>>16656657 Vaginally? Yes, it's normal. Most women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. They require clitoral stimulation to orgasm. If a girl can't orgasm from clitoral stimulation, that's not normal.
The more appropriate question would be "Is it normal for a girl to find it SO INSANELY DIFFICULT to orgasm that it feels like they can't?"
They might have very specific requirements in order to achieve orgasm, such as needing both clitoral and PIV stimulation, or perhaps they can ONLY get off on clitoral or ONLY get off on PIV. It can vary greatly from girl to girl.
Relatively normal yeah. A lot of girls only learn to orgasm later in life, and even of adult women I think around 10% just don't orgasm ever no matter what (13% of younger girls). I think there was some study that said that depending on the country, 21-44% of women would have some problems in reaching orgasm, so it's not at all like it's easy breezy automatic for everyone.
It's more common to be able to, but it's not unheard of
>>16656709 >Can you name any countries on either end of the list? Well the source I saw said the following;
In Sweden, according to one study 22% of women have significant trouble in reaching orgasm, and 60% have mild problems. The same numbers in France were 11% and 44%, in England they mentioned only the percentage for significant problems, 16-27% (I guess different studies with different results) and in Germany 38%.
According to the source there was some GSSAB -study that had nearly 14 k women from 29 different countries, and according to that, globally the most problems with orgasm were found in southeast Asia, and the least problems in South America. Globally there are significant problems in the range of 11-42% of women, and the "Western" average is approx 25%.
I'm sure there are studies to be found if you google it. Also the wikipedia page on Orgasm has more info in the subsection "Dysfunction and satisfaction".
>>16656780 > 78% of women had orgasms in 60% to 100% of sexual encounters with other women, compared with 55% for heterosexual sex. >lesbians have orgasms more often and more easily in sexual interactions than heterosexual women do what a cruel fate it is to love men
>>16656753 I find that bullets don't work too well for me unless I am already REALLY turned on. I would say start with something like the butterfly toy, or a small hand wand. Magic wand is what a lot of people call them, but the full sized ones are pretty expensive. They have small ones that can fit in a purse easy.
Also, you have to have a little patients. It took me a while to learn where exactly to put my vibe and how high the setting needed to be. If it's your first time trying for an orgasm, putting it directly on your clit might be too much unless you have a weaker toy. Try just under the clit, or above it. Also, play a little hot and cold game with your body. Wait till it starts to feel good, turn the setting up, or get closer to your clit. Back off when it starts to feel too intense. When it starts to feel AMAZING, then you'll know your on the right track.
>>16656827 Are they loud? I don't want my sister to know about it every single time I masturbate.
I've been trying on and off for months now and I've found that (after the whole "foreplay" thing of doing other things with the thing), gripping my clit and forcibly pushing the vibrator against is the closest I can get, but still no orgasm. I don't know if you've ever done self-harm but it almost feels the same as when cutting feels good, but without the pain.
>>16656850 They can be, but not insanely loud. I just put on some music or a fan.
Question, is the hood of your clit a bit bigger or thicker than normal? the fact that you have to pinch it seems like you either aren't feeling enough there-which could be from your hood covering it too much and you might need a stroner vibe setting, or you are pinching it because the vibration is too much.
What does it feel like if you don't pinch it? Does it feel good at all?
Also, how long have your practice sessions been about? Sometimes it takes me a good 20 minutes of teazing myself with the toy.
>>16656870 "pinch" was probably the wrong word, I just hold it between my front and mid-finger. I have to grab the sides to make it show from under the hood - kind of like you push out a cat's claws - and if I don't physically hold it still, it'll slip away.
I don't look at the clock, I've never had a timer. It could be 5 minutes or 40, I can't tell. The concept of time kind of stops existing between 1 am and 3 am.
>>16656657 Yeah. Are you on antidepressants? They tend to do that. Biology already fucked us over (female orgasm isnt necessary for the continuation of the species) and being on some medications can make it worse
Sorry to piggyback off your thread OP, but I got a question.
I want to make my gf orgasm, we’ve been together for a while and I always tell her that I want to but she insists that I’ve never really tried. Well the thing is, I have tried, but every time I get near her clit she pushes me off and tells me that it makes her uncomfortable. What do?
>While Freud provided no evidence for this basic assumption, the consequences of this theory were considerable. I was reading the wikipedia page for orgasms and I found this sentence that sums up 90% of the history of western psychology.
>>16656905 Hmm...interestin. When did you start holding it? Or what made you start doing that? The biggest complaint most women have when their partners are trying to give them orgasms is that they focus on the clit for too long and make it overstimulated. It's such a sensitive little nub, its easy to mess up and put too much direct contact on it. Hell, I can't even touch mine directly without it being uncomfortable.
My advice is try different toys, different settings, and different spots on the vagina. Its the only way I was able to learn how to do it, and I was 21 when I finally discovered just how many toys there are.
>>16657140 I'm 21 and I started doing that because I realised there's no point in just pushing or wiggling the clit around, I have to pin it between my fingers, the vibrator and my pelvic bone to get any kind of a sensation.
If we go by the assumption that a shitty sex toy costs about 20-40 euros, a fancy one can be over a 100 euros, and I am living on minimum wage, do you have any alternative suggestions?
try constant rythmical movements. maybe "holding" the clit with your index and ring finger while stimulating it with the middle finger. Orgasm intensity can change during every menstrual cycle. ovulation is the time yu will most likely orgasm. also be in the right mindset. stress can realy affect the way you orgasm.
>>16657184 Mm..ok, so as far as durability and overall enjoyment, I would just go ahead and save up for 2 or 3 months and get a wand. They are a bit more, but last longer than any of the crappier $60 toys I've gotten. I loved my butterfly toy, but the chord on it broke in less than six months. I've had my wand for over a year now.
Literotica.com is a good site that I use, not sure if there are other ones that you might be able to order from. They are very discreet with their packaging-usually just a plain cardboard box with your name on it. They also have some mailing options that were nice.
If you do get the wand, I would suggest starting at the low setting and not pinching to start. And like I said before, they have small ones that are not as expensive, but I can't vouch for durability.
>>16657278 >>16657278 Ooh..that sucks. They are about as loud as an electric razor I would say, which in your circumstances is pretty loud. If your doing this late at night, I suggest just putting on a low-key, soft music playlist with the excuse that you're having a hard time going to sleep. It should cover the noise and not wake your sister up.
Or you could wait till she's not there, leave the vibe going in your room, and then go into her room to see how loud it is.
>>16657311 My sister is autistic level oversensitive to any kind of sensory experiences, so I guess I'll have to start masturbating during the day and deal with her getting suspicious and/or insulted about me locking my door randomly for no reason.
>>16656709 >awkward and embarrassing this is the key anon
this is why you can't cum
*gently places fedora on his head*
women are fucking retarded little shits who are too wrapped up in emotions and feelings to mechanically orgasm like men can. you've got to be emotionally receptive and relaxed to the sex you're having or you will never orgasm properly. if you can figure out that i'm sure you'll be fine. maybe see a therapist (or a really hot guy)?
>>16657421 How could it NOT be? He was trying to please me but it was just unpleaseant and embarrassing. It's like having a cat lick the inside of your ear and being humiliated in public at the same time.
>>16657452 Yes, but that kind of guys are very rare and 100% unavailable. I have literally hit on every man I've met (while being single) that I was attracted to, and literally been turned down every single time.
I have exclusively dated and had sex with men I didn't like or find sexually attractive. For the record, "giving a nice guy a chance" is not like in the movies. You don't grow to love them over time.
Once upon a time, my parents decided to have a divorce. They had a big-ass mortgage together, so things were maneuvred around so the house and the rest of the mortgage went to my mom, and my dad got some sort of a compensation for his half. I don't know how that works, I'm just a dumb slut.
Then my dad died. And since mom and dad were divorced, the compensation-money was split between me and my sister. So my mom is still in debt to the bank, and my sister splurges dad's inheritance on star wars merch. I keep working and try to save money because I am absolutely terrified of it running out because I don't want to have to have it as bad as the rest of my generation.
>>16657495 >With my limited sample size I've found that my problem is that "no" means "no", and "I have a girlfriend" also means "no". I'm not casting aspersions or whatever. I'm in the same boat, like I said. There really is no solution
>>16657505 I'd be fine knowing I don't deserve anyone who isn't repulsive, if only I could at least make myself cum without wasting 500 euros on some goddamn loud-as-shit chainsaw not available on this planet.
5 times now (ish) I've nearly made my girlfriend cum from penetration, but every time she's near she tells me to stop because she feels like she's about to pee and doesn't want to risk it and see what happens. It's quite frustrating.
>>16657528 When you have a problem for long enough it sort of becomes normal to you over time. Like, that's how human brains work, they can't tolerate abnormal situations so they get used to it and adjusts it to be the new normal.
That's how shit like stockholm syndrome work, and that's why I've never had much success with mental health professionals. They ask me how I am, and I reply that I am normal. They decide that that means that I am sane and I do not have any problems, and let me go, and I try to kill myself two months later.
Every once in a while I need some kind of a bump, something that makes me go
"Oh, yeah. that chouch probably shouldn't be on fire."
>>16657557 I asked for an appointment in october 2015. I have an appointment for february 2016.
>>16657560 >want to be satisfied with sex >turned down by appealing men >turned off by unappealing men >physically can't do the deed solo Pointing out a problem I am perfectly aware of and explicitly asking of help with does nothing to actually help.
>>16657447 Hahaha that's cute. My girlfriend would disagree. Bitch.
Jk I'm not a redpiller and you're probably right to an extent as a lot of dudes are disgusting. #1 problem with them I've found is they don't listen to what their lady wants and leave her unsatisfied.
In regards to your issue with dating OP, I don't want to say "lower your standards" as you already have, but instead try setting a standard across the board of "yes I would date you" and go from there. Even if a guy has a couple things you don't like if he passes the standard you might end up in a happy relationship and feel that attraction needed to climax.
P.S. Try using a detachable shower head. Several good friends of mine and my current gf have told me they feel amazing for those purposes. Plus no suspicion!
>>16657590 >"yes I would date you" The guy who tried to go down on me WAS that kind of a guy. Kind of annoying ginger manchild who really, really ought to have had braces growing up, he was never violent and never deliberately threatening. He wasn't disgusting in any sense, he was clean and I could kiss him on the cheek or forehead just as well as I can kiss my dog.
But the thought of having sex with either makes me shiver with disgust.
Women are funny creatures. The men you are attracted to, every other woman is too, so why should they date you?
The men you are not attracted to, which encompasses 80% of men, you will pick one and settle down when you turn 30 and looks start to fade, but sooner or later one of those other men will pay you attention and you'll cheat on him
Buy a vibrator. That, or use the showerhead. You have to be able to orgasm on your own before you can orgasm with partnersex. Don't rely on some dude to give you an orgasm/learn your body for you, that's stupid.
>>16657606 Sex with either? If the thought of having sex with anyone less than a 10/10 is gross to you, you might need psychological help. That's not normal. There are girls I see that I think "yeah I'd have sex with them" but I'd never date them. I can tell you one thing: when you're really into someone and really care about them, the intimacy alone is so satisfying I don't even need to orgasm. Just knowing I've left my girlfriend satisfied is what makes me happy.
>>16657639 I'm actually somewhat of a chubby chaser, and I would - again - like to point out that two of the aforementioned men were taken. The other three just weren't interested in the chance of having their dicks sucked.
>>16657642 I am trying to learn to masturbate to make myself stop wanting a boyfriend, and it appears to be that I have been lied to and the button I'm supposed to push to stop being sad and scared and upset and be happy and content instead doesn't fucking work without high-tech NASA tools and this turn of events somewhat upsets me.
Men are programmed to want to fuck anything they can 5/10+ - anything that looks like a fit vessel for some DNA, put DNA inside, play numbers game
Women, have to spend 9 months carrying the child and then 13 yrs it before it can feed itself- because of this, they are very choosy, and quick to abandon what they see as the 2nd best male in the pack of 100, for the best, because his children will be the strongest and most worth the 15 years of her life
>>16657651 I don't mean an absolutely flawless porceline doll beauty queen. A guy can have flaws, random odd or unusual features, I just need him to be smart and have a good personality, too. But somehow asking half of that, AND being attracted to me, is too much to ask.
I can tolerate a guy who's ugly. I can tolerate a guy who's got shit taste in TV shows. I can tolerate a guy who's not very bright. I just don't undertand why it has to be all three.
>>16657661 Take vitamin D because you obviously are in or at serious risk for depression and that can help that.
If you want a boyfriend orgasms aren't gonna help you. You need a loving and supportive partner. Try to make more friends online and seek out typed smut stuff because I found a ton of loving support on like f-list and shit.
Honestly I found my partner online and some of my friends I met through f-list have literally help me escape an abusive home.
You have to be happy with you. If you can't find a way to do that comfortably then no one else is gonna be able to come in and fix you up so that everything is okay.
Love is grand but it's not enough light to see a journey through on.
>>16657681 >serious risk of depression Oh, I've had depresion literally as long as I can remember. And I don't mean "all my adult life", I MEAN as long as I can remember. They made me talk to a councellor when I was 8 years old because I was talking about wanting to die.
>You need a loving and supportive partner. I suppose it has so far been clearly established that genuine love is, and is always going to be, outside of my reach.
I still talk with the ex, though. I know he still loves me and he's the kind of a guy who's actually going to love me for the rest of his life and not just say that. He never got over his mom dying and he'll never get over me.
>>16656657 No. Entirely possible, but certainly not normal. Most women are capable of orgasm. In fact, such a small percentage are entirely incapable that I'd say you're just doing it wrong. No shame in it, the vagina is a wily organ being as linked to the brain as it is.
>>16656657 Yes. The female orgasm is something BOTH PARTIES have to WORK FOR.
makes sense though because women evaluate men based on their baby protecting abilities, so it makes sense women cumming needs to be limited to super hot men or men that are willing to put in actual work for their partners' sexual health.
Women play the largest role, however, in their own ability to cum. Too many women out there trying to blame it on everything but their own inability to overcome their own barriers and WORK on themselves.
it's a combination of several factors that all roll up into one event. First, how attracted is the girl to the guy? Women cum more with more attractive men (science). And physical attraction isn't the one and only attraction, just an important piece. So take heart ugly men, you can be an alpha man to your lady and still make her scream for you.
Second, how well does the girl know her own body? The women that cum the most are the ones who take the time to explore and figure themselves out - figure out what they really want, who they really want, what parts they like touched and how, etc.
Third, it's biology. Some women's bodies are just naturally built that way (or not). It's like men to a lesser degree - we know there are some men out there beating it 8 times a day. There are also some men out there not beating it at all, ever.
Fourth, how well does she take care of herself? Healthy women with kegel muscles cum more than fat asses who look in the mirror and get depressed.
Source: Experience. One ex never came a single time in a year of dating. She was super inexperienced, didn't know her body, had never cum before, wasn't comfortable at all being naked, etc. It was a lil weird fucking a girl for a year and her *never* cumming but hey, she stayed. Current girlfriend cums when I look at her. Obviously kidding but really though, she cums like it's her job. She lost her v-card at 12. So.
>>16657741 Work on self care and self worth. Even spending a little more time to blush out your hair or buying a fancy soap for your hands can help. Loving yourself as you are can be a huge struggle, but you have to remember that once you have that confidence it will help you with just about everything else, and there's no rush or time limit to it. You can set your own pace.
Don't compare yourself to other people. Focus on your own triumphs, what you've survived, how far you've come. You are unique in what you've experienced.
Find friends that appreciate you. I cannot stress this enough. One good friend is better than a thousand crap friends or a dozen meh friends. It can offer some balance and be really rewarding to have someone to confide in after a while or call up if you are in need of emergency support-even if you don't call knowing you can is amazing.
Take time to let the guilt go. if you feel like guilt and/or responsibility are dragging you underwater, know when to set that aside and be selfish when you need to be. You can always pick your burden back up when you're ready.
>>16657762 How do I work on self-care if I hate wasting money? I don't get this tumblr shit about bath bombs and scented candles and shit. I wouldn't even know how to take a bath if I had one. You just sit in a tub???? and that's it???
I can confidently say that 90% of my firends like me more than I like them.
How do you let go of guilt that doesn't HAVE a source? You just vaguely feel guilty for being alive at all.
>>16657768 Well I'm not a doctor so I can't give you an educated answer. However, as a man, I find that yeah, squeezing my kegel muscles when my cock is being touched give me pleasure on their own. The kegels themselves feel kinda good to me. Not orgasmic or anywhere close of course, but there is some pleasure. I'm not sure if women get that same kind of feeling from kegels or not.
Also, there's something about focusing your actively thinking mind on a physical activity that enhances sexual pleasure that allows the mind to let go of external stimuli. So focusing on squeezing those muscle could get you focused on the sex at hand?
First though, female arousal is pretty dependent on her finding the situation hot too. So if you're just chilling in your room doing kegels it's probably not going to be as hot as if you're on your back rubbing your clit thinking about that guy you want inside of you. You're not a sex robot; context matters.
>>16657788 >doing stuff you enjoy What if I literally just don't enjoy anything? I've had depression ever since I was a kid. There is no such thing as going back to hobbies and activities I used to enjoy. I do not have a personality outside of mental illness.
>>16657789 wait so I'm supposed to do the kegels WHILE MASTURBATING? I thought they were just for male pleasure. Feels tighter and stuff.
>>16657881 The answer to both these questions is find a better fucking therapist. There are those who are going to write off your symptoms because lol female (it's shitty, but it happens) and there are those that shouldn't be given a prescription pad. As tough as it is, you just have to find a therapist who's a good fit for you. It's almost like trying to find a significant other, there's a lot of trust involved in the patient/therapist relationship on top of all the requisite skill-based shit.
Just keep trying. You can't give up if you want to get better.
when I turned 18 and asked to be transferred to the adult mental clinic from the youth clinic, because I did not feel like the youth clinic was helping me, I was told that I don't *have to* transfer from the youth clinic before I'm 25.
I told them I want to be transferred or I'll quit coming.
They told me I can keep coming to the youth side or quit coming.
I quit going. Tried to kill myself next year. Still not going to go back to that shit.
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