>>16683912 Not op, and I know the answer might be obvious, but what if the person who cheated on you is your current partner? I don't trust my bf nearly as much as I used to, but I do think I can move on, eventually.
Do you think that's possible? Do you think a bf who cheated can help their gf deal with it and eventually put it behind them both?
>>16684093 >Do you think that's possible? Do you think a bf who cheated can help their gf deal with it and eventually put it behind them both?
It depends. If you can - truly - forgive him, it's possible and not unheard of. But in most cases, people "forgive" their SO, but still get suspicious when he's working late, they bring it up in arguments etc... it leads to distrust, resentment and ultimately failure.
That said, you need to have a long talk about how and why he cheated. If he's just inherently a cheater, your forgiveness will not change that. If there was, let's say, alcohol involved,he himself should make a commitment to remove excessive alcohol from the equation of your relationship.
If he is determined to change, and you are determined to forgive, give him every chance. But you said you don't trust him nearly as much as you used to, and that will likely lead to him resenting you for not truly giving him a second chance, so you may be better off breaking up.
>>16684327 I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him, or trust him like I used to, and that scares me because I really do want a future with him.
I don't know why he cheated the first time, I'm not sure I want to know. But I'm 90% sure I know why he cheated all the other times, and he's adamant that he truly regrets it and wishes he never did any of it because of how much it hurt (and still does hurt) me.
I'm afraid of resenting him, but I'm more afraid of him resenting me, especially because I'm hurting and I can't trust him from something that he did.
I think I will talk to him. I normally bring this issue up when he fight, or it causes fights, and most of the time it makes things worse but it's the only time I ever get actual answers.
Thank you for your advice, it's very much appreciated.
I'm wondering though, do you have any tips or ideas or anything of what he (and even me) can do to help me trust him more? Should he and/or me be doing something to try and fix this mess?
>>16683321 Communication is key. Sit down and talk with them. Try and figure out why you have trust issues in the first place. Work it out. Try not to fight, be honest, let them talk, make sure they let you talk.
>>16686620 >I think I will talk to him. I normally bring this issue up when he fight, or it causes fights, and most of the time it makes things worse but it's the only time I ever get actual answers.
You see, that's a problem. You need to talk about this without fighting, and definitely don't bring it up when you're already in a fight. Be rational, be calm, tell him how you feel, make him tell you how he feels. You need to make it clear that you want answers, but you're not interested in a fight.
>I'm wondering though, do you have any tips or ideas or anything of what he (and even me) can do to help me trust him more? Should he and/or me be doing something to try and fix this mess?
Not really, sorry. Trust is a complex thing, trusting someone implies vulnerability. You were hurt in the past, and being less trusting of him is a defense mechanism to avoid being hurt again. If you are not ready to make yourself vulnerable towards him, it will never work out.
You could try to see if he's willing to make himself vulnerable to you. Talk about secrets, your childhoods, people who hurt him, people who hurt you, issues etc... You may understand a thing or two about him as a person, if nothing else.
I hate to say this, but it doesn't look like your relationship is salvageable. Trust doesn't come easy, anon. And no trust = no relationship.
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