Not interested in them (ever), but yet Im faced with pressure from both sides of my family to have kids one day (and I'm 20). My ltr boyfriend also wants kids, and I've straight out told him that I'm not interested but he believes theyll grow on me and doesn't take it seriously.
Can someone tell me what's appealing about children in the first place? All I can see are cons.
that's a red flag for me. If I was your BF I would have saw you as short-term dating potential and nothing more.
It also possibly means you're a liberal/Marxist which would also tip off my radar.
Other peoples' kids are fucking annoying, most of the time they are undisciplined brats running amok while mom/dad scrolls fb on the smartphone.
When brought up with manners, kids are pretty great. It's hard to describe their innocence and wonder at everything. When you have kids, it's a lot like being a kid yourself again, in a good way. That's not to say that it isn't difficult (it is) and annoying at times (hell yeah), but it's very fun and rewarding too, to play with them and teach them stuff and watch them grow.
Kids aren't for everyone, but don't use your justified loathing for other peoples' spawn as a litmus for if you want kids or not. Also, 20 is a bit young to be thinking about it, maybe revisit the topic at 23+. Kids aren't something you can take back so take advantage of your youth while you still can.
Also another thing about people who don't want kids is that they replace those "kids" with dogs and cats. Which is a huge no for me, and it's a bad habit people (again usually liberal Marxists) have nowadays. I figured that's the case with your op pic.
Thanks for this reply-I have met some awesome kids through volunteer experiences, but I feel like Id have really high expectations for my kids (want to control their choices and teach them to be successful from habits I was never taught to make at their age) and they would be their own people that would just resent me for it
I dont know what your definition of poor is, but I work constantly to avoid college loans (currently a student) and have an emergency fund. So I think Im alright financially speaking. idk where Ill end up in the job market.
Because it's clear that my post irked you since the first thing you did was try to come at me with insults after responding to OP. So yeah my post bothered you, so whether or not you deny it I don't really care.
haha yeah, I find it interesting how we just have this kid norm. (or at least I did growing up, playing house etc) then I became an adult and realized it doesnt work that way--there's so much to figure out in terms of settling into what your life becomes
Everyone has high hopes/expectations for their own children, and that's okay. You don't have to be a tiger mom, but being lax is as bad, if not worse. Maybe your children would temporarily resent you for placing boundaries and having standards, but all that is transitory and children go through rebellious periods no matter what. In the end, though, they'll be glad you raised them right and didn't let them slip through the cracks in the name of being a cool parent. I'm thankful for the way my mom raised me every day, though I wasn't back then.
It's easy to be the victim of doubt, especially when it comes to kids. Just realize that no one is perfect, but a lot of parenting skills do come naturally after the fact. Again, parenting isn't for everyone, but it's normal to feel doubts like these so don't let them hold you back if you are truly considering having kids.
>what's appealing about children in the first place
the fact that it is a literal perfect mix of you and the person you love more than anything in the world
honestly, people who say kids are "repulsive" are pretty shitty human beings trying to be edgy. you might not feel maternal instinct, and you might be awkward around kids, but to find them "repulsive" signals to normal people that there's something wrong with you.
Children are beautiful
But if you dont want them dont have them because it isnt fair for a child to ge born into a family that doesnt love it
I really love my daughter and so does her dad and it always brightens peoples day to see a really happy loved baby with glowing parents. On the other hand, seeing a mom or dad screaming at or clearly neglecting their kids makes most onlookers feel unhappy
The best way I can describe it is like the love I have for my cat multiplied by twenty. My cat was the object of my nurturing nature for years, and I love spending time with her even though she does pretty much nothing for me. Seeing her happy makes me happy. Now I have a son, and it's the same sort of thing, only greatly amplified. If I can be sappy for a moment, it's the most powerful love I've ever felt, and probably ever will feel. It's a little bizarre. He made me fucking miserable for nine months, tore me from my asshole all the way up to my clit, came out kicking and screaming, and as soon as I saw him I knew I would die to protect him if I needed to.
Instinct is a powerful thing, and hormones are pretty much magic.
But that's not to say you'd necessarily feel the same. Some people aren't built to be parents. Plenty of people seem to be almost apathetic to their children. If you don't have any desire to do it, then don't do it. You'd be in charge of the development of a person that will grow up, have their own independent thoughts and opinions, possibly have a family of their own. That's fucking huge. Any mistake you make could fuck them up a little bit for the rest of their life.
Bottom line, if you and your boyfriend have very different goals, you might want to reconsider the relationship. It might be fun as a short-term thing, but if a few years pass and you're both at odds over this, it won't last anyway.
I don't want kids either, and even bringing up marriage to my family makes them think 'kids'. I can't handle screaming kids in public and I'm always awkward around them, having to filter what I say and how I act. Maybe when I'm older I'll want them.
it probably only extends this far because cats and dogs are way less work than children, and that's fine.
it's fine that you don't want children because they cost a lot of time and money
I really don't understand this "I don't like kids so I'll have 3 dogs and 8 cats instead" mentality, and honestly I only see white people doing it. In my culture, we're very family oriented which is why I, and other people who are also family oriented, may find it disturbing.
and with the second post, I was spot on about you wanting pets instead of kids, and treating those pets as if they were your children (which they are not), which means you likely fit the archetype I've noticed. Also some butthurt guy came out of the woodwork almost instantly so that could mean he/she fits the bill as well (or if that was OP being defensive)
If you don't want to have kids that's fine but no one here should waste their time trying to "convince" you when you probably won't even change your mind anyways. Hope you and your partner figure things out, but you 2 need to talk it out instead of sweeping the issue under the rug. Those are 2 completely different paths you want to take.
agreed, people that are child free are fucking insane selfish liberal marxists. i'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and i like to kiss my own butt