to improve your portfolio? Are you trying to get your dick wet, or get a job? Include some fun shit about you, and make your profile way less stiff and formal.
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don't say that you're a cynic.
Your profile looks very boring/depressing.

Wrote about stuff that you love to do that you could include her in.
"I like software design" ok cool but like what is she gonna sit next to you for 3 hours and watch you program shit?

Write about stuff that is fun and exciting like hiking or cooking or making art- something that she could participate in.
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>>16702510
No, make him look presentable. There's a reason celebrities make a effort to have good photos taken. This pic shows Quinto looking worse.
>>
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>>16702393

nice slav jacket mang
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>>16703123

Don't be dissing those jackets.
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>>16703147

no seriously this is what hillbillies in east europe used to wear in the 90s man
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>>16702393

Need more mystery anon, take a really cool pic and have them wondering who you are, women love mystery. Women will say, damn he must own a biker gang, he must be a ladies man, he probably has a big dong etc etc etc. Make your profile general, just say you're a cool laid back kind of guy working in "technology", message me ladies.

Key is to keep it general so you build up curiosty, if a girl does assume you're in a biker gang or something, joke around with it on the date. Be like " Well they don't call me loco johnny for nothing." smile and change the subject to something else. She'll find out what you do eventually, just figure out what she's about first.
>>
YES you are so boring and that picture is the worst. Take out "message me if you want to talk", so lazy and common. Most important though is the picture. You should aim for three or more, generally out in the sunlight or candid looking. A good mix is you with friends, you in nature, and you with a cute dog. If you have no friends or dogs, a pic with you and family members is better than a webcam photo with a blank smile.
Try to get more personal about yourself-- you only really talk about jobs/school. Talk about a hobby, if you have one.
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>>16703105
>>16703087
>>16703003

Unfortunately if I say that I do anything interesting it would be a lie. I don't travel, hike, fish, hunt, play/watch sports, skate, ski, surf, rock climb, skydive, play any instrument, or know any skills (except singing which I'd rather not advertise). I hardly even cook. I just sit on my ass all day every day and write code or play games. Sometimes I go out with friends to see a movie or get lunch, but that's it.

And it may be depressing but I consider skepticism and criticism to be defining qualities of my personality. I guess I'll keep omitting truth and faking it until I make it if that's what it takes...
>>
>>16703230
-A girl with many years on okcupid
>>
>>16703238
Ding Ding! You just admitted your problem. Confidence, or a talent for picking up women isn't some latent skill most people are born with. It's reinforced through positive traits-tall, good looking, funny, intelligent, or it is learned through repeat effort. Go out and do shit you fuck.
>>
your profile is boring
it took me like 6months of trying on and off before i ever got a reply
took like a year or two before i even got a date

things i noticed
long thought out messages got me nowhere
being my dumbass self and spewing out bullshit got me somewhere
having a rediculous profile got me way less responses BUT ive met some rediculously awesome girls since then, pretty much every date has gone great since
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You need to add more to your messages and possibly your profile. If you're messaging a girl bring up something she wrote about in her profile if you also enjoy what she enjoys, or if you want just bullshit/ask her for more information about it.

It's really not that hard to get responses if you give the impression you actually read their profile instead of just writing 'ayy bby, want sum fuk?'
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>>16702420
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
>>
>>16703259
>Go out and do shit

Any advice that doesn't involve that part?

And I'm not looking for confidence or skill with women, I haven't even been able to communicate with one online. In fact I'm not really bad with women irl
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Shit like this makes me happy I don't have a dating profile. I maybe single, but I'm extremely happy alone.

I also agree with this guy >>16702506

It's strange how different dating sites are compared to normal social networking ones. I had sex with a few girls from MySpace / other sites. This was a long time ago though. I'm 30 years old now and a lot of has changed.
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>>16703238

Mr. 16703003 here. Nope, if that's your attitude, you're fucked, son. If you're on a dating website you're a good, and there are many other goods on the market. Being some 4ever NEET doesn't score you points with the ladies.

Also, I'd highly recommend you don't actually fake it. As a fellow peter pan, getting control of your life, making friends, and going out and experiencing stuff will do your head some good. You don't sound healthy. Why do you even want to date if you wouldn't be able to sustain a healthy relationship? I guarantee you that shit is beyond miserable. I'm speaking from personal experience here, you don't fake it 'til you make it. You're either a good other half or you make life a living hell for yourself and the other person for a few months until things collapse. There isn't an inbetween. She isn't going to make your life better. You have to.

Here's an easy first step. Do you live in a major metropolitan area in the United States? Go to meetups. You like tech? Try finding a makerspace and seeing stuff people like to do. Go to tech meetups and stuff and get involved in your local community. It's like anti-social home turf. Then, start going to meetups for things you're marginally interested in. Talk to people and make friends. If that level of social engagement is too much for you, maybe consider looking up how to cope with social anxiety.

Easy second step, spend a half hour a day walking around until it doesn't bother you. Figure out some outside activity you like doing that's not walking around in your neighborhood. Hiking is an easy starter because it's basically what you've already been doing, except you're walking on a glorified mound of dirt. Also cardiovascular exercise releases endorphins (runner's high). Who knows, you might actually like it. I'm assuming you have legs and not some crippling asthma btw.
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If there's anyone still here, how's this?

I'm trying to make a joke, is the sarcasm obvious enough
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>>16703471

Believe me, I never wanted to be disingenuous at all. Like I said, I've tried relationships with girls I don't really relate to and it was hell pretending to care about the same things and feel the same ways.

But the problem is at the end of the day, I don't feel compelled to do any of the activities you suggest. I love this lifestyle and the only thing else I want in it is a girlfriend, not activities and outings and stuff like that. Most days I would rather be alone than have to change my routine that much.
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>>16702420
Needs a fedora pic to go with it.
>>
Keep it short OP.
Girls don't want someone that's gonna explain their life story and put a lot of thought into what they wrote.
"Just looking to make some friends and have a laugh, typical shit, hit me up"
"I give private lessons [winky face] and develop software"
Sounds shit, short, and un-informative, when you are finding girls Online you have to keep in mind their attention span.
Never tell them too much, you have to get them interested and seem mysterious, carefree, and as if you are not too bothered if nobody replies back.
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>>16703617
>>16702420
haha laugh it up
Ok it does seem kinda spergy looking back at it, but I didn't put much thought into it. I didn't think the descriptions mattered much
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>>16702393
i'll just write down my two cents about online dating
- it sucks
a lot more effective and faster is tumblr
- on this platform are 50% girls 15-20
- tumblr does not consist of landwhales & feminazis, just like 4chan does not consist of /b/tards
- people are open minded in general and also a bit sexually frustrated most times
- when you have a blog about something that interests you, you'll follow people that share your interests, write those people and talk to them, which is easier since shared interests
- approach girl over complimenting her on her blog / textposts / whatever
- talk some more / exchange nudes / whatever floats your boat, and see what develops out of this

it's a different approach that costs more time though. the question is if location based mate-search is better than interest based.
>>
>>16702393
dont even know why im bothering to post

dating websites are 90% guys. most of the girls you messaged were fake/troll accounts.
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