I love this girl, we have so much in common, but she is afraid to fall in love with me. She has trust issues due to past relationships, one physically abused her and the other just left without giving a reason why. What do i do, I love her so darn much, and would try anything to convince her i am not like those guys, i wish to marry her one day, pls help me...
the problem is if she cant trust you shes not mature enough to be in a relationship. i tried to overlook and help my partner mature, but because it wasnt primarily self inspired they didnt, left me 5 years later, and only after realized it was stupid of them.
Make her feel safe and take it slow. But really think twice before you try any of that because if you aren't 100% in and end up leaving once the initial attraction wears off, you'll fuck her up even more.
Your description of her matches my ex-girlfriend exactly, and you know what ended up happening? I raised her self-esteem so much she cheated on me with one of her abusive exes, then left me. Not saying your girl is like that necessarily, but it's worth being cautious.
Take it slow and let her know how much you care. It's the little things: it's remembering what she says, it's asking how her day was, it's being sweet for no reason, it's always keeping your cool, etc.
I know someone who went through similar mistreatment/abuse and they really appreciated that I cared and that I opened up. It just came naturally to me because I'm legitimately not a bad person, so just being myself showed that hey, I'm not bad like some people are, I'm good at heart. And that's what anyone who is guarded because of past abuse needs to see in a potential friend or partner.
If she's afraid that you don't care and that you'll just ditch her someday, you gotta show her that you won't. You gotta show her that you're trustworthy, and that means being there for them, being reliable, being nice, etc. Eventually she'll see that you're a caring guy who won't abuse her. But it could take time, a lot of time... But it's worth it if you love them, for sure. Best of luck.
Well I really hope you are serious about your feeling and committed. It can make everything worse if a "nice guy" ends up thinking you're too much to deal with. And mind you, she probably isn't even that difficult and neither was. It's just that people get tired of you being guarded and find it frustrating when you're not perfectly fine after a short amount of time.
Even if you think you're sure now, just take it slow and don't promise her things you might not be able to deliver.
OP here, i haven't told her i love her yet, but i have told her i like her alot, she said she is afraid to go any further, cos she is not sure if like the other guys i will leave her. I did not what to do then, so all i said was, "would it be okay if we took it slow?" she agreed, i was happy, but at the same time, skeptical to how all of this will end. Anyways, i have decided to see this through, if at the end of the road she leaves me, I will be crushed, but I know for sure I won't be the one leaving her.
Never say never. People's feelings change even if they never thought they would. Anyway good luck and take it slow. Don't do or say things that would make her think you're super serious. Just keep it casual but be there for her.
You're just wasting your time and prolonging your pain, my friend. What you need to get is that, sometimes whatever you do and how you try do to the right thing, you can't influence the other(s).
I propably can guess what you are thinking: "If I try hard enough, enabled through my never-ending love, I will make her understand how things really are, etc. That throught the fact that you do everything right for her, she will appreciate what you offer. Through my perfection, I will make her overcome her personal difficulties, etc."
The propability of that happening is extremely low, if not around zero. I get your point, that you want to help her and be for her, and I'm sure that you mean it in the sinceriest of ways.
But one of the hardest lesson in life is, that sometimes, you can understand perfectly the others problems, but you can't still help him/her. You can try to do the right thing, but it will be useless. Life is unfair like this, but that's how it is. You can everything for the other person, but you can't still help her.
So, my advice is to go through the painful process of realizing that lesson now, rather than later. Because otherwise you will have wasted even more time, go through even more pointless pain, to reach that conclusion. And I say pointless, because the realization at the end will be exactly the same. The only variable is how much you've suffered.
It's a hard lesson to
Trust issues are tough to deal with, every single action is always under scrutiny, your words are carefully analayzed and your hair folicles will be always under the microscope to see who you possibly cheated with. Everything is investigated and it takes a patient and understanding person to deal with such damaged psyches. Sadly not everyone is free from their own problems and the trust issues makes little issues even bigger. The only way is to be patient, reassure them and understand that they'll need that constant reassurance until they can feel confident within themselves to say "fuck off" to any potentially abusive people in their lives.
I knew a girl once, I cared.