If it looks like a girl lost interest after several successful dates, is it appropriate to ask her to just say so at least?
I'm not 100% sure, but I know that something's up and I'd like to know what.
I am a retard, but okay.
>kiss, have sex, "we're something".
>ffwd couple of days of happy texting.
>meet up again, seems a little distant and stressed (possibly work-related), kissing but no sex.
>now takes >18 hours to reply to the most mundane of texts ("How was your day?" and stuff like that).
I did post here before, in case anyone feels like calling me out on it. Yesterday people were advising me that she's probably just stressed or whatever, but the last couple of hours of radio silence aren't making things better.
I am inexperienced. That said, we're just dating. Our 'relationship' isn't defined like yours is. If you don't text your girlfriend, she knows she's still your girlfriend, right?
>meet up again, seems a little distant and stressed
Here's a trick you can use next time a situation like this presents itself.
Ask her if anything is wrong, let her know that you're there for her and willing to listen if she wants to share.
I mean sure, she may not be interested in you anymore, but she DID come out for the date. Either way, if you care about her (it sounds like you do) extend a helping hand. If she does still like you, then you'd want to be able to put her at ease if she's stressed out, right?
>Ask her if anything is wrong, let her know that you're there for her and willing to listen if she wants to share.
Sure, I told her she seemed stressed, and she talked a lot about work, and friends, etc... I could get behind it. We watched a show, asked her if she was feeling better, she said she was. I was reassured at that point (but am not anymore right now).
>I mean sure, she may not be interested in you anymore, but she DID come out for the date.
The thing I can't wrap my head around is that she seemed very interested right up until the point that I rang her doorbell. I just don't get it.
So what are you? Her fuckboy? Doesn't sound like it..
If you try to ask her what's up you'll probably just push her away. Your best route is to just not text her. If she texts you, then you know she's interested. If she doesn't, then she isn't and you saved yourself the trouble.
If you make it too easy for her by always texting first she won't have to ever make a decision on whether she's actually interested or not. Romance isn't a hole that you just put money into and eventually get a prize, if you're putting in the majority of the work it's possible you're just a convenience for her and will be tossed aside for someone she actually is interested in
I hate how people always look at relationships like it's some mind-games contest of character.
Could be that's what it is, but I hate it. Why can't people just be frank and respectful to someone they've spend time with?
>Why can't people just be frank and respectful to someone they've spend time with?
The trick is to behave that way yourself and, even if it's tempting to think about what the other person is doing as mind games, to not give in to it and continue being genuine and honest.
As soon as you start suspecting people of playing mind games, you're playing them yourself.
In my experience, not asking someone out has never lead to a date.
>As soon as you start suspecting people of playing mind games, you're playing them yourself.
That's probably true. Leading us back to the original question, is it appropriate to be frank and ask her if something's up?
>In my experience, not asking someone out has never lead to a date.
Also true, and eventually this is what I'll have to do. I guess I'm just looking for confirmation of my suspicions.
Giver her a day or so. Just leave her alone. Then text her about a date. If she says no, then try again one more time. No again, lame excuse or whatever? Then just stop texting for a while, and see if she text back.
The main thing I'm debating is whether to text her about a date, or text her to ask her outright where I stand.
I know asking about a date is the 'safer' route here, but I really fucking hate mind games like that.
I was sorta like this. I needed the answer to be spoken, and It always irradiated me. Why not just be honest about? But I find very few people work that way, especially young people. They basically operate by pretending their tone or body language should tell you all you need to know, without saying anything. I don't like it either, but It's a fact of life. People behave that way.
So, I just use their actions as a way of saying what they want. Works, but I've been burned by it. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking her, though.
Well, I just asked her to go see a movie next week. We'll know soon enough.
Yeah man, I don't get it either. You don't owe anyone your love or affection or whatever, but if you spent some time together and had fun then you could at least tell them if it isn't going to work out. That's way more respectful in my book at least.
I've found out that depends on which society you live in. Dating in the US was like that, but my friends in Mexico, which think of themselves as the free-thinking, independent type, just can't stop texting with their couples.
Granted, I must be surrounded by betas.
No. That's not to say it's unreasonable, but rules of propriety are based in custom and not reason. It's not the done thing to hold people to account for their motivations. If she can't fess up, that's just one more of her problems that she has to live with. You should just part ways with her.
>It's not the done thing to hold people to account for their motivations.
I'm not looking for an explanation or justification or whatever, just the facts. Those facts concern me.
While true, it doesn't help in this case, since her actions are just as hard to interpret at this moment.
I feel better right now, though, since at least it won't be long before I'll know where I stand at last.
Fine, it's not the done thing to hold people to account for the facts. It's not like I failed to understand your plans by choosing a broader term. What you're thinking of doing is inappropriate.
I didn't do it (asked her out for a movie instead, there go my principles), just felt like replying since your point is interesting. Are you saying it's inappropriate to ask someone how they see you? They can still lie, if they want.
I don't see it as holding people to account, and I'm intrigued that you do.
I want more than that.
I'll see how it goes, we're on for a date. Feels really weird, I'm not sure how I should behave when I meet her. Last time we kissed on greetings and goodbye, but I'm probably gonna walk in with a completely different state of mind this time.
Is this third or fourth thread, anon? Jesus fucking christ! Every advice so far has been to give her space, yet I have a feeling you've reached something like 10 unanswered text by now? You're slowly but surely digging your own grave.
Talk to other girls in the meantime. Masturbate. Watch some fucked up porn. Take up cupcake baking. Pretty much whatever activity which doesn't involve contacting her. Honestly, I believe you already screwed it up.
>Every advice so far has been to give her space, yet I have a feeling you've reached something like 10 unanswered text by now? You're slowly but surely digging your own grave.
Oh no, anon. I don't send two texts in a row. I may come off as insecure and uncertain, and I may rely heavily on input from others, but I can contain myself.
Good! You obviously need some answers but wait and see how the date goes. If it goes well then you should have no trouble dismissing it as a "one off" (there will most likely be more to come, though). If not - ask her but for the love of god, do it in person. I think you're obsessing about this because it was after the first time you had sex.