>>16680355 I have the same problem and I've found the issue is inside of me. I keep getting involved with guys like that because I'm insecure and their fake intense interest in me puts me at ease initially. Regular guys don't rush things and stay reasonable. You should pinpoint your issue too.
You have to spend the time and figure it out for yourself on a case by case basis, by looking at what a guy is doing and seeing if it is trustworthy. Not everyone is the same, not everyone wants to hurt you and not everyone is nice and there's not a nofail way to tell for every person. >>16680304
>>16680378 By the way, I say this as someone who's girlfriend is someone who raped as a child and has both physical and emotional scars for it.
She has her hangups but she's still someone who is still incredibly bright and optimistic.
When we first started dating she was cautious at first, but not much more than I'd expect when you're getting to know someone new. But she opened up and I trust and love her as much as she trust and loves me.
That light i saw inside of her is what attracted me to her, and the warmth I found there is what made her someone I wanted in my life.
>>16680382 And the fact that you made this thread and that you keep asserting that men aren't trust worthy tells me: Yes. I'd have to walk on eggshells because you'd somehow have less trust in you than even my girlfriend when we first met :/.
>>16680335 >-won't fuck me over >-won't expect some sort of a special reward for not going out of his way to fuck me over Your first two points, while certainly desirable, aren't really valid as criteria. The problem with them is that they require the ability to foretell the future. You lack this -you wouldn't be posting here if you had it- but we don't have it either. Nobody does.
There ARE ways to approximate these points in ways that don't require you to be psychic. For example, you could look for men who judge womanizers and Nice Guys harshly. But these are not perfect approximations, because they can't take into account the possibility of personal change, or the risk of hypocrisy.
Trust is an inherently risky thing. This risk cannot be completely eliminated, but short of being psychic, it is the best we have.
>>16680403 (Continued) >-expects the same out of me and nothing beyond that Am I correct, then, that you're looking for casual male friends, and not close male friends or romantic relationships? Expectations naturally arise in the latter two cases: it is difficult to tell if they are a side effect of intimacy or a catalyst for it, but they do go hand-in-hand. But if you're just looking for casual friendships with some men, that's another subject.
Assuming that casual male friends are what you're looking for, finding men you can trust (or at least filtering out the ones you can't) is not so difficult. There are, however, two major caveats. One is that effective filters require interaction: you can't just brush men off at a glance or with just a sentence or two. Rather than these passive methods, you must actively engage.
The other catch is that you need to be forthcoming and straightforward about your feelings and intentions, right from the beginning. Men are not telepaths: in aggregate they're no better at picking up on emotional cues than you are, and many are worse. You need to explain that you are not interested in a relationship with them, up front. And if their feelings are not compatible with this, you need to respect that: do not force friendship on someone who isn't feeling that, and do not judge him for feeling differently from you. Let him go: mourn the loss if you must, but don't blame him. Just as you cannot "turn on" romantic feelings, he can't just "turn off". Emotions do not work that way.
>>16680410 Why waste time in a damaged girl if there are more convenient options available? Was she the only woman in the building, or were all the rest of them worse?
>>16680412 Men and women can't be friends because men don't like women like women like men. It's the way people are wired. If she looks like she's capable of carrying a pregnancy to term, he'll want to stick his dick in it, and will eventually begin to resent her for not putting out.
The question is whether he snaps by walking out on you or raping you.
>>16680416 Eh, I see from the rest of your post you're just kind of bullshit...
I'll just say as my last post
It's not a matter of convenience. I'd dated dozens of women before I met her, some smarter, some were more physically attractive, but none of whom I shared anywhere near the level of real connection as I felt with her.
And bullshit. My best friend is a girl. People are people to me. Have I ever wanted to sleep with her? Sure, the thought has crossed my mind, but only while drunk and horny (and I know the exact thoughts crossed her mind about me too--we've talked about it). I acknowledge it for what it is, a passing fancy of curiosity, not an actual pressing urge or drive.
>>16680465 Men can talk about women being whores and bitches and useless holes and sluts all they like and just assume the women who are hearing understand that present company is excluded, and if a girl still gets insulted by that, she is - personally - called dumb and childish and probably a feminist.
>>16680469 I'm not accusing anyone of using anyone, any more than people just use people in general. I feel bad for her for what happened to her, I genuinely do, but I just don't understand why someone would pick broken shoes when whole ones take less effort.
>>16680472 When someone says something happens, it's not always within one's line of sight. Sometimes, the Himalayas are a mountain range or there's a giant squid somewhere in the pacific ocean, and such things are not less true because neither of them is right there before your eyes.
If you've never witnessed this kind of thing before, you should consider going outside. Or even on 4chan. Go on /r9k/ into one of the woman-complaint thread, post as a girl and say "but I'm not like that" if you don't understand what I mean what I say.
Men talk like that, sometimes also when they forget there's women present. Most women just don't interrupt those conversations or try to defend their sex because they're smarter than me.
>>16680481 Again, way off topic, and it's obvious you're just looking to complain. It sounds like you and someone else decided to butt heads and you're still bitter about the result. Probably a pride thing.
Please consider reserving this to a personal blog instead of starting troll threads on 4chan, where you fling accusations and attack people who genuinely tried to help.
>>16680501 I go to bars, usually. It's rude to talk to strangers in non-alcohol settings.
>>16680504 I am filled with hate and I can either spew vicious shit or bottle it up until I do something stupid and destructive and I don't to start hitting pedestrians with a car because I wasn't allowed to scream.
>>16680509 You're not a fucking child. Stop acting helpless and making yourself out to be the victim. I'm >>16680363 and we obviously have a similar problem. For some reason you keep seeking out and getting involved with the same kind of men. Yeah that sucks and they're assholes but at some point you need to start taking responsibility for yourself.
>>16680509 There's your problem. Bars are fucking awful places to meet people because in a lot of cases, they're drinking alone for a reason. I'm sure your grating attitude also isn't helping.
Now this is where you hear the cliche shit that gets mentioned in every relationship thread (because it's true).
Talk to people while out and about, in places that interest you. Approach people. Make a comment in line or compliment somebody's taste in music or just ask what they're listening to.
As a woman, inherently guys will not be put off by you approaching them. You won't come off as creepy. At worst, just curious or quirky. Learn to spot red flags like people with old english tattoos and loose fit jeans.
Stop looking for meaningful relationships (romantic OR platonic) in bars.
>>16680533 But it IS rude and creepy. They'll assume I'm trying to sell sex, scam them into joining a cult or distract them while my friends rob him. It's not normal to talk to people off the street. And trust me, I've tried. They usually tell you by an aggressive lack of eye-contact.
>>16680536 I'm looking for a job and trying to get back to school.
>>16680568 I highly disagree. I have male friends running from never employed useless sacks of shit 30yo's to ambitious 25yo's owning multiple businesses and properties, and I've never heard any "bitches and hoes" talk. The only kind of people I've heard doing this are bikers, low class 2nd generation immigrant scum and our equivalent of jersey shore style guidos. These kinds of people are awful in every aspect, not just their view on women.
>know her for over 6 years >constantly getting dicked over in relationships, caught hpv from cheating boyfriend >am married 10 years, faithful >"Why can't I meet more guys like you, but single ;-;" >"Nigga because you keep picking up trash at punk/metal shows"
>>16680622 Literally git gud at manners and social grace and yes, if you live in a shit part of town your goal should be to get OUT and associate with better people.
Grungy lifestyles are plenty fun as a teen but as you get older you're going to realize that life is a ladder and you should always be elevating yourself. It doesn't mean you have to abandon who you are as a person, either.
>>16680636 No it isn't. Maybe it's just a Texas thing but talking to people has never been considered rude so long so long as you're not expecting a woman in her 60s to bro-fist you, and I spend a lot of time mingling with upper crust types as well.
What the hell. Not sure how to say this without coming off rude. So i am not even going to try to sugar coat it for you.
What you are looking for is not obtainable with what you have to offer. You might be ugly or fat or what ever. But you are maybe a 6 looing to get in a relationship with 9 and 10s this shit does not happen in anything other movies.
Try to get a date form a normal fucking guy with a normal fucking job. Or die alone wile 40 fucking cats eating your dead body, your life you decide.
>>16680675 I don't think I'm after impossibly good guys. I don't even understand the appeal of the kind of face most women seem to find attractive. I just want a fat guy with a normal, pleasant face, good personality and no significant criminal record.
I'm normal-weight, person-shaped and don't have any massive handicaps or deformities, and I'm not criminally insane. I don't understand how to settle for less.
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