>Me: Bi-curious male 32yo
>Her: (Guessing) Pre-op straight transwoman 22yo
>first time I'm ever considering hooking up with someone who wasn't born female
Wrote to her on dating app and immediately dropped spaghetti, asked whether pre- or post-op, top or bottom, as a joke (just to see whether she 'got it' and could confirm my suspicion) because I didn't realise she had stated in her bio that she was in fact transsexual. Obviously she didn't answer, and with this app I can only write two texts until she does, so I'm silenced until she writes back (which she won't)
>found her on Facebook and wrote an apology, explaining how I first though she was a cis girl, and that I understand what I asked about is none of my business.
>since we're not friends, the message would have gone to 'message requests', and nobody checks that folder ever.
>found her Instagram account
Should I write her on Instagram, and tell her to check her hidden inbox on Facebook? I would like to get to know her, but the most important thing is that she gets my apology. My Instagram is related to my business, so it's a bit risky should anyone find out. Is it better to friend request her on Facebook? Any other suggestions?
I realise that. That's why I wrote her my sincere apologies. I was in a weird mood after talking to a girl for weeks on the same app, who it turns out was just stringing me along for the luls, so didn't really take things seriously in that moment I pressed 'send'. I know that's no excuse, and usually I can take it or leave it, but this girl is incredibly beautiful and courageous, and I'd like to correct my mistakes, if not for any other reason than not wanting to add to the pile of assholes who've made her life and hard choices less enjoyable.
I also know where she works (she stated that in her bio as well, along with her Instagram)
I could send an envelope to her workplace with a note just saying "Sorry for offending you, please check your message requests!"
Is that better than social media?
It's only creepy if I don't get to talk to her. I know how to treat women, and I'm usually an all-around pleasant guy. It's not like me to offend anyone, that's why I want to do this right. It's a small city, and changes are we're going to bump into each other at some point, anyway. I'd like her to read my apologies before that happens.
By contacting her again you're making yourself a million times more creepy. Any attempt to contact her makes this worse. Fucking stop contacting her, it's creepy as hell. Accept that you were a douchebag and don't continue to be one by messaging her. She doesn't want to talk to you.
I feel like I known my own sexuality well enough. I've fucked three girls in a fortnight, one of them four times during xmas break, the last one not two days ago, and I've been fucking her for more than five years. This is the very first time in my 14 years of sexual experience I've ever been interested in a transsexual person. How gay does that make me exactly? I've never fantasised about penis. I don't have a trap fetish.
I get this. Still, I think it's better if she thinks I'm a creep who at least tried to make up for something hurtful he wrote, than the thought that she walks around thinking everyone who's interested just sees her as an object if curiosity, and everyone else thinks she's mentally ill. I'm neither.
I'm not sure how your homosexuality is my shortcoming. Also, if all you need to convince yourself you're not gay is a man saying "I'm a woman" then you're about as mentally ill as he is. That or the most desperate queer I've ever seen in my life and that's saying something.
You are a creep. Doesn't matter that you don't think you are, you sent some stupid shit, then cyber stalked this person to explain what a fucking great guy you are.
Stop messaging her. Don't track her down in real life. Chalk it up to a live and learn experience and spend some time learning how normal people interact.
OP be like
"Ay girl. Friendly reminder to kill yourself. Lol my bad."
Does that make it any more clear? She's not interested and you're stalking her. Nobody cares about what bullshit you're using to rationalize this. It's fucking creepy and inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure offering my apologies takes some of it back. If someone were being offensive towards me, and later went look dude, I was being an asshole and I'd just want you to know I respect you and hadn't thought things through when I said what I said - I would forgive them, and furthermore respect them for doing something many people neglect to do. I don't want to cowardly ignore that I might have hurt someone.
She doesn't want to reply to the type of thing I wrote, and that's perfectly understandable, but I feel like what I wrote isn't me. I got transsexual friends. I know how to interact as a normal human being. This app I'm using is total bullshit, and I was bored/drunk and just wrote something that I immediately regretted, because I for a split second forgot that behind every dating profile there's a real human being. I know I fucked up, but I'm pretty sure that if not for the perimeters if the app she would appreciate my attempts at doing the right thing and acknowledge that I was being an idiot. I'm not asking her to date me, I just want her to read my apology. How is that creepy? To put it in context, she's been featured in articles and has probably been approached by people through social media before due to her less conventional circumstances. Adding one more to that trend, and one that wants to offer his open and sincere well-wishings at that, would either be thought nothing of, or be something the person in question would think if as something nice. I will have to disagree. And if she does find it creepy, I would find her quite immature and want nothing to do with her anyway.
>I want her no matter what's between her legs
>has a dick
>If she was the kind if person who that easily felt unsafe, she would list her workplace on a dating-app profile. It's dead in the middle of the city I live and work in.
She ignored you twice.
On the dating app, and on facebook (you get notifications of the "hidden inbox").
What else should she do? Don't you understand she doesn't care about your apologies?
My autocorrect, not so much.
People ITT are either disrespectful towards transsexuals or can't fathom how someone on /adv actually isn't autistic when it comes to talking to women. I know how to hold a conversation as a man, I just fucked up on a dating-app is all. I wasn't thinking for a split second.
If you get notifications on message requests, you're the first person I've encountered who gets them. You probably have different notification settings than most people.
She hasn't read it, it would say so in my end. She ignored my spaghetti. I would too.
I am a woman. You're creepy as fuck. Leave her alone. If you see her in person and it happens organically, apologize. Otherwise keep your guilt to yourself and stop fucking stalking this girl. You sound out of touch with reality or autistic to not get how what you're doing is this inappropriate.
Look, it's not like I'm going out of my way to reach out to her. I've written something that she dismissed as one of probably hundreds of poorly considerate messages she's received in her life, then one (1) apology written with eloquence, which she hasn't read. If you judge that as creepy as fuck you should check your prejudice. I agree that stalking her would be creepy, but I'm not. Against my will I know her name, Instagram and workplace. The only thing I've done that is remotely stalkerish is typing her name into the search bar at Facebook. Her name is an unusual combination of two names so it didn't even take me a second to find her profile, and I left a message. I might agree that leaving a note at her workplace might be read as creepy, but that all depends in the content, and I will make sure that she knows I don't expect an answer, I just want her to feel a little bit better.
She had her Instagram and workplace stated in her profile. I wasn't looking for it. She used her real name in her profile, finding someone on Facebook is like looking up a telephone number in a phonebook.
I live in a city with 200.000 people, and it's not like she tries to stay invisible. She's blogging about her transition and workplace on Instagram ffs. If I was stalking her I would probably be passing her workplace by now. The fuckup happened two weeks ago, I haven't been near her workplace and it's a fifteen minutes walk from where I live.
Once you got her workplace info that was too far. You are probably a drop of water in the flood of messges she gets, assuming she's even half attractive, and asking about genitals is the worst way to speak to someone, trans or not. You fucked up. Get over it and take the extra ten minutes to find a new match on whatever shallow dating site youre using.
God fucking dammit. She wrote the name of her workplace and link to her Instagram on her profile, along with the text "Transwoman looking for more than chat and sex". I looked at her bio -after- I wrote her, and realised that she wasn't hiding the fact that she was transsexual, and therefore my immediate realisation was that I fucked up. I couldn't help finding out about her workplace. It was in plain sight. I would've had to go out of my way NOT to find out. She wants people to know.
>but I'm pretty sure that if not for the perimeters if the app she would appreciate my attempts at doing the right thing and acknowledge that I was being an idiot. I'm not asking her to date me, I just want her to read my apology. How is that creepy?
because you keep ignoring the fact that she's intelligent and, with the perimeters of the app in mind, make the decision not to respond to you. she doesn't want to talk to you.
>And if she does find it creepy, I would find her quite immature and want nothing to do with her anyway.
yea, man do that. want nothing to do with her and leave her alone
I emphasise and can to some extent understand the struggles someone transsexual has gone through. I'm not doing it for me, I know how to let go of things, believe me. But in this case I've said something that I expect hurts on a deeper level than saying something stupid about the appearances of any random girl does. She's been harassed her whole life because of her gender issues, and I believe that my apologies would actually mean something. I just want to know that she got it, as I already said I don't need anything more from her, even though I would like to get to know her if she could ever be interested - and I think my apologies would increase my chances.
>I don't expect an answer, I just want her to feel a little bit better.
she'd feel better not interacting with you again. how would you ever know she read it without continuing to stalk her?
I'm fairly convinced you're a troll OP, but on the off chance you're just mentally ill, do me a favor.
Look at all the people who are telling you that you're wrong in this thread, that you're being a creepy stalker.
What do you think the odds are that you're right and all of us are wrong?
And if you're so convinced of your own eloquence, how is it that you've convinced absolutely no one here that you aren't a creepy, crazy stalker?
What am I even reading? OP, stop being desperate, need bastard. You being a 'published author' means shit if you can't contain your idiocy and not offend people on dating app. Sperging about it like you do now is, like anons mentioned, creepy. Stalking that trans person and even considering invading their private life and leaving apology letter at workplace is fucking wrong.
Just let it go and stop being psychotic little cunt, that trans person doesn't give two shits about your apology and in fact doing impossible shits like stalking her fb and instagram just to clear your name and say sorry you expose yourself as a pathetic and needy fag who hopes saying sorry will help him score. Get yourself together, you 'published author'.
Could be down to cultural differences.
I've been in serious relationships with two women each five years each, and they both still consider me a close friend. These are high value women who wouldn't tolerate staying in touch with a creep. One of them still keeps me as a lover, but I'm not interested in monogamy any more, so we both see other people. The other one knits me gloves for Christmas. People in general hold me and my advice on love and dating in high regard. Perhaps every person who knows me is as mentally retarded as posters ITT would have me be, but I don't see how something that a few generations ago would be considered romantic automatically turns creepy just because I fucked up on a half-asses dating-app opener.
Every new woman I start dating, I will be honest with from the start and tell her that I date more than one woman at a time, but if a woman I meet isn't into polyamourous relationships, I don't date them anymore. I'm an honest man. I have almost a spiritual view on sincerity. It might not land me every single girl I desire, but it's more important for me to speak from an open and heartfelt position, than to game girls into falling for me just to break their hearts as soon as I find someone better.
People can call me a creep all they want. I don't tend to judge people on such poor foundation as what one manages to get across on 4chan, but believe me when I say that I know how to treat women right.
All I asked was what's the better option:
>note to workplace
I'm going to do it.
I could've easily gone and gotten my hair done by her. She's a hair dresses btw. But I'm not doing that, since I don't want to force her to interact, I merely want her to know I'm sorry for what I wrote. That is all.
You people seem disturbed by the idea that a certain amount of people in this world still got manners and want to apologies when doing something unfortunate towards a fellow human being.
If you had manners, you wouldn't have sent the first message at all. Crazy people always insist they're right despite massive testimony to the opposite, no amount of words will convince you that you're wrong.
I hope when you snap it's a suicide rather than a homicide.
Either way I'm done with this thread unless you want to post links to her Facebook and contact info so we can warn her about your crazy ass.
The problem is that there is a massive difference between messaging someone on a dating site and meeting someone irl. If it starts online, keep it online until you get further permission to stop by her work with intent to contact her, even if it's leaving a note. No matter how deep and sincere your apology is, your apology is still just some words from a stranger. Leave the apology online and DO NOT push it any further. Do not initiate any more contact after leaving the apology. Aside from the "creepy" factor, it also comes off as extremely desperate if you continue to push it any further beyond the apology without a response from her. I don't understand how you're not getting this. If you absolutely insist on apologizing two weeks later, apologize and wait it out. If you truly just want to apologize, that should make you happy enough. An apology shouldn't be something to masturbate over about how great a "fellow human being" you are.
Also I just noticed you're ten years older than her. Yeah, no. Young girls get so many messages from desperate middleage guys like you. You really are just one in a million. Good luck guy.
Girls come in different categories when it comes to dating older men. She also stated on her profile that she's interested in dating men up to 32yo. I turn 32 in a couple of weeks.
I couldn't care less about your concerns when it comes to age.
As I said, I wouldn't see her irl. That would be creepy and stalkerish. Also I feel no need to push for an answer from her. I already sent my apology two weeks ago, it just bothers me that she didn't read it. I wouldn't continue to send her more apologies, hoping to hear from her. That would be desperate.
It's not that fucking difficult, I just want to make sure she reads what I sent her. Calm down, I got plenty of other women to attend to, that I don't need to apologise to.
but shes clearly not interested in dating you or she would have said something lmao lmao. why did you ask for advice if youre completely dead set on doing whatever stupid plan you have scheming in your little mind.
I wanted advice on which way to go about making sure she reads my message.
Not asking advice on whether or not to do it. This should be clear.
You seem like the kind of person who think human beings are absolute. I'm the kind of guy that believes that fuckups can be corrected. I'm certain she would have seen other qualities in me, had I written something other than the prime example of unsensitive, ill-informed and blatantly void of empathy that was my opening line. I know better than this, and the mere fact is reason to believe that she has so far made up her mind not to reply based on something that I don't normally identify with. If I had written something that represents my level of understanding and respect, and at the same time came across as an interesting person to date, she still could have declined, and I would be content to know that I just wasn't her type. However, I could be her type but ruined any chance of finding out by ways of spaghetti.
You're the kind of guy who can't stand it when people don't recognize how awesome he thinks he is. "I know better than this" - no one cares. Leave her alone. You're about as old as she would ever consider dating, making you old to her. Show some maturity and leave the young girl alone.
It's this girl's problem at the moment. Until you leave her alone. You need professional help, not saying it to be rude but seriously, the way you think indicates major dysfunction, very problematic for the people you have to deal with in real life.
Are you stalking a fucking tranny?
Jesus man that's low
Just stop messaging her entirely, for your own sake
And also if you think she's pre-op but are still attracted you're 100% gay
he didn't even insult her once, go back to le tumblr
Don't you see how me not attempting anything at all the past two weeks proves this wrong? How is it her problem? I'm not the only one stating that in her eyes I'm just one of many.
If I had continued to message her, bothering her on Instagram etc., after she had made it clear she doesn't want anything to do with me, then it would be a problem. As if right now she doesn't know what she's missing out on. I want to give her a chance to know that the person who wrote her the crap message two weeks ago isn't just one of those guys...
I promise you that if I do this, it will be my only attempt. If she never replies, I won't think anything of if.
Since when does thinking about = stalking. I'm not even checking her Instagram for updates.
I can't stop something I'm not doing.
And yes, I did insult her. I asked about personal stuff in an opening text on a dating app. Transsexuals don't like it when you ask them about things you wouldn't ask a girl about, and this is what I want to apologise for. She deserves to be talked to like any other girl, and as far as I'm aware, I will do this without effort when talking to any other transsexual. For some reason I was just out of it and did a shitty thing, which isn't like me.
It's problematic because you're trying to contact her constantly now, by stalking her social media. Leave her alone.
>. As if right now she doesn't know what she's missing out on. I want to give her a chance to know that the person who wrote her the crap message two weeks ago isn't just one of those guys...
You are one of those guys. This is what you did. Accept it and the next time, be someone else.
I'm not constantly doing anything. You realise there's a difference between forming a thought and actually acting on it, right?
>wrote her shitty message
>regretted it, and wrote her sincere apology, which she hasn't seen
As far as she knows I've only written her the shitty message. In no way, shape or form am I constantly stalking her and bothering her. These acts don't exist.
I wish that she would just check her message requests, but unfortunately it's a feature on Facebook that 99% of users aren't even aware of.
So, in order to get any closure on this thing, I'd like to just point out to her that hey, check your messages, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry.
Why people refuse to see how this isn't some monstrous act done by a rapey stalker is beyond me, no matter the degree to which my apparent mental dysfunction affects my line of thought. I messaged her through a faulty online delivery service, and I want to see it through. That's all.
Dude, I only asked which what's the best. Not writing her is not an option. The only real advice given ITT is that I shouldn't leave a note at her workplace. That leaves friend request on FB or comment on Instagram.
It's not important that you disagree with my intentions, because this was never meant to be a should I do it?-thread.
The fact that you feel like you have to have the last word on your own bad behavior is telling.
It's like you can't tolerate the notion that somebody, somewhere has a reason to dislike you. It offends your sense of vanity that you got caught being an asshole.
You really could just simply move on and NOT be a shit next time, and then there's nothing to redress.
>Not writing her is not an option
But why not? She's a stranger who doesn't care about you. Apologising won't make her suddenly fall in love with you and sit on your dick. She won't think "wow what a supreme gentleman is it! To write me a note with apologies after insulting me like a six grader! Damn that guy deserves some award!''The only notion she'll have after your apology is that you are clingy even to some strange people you've met on the internet and become literally obsessed with them to a point when you browse their instagram and facebook and whatever else. This is abnormal and just deal with the fact that she wants nothing from you, no apology or whatever. She already moved on, you should try too, weirdo.
This is a sober point, I give you that. You are wrong about me, but I know there's little point arguing. Actually I'm diagnosed with AvPD, so I'll suspect that people don't like me more than what's reasonable. I didn't argue when someone told me I was narcissistic. I didn't argue when someone told me I need professional help, and I am looking into atm.
It's fine, I won't write her. But I will talk to her if I meet her on the street, but I'm not going to bump into her 'by accident'
Alright? I still don't see how what I want to do is anything to get upset about, but it doesn't matter. I don't want to suck a floppy cock that badly, anyway.
Have a good evening anons, please comment so that I won't have to have the last word, since it's telling.
I'll go back to advice you on your betacuckoldery threads.
Oh God this thread is still going.
/adv/ is full of cantankerous assholes who generally faction off into a few groups of people who think one way or another and that never agree with one another.
It should tell you something that everyone here is in agreement about you OP.
OK I know now what the problem is. You obviously think of yourself as really fucking special and it's upset you that this person by ignoring your retarded attempt at humour or whatever and you can't fucking stand it that you're not getting the response and adoration you feel you deserve. In short..... You're nuttier than squirrel shit mate
So I just glossed over this thread, and WOW, most cringe inducing thing I've read in awhile. Be proud, I guess?
Anyway, leave her the fuck alone. She doesn't want your apologies, she wants you to get gone.
>Mfw MGTOW (purple pill), PUA for going on 6 years
I'm currently in my first committed relationship in a long time, but I have a lot of experience with online dating/online game. It's my preferred way to pick up women. I've had 40+ hook ups/FWB/faked relationships in my 28 years of life.
It wasn't hard, it isn't complicated, I cannot believe how inept most men are at talking to women. Here's two rules I want you to follow, OP.
>Be interesting, be nice, be funny, and above all don't be creepy
The first two are pretty simple. Find a some common ground, something in her profile you can use to start a conversation. Don't ask her if she's pre or post op. As for being funny you're either witty or not. The whole not creepy thing... I've never met a creepy guy who had the self awareness or capacity for self improvement to cut it the fuck out. Thankfully I don't think you're creepy, just retarded.
>Don't be afraid of rejection, don't try to force things
For every girl I managed to bed I messaged six or eight who either didn't message back, couldn't carry a conversation, or just wasn't in to me, or I wasn't in to them. It happens. You're putting way too much thought and emotion into this girl and she's nobody to you and vice-versa. Find another girl and try again, and this time keep the pasta in your pants.
It's this guy again.
Remember that thing I said about not being creepy? Yeah, disregard that; I've got "Goodbye Horses" playing in my head just from reading all of this.
Like holy shit you don't know this person, she doesn't care about you enough to want an apology from you. You think you're the first autist to make an ass out of himself she's met online?
Leave her alone. Stop thinking, you're stupid. Leave her alone. Stop talking, your opinions are shit. Leave her alone. Don't worry about your feelings, silence the voices in your head.
im gonna try and answer this level-headedly unlike most people in the thread
OP, while it is admirable of you to want to apologize to the girl for being so cruel to her, since it's so difficult to reach her without entering stalker territory, I think you should just drop it. Insults to someone in her position are so plentiful that I doubt she'll remember one guy that made her feel bad about who she is when there are countless who will say things much more cruel throughout the week.
It's good that you feel bad for it, but what you should take away from this is "I have learned my lesson".
Also, OP, let me appeal to your sense of self preservation: if you contact her at work she'll probably call the police. Because that's something crazy people do. You're a crazy person, is what I'm saying.
OP, I know what it's like to do something inexcusable, out of ignorance that is likewise inexcusable. I know just how badly you feel a need to set things right.
But there are times in life when you can't apologize. And it fucking sucks, because apologies are one of the most powerful tools we have for clearing a guilty conscience. But you are stuck. She has been clear
Stop trying to apologize to her. Every attempt you make to contact her, even if only to apologize, is actually making the situation worse. You cannot fix this. You did it, and it is done, and cannot be undone. So you will have to clear yiur conscience in some other way: in a way that does not involve interacting with her, or attempting to comminicate with her, ever again. Move forward.
OP I get what you're saying. You are factually right. Your character is a guassian and sometimes you react exceptionally good, sometimes exceptionally bad. Overall you're probably ok.
But please do understand that you're dealing with other humans. Once you some someone in a bad light, it can become pretty much impossible to change that, esp. if you haven't actually ever met. Accept your status of having fucked up as a stranger.
Go apologise when you meet her irl, but only short and don't expect anything. Take your responsibility of having fucked up, feel no hate nor much of guilt, only shame and make sure to be friendly to your next match.
OP here. For the last posters I'd just like to add a thank you! Can't be bothered to make anything more out of this. Even if I'm drunk atm, I'm more sober than I've been in a long time.
Just... fuck it.
Another creepy chaser, transwomen don't usually want to top they have dysphoria towards their genitalia life in is not like your shemale porn. She probably gets dozens of messages from chasers like you and doesn't give two fucks about any apology or getting to know you better.