I don't want any kind of sexual relations before marriage. This isn't due to religion, trauma, or a low sexual drive. It's just a choice I feel comfortable with, though a majority of the culture doesn't seem to agree with me. This has made dating really hard over the years.
Any tips on how to go about dating, given this limitation? Is there any way to signal the issue to dates early on so I don't waste time and embarrassment for either of us? I could tolerate a religious boyfriend, so is that the dating pool I should be exploring, or are there some secular people who'd be understanding as well? Feel free to give me personal experiences or data points, as well as any relevant books or articles.
I'd rather not hear why I should change my views, as I'm bombarded with that message on a daily basis already. Please answer the question and try to respect my choices. Thanks.
Date someone who has a lot of sexual experience but is looking to settle down, and get married quickly.
Preference or not its a really dumb decision. You basically have no idea how compatible you are with your partner in bed and the only way for you to find that out is commiting to him, which is the exact opposite point of commitments
Sorry, got nothing for you. I can't imagine marrying a girl I hadn't had sex with. I'd feel like there's some dysfunction illness or something she's hiding. Honestly, the relationship probably wouldn't ever get to that point where I'd be thinking a out asking.
A first date without sex? Sure.
A third? Yeah ok.
A fifth? Starting to wonder?
A tenth? Ok, what is going on here, if you aren't attracted to me then why do you want to keep dating?
Many men, religious or not, share that preference. Why should it be embarrassing to state clearly what you want in a partner in the first few dates? What is wrong about describing your wishes and thoughts clearly to people you cherish? Half of /adv/ is about guys complaining that they cannot understand women because they do not state their intentions clearly - don't be one of those women, OP.
Whoever is unwilling to cope with your expectations (be it your preference to wait till marriage, be it whatever) will bail out and stop wasting your time. One of my best friends told her boyfriend on their first date that she would want to have a Catholic wedding - so far they have been together for 8 years. Be strong.
You will cut down your potential dating pool to a tiny fraction of what it should be. It's your choice. Just remember that even if you start dating someone who seemingly agrees with your views, most likely hormones will come into play for one or both of you.
I don't think you will ever find a nonreligious male who wants to wait until marriage to have sex.
I've never met or heard of one, and it's such a unreasonable idea that even if they exist it would very unlikely you'd be compatible with them.
>Please answer the question and try to respect my choices.
How about no? You're an idiot. Sexual compatibility is a very real thing and you're reducing your dating pool to being almost non-existing. Marriage is not something sacred. Sex is not something sacred. The sooner you realize this, the better.
You're like those people saying they are asexual and later admit they just had really low self-esteem and claiming to be asexual was an easy way out.
I'm gonna assume you're either a virgin or raped/molested at some point, mostly because I can't comprehend any other reason why someone would think like that.
There's literally like... 0.1% of men you're ever going to meet in your life who are open to the idea of marrying a woman they've never fucked. And I can guarantee you this 0.1% of men is comprised 90% of some VERY bizarre characters, because the kind of man who would marry a woman he's never fucked is either EXTREMELY devoted to religion (which is a dying/dead trend in the modern world, frequently associated with mental illness) or VERY desperate for a wife so badly he'd take someone he'd never slept with, a good portion would also be immigrants trying to gain citizenship.
I'm just being real with you. That's the market you're looking at: you've actively chosen to search for the 0.01% of men out there who are both attractive, not mentally fucked up and want to wait until after marriage to have sex. The chances that you're compatible personality wise and all that... again the chance of finding this guy plummets.
I'd strongly suggest you rethink why this is so important to you. I just can't see how people would have a happy long term relationship without having spent a good deal of time fucking each other and figuring out if their compatible in the bedroom. Because that's what consenting adults in this day and age do.
Outside the basics of orientation, sexual incompatibility is basically a myth. One of the most common scenarios in couples counseling is the case where one partner hides a fetish for years, only to find out when the truth comes out that the other partner also has that fetish, or is at least open to trying. People sort themselves into these pairings without practicing the fetish, or even talking about it. And this is for the esoteric niche crap. In the more general sense, people sort themselves out in ways that have nothing to do with whatever sexual activity they may or may not be having.
Have you ever had sex before?
This post is full of truth.
>First date without sex
I only fuck on the first date if the attraction is purely physical. If I think there's a chance she's relationship material I like to hold off a bit and see if the feelings last. (As I'm really picky, I tend to fuck on the first date a lot.)
Three really is the magic number. At this point I can be reasonably confident the attraction is genuine and there's no reason to postpone what we both want any longer. (I first had sex with my current GF on our second date, and things have been great.)
I have to really, REALLY like a girl for me to not lose interest by now. I've gone this far twice before moving on.
>Spending money on a girl ten times when she hasn't let you hit it once
Male here with a vaguely similar mindset (not religious/abused etc). I think there comes a point where everyone involved sort of has to compromise. The idea of waiting till marrige sounds great in theory, but once I consider actually living together with someone for a year or two the idea starts to look unrealistic. I'd probably agree to give in after a few months if a female was willing to wait a few months (longer the better). But then again, if I'm actually even considering moving in with anyone in the first place then they're probably pretty damn high on my list. Keep standards high, but consider a little wiggle room is all.
Y'all cunts can say sex isn't sacred or whatever, but it is pretty objectively the absolute pinnacle of human intimacy. I don't require some pure virgin /r9k/ BS, but how the fuck anyone can pretend that literally entering another being isn't a special event is beyond me. I just don't want much to do with it unless it's with a person I can really see being around my whole life. I know voluntary celibacy seems like a denial meme (and I can see why, honestly), but I have met a few legit others. But hey, maybe other anons are right and we just have severe trust issues or are schizoid or something, and just need waking up. Who the fuck knows.
>I don't require some pure virgin /r9k/ BS
>how the fuck anyone can pretend that literally entering another being isn't a special event is beyond me
It IS a special event. In fact, it's usually the highlight of my day.