Dear Cool Cat, Here is the condensed version of the past (est.) five perhaps letters I've written and crumbled in sorrowful regret and frustration, knowing chance will have it you never read it and it is highly unlikely you will respond but it is important that I tell how happy I am that you've moved on. I wish I didn't tell you I cheated when I really didn't, just to keep your attention, over text. The truth is, you are changing, and so am I. And we aren't the same lovers we used to be. I understand that these are our prime years and we are born to be free, but I think about you every day. I tell myself I don't think about you and that I wish I could forget about you forever once and for all, but I can't, because you took my virginity that night while we were high, lying in that cat-piss n' shit ridden room and that cheap mattress in that crack den apartment complex where our friend lived with her mother. We were just in high school. I know you're still working at that old place. You haven't graduated yet. I see that new guy you're dating. He looks nice. You like nice. I'm doing well. Take care.
Dear B, You are the only reason I'm alive. You're the only reason I bother to wake up. Everything I do, I do in the chance of it making you happy. You were the only friend I had in years of torment, the only voice that ever lifted me up as a sea of screams put me down. You are the only star in the empty abyss of space, and you are just as unreachable. For a few brief years, you gave me more than I could ever imagine in a friend. You gave me more than I'd ever get again. And you stopped. You stopped caring when I got on, you stopped smiling when you saw me, you stopped calling me your friend or pet or anything. You stopped caring. And, slowly, it's left a hole in me that's been eating every part of me, piece by piece. Well, it ate the last piece. All that's left is a worthless husk on a half-life. Every day I'm wracked by paranoia, fear, by uncertainty. I don't know what to do with my life. I don't even know who to talk to. All I know is that I'm alone, and that I don't want to live this life anymore.
P.S. I wish we could go back to the start. That weekend where I stayed at your house, we got fucked up, listened to music and talked on your balcony into the night before kissing and having sex all night then falling asleep cuddling and waking up still with arms around each other, not having moved. Why did you turn into such a bitch so fast? God alone knows why I'm still hung up on you. But I'm nothing but lonely and the way you held me just seemed so real.
I'm sorry I deleted you from my friend's list. It was selfish and stupid, and I will always regret it. I wanted you to have more time to speak to me, and it hurt to see your name there every day, but I regret my choice. It will be a long while before I meet anyone else like you, won't it?
CJL I'd gladly take a lobotomy just to forget you, superficial prick. I'd have done anything for you yet I wasn't worth 15 minutes of conversation? 6 years wasted, all of SJJ, band camp, Cody, Kristen, all we went through, how inseparable we became, my first hug, first time confiding, first kiss... My love for you has soured into hate, and I know the pain will never stop. I'm far beyond well wishing. I hope someone breaks you like you broke me. I hope you die like I live: Cold, alone, and unloved. I never wanted to be friends. Good riddance, blow your facial aesthetics and blonde twinks out your ass, I'll be working lifting and burning trees but I'll never play or love again, my soul blew away in the backdraft D
MJ: I will always be too afraid to find you and tell you this. Our schedules don't sync up anyway. Since you don't work the customer service desk anymore, I no longer see you everyday. You're a cart retriever now, out in the cold. I noticed you coughing and wanted to comfort you. But I'm also afraid to even approach you. I'm nothing. How do you know who I am? And every time I see you on your days off, you come in surrounded by 3 or 4 other much prettier girls than me. I've had a thing for you for months on end. At night when I was lonely I'd come in just to get a glimpse of you, even though you never looked up from your desk. I love you. I hope you don't notice. I'm bad at concealing things so I'm pretty sure you do notice me staring at you all the time. Once I had to talk to you and I was extremely shy and spoke with a soft voice. I blushed too. I hope you didn't notice. Sorry. One time we even made eye contact at the same time. You're very handsome. I'd love to hug you someday. I've even masturbated to you...
But here's the worst part, I only love you because you look exactly like my long distance boyfriend and I dig the unshaven mountain man look. Not even kidding, you look exactly alike. It's hard for me to think of you as two different people and I'm sorry. But not seeing you every day has killed a lot of my feelings for you. Now I find myself glaring at you a little every time I see you. I don't hate you, maybe I just hate myself for what I did. You're still a handsome man and I'd love to be your friend. I respect and fear you and love you. Please don't shave. Sorry for being a weirdo Michael. Stay warm out there
Not so dear Maria, I thought I loved you, but you just sucked me in your life to help you through loneliness and kept me there with vain promises and shallow gestures. You cheated on me after I spent my food money on your fucking Christmas present I gave you with all of my heart. I bet you didn't even read the book I gave you. You kept pretending you were interested in my shit, but didn't understand anything that was going on in my head. I'm good friends with the guy you cheated on me with. He also thinks you're a bitch and he was used by you as well. I know I was suicidal, but too much of a pussy to do it and too hopeful to just end it there. I'm glad I didn't. I actually changed my life and haven't thought about killing myself since I dumped you. I'd say thank you, but clearly, that wasn't the intention. Now I'm feeling good, I'm actually happy. I'm with the girl of my dreams and my life is better than I ever expected back then. I'm not as bitter anymore and I wish you could be happy too, but you just don't seem to want to solve the problems me, your friends, your parents and even you noticed because you're afraid of something that only you could understand. I hope you don't cut yourself anymore, I always thought it was really fucking stupid. People cared about you and you just pushed them away and pitied yourself. Either change, accept yourself or get or get what you deserve.
SS: I've fallen for you too. You're just so nice and friendly and I just immediately trusted you when I met you. I'm so lonely that if you actually ask me how I'm doing, I misinterpret it as you actually caring about me. I've been down this exact same road before. I wish to cut contact with you because I see you so often. Please ignore me, please don't talk to me, please don't be friendly with me. I'm falling for you too. I will go out of my way to talk to you, even if it highly inconveniences me.
Once I wanted to return an unopened package of condoms and I was extremely shy. I couldn't stop smiling, and when you asked why I was returning them, I blushed intensely and said that I didn't like them. I remember you chuckling. I didn't make a lot of eye contact for this whole ordeal. I hope you didn't notice that I was blushing or shy. Alternatively you are probably very intelligent and instantly noticed. I hope you didn't make fun of me in your head. If you really wanted to know, all that happened because
>I just wanted to talk to you again, even if it meant standing in line for 30 minutes >I kind of like you >I'm already shy when BUYING condoms, imagine how shy I'd get when talking about them to a handsome man (I'm a girl in case this wasn't super evident)
My unrequitted love, my muse, my only inspiration, i know you are going through hard times, but why arent yo capable of noticing that all things i do is for you to be happy, you gave me a light saying that we are going to end up together but you keep talking about other people you keep doing things that hurt me, then why would you say that you will give me a chance?, why go through all the trouble, i honestly dont get it, but i love you, more than anything in my life, and i am still a hopeless dreamer and probably im going to stay by your side, suffering, but ill remain until you forget everything about me.
FB -- We're not laughing AT you, we're laughing to the side of you. So here's the deal. If you show up tonight and act nice I will make sure you are in our movie. You are too good a male specimen not to use in this manner. You know you want to. So be there.
Fuck I should stop visiting these threads. Been writing almost everyday.
M I love you more than I've ever loved someone before. You don't know it, but you're the most beautiful girl in the world. You mean a lot to me. You are one of the reasons I don't kill myself. I can't express how intensely I want you. S
I hope it was worth fucken over a human being and turning his whole new beginning into total shit. It really helped corrupt my soul after all the bullshit i had to go through for the PAST 3 YEARS before that. I was wwwwaaayyyyy too kind and merciful towards you and your ill mind. I find the people around you disgusting, how easy it is to turn boys around you into foolish traitors. Your just another troubled girl in the centre of a bunch of dudes that want to fuck you. Best of all is that you don't notice it.
I hope someday you will jump out of your fantasy world of yours and fucken die. How dare you fuck me over just because your a crazy schitzo psychopath.
Im doing great scraping up the damage you did to my life, next year i will return to what i should have been doing all this time. See you in hell bitch.
Are you doing well? You just kind of fell of the grid there after we were already getting along so well! I figured your phone might be messed up, given that it says your kik is offline.
While normally I would assume you were done with communicating with me, you basically said that was one of the things that bothered you so much, was that when people didn't say what was on their minds and would rather not reply. I tried to message you in another manner, but it looks like we both have to be online for that to save, and obviously time zones don't help.
So I figured I'd take to the letter thread. I mean this is where we met in the first place after all. If you did just want to cut contact, could you atleast let me know?
I don't care what you did or what really happened, I just don't want you to harm yourself! Your suicide attempt scared me way to much! Don't ever do that again!!!! Suicide is not the answer, I know you're a good person, who cares if you have a bad relation to your hometown, THEY'RE the bad people not you! You helped me thru my rough time now let me help you <3
Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't calling I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em There probably was a problem at the post office or something Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter? My girlfriend's pregnant, too, I'm bout to be a father If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her? I'ma name her Bonnie I read about your Uncle Ronnie, too, I'm sorry I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man I like the shit you did with Rawkus, too, that shit was phat Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back, just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan This is Stan
You know what I want, but you never were really clear. You keep telling we'll go out again later, but ffs how can you be always occupied since new year? I'm just much more invested in that than you, and we can't go on like this. I can't keep chasing after you. If you really want something, just say it and we'll find a way. Until then, I can't keep talking to you.
>>16701926 So many feels I don't want them anymore
It never ceases to amaze me how sexual women truly are. Yes, men are/can be very sexual. But it's as if wanting to love (also physically) is at the core of the feminine. But what do I know? I'm probably just some crazy stupid person.
You know that I have a daddy complex, right? My father was never very close to me, especially as a kid. I think I long for that type of parental affection even now.
More than romance and more than fulfilling my unrequited love, what I really want is for you to fill the void my father has left in me all my life. If I'm crying, and even if you're the one who made me cry, I want you to wipe my face and wrap your arms around me. I want you to lift me up in your arms and lay down beside me, holding me tight. Just hold me and don't let go, talk to me, tell me that you'll love me no matter what. Let me fall asleep in your arms. There are so many things in this world that make me scared or anxious, but they all evaporate when you're holding me. Love me unconditionally, even knowing the full extent of my flaws and capacity for cruelty.
I have a text waiting to be sent to you, nothing odd just saying goodnight and hope you had a good day. I am afraid to send it, if you dont reply that will be 2 days with no response and I am worried what that could mean. God I really hope you dont go on here, even without initials you will know who this is.
Dear K. Well this is kind of wired that I am wringing something that not only you will never see, but other people will. Maybe that is for the best, maybe I’ve just lost it, well even more than I already have. Honestly I know I could never tell you this in person or even though a letter that you would actually read, but you are both the source of the most joy and pain in my life at the same time. It’s no one’s fault, and it was inevitable that you would live your life, but it hurts that I can’t seem to do the same. When I am near you is one of the only times I still feel completely happy, and I know how sad that really is. Still I hate how your joy is now my pain, and that is why I have to stay silent. I value your happiness more than my own, so I could never bring myself to say the truth even if you already know. I’m sorry I’m not good enough. Thank you for almost saving me. -T
Boy, Look at your living circumstances again, what you blog about and how you are in /v/ threads as long as it'll give you attention and affection. I'm quite tolerant to being portrayed as a villain, but there comes a time when you need to stop and that time is fast approaching.
My feelings towards you are and were genuine, your feelings towards me were forced because you just wanted consistent affection without a regard to your living conditions affecting how someone else would feel, the stuff you'd tell everyone about and without actually needing to genuinely reciprocate. Remember that I could not spend 10 minutes wrapping a present for my sister and her kids without you reacting negatively, but you could spend a whole day with the ex you live with.
If you decide to not show tomorrow that's fine, but I won't give you another chance for me. That's not a threat, just a fact. If you want to test that statement, that's ok. I kinda hope you already have a boyfriend by now and that your craziness is just a figment of my imagination. And I'm not even talking about something romantic at this point. A chance for friendship.
Hey, I don't feel safe anymore with you. I did. I loved drinking with you. Laughing hard and cooking with you. Just being so happy. But things are changing. I'm changing. I'm growing and I realized that you're so much older than I yet have been thriving in a lifestyle that took me six months tops to need out of. We need to be thinking about goals and our future. But you don't do that kind of thing.
I think I'm addicted to those pills. I sneak them so much and you've yet to say a word but it's turned into around three a day? That worries me. I like me better when I'm on them. Maybe I should actually have them prescribed rather than your fake one.
I don't think you appreciate me. I get home from the job I love and the apartment is still trashed. It will stay that way unless I clean. We hardly talk on some days. Now I have to pay for groceries (which is so you, I bet, can buy more liquor, but I work hard for that money and I will quickly start an argument about this one). It's just, maybe I've found a couple of friends and profession that I want to dedicate myself to and explore and yea, you're supportive but not really? I don't know. Maybe I'm just being a bitch.
I'm scared my life is a wreck. I'm trying to get better. Ive been up for 3 days straight now with maybe three two hour naps here and there and I originally got three hours of sleep the night before. I think that's because of anxiety. I'm getting drunk now. You might have to deal with me being very outwards upset for once soon. Sorry if I'm terrible.
>Do u know why u hid in that ditch, Blithe? Because you still had hope. The sooner you realize you're already dead, the sooner you'll start to function like a real soldier's supposed to function. Without fear, without regret.
Do u know why u replied, Anon? Cos u still had hope.
J Congrats, hope you and the misses are well, can't thank you enough for saving my life, good to hear yours has been a lot better, we all need someone to keep us leveled and sturdy. She's adorbs, drop us a line sometime. Your weirdly Austic friend, L.
SW Can't stop thinking about you. Time to play vidya games. I wish I could call you but I won't. That would ruin everything. Just wait, me and 3 of my co workers are starting a business. Soon, my own, and guess who's gonna manage it? -K
Dear Allie, The time I spent with you this winter break was awesome and I wouldn't ever take it back even though you broke up with me because I'm not religious. I really wish you could've overlooked that about me because I was really starting to like you a lot. I guess the thing that I don't get is that you are super religious but slept with me on the second date.
I miss you, and I feel terrible that we never hang out anymore... I feel like you're avoiding me, but on there rare occasion that we're in the same room, you make me feel like I'm crazy for thinking that, in a good way... but I can't help but feel like I've done something wrong.
Sarah, You've won. I made horrible mistakes, upset all the wrong people. Every day I wish I was dead. Is that what you want? I pray for my family, my friends, all of whom are convinced I'm a good guy undeserving of this mental torture. You know how I was, and you probably wished for this punishment of me. Are you satisfied?
T, I really cared about you I hope you're not really a sociopath like your behaviour sometimes suggests.. It would hurt to think your interest or care for me was a way to use me And that's why I loathe you But I think about you a lot If you ever spoke to me again j don't know if I would act like you were thin air, or become EXCEEDINGLY hostile towards you Part of me feels like I'd empathise with you and forgive you But you've been to much of a cunt for that side to take over anymore A
You are a bitch of a sister, I should have never moved up to Utah to help you with your kids. Because of you I lost the best job I have ever had. I took care of your three kids and provided financial support for your ungrateful ass for several months, the whole time you treated me like I was the devil and kept telling me I was abusive like your ex husband even though I never said anything demeaning to you, I never touched you. You are a crazy bitch. I can't find a job, I have applied everywhere, I don't deserve this shit. You fucked up my life when I helped you in need, the least you could do is return the favor when I'm in need.
You may feel light headed, but you won’t crawl, no, you won’t fall You will rise above it all You’ll find what you’re searching for And you may feel light headed You think you’re gonna hit the floor Instead you rise above it all --- Keep going, man.
Dear Law I wonder if you mean what you say. The disparity is real, do you have the patience? I have a long way to go. I hope I can teach you something, I'd feel like shit if I brought nothing. There's trouble I have to tell you of.
Take Care, Candle
PS. Hi Grandma :^)
Dear Candleless How did you do it? No one is daring enough to beat the system yet still tell it to fuck off by going in the other direction. You transcended farther than our rockets, our planes, by simply cherishing your organic and beautiful, endless backyard. There were some questionable things you did, but honestly I doubt anyone achieved happiness on the level you did. It seems to be getting more distant every day for the entire lot of us. We're losing our sense of appreciation, our sense of home. No one understands the appeal of it, except my partner and her father. They understand what it means to live, like you did. I'm going to come visit you one day, hopefully your neighbors haven't torn down your house yet. I promise to not give you a bad name either, I'll build myself up first. I wish you were still alive. Laura could use some love. Henry is proud of you.
PS. The world is mad at you for beating them without technology and I laugh my ass off every day
>>16703339 That's sisters for you man, they are totally conniving towards male family and will use you to the full extent because "you're muh family" and how you should be the better man. Blah blah blah. Put that bitch in her place by just leaving.
Dear T, Your dad is fucking retarded senpai. If I wanted to have sex with you I wouldn't do it in a fuckin park. But that's beside the point. There's things I've wanted to tell you since I've known you. Since we stopped talking for the past couple of years. Since we've started talking again. But even while I was high as fuck out of my mind with you I knew I couldn't tell you yet. I don't know if I ever can. But one day, I'll make you you will have known. I hid the feelings trying to get over you. I dated other girls. But deep down I always wanted you. I waited until we went to school together but by then I thought you had forgotten me. It's good to know you didn't forget. But now I don't know. I don't know if you want to know how I feel. All I know is that I want to see you happy. Whether it's with me or with somebody else. All my friends talk shit on you. They say you are a whore. They might be right. But I would still love you if you were. I didn't listen to them. I let myself get attached to you. Now the feelings are too strong. I know you used to "have a crush on me." I wish I didn't stop talking to you back then. I will always remember you.
I think about you every day I hate that I think about you every day I hate that I'm stuck in arrested development with my life I hate that the only person who ever has given me so much support is you I hate that I continuously screw my life up with alcohol I hate that our time together at that Italian restaurant was the happiest I've been in years I hate that you loved someone else the entire time I hate that there's nothing I can do to be more attractive to you I hate that I find myself fantasizing about you every night I hate that the only time we correspond is through Facebook and Instagram likes nowadays
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself
C, I wanted to be a police officer so fucking bad. So fucking bad. You knew it. And we were excited when I qualified. I believed that they're could be good officers in the world and I wanted to be one. Then you drove me and we wrecked. I spent a month in the hospital and you'll spend an eternity gone. I can't be a police officer now. But that is nothing compared to losing you forever. I fucking loved you C. I would trade everything to hear you say congratulations to me again. It was so genuine. It was so surreal. I know if you hadnt gone you would have felt terrible seeing me the way I am today. But its okay C. I'm okay with my leg. I'll find my way. I wish you could come back. I fucking miss you. Love you C
Dear Friends We spent our childhoods together at school mucking around. Experience stupid things stupid kids experience. We'd meet up after school and get ourselves into trouble. We played sports together and learned how to fight for each other. Our parents would take us to the mall, so we could watch movies and loiter. We got a bit older.
We starterd highschool and it was so fun and new. We felt cool and invinsible. We slowly drifted apart and found new friends. Our new friends suited us better. More variety, more things in common. Innocence, curiosity, paranoia, cruelty, jealousy...all things we experienced. But it got worse for me...you guys made me the fall guy, the butt end of every joke. I was like a piece of trash that became cool to abuse. What did it matter? I was too nice and timid to stand up formyself. I was a glorified punching bag but you guys didnt know I was crying inside, embarrassed. I started acting weird and I avoided you all in the hallways, in the cafeteria, in the gymnasiums. When youd see me in the hall youd shout out my name, but not my given name...your nicknames and taunts. You all liked me, but didnt realize what you were doing. I missed two weeks of school, i thought of suicide,I read the fellowship of the ring from front to back and would sleep 2- 4 hours a night. Only a few of you that liked me called...i said i had the flu. I never came back to school, I moved to my fathers in a different city and avoided you all. You people I have known since grade schooo became a vision and symbol for abuse. I was the loser of the group, the tag along punching bag. Some of you tried to reach me but I just ignored you. We got older. I then moved across the country, you were all still on my mind, my scars just starting to heal. Youve all already forgotten about me...going to college, new friends. Your lives had moved onto a new chapter...mine was frozen in time and running from my fears and shame. 15 years later I still think of you all. My friends.
Shadows grow so long before my eyes And they're moving across the page Suddenly the day turns into night Far away from the city but don't hesitate 'Cause your love just won't wait hey Ooh baby I love your way every day Wanna tell you I love your way every day Wanna be with you night and day
I love you more than life itself. You've been nothing but good to me, and are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Despite how happy you make me, when I'm not around you and not actively engaged in a hobby, all I can think about is killing myself. As you know, my heart and mind have been covered in darkness since I was a child. I can't feel like everyone else can. I can't think or focus like everyone else can. I can't do anything right. I was born to be a fuck up and I was born to decay everything I touch. I wasn't meant for this world, for this life. There's no room and no place for me here. I don't belong anywhere. I feel the universe speak to me through the wind, and it tells of nothing but hate. I don't deserve you or anything else good in my life. I'm still too much of a pussy to kill myself the way I should, so I guess this is the suicide letter that never was. Nothing matters to me but you and my dog. Even when I smile, I'm always crying.
Please don't cry for me if I die. It's what I always wanted.
Sorry one of your brother's committed suicide, he was a pretty cool guy. If it weren't for my schizophrenia I think all three of us could have been good friends. I'm not sure why people were telling me YOU committed suicide at Uni though. I also didn't appreciate you stalking me after night classes but understand your feelings. I hope you're over that part of your life and in better spirits
You absolute lovely... Beautiful... Flawed girl. You stunning diamond who broke my heart. About 5 months since then and I still love you. To the moon and back and from me to you. I will never forget you. You are the most beautiful woman I know. The most absolute cunning and clever person I'll ever meet. I know life is stressful, and long distance was impossible, but you are the only human being on this planet that I will keep a promise to. I will never, ever leave you. I will always be here for you, and as long as I breath, I will be waiting for your hands to be around mine.
I laughed really hard today, I saw my spotify "year in review", and every album, every song, every artist, in my top 5 was influenced because of you. You changed my life. Riley, you beautiful chump, you will, and always will be, the love of my life. I long for the day I can awkwardly say "hi" to your face.
I'm so glad that you're happy. That you've chosen to do things that make you smile instead of your "life routine", it makes me gleeful to know you're doing better. And although my heart no longer aches by the call of your name, I hope the wishes we made on that one night come true.
It's been so many years since you've been gone; however the memories I have of you are still fresh in my head, like when you taught me how to play chess when I was 9 years old, or just the sound of your voice when we arrived at your doorstep after the 6 hour drive from San Diego to Las Vegas.
How are you Grandpa? I have a new girlfriend that I love with all my heart, and I have a part time job grilling burgers at my school. Both of which make me very happy, and I know you loved seeing me and my sister very happy. You were a cynical, yet warm and a kind man. Like me, you look at the world and humanity mostly black and white. "Life is shit, and then you die." Well Grandpa..you did die, like everyone else will in this world. Despite the melancholy of that fact, it doesn't bring a tear to my eye. I love you, but I know you aren't in pain. But I wonder if you miss me...because I miss you Grandpa. I'm still an innocent child at heart, blissfully unaware of the filthiness and sorrows of this world. "Be someone that makes you happy" is written on my door in the college dorm.
Hope to see you again soon for a game of chess past the gates of white.
I tried to make damn sure that I didn't fall for you when we first started talking because I knew a few of my friends were into you and I wasn't trying to be an asshole to them. When they all crashed and burned trying to get with you, I decided that since I was still talking to you that we'd at least still be friends cause you were pretty cool and I didn't want to be an asshole to my friends who now, for lack of a better way to say, hate you.
I tried so hard not to fall for you the few times we've hung out since then but you make it so damn hard for me not to like you. We have unfathomably similar thoughts and opinions on things that they almost seem rehearsed or fake, though that may have more to do with the fact that we both have personalities where we have the tendency to agree more with what the people around us say. Or maybe its just because the last 3 times we were either drunk, high, or both.
I tried so damn hard to make myself not like you but I think I have to come to terms with the fact that I failed myself. I desperately tried to find something I didn't like about you yesterday and couldn't find a single thing.
I tried so fucking hard not to fall for you but I keep reading 'signals' that you may like me and it just makes it so much harder. Maybe it's just my mind being a dick to me as usual but I swear you were as close to telling me to hook up, take you, ask you out, whatever the fuck it was right there on your steps without audibly saying it.
I'm still trying so hard not to like you because I don't want to be a dick to my friends who crashed and burned with you. Because you've already lost enough friends recently because all they really wanted was what you haven't, as far as you say, given up to anyone yet and I don't want you to remember me in the same category as them. But most importantly, because you don't deserve the actual insanity that runs rampant inside my head. You say that you're crazy for silly little things like going to the gym for hours at night but I deal with actual crazy like random weeks straight of vivid hallucinations, strong sudden depressing and suicidal thoughts, and, as last night showed me, random out of body experiences. You haven't done anything bad enough to deserve to have to put up with that.
I tried so fucking hard not to fall for you and here I go again fucking up as usual...
Thanks for calling me now and again. I know I go away for work for long times but no need to pretend I'm dead when I come home.
I'm listening to the Hyperion Overture so I am happy. I can even play most of it on my 8string. Who needs friends when you have awesome classical game music to make you feel like the emperor of a galaxy.
>>16699869 Dear k, Sorry I have to break up with you sometime soon, but for the second time in a row I've let my feelings absolutely blind the fact that we've got nothing in common. I'll always be appreciative of how you took my virginity, and that you thought i was hot before i got my haircut and everyone decided I was QT.
When the rest of the world said "ew look at that fucking school shooter kid with the long hair", you looked at me and said "you're hot". I can't put into words how much that means to me. When my Exes looked at my past and told me I was immoral and a sinner and that I had no chance, you heard the same stories and just wanted to make out. I know this is gonna hurt, especially with how clingy you've gotten and Valentine's day coming up, but I can't waste any more of your time. Any more of my time. I lift, diet, do judo, and play guitar. I'm in AP calculus. You lounge, snack, and act. You're failing pre calc, and you're a year older than me. We can't make this work long term. You're great, but we're two different people. Love A.
I suppose I knew from the beginning that you'd break me, and I was right; I'm totally and completely broken now, seemingly beyond repair, and it hurts all the more that you don't seem to care when I say how I feel, but you don't think it's real because you've misunderstood me. I tried to speak honestly but, in doing so, you've lost faith in me. I wanted to share with you everything: all of my hopes and dreams. I wanted you to know every part of me and to understand me completely.
But there's one aspect that's not been said clearly: I fell for you before I knew enough about you to call you fitting; I knew from the beginning that you were right for me. Nevermind the thing you think I wanted you for, for I was always, for you, a silly schoolboy too scared to implore you to be mine, and I regret that, at the time, I wasn't brave enough to explain my true feelings for you, for I feared the pain that would likely ensue if I were to pursue such a woman who could wield such power over me.
It's quite simple, you see: I needed, for my own sanity, somehow to believe that you would respect me in some way. So I bragged foolishly and then sought you by means of a stupid game: a part to play in something bigger than you and me, but I've now come to see that such a marvelous thing was bigger than anything that I was fathoming.
It's a shame that I spoke inadequately and too often of all the wrong things. I should have told you from the very beginning that you were not just a useful person to me. I should have told you clearly that your true value was not to it, but rather to me.
But it's a too late now, I suppose. Words can't be unsaid, and the door is now closed. Silence can't be broken anymore, but still I implore every day and night to any gods that will listen to help make it right.
I suppose it doesn't matter anymore, but your absence still stings bitterly. I miss you so terribly, and I'm truly sorry, but I simply can do no more.
I fear I was born to my current station in life. I'm sorry it's not fitting for taking as a wife someone like you. I did my best, but I have my limits too. Now, I suppose I should try best to pay off my family's debts. If I must have you only in memories, so be it. At least I have a few that I'll never forget.
I keep writing down stuff I want you to know but I'm never going to mail a single word of it. I just need to get things straight in my head for me. Just wanted to shout in to the cyberverse that you really did change my life in a huge way. You helped me get over some of the darkest times of my life and you never even flinched. I know I was really depressed and it was hurting you. I neglegted what we had and when I saw you talking to that guy I knew what had to go down. I pretended to freak out about the whole thing when really I'd known all along. It gave me an excuse to act like a douche to you and I'm sure it helped you forget about me easier. I'm not weighing you down anymore and there's no limit to how high you can go. You're a great lady. I'll keep on loving you in secret while I consume every narcotic known to man to dull the pain.
>>16699869 Stop being poor, Holy shit. You're just as poor with two good jobs as you were when you were both unemployed. You're damn near 40, when will it end? You can't afford a car so you buy one anyway with a $500 a month payment you know you can't afford? Your brother dies and you literally don't have 20 dollars to contribute. I fucking love you, but you've got to get your shit together. You've got to quit indulging in the get rich quick schemes, you've got to quit letting him smoke all the money away. Once the grieving is over I know you'll be back at the bar every weekend. I just pray your ovulation app works, because while part of me is going to laugh if you get knocked up a 4th time, part of me is just going to cry. As much as I love you, as I mature year by year I see myself leaving you behind. Your house is a disaster, your parties for the kids' birthdays are a sad, sad, joke. I'm really liberal, and I know it's hard to get ahead, but you're sucking my sympathy away with your cascade of bad decision making over the past 15 years I've known you. You're kind, and loving, and morally sound. Your children are well-behaved, an educated, so that's got to count for something, Every time I hear you bitch, though, about the way your life is going, about your money problems, about "the struggle" I just want to scream. The fact that your brother ends up feeling guilty about his success in life as a result of your squalor, I cannot abide. I love you, but my sympathy is fucking gone.
I don't know what to do about myself. My heart is all messed up. He's good to me, he is, and when we're in bed, I don't think of anything else, but afterward, I can't stop thinking about you.
I know it's stupid, really stupid, but I guess I'd like closure. Because the look on your face said it wasn't over. But it has to be, for my sanity, because whatever we were dancing around wasn't going to happen. Neither of us could figure out how to go for it.
I guess I'm sorry, but I'm not regretting my decision. I couldn't wait forever, how could I? I'm worth more than that, and I already wasted five years of my life waiting for boys who were never going to even fuck me.
So why would I wait for you, who I never knew anything really solid about? We'll be alright.
I'm not typical in the slightest. I'm sorry I'm not good with words, that I never know the right thing to say. I'm not really good at being a woman, no one really taught me what to do, and my role models were strange ones. I've always been a tomboy who stuffs her feelings down and pretends her skinned knees don't hurt.
I have a habit of making things worse, so I try to keep my mouth shut. I've been getting better all my life, but it's only a matter of time before I plateau. And I have no idea how to deal with the emotions of others, I can barely deal with my own. Usually I guess, and if I'm lucky I'm right. So don't judge me too harshly.
But be careful with me, too, because I'm fragile though I appear strong and fierce, and I still have leftover feelings that I refuse to speak of.
I'm ready for some short reprieve into normalcy.
P.S. calm down a bit, too, you get way too intense for me sometimes.
i sometimes see myself being with you forever, but other times, its just like....no. but then i realize im 24, so i need to either break up with you now, or try to make things work.
and just so you know, i made a tinder when we go in fights before. i messaged guys. i deleted it after but i still did it. also, i did sleep in that guys bed when we broke up for a couple days. and not only did i touch his dick, i jacked him off till he came, and he fingered me. we were broken up, and i didn't even have to tell you. and no offense,
but you did this to yourself. you've been doing stupid shit since the beginning of our relationship and that's why i lost respect for you, and kinda wanna date someone else. idk what to do anymore.
i wanna be with you, but i dot know if i could actually spend my life with someone who is inconsistent, manipulative, and makes me feel like he doesn't give a shit. i wantsomeone who will care about me, makeme feel loved, blah blah idk what to do anymore. i just wanna break up w you on good terms, wit no yelling and reactiveness. i don't really think we should be together anymore...
T- Oh T, I really like you A lot I like like you I kind of want to fuck you as well You're older and more experienced with matters of the heart than I am I'm worried my youth and inexperience will make me out of the question for you Sometimes I think I just want casual sex with you But you know I'm a virgin (and I don't think you are) and I get the feeling that may affect whether or not you see me as fuckable 9 weeks of hell until I see you again According to the half plus seven rule a relationship would be unacceptable. I hope you don't live by that I'm legal now so who cares? It's not like it's still two years ago and I'm underage. -S
I cannot put into words how much I miss you, we were best friends at work, we always had a laugh and cherished each others company. I would do anything to help you no matter what it was. You got back with your cheating ex a week after I told you how I loved you and wanted to be your husband. We fell apart and I will always regret not fighting for your love as now you are his wife and my chances of happiness with you have gone. I've never loved someone as much as you and have ruined relationships because those girls are not you. Maybe I'll have a girl like you when I stop looking for it.
Have a happy life filled with love and moments you cherish.
You should consider knocking that little game off already. You're trying to pit two people against each other, without actually knowing either person you're trying to play but you stand out incredibly transparently.
Here's your wakeup call. You won't "destroy" anyone's life, because you aren't important enough. You won't "ruin" anyone because you aren't important enough. You won't ever be as important as you wish you were. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll stop being nothing more than an eyesore.
The rule of selective information sharing always applied to you. You stand out because you only use things I told specifically to you, while the other person you're trying to play knows things you never will yet doesn't know any of the things you've tried to use. That's why I know when it's you, that's why he knows when it's you.
Focus on the people that actually trust you, because I'd sooner spit on you if I saw you. I can't tolerate people that try to live out their delusions of grandeur of being "manipulators" as you, yourself, called it.
I kind of realy want you to read this. but if you don't, I just realy like writing this down, it gives me confidence.
I've had a cruch on you ever since 2 weeks after I's party. and I still have. even though that's 3 years in the past. but not realy because I 'feel' it (I mean I shure as hell felt it, but after 2 years you're bound to fall out of chemical love). but I still have a crush on you because I KNOW that you're the best person that can ever happen to me. and I hope vice versa.
that night we where at Inside Outside, drinking beer; best date I ever had, untill the part where I just completely fucked up.. I diddn't kiss you goodbye... oh man I should've. what a fucking autistic lunatic am I. I'm sorry I just realy was too young and too inexperianced. I just thought I was in the friendzone and that's it..
but you know whatever, I know we will be together, if ever. what we had back then, our friendship.. we can find it back again. I know we will.
I have liked alot of girls after you, because I'm not gonna lock myself up and "wait" for you. but the only one that came close to you, was the girl that reminded me of you. and all the boys you like, they're not your soulmates, I am C ;)
all my friends have fantastic girlfriends. I'm still single. the only one I can imagine being with is still you. and I know you will one day be.
Dear person I can't tell, You looked gorgeous today. I was already smiling before I saw you because I'd heard you laughing next door. I nearly broke my face when you came through the door. So much for playing it cool. I kinda maybe slightly stared at your legs and arse and hips and shoulders and neck and hair and legs again, when you turned away to talk to the other guy. I'm sorry. You're not a piece of meat. I feel a little guilty now, if only because I know you'd feel uncomfortable if you knew I was checking you out. But damn, you're magnetic and I just have to look. You're my dream woman. Dreams don't hurt, right? Right.
I can't do this anymore. We love each other but you won't give a chance to make it work. I want to say goodbye, and leave you to figure your own way in the world. But I'm not strong enough, I'm afraid of starting all over again with another guy. I don't know what to do.
T- That was quite a strange autocorrect incident You said you could show me "Orgasming" instead of "programming" (i would like you to show me orgasming though. do you feel the same way?) We have the same phone and mine doesn't correct it to that -S
I hate it when people talk about you to me and you won't talk to me and I won't talk to you. That sucks. I hate it. I always thought you were a cute character before our disasterous hookup made us hate each other.
J. Because I can be an insecure idiot, i almost lost you today. i am so sorry and thank you for putting up with my insecurities. I will try to refrain from panicking in the future, I understand you are not much of a talk, and that i am the polar opposite..Someday I hope to be able to repay your kindness. D.
Ms.B, I am trying not to masturbate and think about you any more. This is proving to be quite difficult: I have an overwhelming desire to go and do it right now. It's like an empty feeling in my chest. I'm fighting it, for now, but it's so difficult. I'm glad you don't know how many times I've brought myself to orgasm over the past year with your name on my lips and your beautiful face or wonderful body pictured in my minds eye. If you knew then you'd probably feel dirty. If you knew then I doubt you would ever talk to me again. Hundreds and hundreds of times I have ejaculated, shuddering and sighing, for you and you alone. I wonder why it is difficult for me to stop now. But I will be strong. I will be strong and I won't think about you all day every day. I won't imagine kissing you gently. I won't dream about grabbing you roughly. I won't touch myself where I wish you would. I will be strong. When I see you tomorrow I won't even be overcome by desire. Everything is going to be calm and fine. We can have a normal conversation and I won't even cum uncontrollably as soon as I hear your voice. Everything is fine.
J, We were brilliant, weren’t we? I see you so rarely and every time you make me feel…amazing. You’re my bright, burning star. My blinding flash of lightning, dazzling and brief. And we had a moment that night, didn’t we? After the glances, the deep, searing gazes. All those touches, embraces. You leave me longing for you and I think you feel the same. If only I could know for certain…
At this point, my word is worth only half the shit it used to be. And I know that I fucked up and everything sucks right now, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let them get the best of me. I'm sorry for shutting you out. I'm sorry for leaving you behind. I'm sorry for every unbearable, morose, and ambivalent moment I've caused you and still do. It's my fault you're this way, but we'll fix this. We'll fix everything I promise. Just hang in there.
I'm sorry for the way I treated you, you just know I care about and you can like whomever you want. And I care about you so much I'm even willing to not be in your life and instead some other older girl who would like me as much. I pissed off your friends and hurt your feelings. I wish you have moved on from me and instead are focusing on what you want. I liked you because I sat by you and saw you a lot and heard you talk and thought you were the coolest girl I have seen in my life. For a guy like me it was hard to find anyone as sweet and caring and nice as you. But if you are still taken and still are dating someone, that is fine by me too. You can go after the older guys, and ignore me if you want. It is always your choice L.
I know what I did was awful, but you never should if told me you loved me when I had a gf already if you were really my friend. Our relationship was rocky and you took advantage. You manipulated me over a year, spreading lies about my friends. What was one of your biggest gripes? The fact I reciprocated your feelings of love and believing we were soul mates. Everything was getting messy, I took a step back and saw the situation for what it was, realising all the things I mentioned just now. You couldn't believe that I could be over you in 6 months so I never had those feelings to begin with. I can assure you, I definitely did.
So where are we now? I'm back with my ex, no longer taking her for granted, realising my mistakes after being succumbed to your antics. There's no denying I was at fault, but it wasn't just me. And where are you? Well it looks like you've gotten yourself a boyfriend. For the life of me, I can't tell if they're actually a boy or a transgendered woman (cue triggers), but it's nice to see you're happy. It's also hilariously ironic how your new relationship occurred about 5 months after ours. I grew to realise why you were the way you were. I always thought you were the victim which is why I stuck by your side, to try help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. But you were just full of shit the whole way through.
I'm so happy to be back with my ex; cutting you out of my life was the best decision I ever made.
J, Dammit you're cute as fuck. You really seem like the sort to enjoy spending time watching shit on Netflix as much as you enjoy going out and being social. I'm fuckin into it. I wish there was a way I could ask you out without it being weird. -J
Katie I still love you and even though I'm with my partner when I curl up with them at night I think about you and wish it was your hair in my face. You would have made an excellent mother. You would have made an excellent wife. I wish I'd had the confidence to tell you then I loved you back.i wish I hadn't brushed your confessions off as jokes and I wish I'd had more time with you, but every second we did have was a gift..I miss you always, you'll always be first in my heart. Alex
A- I never have the right words or the guts to say anything, and it would just make things weird. I just want you to know that I love you, in a way wholly different from anyone else I've ever met. I can't say why, but I never want to see you unhappy and would do anything to help you. I want to look back years down the line and remember what you where then, and see the great heights you are now. Though I fucked up the words, that note you read was true. I truly intend to die overseas. I hope you don't hold it against me. I don't think I'll meet someone quite like you. Good Luck. - I
My wife had a bad dream this morning. Her distress woke me at around five. I put my arms around her and soothed her, holding her tight (but not too tight) until she drifted back into sleep. My hands resting on her under her breasts, I was careful not to brush against her nipples. This was just comfort, not anything sexual. While I held her, I thought of you. I thought of your breasts and how amazing they looked yesterday when you crossed your arms over them. I grew erect quickly and nestled my erection up under her arse as I spooned her, pressing my hard thoughts of you up against her sleeping and unsuspecting cunt. She stirred slightly as she felt me against her and settled back into sleep, happy in her ignorance of how much I want to fuck you. I will see you again today. I can't wait.
If I knew what happened between us, I'd try to contact you again. But I don't. Frankly, I don't trust you. You don't seem to have my best interests in mind and you never even attempted to help me when I would have made (and did) any attempt to help you. We were friends for a while, but I don't feel bad for not trying to get in touch with you because you never tried either. You were bringing me down. I'm sorry.
It's been five years, but I still have not found a new romantic and/or sexual partner. I don't miss you. Nor do I blame you. I just wish you had left me alone. But I also wonder why you never tried to contact me again. It makes me feel like shit, to be honest.
Why did you give up on me?
I want to stop thinking about you so fucking bad. What the fuck am I even doing. My brain is sending me down the worst roads when it comes to you. Still, I really want your love.. Even if it's just that of friends.
I wish I could help more, I really do. I care about you so much and I don't know how to help anymore. I know you're miserable and I hate seeing you like this. I love you and want to marry you but I can't while things are this bad and just keep getting worse. One day when I fix all of it we'll be happy, I promise. I'll figure it out. I love you. -D
Em, I know things are hard right now. I hate what that dick did to you, and me and your boyfriend want to kill him for it. I know it hurts but it will get better, I promise. He deserves to die and if we find him he's going to prison for the rest of his life. Your boyfriend cares about you a lot even if he's only making it worse he only wants to help. He can't change though, you need to understand that, I've known him for 10 times what you have and he will never change, that's not your fault either. If you doubt I'm right about this just wait and see. And if you doubt that running away to travel with him is the right idea don't do it. I know being with him is fun but his lifestyle isn't sustainable and you will end up hurt or dead at the end of it. Johnny P. might read this honestly and if he does then he should pm me so we can talk. I promise I'll do the best I can to help both of you through this, you're two of my best friends. It'll get better. -Tommy
I'm super happy to tell you both that I got a promotion at work! My boss told me he liked the new spread I made to help the team monitor the computers. I know you two were never ones for technical stuff but I'm basically a manager now for the team. It's quite the experience. I wish you could see how big Brad has gotten. He's only 6 but he's almost as tall as I am! 3 years isn't a long time to me but to him it's been an etertiny. He never gave up asking if he could go see you again. He even asks if you could send him some of your No-bake cookies. Poor kid. Maybe someday I will get around to learning that recipe.
Three years. I still can't believe it's been three years since you both passed away. I know I told you both you were basically my Mother and Father a thousand times but I still feel the need to let you know how much I loved you. How much I miss you both and how much both of you still give me strength to press on and be a good parent for Brad. I owe you both so much more than I can give now but I feel you both all around me. Protecting me and Brad. I'll never forget you.
>>16708110 Why is that so? There is always time to make things right. I lost someone over a stupid misunderstanding and I keep waiting and wishing for this silence to be broken. I'd welcome him with open arms. Maybe your girl will too if you give her your honesty.
I'm not sure if the longing gazes, small talk and the what seemed like impeccably timed action today is done because you genuinely like me, or if I am just blowing everything out of proportion. I have always been correct to trust my gut instinct in the past, but because we're the same gender I'm scared to make the first move. I adore you deeply and possess the most animalistic desire for you, but your varied and strange behaviour towards me makes me fear we will be strangers within 10 months, both having missed our opportunity. Please make the first move.
W You were a bad mistake, but I'm glad it happened, at least I won't spend my life wondering now. I genuinely wish you luck and happiness. Please please don't fuck things up with the next girl by being a superior cunt. Give yourself a chance. K
So tell me -- was that you last night? What the hell? What was that? So on a freezing cold night some hobo is going to choose a spot in the middle of a driveway that is totally visible from the street? A driveway that belongs to a business that had been dark and closed but now has a light on inside?
>>16710034 Amazing in every way. The kind of personality that puts the rest of the world to shame. The mind of an evil genius. The heart of a saint. Such passion for life and for so many things. The ability to find joy in the most simple things and share that joy completely through just a few words. The soul of an artist. The ability to draw and paint in a way that can move someone deeply. A fine musical sensibility and a heartbreakingly beautiful singing voice. And on, and on, and on. All of this squeezed into the 6'2" body of a goddess. All of this with a face to kill for. All of this and a barrel of modesty.
T- I want to hold your hand And not just when we're ice skating Was that an excuse for you to hold my hand? Your gloves were fingerless, maybe I was just keeping your hands warm. I wanna go ice skating again with you. Too bad it'll be March by the time we see each other again -S
My feelings for you are complicated, and I have danced around them for at least the past year. I waited for a sign, I tried to make my move, I faded into the background.
Whenever you would tap me on the shoulder, back, wherever and say hello and smile, I would start drinking and not stop until I was past the point of no return.
I managed to stop that, but I can't manage to forget you.
Maybe you don't remember the day I was in for the brewery tour. I do. When you talked to me, the people I was with disappeared and all I could see was you. You have the slow gaze of someone with vast intelligence. You have the discipline of the most dedicated masters of martial arts.
I can't have you, and I write so as to forget. Maybe not forget. Maybe to just condense the space you occupy in my heart and my head.
I still think about the way you looked at me when you saw us together. Was it disgust or heartbreak? I confuse the two. Do you think he's beneath me and do you think I care? If you're jealous, just let it go, because all attraction evaporates as soon as the first jealous word is spoken.
I would have fallen deeply in love with you, waiter, and I can't handle that.
I don't even know if it's true, I'm probably delusional, but man, I've allowed myself to waste so much time. I don't even know if I still care, but why are you playing bf-gf with a representation of me? What the actual fuck? Am I a cartoon to you? A distant movie figure? 1.5 years. For what? Life could end tomorrow. Why wait and sit around? Eternity is for the gods, not for humans. I don't even know if I want to spend time with you, I'm wasting my best and freshest years with exactly nothing. You seem incapable of change and nuts. I'm disgustingly weak and crazy for just sitting around. Sitting around for what? Your movie to end? A part of me hopes he's not a representation of me. Like what the actual fuck is wrong with people? Someone get me out of here and give me a cooler reality.
It's been a long time since I wrote you a letter. I used to write you these desperate letters. I have to be honest, you haven't been on my mind for a long time. But today I spotted your name and I was reminded of your existence.
I realised that I am so thankful you dumped me. I am in love with a guy who gives me everything I deserve, even more. He kisses me at all the right places, loves me so much. He actually TALKS with me, something you never did. He dances with me. He makes me feel love and accepted. I have never felt more like myself. You never gave this to me. You always made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Your communication was awful. I never was that insecure, you did that to me.
So thank you for dumping me. It did hurt like hell, I was so heartbroken. I don't know how I survived. But I know I would've loved you forever. I wouldn't have left you, ever. I'm so thankful you did it, because I never would've found this amazing guy. I always thought you were all I deserved.
Hope all is well with you. Hope you're better at communicating (for your next girlfriend). Hope I'll never see you again.
>>16710305 Dear Anon, Please remember to keep yourself hydrated and always eat three meals a day. It can be tempting to skip a meal for sake of time, but doing so can have negative effects on your health. Best regards, -/adv/
I hadn't thought of you in a long time, and then today I had a moment that felt... well I can't really describe it. it was like having deja vu, getting hit with a brick to the chest, and feeling like you just fell into a gigantic dandelion or something. alright, maybe I can kinda describe it but not in any way that's gonna make sense.
I heard a girl who's voice sounded so much like yours. same mannerisms and everything when she talked softly. I could practically see the looks that would be on your face if it had been you talking. does that make sense? like when youd end a question with that sort of like, your voice would trail yet still be completely firm, soft but not imploring... I really can't describe it properly. but i could practically see the look that would go with that tone and mannerism.
so i had that moment, with that feeling, and then memories of you flooded back. how you smelled, the taste of your burts bees rhubarb chapstick you always wore, the shine of your eyes, the way your hair looked like fire in the right light... how you felt against me when we hugged. I just let myself remember it all for the first time in forever. didn't do my typical "I can't be thinking about this" and then try to think of anything else thing. I could've just sat there for an hour, wishing I was talking to you.
how do you still manage to do that? why'd I have to be such a fucking idiot? why'd we have to meet then and not just a little later? no one has come close to making me feel like that and it seems so silly considering what we had to things since.
no one has had as big an effect on me. no one else has made me feel that had I not done this thing or that thing that my life would be so different.
Dear Loren, I know my words fall on deaf ears just like my tears fell on my cheeks but for one second I could call you mine you made make me the happiest man alive. I'm to much of a fuck up to do anything now. You are always in an upbeat mood. I feel that mood rub off on my every now and then. I cant ever seem to do anything right. I feel like I'm a drag or an annoyance when I'm around you. I could put into words "That I love you". I would play countless situations thru my head of me and you talking but it never passed the planning stage. I dread having to see you everyday but I know that'a a lie. I guess i wrote this as a way to tell myself I've given up and have no interest in love anymore. It's just a bunch of chemical reactions, right?
I tore the rest off and thru it away in a blatant rage after that day...
D, Asexual, huh? Wish you'd been able to tell me that back when we were together. Would've made my life a lot easier. As much as I like to say sex wasn't an issue, it was. It wasn't what doomed us though, lack of communication did that. You disappeared for weeks at a time, you lied about to me about your family just to get out of a dinner date. You never opened up to me. When we spoke it was like talking to a brick wall. I can still remember over the summer when we'd talk all the time about all kinds of shit. I don't know what changed, but after that all I ever got were one word responses. "Okay." "Whatever." "I guess." We might as well have been two strangers talking about the weather. Any time I tried to talk, you'd just play it off and push me further away. How could you expect a different outcome than this? And at the end of it all, you sit there all anonymous-like and complain I dumped you for being asexual.
I really used to want to get back together with you. I always held out this hope that someday you would call or text and we could try to work things out. But I don't want to anymore. You deserve someone with the same priorities as you, and that sure as fuck isn't me. -J
L, Thanks for blowing me off twice in a weekend. If you didn't want to hang out, just fucking say that instead of making plans weeks in advanced
E, thanks for making false accusations toward me. I almost dropped out of uni and put a gun in my mouth 4 different times because of that shit. I hope you suffer and never know peace.
S, So am I incompetent or gifted, because you said both in the same day. You are the reason I will never teach: not because I can't, but because I refuse to be involved in a profession that's full of backstabbers like you. Fuck you and your autistic family.
R, You were one of the few people who was supposed to help advocate for my success, and the only time I saw you smile was when I dropped out of your course. You are the reason why people think professors are stuck up.
You do not like NB. You like what ever it is you think I am. To you, I'm not more than a projection of your needs and desires. In reality, you cross my boundaries, bully me and lack any modicum of respect. This is everything but love. I don't love you either. I'm in love with what I think you are deep down, something you're unwilling to give. If I could just change you and have you act like any normal person would, maybe this could work. But I do not accept you for what you really are. Namely someone who keeps vicitmizing me whil lying to themselves they're not and that I deserve it(?). Man, man, man. Oh, and trust me, this ain't me trying to "change" you. It's me moving on and BECOMING WHO I REALLY AM DEEP DOWN MYSELF. BYE!
Yes, control is all you ever wanted right? Yes, please keep talking about sex to try and control me. See if it works, I'm begging you. I literally can't wait to prove you wrong and hit you back. It's a give and take dynamic after all. You wanted to hit me? Expect to get hit back ten times more. Bitch.
Yeah I'm writing about you again after about a month or so. I guess after you left I've started thinking about you less and less, but still you cling on in my memories. I don't necessarily miss you, but I do miss the relationship we had in the beginning. I miss the conversations we had the moments at work we shared together I miss our time together in the beginning. But you've made it very clear, you never wanted to be friends with me. And for me that was the last straw. I started talking to you less and less. And By the time M came into the picture, our relationship was but a shell of its former self. By what S told me it looks like you're going back to school, well that's good. I hope you find your purpose in life because I don't know what I want to do. It's actually scaring me somewhat...
You're disgusting. You're a coward. Writing that whole blog post about "Sasuke" (love your kawaii codenames for everyone, by the way); how he was "manipulative" and a "prima donna" and he "broke off your friendship" because you were "too needy"?
Bitch, you threw a temper tantrum because he wouldn't let you win at Yugioh. YUGIOH. You were 23 goddamn years old and you acted like "Sasuke" was "too competitive" and "used you for target practice" because you sucked dick at Yugioh. And you try and write a rant about him because you say he was MANIPULATIVE? You're the cocksucker who got a woman going through a divorce to pity-fuck you. Projecting much? Who the fuck do you think you are, writing shit like that?
I know why you did it. I know YOU. You wrote it--you created that whole blog, that whole new persona (not a single damn person believes that you're trans, Nick) for "Chibi"'s sake. You wanted a platform where you could broadcast your victimization. What a victim you are! Look how MEAN everyone is to you. Look how much you STRUGGLE. Isn't it funny how, after she decided she was asexual, you suddenly were a champion of ace issues? Isn't it funny how, when you saw her boyfriend with black hair, you dyed your hair black? Isn't it funny how, when she started spouting all that tumblr bullshit, you were suddenly trans? SHE doesn't even believe you. Sometimes "Sasuke" asks her about you and she rolls her eyes at the very thought of you. You're pathetic and the only reason she's still giving you the time of day is because you've made her feel like she has to save you because of how victimized you've made yourself out to be.
>>16711384 By the way, my favorite post of yours was the one about how you stayed at a sex shop after closing to harass the girl working there because she said she liked your pikachu shirt. You should write about more of the creepy things you do and less about what a poor, sad, friendless victim you are. It makes for better reading material for me. I like reading those ones aloud to my sister so we can giggle about what a creep you are.
You fucking cunt. You stupid, arrogant, pretentious fucking cunt. You should never have been elected to that position. I deserved it. I am better than you, I am smarter than you. How the fuck do people like you more? You're obnoxious. You're too skinny. You have a superiority complex. You wear too much make up. And yet you got the position over me. I fucking hate you. And to fucking boot, you stole my idea. And I know you did, you little bitch. That's why you can't look at me or speak to me anymore. I hate you. I hope you get an STD.
Go get bent. No one will ever like you, you're boring and have bad hair. You were my friend and you fucked me because you wanted to be popular.
I don't love you anymore. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have broken up with you. I still have feelings for you. I am very sorry I hurt you.
I would like to kiss you. Thats all. We'll see where it goes from there. You seem like you're heads on pretty straight and I love the way you do your make-up.
I like being around you. I might even love you, though when we're in public together a voice in my head nags me to get away somewhere with just me and you. That makes me doubt my love for you. Can you really love someone who makes you even slightly ashamed? Oh well, your confidence and kindness overshadow most of your flaws.
I'm sorry for being so "stand-offish" as you put it. I wish I was a more caring person, the kind of person you need but ironically don't want. Our relationship was needy, insecure, and immature. Not something I want to boast about. There isn't anymore room for growth so I must go.
You're the worst. You're so immature, petty, and stupid. I thought those horror stories about bad roommates happened rarely, but when I found out I was living with one it makes me disgusted. You tried poisoning our food, urinating on your things, and just being downright awful. And for what? Because we just told you to pick up your stuff, clean your dishes, to BASICALLY CARRY YOUR OWN WEIGHT?
Seriously man. I know this isn't fair to say, but after being exposed to you you're an awful example of your people and the gay community. If I ever meet your kind, I will remember you and how disgusting, unhygentic, and borderline psycho you were and apply it to people of your ethnicity. I will always think twice before being friends of people of your race because of how terrible you were.
Get some help man. I sincerely hope you encounter the misery you've brought onto others in the form of an event or a person who is equally as bad as you.
the daydreams of the entire cosmos unfold in her eyes every time one looks in to them. Her smile is catching and there's enough joy in her to keep even the most jaded fagit laughing for days. She's the strongest person there is. Perfection.
someone, you're out there and i miss you. i hope your not dead, i can never forget how it felt to love you so much i can't remember what you sound like or your face just that your head was pretty big i remember you being smart but i was 18 then so i was too stupid
Does your boyfriend know where you were Christmas eve? I wonder what you told him, if anything. We live a thousand miles apart now so you think that makes it okay. Our friends will never know so what's the harm. I wonder what your boyfriend would think if he knew about us holding each other, as we whisper in the dark.
You were the first person i ever actually loved. I slept with others before you, but you were the first person I loved. I don't remember the first time i told you I loved you, but I remember the last. I spent 5 years of my life with you 17-22. You understood me. You were loyal, and you were beautiful. I was your first, and i loved that. That is something that i'll never feel again. Everyone thought we we're meant to be. We did too, for a while. Then one day everything changed. I don't know how but it did. Our intimacy died down. You realized how different we were, but we stayed the course because we loved each other. The days passed and each day that did we realized more and more that things weren't where they needed to be. Whilest people who had been together shorter than we had started getting married, and we still fought and argued we realized things. The last year was the hardest. I cheated on you with someone who filled the problems that you didn't meet up to. You remained loyal, but frustrated. You never found out, and you probably never will. This was the most shameful thing i've ever done. We grew up together. You got me through college. You encouraged me to enrich my career. But we weren't happy. Things only got worse. I flirted with your friend. I got a big head. I thought I didn't need you. I was miserable, so were you. But we were too stubborn to admit it because we weren't always miserable. Then we finally broke up, and i don't think either of us believed it. The next day i fucked one of your now former friends. I thought i was past it, that i never needed to worry again, i was free. Then after a week of sex with her i couldnt get it up for the first time in my life. I thought of you. I moved on to another, but the sex was empty and cold. You found out and fucked someone else. We both regretted what we had done. Time has passed. Its been 4 months since i left you and i feel dead. Ive never been so attracted 2 u
It's been fun recently, but I'm going to a really far away place soon. I'll be gone for a long time and I don't think that we will be able to be together for much longer. I know I say "I love you" but the love has faded. I don't know how to tell you that we need to separate, and I sure as hell don't know how to tell you I found someone else. She's nice and kind. She will treat me right. She's respectful of you and won't let me cheat. I know that if she was down I would lose my grip and become an untrustworthy fellow. That's also why I like her so much. I will always keep you close but idk how close I can keep you. Please help make this easy.
>>16711749 I miss you now more than i have missed anything. I'm dating someone young and fair but it still feels empty. She cares for me deeply, but i dont have the heart to tell her the truth. You are who i think about more than her. You're moving past me and you are getting stronger, but i am not. Im miserable and only now do i realize. No amount of crazy sex, pot, booze or cigarettes will change that. Maybe time will, god i hope it will. I love you. I wish I didnt but i do. I only post pictures of me wit other girls to make you jealous because knowing you don't care about me is my greatest fear. I don't think we can be friends. I wish more than anything we could be together again. You were my everything and now we never talk. I wish i didn't feel love. I wish i was just some asshole manchild who only cared about getting laid because then i would be happy. But im not. I have nightmares about you, I cry even though i get promoted at work or when i get my paycheck. I wonder if you feel the same way but won't admit it. Its a shame how cruel the world is. How easily love can die. It is never all at once. Its slow. It creeps up on you like a slow sickness. A cancer. I would doubt it was even real if i didnt know how it felt. I hate you, I love you, but most of all I hate myself. Its easier to be angry than sad. This is how love dies, with a whisper.
Fuck you, you stupid manipulative bitch. I thought after being friend-zoned so many times I figured I would actually stay friends with a crush and try to move on. After years of helping you through your hard times, going through all the emotional bullshit that comes from a relationship without the actual physical part, I realized how much of a tool I've been. Then after years of drifting apart and eventually losing all contact, you suddenly call me drunk as fuck, inviting me over cause your boyfriend/baby daddy is being a drugged up douchebag? I should've come over there and fucked your brains out, if it wasn't for your boyfriend being a motherfuckin coke head gangbanger.
M We could've made great steam friends, talking shit and shooting shit while playing CS:GO or Borderlands, play with Risk Of Rain's local multiplayer, Or just beat each other up with Mortal Kombat. Oh well, hope we cross paths again one day.
No luck needed. I royally fucked up the whole situation and I'll never see her again except in dreams and memory... Those eyes are going to haunt me till the day I die. I'd have married her in a heartbeat and still would. She completed me absolutely. I'm the biggest hapless loser the earth ever bore. I lost my job and fucked over all our dreams. She broke down after months of my fruitless efforts to recover the situation and told me crying that she really wanted to go to school and get a degree.I told her repeatedly that I wouldn't and couldn't stand in the way of her dreams and that it would be better for her if I just faded out of her life. She refused to hear it and the depression and hard work of supporting the both of us got to her. Day by day those eyes started losing their light and the smile was always a little fainter. I couldn't stand it a day longer and started a fucked up argument. Called her terrible names and did my best to make her hate me so it would be easier for her to move on with the life she deserved. As far as I know she has got her life on track again and I'm sure she'll be happier than she ever could've been with me... Even so I can't help but miss her.
I'm a fucking idiot and I have my punishment... The memories she left me.
I just can't stop thinking about you. I'm in a constant state of internal conflict. I know that it's not right, but it feels so right. I know that it's not good, but there's nothing I want more than to fill my life beyond overflowing with you and you alone. Each day revolves around you. Just a glimpse of the back of your head from a dozen yards away is enough to tilt the earth beneath me: proof that you exist, which means that paradise is real. Paradise is a moment shared with you, and I want to stay there forever. It's no wonder I cannot stop thinking about you. I've lost the war with myself long ago, now I'm just pretending. Putting on a show. You've conquered me completely.
I'm having a panic attack and I'm in fucking tears because, once again, you're going to leave me.
I fucked up and if I could change every single aspect of myself to be better, then I would in less than a goddamn heartbeat.
I'm sorry for being me. I'm sorry for being a disappointment. I'm sorry for being a failure. I'm sorry that I can't do anything right. I'm sorry that I ruin everything. I'm sorry for being a worthless piece of shit.
I lied. When you told me you had never met anyone like me and asked me if I had met anyone like us, I told you: "Sure, this and that person". You knew those were lies, right? I was afraid of seeing how much alike we really are. I was afraid it was all true. I was afraid of seeing you. I was afraid of the power you could yield over me. I was head over heels for you ever since the day we met. I'm so sorry we had to be born on opposite ends of this planet. It makes me wish reincarnation is real, just so I can have the chance of spending a lifetime by your side. Even if I feel like shit right now because you are gone, I gotta tell you this: thank you for dropping by. You opened a new world to me. Please don't give up on love.
I gave you the world, helped with your depression and insecurities. As arrogant as it sounds, I healed you with unrequited love that you didn't deserve in the slightest. I thought you were different, but in the end turned out to be just as shallow selfish and narcissistic as any other bitch without a heart. The best part? I genuinely don't care anymore. I'm over you, because the dork I loved was a mask that doesn't exist anymore. Have fun trying to get a job in the arts.
You're not just my muse. You're my fucking world. I'm literally a fangirl among thousands of others. It sucks that we know each other personally. You're always within physical reach. But I know I can never reach your heart.
Sometimes, I wish I never knew you at all. Oh how peaceful and mediocre my life would've been.
Now, you're the only thing running in my mind. It's been almost a year since I realized that I was in love with you. And you will, of course, never realize the depth of my feelings for you.
First you go after my bf, next my brother? Bitch you've been in a several year relationship and have a baby. I've talked to your baby daddy, and he's fucking in love with you, works all day for you, but that's how you repay it huh? Still find the time to be a batshit do-nothing whore. I wish so hard that I can just kick your ass. Fucking special-snowflake syndrome otherkin weeaboo psycho drugged up bitch. Your child needs to be taken from you.
I realized that the reason I think about you so much is because I don't want to think about anything else going on in my life. Even feeling sad about you or hurt or jealous is better than thinking about what's going on in my family life.
Then I thought about what I'd really wanted from you, and what I still would like to have happen. It's not that you will fall in love with me and be friends or have some kind of relationship other than something very casual. No, that's not what I want or what I wanted because I know that would be impossible and even ridiculous. No. What I wanted was for you to kill me. Part of me really wishes that you'd just killed me and put me out of the misery that will be the rest of my life from now on.
Man, why did you have to contact me? Why couldn't you just post a letter here like a normal person? I kept having a feeling, as if you were out there in the world somewhere trying to get through to me, so I erased everything. But of course! You know my email address! The one I use daily! You found a way, E. You always find a way. Thanks for listening when I asked you to leave me alone this time. I actually really appreciate it. Maybe I'll call you someday, just to be friendly. Maybe. Probably years from now. So long as you don't harass me anymore, I mean. M
To my not so secret love, You laughed a lot today. It was like music to me; my heart fought my chest. Simple joy and lasting bliss, just from hearing you. I am lucky. I am blessed. I sleep tonight with you on my mind, as always. I love you.
i keep giving you chances and you keep violating basic human decency, please do not act surprised when i retaliate. You keep parking your car on my property, your kid screams every fucking morning and afternoon, you keep watching me every time i go outside and all i fucking do is keep to myself yet i hear your incessant bitching every fucking day. I have patience but it is almost at an end.
I am confused by us. I don't know exactly where this is going or where you want it to go. I don't know if you want to be friends at this point, or are still trying to hook up. Most importantly, I don't even know if you still want to talk to me. I've always had this grand illusion that you feel the same way about me as I do you, but I'm almost certain it's only an illusion.
Everyone needs advice but I just need money, all these posts about girls and girlfriends, it's like, that's the easy shit, just do what you can to get what you need or give up, move on, stop wasting neurons thinking about so much shut, just enjoy being alive, I just need money so I can smoke weed for one more day, then ill be happy
I really hate what happened to us B, maybe I'm a little bitch because it happened years ago and I still occasionally think about it. Fuck, I know your messed up but you weren't and fucked someone older and made me feel so insecure and lonely. Sorry I wasn't the best suave guy but I've been hurt so much before and it's hard for me to be so open and not shy. To DA I really hope we can start taking more, I really hope we can have something because your just great, and I get happy when I talk to you and I hope you get happy when you talk to me. Lastly sorry E but your a bitch, then again I was kind of an asshole too but still fuck you. -yours truely Marciano
E you've been my best friend for two years but I keep having dreams about you fucking me. if you weren't straight I would've married you by now. I love you. congrats on being pregnant. congrats on being engaged. I would do so much better for you.. I secretly still hope sometimes that we'll end up together. he's no good for you. you need to be with a girl, and one who genuinely loves you. I'm sorry, I just reaalllyy wish you were a dyke. life would be so much easier if we would've ended up dating instead of becoming best friends. I just want to kiss and hold you. fuck. A
You probably thought my post was funny because our first time meant so much more to me than you.
Or because our sex in general probably means more (emotionally) to me than you.
Or because I love our sex but it doesn't compare to the sex you've had with anyone else. Especially over the last year, probably.
But what do I know? I'm just a dumb piece of shit with no brain. Clearly, because I only had an episode and tried to kill myself.
God I fucking hate myself and whatever the fuck is going on between us right now. You won't even let me explain what happened which, granted, should definitely wait until we're face to face. That is, if you ever even want to see me again. I have no fucking idea why you would want to.
SW, Better believe I'll fuck up any guy who tries to act solid or tough to me. Better tell your "man" to sit his little ass down and not get uppity cause I'm talking to you. I'll seriously kill him. Especially that fat fuck Kenny.
>>16715676 >>16715352 What the hell is going ON here? Why don't you just talk to her? These letters threads kill me inside because I'm really just "venting" because I can't get close to him. I'm afraid of him because I love him, okay? I can say that. I care about him deeply. Why I have no idea. Something in his eyes. His deep eyes. God I'm so pathetic my life is falling down on me I've failed. I've had sex and every time I thought of him. I shut my eyes and wished it were him.
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