>tl,dr: "girlfriend" seems a bit distant on our date following the date where we had sex.
About a week ago, I went on a 4th date with a girl and we ended up kissing and having sex, cuddling, what have you. There was no boyfriend/girlfriend talk, but it was clear that both parties are looking for something long-term.
We met up again yesterday and she seemed slightly more distant. She returned my kisses, but didn't initiate any (whereas the date before she pretty much took the lead), and we ended up watching a movie on the couch, me with my arm around her. She was tired and stressed from work, so I thought it'd be inappropriate to push for intense kissing and/or sex, but somehow I can't shake the feeling that it was a step back instead of forward. We kissed when I left, though.
Am I overthinking this? I have a tendency to connect the dots in my head where there aren't any, and I really don't want to jump to conclusions here. I like this girl, before yesterday I was a 100% sure she liked me, but now I'm starting to doubt myself…
I don't really see how I could bring this up with her without looking socially retarded, but right now my plan is to arrange something as soon as possible, preferably on her day off, and show her how happy I am to see her.
What do you guys think? I'd really appreciate some solid advice or insights.
So I shouldn't be worried that the spark could be dead already? I just thought she'd be happier to see me, even if (and maybe more so because) she's stressed. Or does that only happen in the movies?
I just don't want to think I did something wrong here. I'm inexperienced, sorry if it shows.
That's just a movies thing. You're good. Just keep yourself available to talk of she's especially stressed. Sometimes after a big step like that, a girl will take a little time for emotional inventory to make sure it's a good move for them. Guys do it too, but it's less obvious i guess. Give it a little time anon.
That's usually my experience too, unless I'm particularly stressed out. If work and other real life situations start getting to me, I get quiet and need to spend more time just relaxing and cuddling. Then, once the stress is removed, we resume.
I think you're mistaking insecurity for clinginess.
I don't want to spend every minute with her, she goes out with friends several times a week and so do I, that's not the issue here. I'm just trying to 'read' where this is going, and since I have a history of assuming the worst, I'm worried.
Worried about myself, not her. Do you know what it feels like if you can't trust your instincts to be right 50% of the time? It fucking sucks, man. I don't want to have to come here for random people to help me read the situation, but my own perception is fucked. Is what it is.
This was the case during the first two dates. She said she went on two dates with some other guy too, but turned him down. I have good reason to believe we're exclusive at the moment.
I will try that regardless of the outcome, I just don't know what to think anymore.
You're not helping.
Cmon man, she's stressed. If she said she's counting on a stressful day, it's probably not on the forefront of her thoughts to respond to texts or anything. Seriously, settle down. The more stressed you are, the more she can feel it, and she won't want to be around that.
I was in a very similar situation a few days ago. Only that i'm the girl and the one being a bit distant. I was just feeling very irritable and sensitive, was only in the mood for non-sexual stuff. When he left i was very worried to have him wonder why i was so different. I tried to figure it out. And, oh wonder, i suddenly realized that my period is a week ahead so i was just pms'ing. I would say, the chance your girl was pms'ing/on her periods is really big. I didn't wanted him to think my mood had anything to do with him so i lowkey told him that my hormones are to blame. Don't jump to conclusions too fast op!
I'm very careful not to express my insecurities too much. I just asked her how her day went.
If I don't get anything whatsoever by tomorrow, I'm gonna go straight ahead and ask her if something's bothering her.
I'd considered this. It's possible, I'm hoping this is the case, but she was so much more... excited to see me over texting than she seemed once I was actually there. I'm still trying to believe it wasn't anything I did, but it's getting so very hard.
I know I have problems, I just can't help myself getting more and more down and pessimistic because of all this uncertainty. I need to know.
Oh, it sounds so much like the shit i pulled... And to top it off, i had a very busy day the next day and only had time to text him back in the evening. But damn, i love that guy to pieces! Give her the benefit of the doubt this time
I was a virgin and told her as much. She said she didn't care. It's entirely possible, probably likely, that I wasn't great. I think I did okayish though. But since she was okay with it, she should be okay with having some patience and having to teach me a little, no?
And she's not a shallow person in my limited experience (went out with me without knowing what I looked like, e.g.). I fear she just lost that spark.
It'll be a few days before I'll see her again, but yeah, that's about the worst that could happen. I'd be okay with it, considering, but I can't handle not knowing. It launches my brain into a downward spiral.