My girlfriend told me a week ago that she had messed around on me one night in September while on vacation in Europe. Just a one night thing and she had been drinking and a guy in her hostel put the moves on her. Said it was the worst mistake of her life and she couldn't start the new year lying to me. She couldn't stop sobbing, and clung to my leg, begging me to not leave her.
I left the room and pretended to be mad for a while, let her really think there was a possibility of me leaving her. In secret I don't feel all that hurt, as I too cheated on her before she even went on that trip. Got drunk one night and let my ex suck me off, but she doesn't know about that.
The way I look at is like this: She feels like she owes me now. If I saw I want or need something, she just does it; no questions asked. I have complete control.
There's two possible outcomes: Either it happens again and I really DO kick her to the curb, or she spends the rest of her life under my thumb. Even in worse case scenario all that happens is we break up anyway.
My opinion is that if you ever stay with a girl who cheated on you, you basically are giving her license to cheat again. I've never heard of it being this like "OMG I MADE A BIG MISTAKE" sort of thing and never happening again.
She also did not tell you for four months. That's a troubling sign in my opinion. My thoughts are to just have fun but if you see girls that might be a better opportunity and who you will not cheat on, go for it. Only leave a relationship marked by infidelity when you have good prospects for another relationship or you have reliable hookup partners.
Well, roll along. My only concern is the seal has been broken now. She's gonna fuck around, and even if she doesn't I doubt you'll ever trust her again.
Work on a replacement and just stuff her in the meanwhile
I doubt it. She's religious and I kind of twisted that around on her to make her realize she'd betrayed her family, her upbringing, and her values, and if she ever did this to me again I'd out her to her whole community. Mennonites man.
Also the reason she didn't tell me for so long is the day she got back, we got mugged leaving the airport and I beat the shit out of the mugger, broke one of his arms, and it scared the shit out of her.
You already know the answer to that question so it's not really worth responding to, but you come across as mediocre and immature when it comes to relationships. I mean, the delusional part is this weird manic belief that "she [will] spend the rest of her life under [your] thumb". That comes across as edgy, unrealistic, and very teen/young 20s angry male talk.
I have some doubts about how hurt you are vs how hurt you claim to be. I think you come across like a bit of an egomaniac and I am sure that her cheating on you bothers you. Most of your post comes across as you sort of bargaining or creating a false narrative for yourself.
As a little bit of an aside-- why did you not just have like a mature conversation with her, express your thoughts and concerns, and then, after that, say that you need a bit of time to think. This is a much more honest way of dealing with the situation and perhaps responding to her while emotions are running hot was not the best approach. You would probably be happier if you took a bit of time to think about it.
I also think that if you are already cheating on her, and she is already cheating on you, that it's not exactly the most positive sign for the relationship. One or both of you will repeat the bad behavior. I sort of wonder if you actually cheated, but I'll trust your word on it, and it doesn't really change my advice. I sense a lot of repressed anger-- if not out of being betrayed, at the very least, at having your pride offended.
You are honestly probably right. I loved this girl more than other girl in my life. Late 20's though. I'm probably mad and hurt and it'll probably come out sooner or later.
But right now all I feel is numb. I don't think I'm better than anyone, in fact my current ego is probably me trying to cover my hurt pride.
Can't I have my delusion of imperviousness just for a little while?