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Is there anyone here who have experience...
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Is there anyone here who have experience dealing with a girls past?

My girlfriend told me straight up early in the relationship that she was afraid that i was going to leave her on account of her having had sex with more people than me. (4 to be exact. I was a virgin.) I told her i did not care, which was the truth. I kinda expected this to happen (I was 21), and i was sort of glad she was being totally honest and that it wasn't worse.

A couple of months later this horrible feeling of jealousy and disgust seeps in, and it went so far as to wake me up in the middle of the night. (We were away from each other on vacation) Usually, i dont feel bad about it when i am with her.

I am thinking this probably is rooted in my own confidence, but i also realize that it probably is rational to have some of these feelings.

She is a wonderful girl, and trough the eight months we have been together she has not given me any reason to dislike or not trust her. The sex is great. I dont want to break up with her.

Still I cant shake that uncomfortable feeling.

Has anyone ever felt the same? I have read that this fades away some with time.

Yeah i created a new thread ( >>16663985 )
>>
>Well the only thing you can do is learn you lesson. You can break up with her and only find someone with comparable partner count as you. Someone else who is either a virgin or made the same mistake as you. Or you can live with it. You wont be happy about it ever. She realized it because of course she wasnt a virgin and understood. You didnt really have a way of understanding. It really sucks I know.


Is this from personal experience?
I hate the feeling that i somehow HAVE to break up, because some petty feelings i have, however the natural they might be.
>>
>>16664080
You thought it didnt matter because you didnt realize how important sex was at the time because you never had sex. After having sex you are now bitter and upset because you realize that this special moment between you two isnt so special for her as well.
This feeling isnt going to go away. You may not say anything but it will get to you and reflect in you actions and thoughts.

Might be best before it takes form of hostility. I suggest you stop having sex for now and reflect upon whether you can accept her past. She'll be hurt but she knew better than you did that this would be a problem.
>>
Speaking from experience, there's nothing you can do bro. I've never been with a virgin cuz I was late to the party, I didn't get laid till I was 23. Totally my own fault, I didn't give a fuck about girls till that age. When I had my first girlfriend, I thought about that shit all the time. Same thing with the second girlfriend. I cheated on the 2nd a few times, broke up with her, then smashed a shit ton of girls. Like, so many that I've lost count. The thing is, you'll never get over this unless you want to. I still go out and slay, but none of it ever satisfies they way sex did with someone I cared about.

If I had to try and give you real advice, it would be this - realize that sex isn't intrisically special, it's the two people that are having it that make it special. It is what you make it. That being said, it's nearly impossible to appreciate that without having some meaningless sex under your belt as a point of comparison. I'd dump your current lady, or at least get her to throw a threesome your way, so you can know what another vagina is like. My 2c.
>>
>>16664123

I feel like this is some weird advice.

I knew about she having had sex with people before, and it did not color mye view of her before we started dating. I am not particularly bitter that i am not her only one, she's never had it as good as she has with me and this is special.
>>
>>16664123
Don't listen to this, OP.

If you project onto her your insecurities and start to believe the sex between you isn't special, then MAKE IT SPECIAL and stop being a pussy. 4 people is nothing. Be glad she had some experience before you.
>>
>>16664141
>she's never had it as good as she has with me and this is special.
Did she tell you this...
And just because you knew about her past doesnt mean you understood the implication because you had yet to have sex. So theres no way you could no if it was going to interfere with you view on sex with her.
>>
>>16664148
>Be glad she had some experience before you.
This is how whores try to defend themselves.
>>
>>16664141

OP here, reading posts like these alleviates so much of my worries, and i sorta feel normal.

Maybe all i want to is feel normal, and most of these problems are based in my own insecurities. I have had problems in the past with wild insecurities on insignificant things.

I also realize that some of these feelings are perfectly normal, just not to the extent that i am feeling them periodically.
>>
>>16664159
Grow up, moron. The likelihood of OP finding a virgin will decrease faster than you can spell single mothers.
>>
>>16664162

meant for >>16664148
>>
>>16664164
That doesnt make it a good thing. Dont excuse being a whore.
>>
>>16664174

Do you see people as whores in day to day life?
>>
Might asking for advice on 4chan or the internet in general be a shitty way to get my head straight?
>>
>>16664187
>I didn't get the answers I wanted
>Clearly, everyone on the internet is wrong
>>
>>16664179
He's just bitter.

In real life people of both genders enjoy sex with each other. The reason why this is such an issue is what's the church has been doing for centuries. As long as you both agree to monogamy, your gf's past is just some story you don't need to think about. It has nothing to do with your relationship.
>>
>>16664187
That depends on the question, mate.

What you should be seeking out are methods of letting go. YouTube might be a better solution for you. Type in 'letting go sedona', and invest an hour of your life on something that might help you deal with any issue you'll ever have.
>>
>>16664080
Your girl is probably autistic or at least has some level of mental illness, if not trauma, dampening her confidence.

Other than that she's fine

>>16664174
There is nothing wrong with having sex when and with who you want, only other people make it that way. Sex really isnt a big deal at all, it doesnt change you as a person orherr body
>>
>>16664200

No, the answers are perfectly fine, some get me up and some get me down. (and not only on 4chan) It's just that trying to not give a shit sometimes is the best option.
>>
>>16664080
Don't feel bad OP, atleast you weren't in the situation I was just in:

A girl fell in love with me recently. She fell for me at first sight...I'm talkin I walked in the room and she took one look at me and instantly she was in love with me. This girl would have satisfied ALL of my sexual desires---that's how in love with me she was.

But she was a fucking niggerlover!

I thought I'd won the lottery! A seemingly perfect girl falls in love with me and it turns out she was a worthless coalburner.

and I don't mean she dated a nig once I mean she gets pumped and dumped by them on the reg! Ewwwwwwwwww

Thank goodness i didn't kiss her

But as long as your gf's 4 partners were all white Protestant you're golden.
>>
>>16664215

What makes you think this? The fact that she told me in the first place?
>>
>>16664215
>Sex really isnt a big deal at all, it doesnt change you as a person orherr body
Its not a big deal when you have sex with multiple people. It is when its something you only give out to a special person.
>>
I am also afraid that this will be a problem further down the road if i break up and move on.

There are many amazing girls in this world, and limiting myself to only virgins and people who have been in my situation (i suspect girls dont have this problem as bad as guys) seems like a shitty attitude to have.

I kinda want to just get over it.
>>
>>16664179
No because Im in an environment where most people arent whores. but for those with your line of thinking yes, you are a whore.
>>16664205
there is no argument for the purpose of monogamy if you just see sex as something casual. Or at least sleeping around.
>>
>I am thinking this probably is rooted in my own confidence
Pretty much this. You care way too much about what she thinks of you. You should trust yourself to be an amazing boyfriend and consider it her mistake if that's not enough for her. You can only offer what's good and decent. It's not your problem if her past prevents her from cherishing that. Focus on getting what you need out of this relationship. That, along with the trust you have in yourself, are really all that matter.
>>
>>16664282

Are you from somewhere else than western Europe or the states? Just out of curiosity.
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>>16664286
No. Grad school where there are a surprising about of women let alone most of which are virgins or have had 1 or 2 partners. Id like to thank quotas for this chance.
>>
>>16664285

I am honestly not afraid that i am not good enough. I am, and i think so.
>>
>>16664282
I happen to believe that life-long monogamy only work for miserable, boring people, so yeah, I agree. There's no argument.
>>
>>16664302

There are a lot of women like around here too. But choosing a girl based on some arbitrary number of partners seems so weird. Surely what must be worth keeping is great chemistry.
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>>16664308
According to Homer Simpson, jealousy is about wanting others to not get what you have. Since she's an independent person who can make her own choices about the men she thinks about and pursues, what's there to be jealous about if you are good enough? What worry is left except being too concerned with the accuracy of her view of you?

I'm not calling you a liar. If you say that your confidence is fine then I'll take that as true. But help me to understand what explanation is left. For you to be jealous, it's either because you think you're not good enough or because she doesn't recognize your value. You just told me that the first option isn't true. So what's left except the second option, which is something I'm telling you not to care so much about?
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>>16664326
it's evolutionary, there's no "rational" explanation. at least not one that you will accept.
>>
>>16664326

You are great. Discussing it helps me immensely.

I will try to explain exactly what i feel.
>>
>>16664355
The point of rationality is to
>shake that uncomfortable feeling
by finding the contradiction between impulse and a considerate perspective. It's not to turn anyone into a robot or claim that all feelings have a rational basis. The point is to find the feeling which genuinely doesn't make sense and recognize why so that it can be talked down.
>>
>>16664309
this is why some people value virginity. because monogamy seems loss if you believe in casual sex.
>>
>>16664316
its not an arbitrary number. If some women told you shes been married 87 times of course youd see something wrong with that.
1) marriage isnt as important to her as it is you
2) 87 is far too many
Some people want others who have never been married. Some dont mind 1. Maybe 2. Thats how I see sex. Its just not as important to you as it is to me if you sleep around. Because its something Ive chosen to make extremely special. Like giving a gift out but not getting anything in return. I dont want that. Nothing insecure about that either.
>>
>>16664326

The fact that she has had others does not bother me in it self.

I feel bad about the fact that that the two last ones took place in the same city we live in now while she was studying as we do now. I asked her, and she told me that i knew none of them and that she has nothing to do with them now.

She has also told me that she don't regret it, but she stopped it because she did not want to be the person to sleep around.

Still i worry to death that people think badly of her (that she is loose or something petty like that..) and that i am being fooled into thinking she is a great person. I have no basis to thinking this other than the fact that i know that she have had some rather loose sex with some people. (Which feels perfectly OK, at least on the surface.)

She has told me that she values our relationship very highly, not as something baseless.

..and now i feel like i am a petty piece of shit, but these are some of my feelings. This makes me think that as i learn to trust her this might become easier.
>>
>>16664399

Well I do trust her, but maybe there is some subconscious thing going on..?
>>
>>16664399
>She has told me that she values our relationship very highly
You value it highly enough to give your virginity to her. for her to be the only one you have had sex with. What has she down to show the she values it as much as you do.
>>
>>16664387

Yeah i feel you. But as always i find that real life falls somewhere in between.

She has explicitly said that she fancies me for the long run. And i know she values marriage if that helps you understand my predicament.

Really i just want to have this girl and get on with life in peace and quiet. Thing it seems like i have some mental stops prohibiting me from just letting this thing go.
>>
>>16664420

Well shit, we had sex before i got it in my mind that this was one for the long run. I was just glad i got laid with someone i thought was cool and liked me.
>>
>>16664420
>>16664428

And she tells me so. I feel like an idiot for not just going along with this girl
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>>16664422
Stop having sex until you figure it out. Tell her. If you bottle it up youre more likely to explode or take it out on her later.
>>
>>16664551

What good will not having sex do?
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>>16664551
Why should op stop having good sex? Just cuz you're not getting laid doesn't mean he shouldn't be either. Figuring out his shit and getting laid aren't mutually exclusive. Don't be an idiot.
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>>16664213
Did you not hear me? You need to let it go, dude. Your predicament is stupid, and you'd be a tremendous fool for letting it ruin your relationship.
>>
>>16664555
>>16664557
Because he clearly hasnt thought it through all the way and needs to clear his mind and reflect upon what it is he wants.
Dont be stupid. Its like trying to learn how to ride a bike except instead of doing it somewhere safe you do it on a steep hill. Sure it can be done. But its a bad idea.
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>>16664590

Well i appreciate your input.

I think i have made it very clear i want to be with her. Feelings makes it sometimes complicated.
>>
>>16664562

I agree and I try.
>>
Anyone else have any input?

Thanks to everyone who tried to help me.
>>
>>16664080
To be honest, you're lucky to find a girl that can count how many people she's been with on one hand. You're just upset over it because you were a virgin. Virgins, for whatever reason, tend to place more value on unimportant things like sexual experience. It's one thing to be repulsed by someone that's slept with 50+ people, because that shows that they're very much into casual sex. They treat it like a bucket of popcorn to be shared with friends. You're also going to feel jealous, and as if you're missing out. Later on, you may even try to leave her to experience others, only to find that she was the one that got away.

This is why people are terrified of dating virgins, and her being afraid was justified.
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