Relationship/Dating Advice for men

Created a thread last night for advice, but didn't receive any.

>been in relationship for 5 years
>own a house
>no kids
>she wants to move to a neighboring state for a job
>I don't think it's such a great idea
>I've been working with my counselor to communicate better
>still don't feel like I'm being heard
>I don't know how to correctly say 'I think you should take the job, but I should stay'

I know I've struggled to communicate in the past, but lately I feel like I've been very on point with saying how I feel and what I want. Just not feeling like it's reciprocated.

>>16656611
so your want to tell your gf of 5 years you think she should move for a job but you won't move with her.
basically you want to break up?

>>16656651
Yes. There have been other things contributing to the degradation of the relationship. Differing religious views among other things. I think it'll be a minor shock to her, we've had our struggles before. I took about a three week break two years ago, and things improved for a bit, but it's back to the same path we were on before. I can't see it working out long-term now. Any advice on how I need to approach this scenario?

>>16656702
Well you have to tell her, say we need to talk and tell her you feel she should take the job because you no longer can see a future with her?

>>16656611
Never found a woman who could communicate in the way they think they can. Mostly they just spew feelings at you and wait for a pat on the head or a direction. Life got so much better when I stopped listening to what they want and just said what I was going to do, and let them deal with it.

If you want to break up with her, just sit her down and tell her you're not moving. Shame about the house, hopefully you can sell and split it amicably without lawyers involved.

Sorry to be glib, but "communicating properly" gets in the way of just getting down to brass tacks. If you'd rather lose her than move, then don't make it complicated. I wouldn't ask her directly to stay, she can make that judgement on her own. It should be her own decision... partly out of respect and partly because you don't want to leave her a reason to resent you years down the line.

Long distance alternatives are more complicated than I can probably advise you with.

>New Issue

I went on a date with this girl. Ridiculously sweet, and as good looking as any I've ever been with--90% sure she'd make a great gf. Connected great, talked pretty real about our messed up families and there was enough physical chemistry that we said goodbye with a few nice lingering kisses. Overall felt like a champ about the date, didn't miss a beat.

She was clear on OKcupid that she was just looking for friends, but she's obviously at least a bit attracted to me. I turned on the charm pretty hard, so I'm thinking she feels like she got in over her head or something with the kiss.

>I text her to set up the next date
>she says she only wants to get together as friends but I'm really nice blah blah
>I ask about her feelings a bit, and she seems to just be angsty about relationships in general. Said she's not looking for something casual, but also not interested in dating anyone because it's "too much work".
>The only negative story I can remember is that she broke up with her ex of two years, because the attraction faded and she didn't want to relocate with him.
>Seems hesitant to meet again, but I talk her into it. She even suggests a night and time.
>Tell her I have another date set up (which was true).

So anyways, what's my next move to get her into bed? Not sure whether to get aggressive and just let things crash and burn if she's not into it, or if I should just hang out with her for a while and show no interest while dating other women to see if I can get her to pursue me.

She's actually very sweet and could be a good friend, but eventually she'll date someone, and I'd like it to be me.

>>16656752
Also, she said she's made a few "friends" from online dating, which I can only assume to be thirsty orbiters.

I know I can just walk if I feel myself slipping into that role, but my head isn't as clear as it usually is, because this is the kind of girl I would have slit my wrists over when I was young and naive. I want to sweep her off her feet with grand gestures of affection, but I think I might have to harden up and get a little tough on her. Thinking of inviting her out to a group activity with a girl I'm seeing.

>>16656752
I am not too experienced with relationships and girls, but here are my two cents

1. OKC is a fine place, but diamonds are rare there. Sharing a bad youth is something I found there aswell, but its not a good basis to work on as a couple. One might even say red flag. I was dumb enough to jump into the relationship, because it was my first one and I was desperate to have a GF. if that is the case with you, if you only slightly feel desperate to find a GF, dont jump into things. Tell me, what is it you want from her, that based on what she is telling you can be called a shared goal? dont be a MGTOW who thinks you are oh so smart to know better than her, what is good for her.

2. Because she seems to be shy and insecure, here is what I would do: treat slow, give her a feeling of security, dont stress things, just go step by step, today its kissing, in a week maybe you can stay at her place. Talk more, do little.

Here is how it will turn out, if you get into a relationship with her: She will never accept compliments from you but demand them, she will never trust your words but tell you how good your decisions are. It's not a great feeling

>>16656730
I guess I'm nervous about the reaction. I know I can say how I feel, but I also feel like she'll stay for no real reason. Just done with it.

>>16656734
That's the problem. I don't think she knows that she isn't communicating well. I've tried to have her go to a counselor because it helped me and wanted to see her try as well, but she never did. I'm not interested in a LDR at all. As for the house, I'm more than happy to sell and split any profits, which is looking like 15-25K given the market here. As I've said, I'm more nervous about the reaction. I don't feel like she listens to what I'm saying, or cares about my feelings in most matters. Advice on not being a gigantic pussy?

>>16656792
>Advice on not being a gigantic pussy?
Say what you mean in simple words. Don't let her deflect or walk away from the issue. Tell her it's time to start making arrangements to sell the house and encourage her to follow up with the new job.

>>16656792
read up on how to break up (e.g. not at home, not over dinner, but somewhere public-ish)

that gave me the power to break up the first time

If she goes out with other guys without even telling you about, just leave.
She doesn't respect you, that would never change and she's not someone worth to be with in the first place.

>>16656792
if she don't see whats wrong she'll be sad of course, but seriously you can't stay if you're unhappy!
you should not do it in public! and of course not over dinner either, you've been together for five years, you live together it would be so weird if you broke up with her in public, and then have to go home with her anyway.
do it in a nice way, talk with in at home in a normal environment.
she'll be sad yes, but you have to stick to your gut and say "i'm sorry but we can't be together anymore"

>>16656798
Perfect, man. I'll do my best. I'm hoping to be able to do it, and own who I am as a person.

>>16656802
I'll be sure to look into it. Thank you too. I appreciate the replies everyone.

>>16656789
>I am not too experienced
I appreciate the thought, and I'll consider your ideas, but I felt very much the same way when I was young and inexperienced. I'm not desperate, and already seeing a couple women I probably would have considered LTR material when I was younger. This girl is a step up.

I'm not a full redpill MGTOW asshole, but I've just learned time and again that for a man to get what he wants out of a relationship, he has to lead and be dominant, using actions more than words. You're probably right that a slow, steady escalation of intimacy is what's called for, so that it almost seems accidental.

Her family is far less messed up than mine from what I know. Totally see what you mean about a red flag, I know it's held me back in relationships for many years. I think the connection is still worthy. My ex had pretty much a perfect family, and I honestly couldn't sympathize with any of her issues with them because all I could think is "wow, it's amazing you speak enough that that is even an issue".

>>16656802
For an LTR I'd consider doing it at home. If they need to cry and beat the walls, let them.

>>16656822
Who are you replying to?

>>16656845
I'm just giving general advice to anyone that wants to listen.

>>16656843
gg, it'll be hard but you'll feel like a million bucks when it's over. No relationship is worth feeling like you have no control over your life.

>>16656611
Tell her " Baby i love you and i want you to stay, but i'm not going anywhere."
She can't force you to do anything, say whatever you want guy. Act as if you have nothing to lose at this point you've made up your mind and she has too i suppose. At the end of the day, either one of you will give in or one of you will leave the relationship. Only two things will happen. She'll threaten you and guilt trip. She'll say, " You don't really love me, you want me to move away." Ignore it, you suggested her to stay. Like i said only TWO TWOOO things will happen she will give in or leave the relationship. If you want to stay in that state, act like it and sit strong like a stump.

>>16656702

Op here, how long were things good after the three week break? How long did it take for things to turn bad again.

>>16656789

GOOD ADVICE, you have seen the light my friend.

>>16656855
Well I want her to move because it's a good opportunity for her career. She is much more motivated by money than I am. Right now, I just value happiness in my life.I love her in the caretaker sense, not the same way that I did when we first met.

>>16656867
For maybe two weeks. It stalled out then got worse. It got better from her out of fear. I never felt like it was to try to improve as a person and help our relationship.

>>16656885

Oh so you want to break up with her. Have you guys ever broke up previously? Who's idea was the break?

>>16656702
>I can't see it working out long-term now
Then end it. Don't mention the job opportunity - it will only complicate things. It's not even the real issue here.

>>16656901
I feel like I would be happier out of the relationship. When we were first starting we broke up then got back to get 2 months later. That was very, very early in the relationship. It was my idea for the break. She didn't take it well at all when we did it.

>>16656876
Please... it's good advice if you want to watch her get married to a guy who knew how to seize the reins.

>>16656918

Breaks do work but when its over you shouldn't go completely back to normal. Would you say you guys were pulling your weight equally in the relationship? If she's doing most of the chasing to try to keep you happy, the least likely she'll try to pick fights or act out. The one with the most power in the relationships, holds the rejection card.

>>16656995
I feel like at that time we most definitely were pulling our weight. Currently, it has shifted to maybe 80/20, with me doing the 80. She does the chasing, but she is picking fights. I don't know if I misunderstood the question there. She will be the one to tell you that I have all the power in the relationship.

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ok /adv give me your best one

>being dating this girl for almos 4 years (we start at high school)
>she is very nice, sweet and sexy and take care of me
>since last year i haven't been feeling the same as she, getting kinda boring of been in a relationship desu
>we're both 20 and just starting uni
>for some reason i feel like being single is more fun than this, the idea of haging out with whoever i want and dating whoever i want sounds tempting but i dont want to cheat on her (it happens in the past but that another story)

tl;dr: It is any worth to keep a relationship when you are just starting your 20's? should i break up with her or follow my desires?

apologize for bad english

>>16657031
To be honest... it isn't. Maybe in 1950 it was an alright idea, but one of you will eventually get bored and quit. You'll bounce back faster if you break it off.

It might sound shitty, but bang her til you've got the next girl lined up. Young women do it all the time. Be discrete at first so as to not hurt her feelings, but until you spend years with someone, maybe live with them, travel together, get through ups and downs with them, etc, it's really not that serious of a relationship.

I know two couples who have been together since high school. Two out of dozens or hundreds.

Signed t. bitter oldfag

>>16657031

Just dump her, you're going to end up cheating on her again. You're a young buck, don't tie yourself down you got alot ahead of you. Go on a lot of dates.

Would really appreciate more thoughts on this:
>>16656752

Really just tactical advice on how to pivot from friendship to fucking. IDGAF if it's conniving of me to pursue her that way, I want what I want. I'm not entirely unconvinced she doesn't keep a few orbiters around just to see who will nut up and go after her.

>>16657022

what do you guys typically fight over?

>>16657055
>>16657049

Thanks, i really appreciate advises coming from more veterans in this topic.

However, for some reason everytime im about to break up with her, i start questioning my desition and telling to myself that i will never find a girl that will love me the way she do it and then i will wake up in my 40's alone and regretful because i didn't know how to appreciate a good girl when i had the chance.

I know it sound a bit too extreme, maybe i just need to man up and stop been so negative about the future.

Had you guys been in the same situation, how did you overcome this fear?

>>16657022
I've been on the other side of that equation. She probably has an inkling of what's coming and is frustrated about it.

Just do what's right for you, there's not much use in trying to patch things up with someone who's moving away anyhow. Let her down easy and be generous with furnishings, pets, and crap like that she'll need to get established elsewhere (as long as you get what's yours from the sale of the house). Someday she might be a friend or an easy lay when you need it.

>>16656734
This. This. This.

The first girl I've ever met that actually sits down and tries to hear what I say is my current girlfriend, who is ridiculously rare. You have to be direct and take action. Don't say what you wish woul happen or what you want her/you to do, say exactly what you're doing (breaking up, I'm assuming).

>>16656752
Emphasize that it is only a lot of work if you make it that way. Tell her you just want to make her happy and can take no for an answer if she doesn't want to see you/can't spend time with you in the future. Really show you're not a high maintenance guy and she might be a little more open to the idea.

>>16657079
>Had you guys been in the same situation, how did you overcome this fear?

I didn't choose to. I held onto shit relationships until the girl finally walked. I was a cringe inducing bitchboy who begged women to stay because I was terrified of being alone. Once I was abandoned and alone, I went through years of bitterness and misery. When I didn't kill myself, I just picked myself up and stopped giving a fuck and abandoned all the shitty "romance" advice I'd gotten growing up.
>fuck bitches, get money

Chances are, you'll die alone anyways. Friendships are more durable anyways.

>>16657079
Bro, if you've cheated on her once, she's not the one. If she cheated on you, you're definitely not the one. Break up and move on. You don't want to lose the friendship but I'm afraid you're going to have to in order to really be free. It's not fair to her for you to sit there in this limbo. Let her move on too.

>>16657096
Good thought. I'm concerned that if I'm too direct, she'll just get spooked and split. Already almost happened once because I was a little flirty in a text message. Dunno why but she's really shy and sensitive... I wonder if her ex was her first boyfriend or something. Either that, or she's picking up on the fact that I'm not really going to be happy as "just friends" indefinitely. At the very least I need to build up her trust so she won't think I'm plotting to rape her lol.

I've got to find the balance between not scaring her off, and not being so undemanding that she just sees me as a eunuch and picks someone new and exciting.

>>16657085
It's even worse when they sound like they hear you, and then act in complete contradiction to their stated wishes. I just wanted to strangle my ex for the way she'd unilaterally reverse important financial decisions and generally act like an impulsive child.
>I'll keep this job for another year so we can move and save some money
>cool, let's invest in some good household stuff and get rid of our old college shit, maybe take a trip
>spend the money
>lol jk I quit my job a few weeks before unemployment benefits would have kicked in and started applying to grad school, so we have to stay in this place that's too small for at least another two years

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I went on three dates with this girl. We have a ton of stuff in common, plenty of the same taste in music and food, same sense of humour, great chemistry together. Our third date ended with some very rambunctious, satisfying sex multiple times, more fucking when we woke up, breakfast in the morning, etc. Felt like things suddenly escalated and got very physical, very fast.

Basically I'm a total newb at relationships. I was a nerdy weeb all through high school, started improving myself in college and had a few drunken one night stands with girls that didn't really go anywhere. Girls apparently find me hot, but this wasn't until I spent a lot of time improving my fitness, grooming, fashion sense, conversational skills, etc. I'm sure she has more relationship experience than me, but the fact is I really like this girl and want to be serious with her. She even commented during our pillow talk that I seemed a lot shyer than other guys she dated.

What are some things I should totally avoid? What are some good things couples should do together regularly (besides sex) to keep the relationship strong?

pic sorta related, she's white I'm black.

>>16657138
fucking coal burners man.
True be told she only wants you for you BBC, Tyrone.
You should just enjoy it while it last and don't really care about a long term thing.

>>16657138
>she's white I'm black.
Why is that important, unless you're trying to b8 the /pol/tards?

>Felt like things suddenly escalated and got very physical, very fast.
Waiting til the third date is practically old fashioned these days.

Anyways, go for walks, see live music, go to art museums or really anything you both enjoy. Be your most outgoing self with her.

Don't get in the habit of going to more expensive places than you can afford. A picnic by the river that took a little effort to arrange is more romantic than splurging on a fancy dinner every weekend.

>>16657160
This might actually be true. Sorry man, but there are girls who just make it their mission to fuck a black guy so they can be edgy and tell their slut friends they've done it.

Assuming it's not b8 you sound like a reasonable gentleman of african descent and there's a decent chance I wouldn't hate stare you and your mudshark slut if I saw you together in a restaurant.

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>>16657178
well, she doesn't seem to discriminate much. she's said she really likes some white actors, briefly mentioned her ex was indian.

the live music, museums and stuff like that sounds cool. she says she studied theater for one year, was thinking of taking her to phantom of the opera.

>>16657160
>jealous whiteys
I'll make it an effort to hold hands and kiss with her more often in public. Even on the second date I noticed white guys eyeing us angrily, we actually made fun of one of them. I took her to see Star Wars and she loved it, kept saying she thought Finn was funny and made fun of Kylo a lot. have to admit I've never kissed a girl with blue eyes before meeting her.

>>16656564

Your "relationship advice" seems to be based entirely around the eternal suspicion that other people are going to be a dick to you and that you could never possibly be in the wrong.

>>16657210
I know this is 4chan and we're all havin a laff m8, but that subtle social pressure can really put an interracial relationship on the rocks in the long term. In social situations with her family and friends, you'll probably be like a fly in the buttermilk. If you don't act like a nigger then it really shouldn't matter, but this is the world we live in.

But yeah anyways, it's smart to set a tempo for "date nights". I personally find it extremely exhausting to have to come up with some activity week after week, and even just paying for parking and a few drinks adds up. Train her early to split the bill most of the time--IMO being too generous with a girl makes you look insecure.

Sometimes you gotta just make dinner together and fuck like animals. Enjoy the mundane pleasures in life, and use a fancy night out as a special occasion.

>>16657237
I've found that to be mostly true, though I try to admit my mistakes gracefully.

"give a finger and they'll take the whole hand" is often true in all endeavors, but it can be especially true in dating.

>>16657210
Wrong mr. blackie. Not whiteness in me.

>>16657257
>Sometimes you gotta just make dinner together and fuck like animals.

Literally all our third date was. Cheapest date, best date.

>>16657294
Precisely. Once in a while it's fun to splurge and make her feel special, but it's a lot easier to stomach that 70$ restaurant tab if you're not letting her drain you a few dollars at a time.
>going out for coffee
>picking up her drinks because she forgot cash
>little gifts and shit
>getting takeout because you're too lazy to cook

Stuff like that just spoils her, and she'll take it for granted. The big gestures are what she'll remember--and like I said, those don't have to be expensive all the time either. If you can, try to get her to treat you as often/more often than you treat her.

Okay /adv/ I need your opinion, and I wonder if I'm the only bloke with this problem.

I've been seeing a girl for a year now. We live together, and I am madly in love with her.
However her libido is much higher than mine. We've always had a healthy amount of sex and although the mad period of fucking multiple times a day has gone, we still manage it 2-3times a week. Which, with a man with a full time job and lots of responsibilities is perfect.

Still, she wants it more than I do. Sometimes after a long day of work, or after gym or whatever, I just fancy chilling and cuddling on the couch to a nice film and winding down. She sometimes doesn't get my hints of not being in the mood, and is pushy with her advances.

It's gotten to the point where I feel like our sex feels routine, a lot of the time I give in, others I physically can't get in the mood and just want to do something else with her. Unfortunately she sees my occasional resistance to her advances as a show of rejection, that I don't find her attractive. The reality is is that 2-3times a week, I'm totally game, but some nights I just want to mooch or go out and do something fun.

This is affecting her quite a bit, there is a big stereotype that men are the horny ones and that it's always the girl 'with the headache', so when I do it I assume she thinks it's a problem with her - when I'm actually just a guy who has a lower libido.

Anyone been in this position? I feel isolated because my guy friends don't get my problem...they think it's odd that I'd ever turn down sex.

>>16657418
I'm definitely jelly, but I can sympathize in theory. The working life makes it hard to keep up that stallionesque libido.

I had the opposite problem, my ex's libido dropped through the floor because of medication and stuff and it really made me unhappy. It got to the point where a month without sex was pretty normal, and even then she would have rather just cuddled. She was offended at the notion of just giving me a BJ once in a while to keep me happy.

I suggest getting some sex toys. A hitachi vibrator is a lot of fun. Try a few different ones. You can just lay down with her and make her cum a few times while kissing and talking dirty.

I want to get hold of some Cialis and really give it to my girl, but you may not want to mess around with drugs at this point.

Overall I'd just man up and try to satisfy her as best you can. Surprise her in the middle of the day with spontaneous sex. You really do have something I would love to have I think--if you can keep her around, you could pretty much live a no-fap life.

>>16657131
Haha the 2 people you replied to are both the same person lol.

Anyway, yeah, I feel ya man about the second comment. There's a difference between girls, women, and bitches, and only bitches will fuck you over. What makes me so happy about my current girlfriend is she acts like a guy in serious scenarios and values logic over emotion. Otherwise she's girliness to the max and it's cute as hell.

As for your first comment, I think you're probably in the right mind. Just show her that this is something you don't want if she truly doesn't, but if she kissed you then she's definitely not against it.

Good luck dude! I'm sure it'll work out.

>>16657493
My girl is rare in the fact that she much prefers penetrative sex and isn't very much into toys or playing with our hands (she's into oral as a warmup, but it's much easier to get her to finish through regular sex).

We still have fantastic sex, last night we did It and it was awesome for both of us. However today she wanted to go again - I can't force myself or my little member to be interested and she takes it so personally. We aren't drying up or disinterested with each other, just that she wants to go at it much more than I do (it takes me awhile to 'recharge' as it were). I'm worrying that this is an incompatibility sign.

I've tried medications like viagra before as you suggest. And while it does make me super fucking charged, it's expensive, unromantic and a bit artificial..so drugs is something we only very occasionally experiment with.

I tell her it's not me but according to her because I'm a guy I must be unattracted to her if I'm not in the mood or can't get it working. If this was the other way around the guy would be a pushy dickhead.

>>16657529
Thanks man. I just don't want her to feel betrayed if I try to kiss her after being "friends" for a while. I feel like I either need to spark a little jealousy and make her pursue me, or maybe hang out with her for a bit and go in for a kiss after a few drinks, so we can laugh it off.

>>16657538
Your libido sounds pretty normal to be honest.

Those hitachis pretty much make dicks obsolete... they also take a number of different penetrating attachments. You're not even supposed to use them more than once a week, or the pussy gets too accustomed to overstimulation. It's eighty bucks, give it a shot.

Cialis is a little more conducive to romance from what I've read. Wish I could get it OTC. It doesn't trigger a raging hardon right away, it's just supposed to make your unit work like it did when you were 17.

I see what you mean about her being too pushy. You are who you are--I can't get it up more than twice a day now either (and then I'm useless the next day), though I feel like an aggressive excercise routine has been upping my libido a bit. You can do kegels too and practice orgasm control, but that's not going to help you fuck three times a day seven days a week.

If you want to keep her, strongly consider some toys. Spend a few hours blasting her cunt with a toy and then fuck the shit out of her.

How do I get better at the sex?

I lost my virginity recently, and I've had sex with my gf 10~ times. I feel like I'm getting a better handle on it, but at the same time I feel like I could definitely improve. She's basically said the same thing. She's given me some pointers too, but since I'm out of town I haven't gotten to put them to use yet. I mean, she realizes my inexperience means it will take me a while to get good at this, and early in our relationship she focused mainly on pleasing me and helping me figure out what I like, but I feel like it's time to start giving back, you know?

Some problems I'm having:
She seems to enjoy when I fuck her hard, but it's kinda painful for me, and even though I'm relatively fit it wears me out quickly.
I don't know how to give head, or what to do with a clitoris in general really. I tried once but I didn't feel like I knew what the fuck I was doing.
I always have trouble finding the hole, and she still has to guide me inside with her hand sometimes.
We've only done it in missionary and idk how to do anything else.

Both male and female input would be appreciated.

>>16657609
>Do squats and consider getting /fit/. You're not in that good of shape if you get worn out so quickly. Do some long, slow strokes to get her fired up, then pound her for a minute, then go back to the slow strokes. Look in her eyes and learn to play off her unconscious signals

>re: head/foreplay. Lots of women need a lot of warmup to get the most out of it. You can start foreplay hours before by touching, flirting, light kissing, etc. Make out for a bit, kiss her breasts and stomach, and then kiss the inside of her legs. Lightly kiss the clit and vulva for a minute, then lightly trace out the alphabet with your tongue on her clit. Start rythmically stroking the clit with your tongue (which you keep soft) and rub a single finger in circles on the roof of her vagina--there's a rough spot on the front of her vaginal wall which is very sensitive, aka the g-spot. If it's too intense, just slide your finger straight in and out for a bit to get her lubed up.
Women differ in what they like best/how much foreplay they need, etc, but this is a general idea. It's also very easy to find advice online, it's practically a whole field of study.

>finding the hole
Practice makes perfect haha, I remember that too. Don't worry about it.

>other positions
Missionary can be great. It's very intimate. Look her in the eyes. Try putting a pillow under her ass--this can help point your dick at her g-spot and lead to very intense internal orgasms.

Some women love doggy style but it can be more or less awkward depending on your relative height.

Try gently pulling a handful of her hair and slapping her ass. Many women like it a little rough--but ratchet it up slowly so you don't hurt her. Communication is king here.

Good luck bro, try a few new things and she'll probably be really happy that you've taken the time to do some homework. Most women suck at sex, so you're not all that far behind. The best thing is to get into it and be enthusiastic and loving.

>>16657641
cont.

Wikipedia can advise you on other positions, but there's no need to get too exotic. One girl I know likes laying on her side and throwing one leg over my shoulder. Then I just give her the long strokes. The vag is not particularly deep, and if you find the right angle, even an average guy can usually get that
>oh fuck that's deep
look in her eyes without any acrobatics.

Positions don't matter all that much in the end--don't try to be like a porn star and do weird handstand bullshit, just focus on the fundamentals.

Fucking standing up can be great fun too--if her sex life has been a little vanilla up til now, it might seem pretty nasty and exciting.

>>16657641
>>16657655
Thanks for the advice bro. I'll try some of that stuff the next time I see her.

>>16657138

OP here

If you want a serious relationship, don't put out until she's the gf, go on itleast 7 to 8 dates to test her consistency. Consistency as in, her showing up to all the 7 or 8 dates on time without you having to chase her to do it. This will give you a good sense of security in the end(shows she's serious and gives her a challenge because most guys give into sex, you did not), likely by the 7th she'll ask you to be the bf. When she's your gf your goal is to understand her like a book. Make her earn it. ANOTHER THING, sex can mess up your mindset, a very good orgasm can make you forget that you've only known this girl for 3 weeks and that she didn't do much to gain my trust/approval.

You banged her on the third date, it's not too late though. Just go on some dates, look for events going on in your town, try new restaurants. Bang her and make sure she's pulling her weight in the relationship, wear the pants.

>help me out here
how often do you guys text with your girlfriends? i ask because my girlfriend and I would text back and forth for about 3 days straight, but then the 4th day she just halts all contact. we see each other during school (uni), and everything is fine. but she tends to go on these small hiatuses.

wat do?

>>16658375
As little as I can get away with.

>>16658330
How old are you? Honestly curious, not trying to cast aspersions on your experience.

I've gotten very cynical about women since my last LTR blew up in my face. I pretty much crank the charm up to 11 and try to fuck on the second date. I wish I could do what you say, but women are so flighty and inconstant that I don't see much point in investing time anymore.

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I have an issue on my hands
>go on a date with a stunning, kind, and overall wonderful girl who likes me as much as I like her
>not a lot has been going good for her in her life
>we talk, she says she really likes me, but only wants to be friends for now to sort out the bad things in her life
>confirms that she really wants to be with me again
>I agree, since the same thing was happening recently for me
>we are just friends now, but feel an awkward tension between us
>due to the tension, I feel us growing further apart
Anons, how do I go about getting rid of this tension between us, and how should we go about solidifying our relationship?
Help would be much appreciated

>>16658449
Hang out with her, kiss her, possibly fuck.

Pretty simple.

I guess if she's got cancer or something you might want to just be her friend, but if it's just her dog died, then go for it. Never let a woman steer the relationship... whether they're good or not, they're pretty dumb.

How do I become lovable as a guy?

So, there's this girl that I like who is 16 years old. Just hear me out before you make your judgement. I am 21 and I have no problem waiting for the right time. I want to be a chef for a 5-star restaurant.

She and I work in a restaurant. I'm a cook there and I make all the food. So I make the staff meals and when I hand her her food she'll say things like, "Thanks, Anon!" and "You're my champion, anon!" (I'll shrug these off as simple complements, nothing more.) Occasionally I'll see her in the corner of my eye looking at me when I'm working or talking to my other co-workers/boss. When I look towards her she'll look away or towards someone else.

She'll talk to me non-stop (Which I don't mind one bit.) She will always smile at me when I'm looking at her and in the corner of my eye I can see her smiling when she walks up to me outside of work or at work. I make her laugh all the time and she makes me genuinely happy.

Should I just give up now and let this just be a fantasy/dream that can never happen or should I atleast attempt?

Be honest please.

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>>16656564
High school, 19

>this girl
>last year I told her I'm into her
>that year we had danced a lot in parties, but like grasping hands, you know, like vals position
>we would interlock fingers
>so I told her I'm into her and she told me that we were very good as friends and she really didnt wanted to risk losing me
>fuck my life
>enter last semester
>she looks a lot more interested in me, like she would turn to see me
>eyes wide open all the time
>she would wear that parfume I've always loved
>I would talk to her but really not much much
>try to invite her out a few times (3)
>first she went but it was like a group going out
>second she went off town
>third she didnt really wanted to go to the movies in group

*IMPORTANT
>last year I also had invited her out, just me and her
>she had said yes
>we ended up not going because she asked me why I invited her out
>that

So I had spent last semester like in little talks with her, casually, but I think she could clearly see that I was i love with her, the way my eyes were locked at hers, hers to mine, sometimes I'd even get lost in her eyes (fuck man!)

So she kinda gave away some I believe, signals, she isnt a bitch either, I know she kinda sounds like one, but she's not, otherwise I wouldnt be in love with her

SO!
>enter this semester
>as she passes through the door, she looks at me and smiles like very happy, for lile 2 seconds, and continues her way to her friends
>sit in the desk in front of hers
>some bitch friend of hers takes my seat, apparently I had lent it to her for an hour, but she ended up keeping it
>whatever, my new seat is aside mine
>sit infront of a qt girl friend of, *crush* so I naturally, talked to her casually and worked together, she's actually smart
>so the girl I am into, well, glances at me all the time, like expecting me to do something, but she kinda seems a bit jealous

I really dont know whether she is into me also or it's my mind playing with me

Pls halp

>>16658530
Eh, just go for it. I'm old and one thing I never did enough of was slam young pussy. I'll be lucky if I ever get inside a 20 year old before I die. Check your state laws, many set the age of consent at 16.

Wrap it up and don't take pics or let her send you nudes (because then you'd be in possession of child pornography of your legally consenting gf, hahahahaha!)

>>16658557
I ain't reading all that shit nigger. She likes you, and she's either waiting for you to make the first move or considering her other options.

Just ask her out and go in for a kiss if the date goes well. Better to be bold and get your shit slapped then be timid and let Chad have her. Everyone is timid and retarded at 19.

If she rejects you, just laugh it off. In a hundred years no one will know or care about our juvenile romances, so go on and get your dick wet.

>>16658566

>>16658566

It's not really about sex. I was always told by my mom and dad to find a girl you like immensely and then go for the relationship.

Sex will obviously be there later on in life but for now, it's not really THAT important. Besides, I'd lose a bunch of friends if I was just really going for "pussy".

>>16658592
Please man, I know this is an anonymous image board but you've got to help a bro out!

Yeah, but thanks for that, I'll do something tomorrow, but understanding the context is important

She is very important, and what majes me wonder is the fact that
>she is a bit out of my league
>but she has told me several times she thinks I'm handsome/good looking
>and she told me we were better as friends aka friendzone

You think she might have changed her feelings about that?

>>16658599
>relationship
She's 16 man, she doesn't know what the fuck a relationship is. You probably don't either. Any relationship between people under 25 is puppy love until proven otherwise.

So as long as you're not going to get thrown in jail, fuckin' go for it. If your friends will judge you to be a pedo scumbag, then maybe it's not worth it.

>>16658530
>Should I just give up now and let this just be a fantasy/dream that can never happen or should I atleast attempt?
If she's of legal age, you may end up happily married one day. That's what happened to me, anyway. We have a 7 year gap and I started dating him in my mid-teens (with my parents approval). Out of respect to them, we didn't do anything until I was of age.

>>16658615

My mom and dad got married when they were 20 and had 3 children.

>>16658409

I'm 27, the key to
"potentially" making her consistent is to not give too much away at one time, let her wonder what you think about her be mysterious. Keep it cool, just have fun with her and tease her, don't get into too personal and heavy things. On the second date give her a nice intimate hug and peck, PECK, on the lips just to show her you're interested without over doing it and shows her she's open to reciprocate towards you. Girls like to chase, guys just don't give them the chance. Be patient.

Trust me i'm all for you banging a lot of chicks but its best to test the girl first.

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>>16658625
You're trascending dimentions of BTFOing that shouldnt be trascended

>>16658612
I feel like I'm turning into 4chan's crabby old uncle.

No, none of that shit matters. I skimmed your novel and it's all typical teen angst bullshit. She is not special. She is not out of anybody's league, she is just another stupid hormonal kid.

Don't put up with any of that friend shit. Don't even listen to women when they talk about relationships or what they want, it's 99.99 percent bullshit smokescreen to see if you're man enough to pursue her.

Obviously you shouldn't try to rape her or something, but man the fuck up and kiss her. Act like it's something you do with a new chick every day.

Why would you want to be friends with an attractive, unmarried woman who doesn't think you're good enough to fuck?

>>16658625
I know people like that too. It can certainly work, but those young couples likely had circumstances conducive to growing up together (stable jobs, families, etc).

IN GENERAL, younger people's relationships and feelings are very fleeting. So enjoy the moment and don't get to thinking some dumb cheerleader is your one and only forever and ever.

>>16658616

Legally, it's alright. But, morally? Also, you're a female. The difference of ramifications are completely difference and one-sided against males.

If shit goes down (and I mean extremely bad), I could be killed or labelled a pedophile (Socially, not legally) for the rest of my life. But, it's worth it right?

How did your parents take it? It's obviously different for you.

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So I've been dating this woman for close to three years now, but we are about to graduate from university and I've come to the point where I realized we aren't going to work long term. We keep running into the same issues and she seems incapable of understanding my perspective. I still love her, but I had always thought that we would get married (hopeless romantic that I am). Now I feel like I have to be honest with her and end it asap. We are currently on a break from college though so since we live kind of far apart I can't break up with her in person.

Basically is it better for me to do it now over Skype or something (be the bad guy and give her time alone to get over me), attempt to meet up in New York and do it there in like a public park (probably traumatize her with no option of escape, but at least it's in person), or wait a week and a half to do it on college campus?

The guilt of having made this decision without her knowledge is killing me because above all she is a lovely friend.

>>16658629
So did you meet a wife/serious gf this way?

I'm skeptical desu, seems like a great way to wind up as the sexless friend. But it has strong application to my own problem--
>>16656752

I have a lot of options as far as women, but she's the only one I lose sleep over. I almost want it to fail, because I know that when I travel for work, it'll probably all just fall apart like the rest of my relationships.

>>16658375

I text girls only for dates because i can evaluate her better, it allows her to miss you and you'll have stuff to talk about when you meet up . See, 93% of communication is non verbal after all, 38% tone of voice, 55% body language and 7% verbal. If you guys can't really meet up it least one or two times a week in person, talk otp for 10 -15mins, try to avoid text, spend 10 mins even if she can't say much. How long have you been with her?

>>16658651

They had shitty jobs for their entire lives. I blame myself for that. Dad left Coast Guard a year after I was born to take care of my older brother and I. Then younger brother came into the picture and needed a bunch of hours to take care of us. Then they got divorced and made our lives a living hell.

They didn't have the best and I think that I need to make their lives better before they go. I wish I could just give them something they desire more than anything in the world. But, I can't.

>>16658693
You're not exactly selling me on young love here, pal.

Also take it from someone who knows, it's not worth feeling guilty about shit that was decided before you were born. Love your parents warts and all, but live your own life--the best tribute you can give them is to not repeat their foolish mistakes.

>>16658714

What you're saying is that "true love" can only be real if you and your SO is 25 or over, right?

I'm just proving to you that what you said is completely false.

I don't want to go out and "bang all the pussy" I can. I just want a fucking relationship with a girl I like with every fiber of my fucking being.

>been in LDR with my gf for 4 years
>each other's firsts
>maybe semi-LDR because we got to spend about half of that time together so far and most likely moving together soon
>lately feel like I don't get the same ammount of attention from her as I used to
>feel we've grown too used to each other that she feels she doesn't have to be the way she was anymore
>whenever I bring it up she just asks me "well, what do you want me to do?", sometimes cries, and I honestly don't know, for one, I feel like I shouldn't have to tell her what to do
>sometimes gets upset about it and thinks I'm just thinking of reasons to break up or something
>there's a time difference too so I basically spend my nights (7pm to 2/3am) all on my own while she gets to talk to me while she's on her free time and me basically from work

Situation is lately I've been talking to girls on /soc/ and stuff because I get awfully lonely at nights sometimes whenever we're on the LDR part. I don't ask for pictures, if they want to call I just make up excuses not to and so on. I only end up talking to girls that are also pretty modest on sharing pictures and such and develop friendships with them, but they're based on a bit of a lie.

I tell those girls I'm single. I enjoy the attention a lot and feeling like I'm sought after, something I feel it's missing in my life. My gf used to stay up later than she does now just because she wanted to talk to me, we used to have cam sex, she used to send me pictures from time to time, etc. Now she goes to bed earlier and earlier, says cam sex just feels strange because we've had sex so much that it's just not the same and doesn't feel like taking pictures. I've even asked her for them, laying it out step by step how I felt about that and how it'd help with me feeling closeness, agrees, but months later she's sent nothing.

How bad of a thing is this? When I'm actually with her it's gone, but I get so lonely when she's away.

>>16658557

Hey buddy she canceled dates on you 4 times man, don't play victim when she's cutts you off completely, don't become one of thoe women haters lol.

I think you gave off the serious vibe too soon with her man, you like her way more than she likes you i reckon. That's not good, at all. Good thing is this new girl might be your ticket, get to know her and ask her friend out on a date. Who knows you might like the friend better but if not you've shown your crush you're not on a leash. Flirt with all her friends.

>>16658678

yeap women love that i'm patient and don't pressure them. Thing is women do things on their own time, everytime.

>>16658727
IMO true love is a bad meme that's led to a lot of pointless misery. You can love someone dearly without believing that the cosmos has ordained you to be together.

You didn't prove what I said was false because your parents obviously could not handle the very real fucking responsibilities that came with the relationship they chose--at least not while remaining a loving couple. It sounds like pursuing their young love made a mess of their lives--which again, is no fault of yours.

I didn't say go out and bang all the pussy you can, I'm just saying seize the day unless the social repercussions are too great. Who knows, she might be willing to just hold hands for two years.

And be ready for the day when she realizes she's (17, 19, 22, or whatever) and that she's only had one dick in her life, and she wants to slut it up like her friends do...

>>16658753

Ah, I get it now.

Yeah, you're right... I should stop being a coward and do what will make me happy even if it's for a day.

>>16658750
Well, I'll do some A/B testing and see what happens, maybe report back some anecdotal findings.

What about a woman who wants to jump on you ASAP? I guess what I'm accustomed to is slowly increasing intimacy--start with a kiss, hang out at one of our homes and make out, maybe another time where we get a little heavier, and by the time we get to intercourse it's not really a momentous occasion since we've been building to it for weeks.

Honestly I like the idea of your way, but there's been too many times where I was afraid to take what I wanted and was left alone, dick in hand. I don't really try to "rush" women now, I just get them comfortable and open the floodgates.

>>16658659
>But, morally?
Morals vary from person to person.

>The difference of ramifications are completely difference and one-sided against males.
Precisely, which is why we got approval from my parents in the first place and we didn't do anything until I was of age. He wanted to play it safe, and I understood that. I also didn't want him to get into unnecessary trouble because I genuinely cared for him. So we waited.

>If shit goes down (and I mean extremely bad), I could be killed or labelled a pedophile (Socially, not legally) for the rest of my life. But, it's worth it right?
I don't know you, the people you hang around, or where you live. I can't tell you if it's worth it or what their reaction will be like. We're currently in the US. It was a little weird for our families, but we were careful and tried to hang out with someone else around. Eventually his family saw that we genuinely love each other and that I wasn't just some young skank looking for an easy ride.

>How did your parents take it?
My father's irrelevant, and didn't find out until a year ago, because he's a piece of shit that doesn't deserve my attention. He didn't care. I'm very close to my mother and grandmother, and they both love him. My mother treats him as if he were her own son. She was in an abusive relationship with a guy her own age (my father) when she was quite young, and so because he was responsible, had a job, and seemed to care for me, she was fine with it. Better than getting knocked up by some dumb kid with no means, was her train of thought. They met, talked, got along well, and he would regularly visit. He quickly became part of the family.

>It's obviously different for you.
Clearly, which is why we took certain measures to keep him safe.

>Girl at work
>Cute as fuck
>Seems into me, which I find really weird
>We're both shy, kinda dorky and socially awkward, hate our jobs and have really similar political beliefs
>She's always complimenting me, telling me I smell nice, asking about my dream career/interests, shit like that
>We barely see each other because we're on different shifts, but we're always hanging around each other and constantly talking when our shifts meet up
>She plays with her hair and shit whenever she talks to me
>I add her on facebook, she accepts
>We both add each other on instagram, she initiated it
>She's always liking all of my shit

>Facebook is the only outlet I have to talk to her because we're both quitting and she already is barely working there
>Whenever I try to initiate conversations, I just get terse, short single sentences that I can't easily respond to
>Shit's driving me crazy

At least she's responding, right?

pls help

>>16658676
Bump
Please anyone with breakup experience help me out on this one. I don't want her to hate me.

>>16658777
The answer is always "ask her out". Stop feeling shit out and just ask her.

It's not that it always works, but it does always cut right through the bullshit.

>>16658772

Pretty Interesting...

Thanks for the advice. I must be going now. I'll ask her soon. Hopefully it all goes well.

>>16658676
>>16658784
My impulse would be to skype it. It's far better than doing it over text or on the phone, which is the only alternative you have to wrap things up and move on.

I think it'd be a shame to wait until the day you see her in person, because she'll go from anticipation to devastation in the space of thirty seconds. She won't be able to come to any conclusion but that you'd kept your feelings from her for weeks.

She might hate you at first, but if you just get it over with, she'll be fine. It ain't worth worrying over her feelings after that, it's got to be done.

>>16658784
Skype is acceptable, because it's still face to face. Phone calls and text are seen as shitty, because you can avoid looking the person in the eye. Just do it ASAP, because drawing it out is never a good thing.

>>16658786
I was planning to. There's a concert this month I was planning on asking her to but I kinda want to get to know her better before actually asking her out. It's just how I am.

>>16656564
>In the very beginning of a relationship(very important), say things one time and one time only.

Can someone go into more information about this? What does this mean, like only talk about yourself in some details once or set boundaries only once or what?

>>16658811
Nevermind how you am, stop being a timid bitch. The whole purpose of dates is to get to know someone before you put the penor in the hoo-ha

>>16658803
>>16658805
fuck though… She's got nobody in her hometown and no job or anything like that. She'll just be all alone for the rest of break with nobody to talk to and nothing to do. She's kind of an antisocial girl. At least on campus she has her housemates and peers and other things to occupy her mind.

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>>16658816
I don't own a car, anon.

>>16658825
>She's got nobody in her hometown and no job or anything like that. She'll just be all alone for the rest of break with nobody to talk to and nothing to do. She's kind of an antisocial girl.
If she's antisocial, that may be a good thing. When I've had breakups, the last thing I wanted was someone trying to talk to me about it. People deal with things like this differently, so don't assume that she needs someone.

Can a relationship work with a woman who has a car work when the guy involved doesn't have a car?

So far the woman is fine picking me up but will this last?

>>16658735

Depends, how long have you allowed her to do it? Percentaage wise who pulls the most weight in the relationship.

>whenever I bring it up she just asks me "well, what do you want me to do?", sometimes cries, and I honestly don't know, for one, I feel like I shouldn't have to tell her what to do

She knows very well what she needs to do, don't buy those crocodile tears, NEVER. She's trying to keep getting away with what she's doing because "YOU' allow it. I'm willing to bet, she knows if she cries you'll drop the subject.

>sometimes gets upset about it and thinks I'm just thinking of reasons to break up or something

Haha trying to play victim, dude don't believe that bs, again she's trying to get you to drop the subject by guilt tripping you.


In your situation the best thing to do is absolutely nothing, NOTHING(IGNORE ALL CONTACT), she's neglecting you. Go enjoy your /soc/ as a single man and watch some porn "UNTI" she apologizes and eventually comes around. Be strong, she can only do two things, give in to what you need from her or leave the relationship. You've tried talking to her and everything you're going to have to put it on the line, for her to get the message. You don't need a woman who always wants to get her way, if she's not putting in it least 50% of the effort in the relationship, it's criminal.

>>16658837
>Can a relationship work with a woman who has a car work when the guy involved doesn't have a car?
If she really cares about you as a person, yes. As long as you prove that you're working towards getting a car, or at least hitting the point where you can start looking for one, then it's not a big deal. If you give her gas money, to show that you're not just using her to get about, even better.

>>16658769

if she wants to jump on you asap, you have to say no sex is a distraction, clouds your judgement.

>>16658858

So you turn down pussy?