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My GF wanted to go to Disney with her friend...
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Thread replies: 65
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My GF wanted to go to Disney with her friend during spring break. I can't go since well, honestly I'm not even sure why. She gets to go for free since her friend is doing an internship. there.

However we were planning on moving in together soon and we were going to use spring break as the time to look at houses. On top of that we won't see each other much during the semester and I wanted to take that time to really be with her.

I told her this today over the phone and it pretty much turned into an argument, and with her just saying she won't go and being bummed out.

Am I being a shitty boyfriend? What else am I supposed to do in this situation? I'm really not comfortable with my GF just going on vacation without me during a time we already had plans for.
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>>16697330
If she already made plans with you, that's kind of fucked up.
However, if you had never communicated an intention to spend time with her over spring break, you're being retarded.
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>>16697359
The plans for looking at houses was definite since my lease on my current place is up in May. Other than that I just kinda assumed that was our time to spend together since we won't be seeing each other much.

Also that money she wanted to spend on vacation is money needed for our new place, especially since she's always saying how she needs to save for it.
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bumping. could use some more opinions
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>>16697330
KEK holy shit youre a fag
>me and i girlfriend promised to go gets some ice cream tomorrow but she said she wanted to bail because she was offered the chance to fulfill one of her life long dreams tomorrow. I argued with her and she decided not to go
This is how you ruin a relationship real fast. Have fun looking at houses you wont share for long. If you make you spouse have to choose between you and the opportunities in their life youre going to destroy it because theyll think youre ruining their life. Which you are.
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>>16697537
Your analogy is SOO different from my situation.

>ice cream = looking for a new home
>life long dream = a few days at disney

you have to be a troll.
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Why can't you look at houses another time?
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>>16697551
You cant see it. Its so funny. Have fun with your failed relationship.
>a few days at disney
Im going to assume you live a good life if this is insignificant.
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>>16697562
We could. But its much easier during Spring break since we have a lot of time off and don't have to worry about school. And it works out since me lease is up shortly after the semester.
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>>16697562
Because he needs to make his gf miss out on opportunities.
Hes just being selfish is all. He cant realize that looking for a house is not important to his girl.
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>>16697537
Where did OP say going to Disney was her life dream?
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>>16697571
Just because it's easier then, doesn't mean it's not possible. You can look for houses before she goes, get it all sorted out, and then she can go on her trip over spring break. You'll be freaking living with her afterwards, so I don't see why spending time with her is such a huge deal. You're making this out to be a bigger problem than it really is
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>>16697587
You could be right. There's also a lot of trust issues in our relationship at the moment, and it's hard for me to let her go on vacation without me a few days. I know the friend she's going with doesn't like me either, and could very well encourage to cheat on me or something. That may just be me being paranoid though.
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>>16697575
Are you saying she doesnt have an opportunity here
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>>16697565
It is considering we just went there last year. Try not being so poor.
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>>16697600
>it's hard for me to let her go on vacation without me a few days
kek I fucking knew it. Any reasonable person when given the chance to go to disney land over vacation or look at homes would pick the former.
OP is just a controlling faggot making her miss out on opportunities. I just want him to remember that I called the breakup.
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>>16697612
>tfw I get in for free

bwahahahaha
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>>16697600
I know this isn't an answer to the problem you asked, but don't move in with her if your relationship isn't stable and you don't trust her.
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>>16697612
>go someone once a year
>not important
kek. Im sure your gf agrees right.
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>>16697620
You're right. It's not the answer I wanted either but I know it's the safest one. But I love the girl and I want to move in with her even with our bad history. We got through all that stuff and we're in a better place now even with the trust issues.
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>>16697633
Don't move in with her until you sort out your issues. All your issues. If her going on holiday without you is causing you concern, you're not ready
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>>16697612
Stay classy, OP.
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>Disneyland
>looking at houses with needy faggot bf

Know which one i'd choose
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>>16697330
>I dont trust my girlfriend to go with friends without me
>am i a shitty boyfriend
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>>16697769
>every relationship I've ever had has been perfect and I look down on others who have issues

fuck off
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>>16697827
Theres problems and then there's this obsessive controlling you are doing.
If I didnt trust my gf not to be around me Id dump her.
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>>16697614
Not op.

I think Disneyland is boring and stupid I never had fun there even when I was a child, I'd rather look for a home in liked so I can enjoy my day to day life not a 3 day vacation
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>>16697841
I said reasonable person
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>>16697330
Even tho I love my boyfriend and going to check out houses would be fun, I'd probably go to Disney. ESPECIALLY if it was free. So I can kind of side with ur gf on this one.
Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. Look up some houses online, choose the ones you like, and check them out when you both have time. If you're moving in together, you're going to be spending a lot of time with each other so I wouldn't be worrying about missing out on the week you would be seeing each other.
I mean it's Disney. Free Disney. I'd totally go.
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>>16697858
Even if you had already had plans with your BF to look at houses? And would you go without him?

but I see what you're saying. it does make sense when you put in hat perspective.
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>>16697858
He needs to make sure she doesnt have fun without him. Obviously she cant go.
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>>16697873
Truthfully, I've kind of done this already. This last summer I went on a road trip with my friends to Florida because her boyfriend had an internship with Disney and gave us free park hopper passes. I went without my boyfriend.
But, that being said, we didn't have plans to look for houses during that time. I think you shouldn't be upset about her going alone, but I think you're justified in being upset about her bailing on the house search.
Honestly, she's probably just assuming it will work out itself and isn't putting it as such a high priority. She may just be comfortable with the fact that you guys have "forever" of being together and that she doesn't have to worry about it.
I dunno, but I think it's something that can be easily worked out. Let her go on her trip but make her promise to look with you in the meantime
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>>16697883
Oh relax, I would be jealous too if my boyfriend went to Disney without me.
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>>16697885
see>>16697600
He just wants to control her and is using the promise to look at houses as an excuse.
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>>16697888
Im jealous of a lot of things but Id never try to stop someone from doing something out of jealousy. Thats sickening.
>if I cant have fun you cant have fun
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>>16697895
Didn't see that. He's definitely being paranoid. But as I said, it's something that he and his girlfriend should discuss rather than him confessing his fears anonymously online
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>>16697330
Dude don't be selfish.

Just let her go and wish her a good time.

If you make a deal out of it she'll just resent you. Anyone who could go to Disney Land for free would want to take the opportunity and there's really no reason to hassle her if she's not going with a group of guys.
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>>16697901
Right, and I agree he's being hasty about stopping her from going, but I believe he knows he's wrong and just needs a second opinion to show he's being irrational.
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>>16697902
Im just pointing out that he shouldnt pretend like its her being unreasonable here. A real manipulator here. Hes trying to paint her as the bad guy when its clearly his own insecurities and came here seeking validation.
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>>16697901
Oh please.You've obviously never been in a long term relationship then.

also
>planned her birthday dinner on a night I can't go
>teased me about going on a cruise and cancelled recently for reasons I don't even know
>now this Disney thing

all that within the same week. Yea maybe I'm being a jealous dick but sickening is not the right word here.
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>>16697858
Yeah this OP. Just go ahead and do research ahead of time and send her info./pics while she's at Disneyland. I get where OP is coming from, but might as well let her take this opportunity.
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>>16697912
You're taking this a little too far. It's really just a simple argument any couple would have, really
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>>16697885
>>16697902
>>16697906
>>16697934

Whoever this/these people are I must say you are the posters in this thread. thank you for putting this into perspective and giving me the advice.

I'm going to just tell her to go and not worry about the housing thing. If she doesn't want to take it seriously, well then there's my answer. But I'm not going to be the one to ruin the relationship over this. Thanks again.
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>>16697920
Nah its sickening. Any mentality that tries to bring others down is the lowest. I dont see that part where she tried to control you and prevent you from doing things out of spite and hate. Only the worst people do this.
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>>16697934
Couples dont try to manipulate each other like this. If they do its already doomed.
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>>16697949
You're welcome OP! It will work out, good luck!
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>>16697952

>hey hun I need you to help me with our bills. It's a little much and I could use you help
>nah I'm gonna go out and get wasted without you and have fun
>okay I don't want to bring you down cause that would be sickening.

you're a fucking moron.
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Disney seems like more fun than looking around houses with you. If it was me I'd tell my girlfriend to go and find a house for us myself, it would be silly not to go over a little thing like that.

I'm going to Disney in June for my dads birthday in fact, haven't told my girlfriend yet. She's in Dhaka and I'm in London at the moment, we'll meet up somewhere in a week or so.

I'm so glad that we are both want each other to be happy and can do our own thing sometimes without a fuss. House viewings and birthday parties aren't really that great, who cares who's there.
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>>16697968
Only a moron couldnt see how this is completely unrelated.
Telling someone to help out with the bills isnt a selfish action fueled by hate and jealous. Only a child couldnt see that.
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>>16697976
I get what you're saying but she has been really excited by looking at houses. We already have a few in mind and we wanted to go look at them together. I totally get that disney is way more fun. I don't doubt that one bit. But leaving me to do all the dirty work while she goes on vacation without me is kind of a bummer.
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She is probably going to leave with the key idea being "I'm better off without him".
Which is true, of course.
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>>16697977
Neither is looking at our future home together
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>>16697995
>We cant look at homes another time
>Both of us are needed to look at homes
Nope.
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>>16697988
That's totally normal to be bummed out. It's only momentary, send her pictures of the houses you like while she's at Disney. She doesn't have to be completely out of the loop.
Just keep reminding yourself she'll be glad to have gone to Disney, but will be even happier to know she has an understanding boyfriend to come home to
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DUH of COURSE she chose a FREE DISNEY TRIP over you.
That's literally a no brainer. Are you'd stupid?
You think she'd rather stay in town and look at houses (boring af) or go have the time of her life with her friend???

Why are you even mad op?
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>>16697988
Seems like you don't really understand each other, have you talked this through? If not could you just send her some messages and get things cleared up right now? You can get her thoughts on the whole thing, not seeing the houses etc.

Seems like you're a bit jealous that she's having a good time while you are left with some work. I guess that doesn't come from being poor, since you would definitely want her to go then. So I guess maybe you're selfish or maybe you don't like your girlfriend (and thus aren't very motivated to work or happy for her)?
I don't know, fix the communication problem first.
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>>16697997
Actually even OP said >>16697571
>We could. But its much easier during Spring break
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>>16698012
It's her birthday so I told her we would just put a pin it until after since I don't want it to ruin anything. And yea whatever I'm jealous, it's already been established. I feel most people would be in this situation. But as I poster here: >>16697949
I'm going to just let her go.
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>>16698024
Maybe for the best, but you still need to stop that mentality before it ruins your life.
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>>16698043
>ruins your life
How so?
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>>16698024
>I feel most people would be in this situation
Most people wouldnt be a selfish faggot and try to blame her and stop her though. Not everyones a manipulator.
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>>16698048
>I cant be happy for my partner if Im not including
>I dont want my partner to be happy if Im not happy
>How could that ruin my relationship
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>>16698048
Well psychological experiments show that in cases where another person has something they don't, they would rather destroy that good thing they are than something not have it.

Basically it should be:
both have a good thing > one person has good thing, other doesn't > none have a good thing.

But in some it's:
both have a good thing > none have a good thing > one has a good thing

I'm doing a lot of bad explaining here, but basically: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality is destructive.
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>>16698050
>>16698057
>making plans for a really import decision in our lives/relationship
>saving up money and working hard all semester for it
>plan a time it's convenient for the both of us to do all of this
>nvm hun im going to disney world and blowing a ton cash lol bye

Like I get I'm being a jealous faggot but you guys are acting like their are no other factors involved here.
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>>16698073
>its more convenient to do this thing that can be done anytime if you dont have fun
>You shouldnt have fun now because I cant have fun
Thread replies: 65
Thread images: 4
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