how can i get ambition?
my whole life people have been telling me i would be rich or happy or something. i graduated top of my class in high school with the highest SAT and ACT scores out of over 450 students. i got into the top ranked uni in the state and basically all but $5k was paid by scholarships and i graduated a few months ago.
everyone says i am wasting my potential but i don't even care. i have a comfy $15/hr web design job that asks very little of me. i have a car, pc, and tv so i don't really see much use for money besides food and rent which is cheap.
but i'm not happy. i don't remember when i ever was, i never had a gf. but who would want to date a guy who does only the bare minimum required to get by? i mean i don't equate money with success because i dont care about material posessions, but girls do.
how do you find the desire to even try when no gf? i'm finding it more and more difficult to work out as well
The reason to strive is not for the money or the approval, but for one's own survival. Your asking of this question shows that you recognize that you are on a downwards trajectory.
i want a gf but i can't imagine being able to get one that would love me since i'm boring as fuck. i could get a golddigger perhaps if i had more money but i just want to experience love
Again, strive for your own sake. You want a girlfriend, and the mechanism you want to use to get this girlfriend is to earn more money. So there you are--you have goals, which is ambition. Did you expect ambition to feel good?
>but i'm not happy. i don't remember when i ever was, i never had a gf. but who would want to date a guy who does only the bare minimum required to get by? i mean i don't equate money with success because i dont care about material posessions, but girls do.
What you said there doesn't make too much sense / isn't really true. Some girls like simplicity, not overly complexed guys who are out there in abundance. Also, not everything is in material possessions when it comes to girls, not all of them are sponsor girls you can read about every day. You are probably thinking that way because you aren't really noticeable, I guess you don't do much stuff to be famous in your society.If you think that you need a girl to be happy, then go for it - talk to a girl you like. That girl may not like you though, but you may meet a friend of hers that you might like who will like you as well. So please, don't be scared of girls, they aren't really impossible as some losers on the Internet make them out to be. Talk to them, make friends with them, whatever you suits your liking.
>but i'm not happy
In the end, you may not need a gf to be happy. Try finding your "drive", something that is going to keep you going forward and be your beacon of happiness, something that you aren't ashamed of doing and something that you really like doing. It can be something as mainstream as picking up a musical instrument or working out or art, but your drive can also be cars and tweaking cars, fishing, woodwork, etc. Stuff like that will make you happy, and everything else that you would need in life is going to come on it's own.
i don't really leave my room because nothing seems interesting. clubs are too loud to talk in and i don't like music or dancing. i haven't talked to a girl in over a year.
as for a hobby, yeah i mean i lift but i don't enjoy it. i just want to be healthy. cars, fishing, woodwork, all that stuff i would do if i needed to but i don't find them particularly fun. my only use for a car is to go to work & get groceries. i have all the furniture i need so i have nothing to make out of wood and i don't eat fish.
it all started when i graduated. i'm just so used to being told what to do that once i got some freedom i had no idea what to do with it.
I am not doing well at all, I took too long to decide what I wanted to do with my life, and even now I'm still not entirely sure what the best options are. I can draw well and push myself, but there's not much to me right now.
Then I met this girl, from Mexico City. She's got a fantastic body, she's cute, knows what she wants to do for her career. I've been incredibly attracted to her. She makes me want to strive for something better in my life even though she's over a thousand miles away from me in a country that is unfamiliar to me. I don't have a passport, nor do I speak the language. Part of me wants to work up enough money to fly down there, just to touch her.
Let yourself feel a little too much, go out and find an obsession.
Seek medical help. Exercise. Get some sunlight.
Take a second to realize that every piece of advice here you have countered with the worst possible contrarian scenario. If you insist on continuously trying to fail because it's safe, your first and only victory will be eternal failure
Honestly, it happens randomly in many cases. It's never going to find you if you're not looking for it. You have to expose yourself. Try new things whenever and wherever they present themselves. Talk to as many people who will care to listen. Set yourself up for failure sometimes just for the fun of it. Live like you want to feel something.
having a gf wont make you happy. but that doesnt mean being single equals happiness.
the problem with it is you are equating an imaginary person and concept with happiness. people are not toasters and finding someone to be ur gf just so you can have a gf would be bad,and its damn near impossible to really truly meet someone you like when ur just trying to find a gf. its why the people who complain about being single all the time dont ever seem to meet theright girl. girls avoid guys who just want a gf for the sake of having a gf and the few they manage to talk to never seem to 'feel right' or live up to this image of what a gf is in their head.
a real relationship is meeting someone that strikes a spark and then trying to fit into their lives. not lookingfor someone to shoehorn into your own.
all that being said if ur gonna say you cant figure out what would make you happy after 'well gf is all that came to mind' then you're a little broken as a person.
ambition and happiness are two very different things, and happiness is often very dependent on the individual person. you seem to be a person who grew up and still has many comforts. maybe its time to get out of your comfort zone. go on an adventure, or a walkabout
Go find the tallest thing in your area and hike/climb it as fast as you can. If it's a sheer cliff, the free thing to do would be to find the 2nd steepest rout up, because the cliff face takes some rope.
and you get happiness from this?
i went skydiving with my coworkers and the whole time they were commenting on how unexcited i was. i tried to fake excitement in the mirror but it just doesn't seem legitimate like when other people do it.
The feeling of complete exhaustion is liberating. I try to run the trail up to the top of this 400ft cliff sometimes and end up collapsing at the top covered in sweat. It's at least ten times more relaxing to rest after physically pushing youself to the point where you can't take another step. If you can't feel something in that kind of moment, pride, calm, satisfaction, there is something very wrong.
You have to do something you find difficult, then keep doing it.
Anon, listen. Here's your mission. Find out things that excite you. Just go outside and do whatever the fuck that comes in mind. Go to church, take a free training at a mma gym, go to a big library and read whatever, fuck a hooker, bale a pie, just do it. Just find what excites you. This is my mission to you man
that's the problem though. nothing is exciting. i cook 4/5 of my meals. i work out 4-5x a week. i read the news every day. it's just the things i do to distract myself from my boring, unfulfilling life when i can't sleep for whatever reason. i fucked a hooker once it was quite weird, waste of $60.
what i need is a problem to solve. "become happy" is not a specific enough problem. when i am hungry, cooking makes me happy but when i am not it doesn't.
at this point i have all the things i want -- a tv, an apartment, a car, a pc, drugs, clothes. it just seems like there's nothing constructive to do. it doesn't even have to be very fun, it just has to provide me some utility.
Not all girls care about material possesions, damn. There are guys that care, there are guys that don't care, like you even. Same can be said of women.
Though to your actual question OP? Fuck knows, the closest to having ambition I've had feels like I was just pretending to decide on a goal because It feels like I should have some. But I've never really had any, and i don't even have the mini 'success' story you have.
Some problems are extremely unspecific, in cause, description and solution.
So you're fairly set up in life but are still feeling hollow / directionless / missing something? Try finding a place in the world you want to travel to, somewhere exotic to you, that you may want to learn the culture of. You're guaranteed to meet new people and encounter many new things and ideas, and it may not be the end solution for you, but it may help you figure out what you DO need. If not, atleast it'll create some storys.
Everything I've 'chosen' I have realised I still don't actually have the ambition to follow through with. I wanted to be a psychiatrist, teacher, social worker, the common link is simply a profession that involves helping people, as I can't see myself being content with life unless I can see myself having a positive impact. But I can't stop feeling useless, and that my vague goals are unreachable. So here I am spending my days on the chans as a depressed NEET.
I still have the desire to help people, I just stil; have no Idea how to get there, or if I'll ever have the energy to truly try, I'm a highschool dropout after all.
i did that travelling thing once. i work for a travel & web design /seo company. we make websites for local businesses and also for tour companies. i got a free dolphin swim, in the bahamas as well as snorkeling and other activities.
it was weird, in fact i stayed in my hotel room fapping & sat on the patio tanning & chainsmoking the rest of the week. it's not for me. it wasn't constructive
Sounds like it's not an ambition problem, but an identity one. You're smart so you feel the pressure to fulfill that role, but you also, from what you've written, seem content, or at least comfortable.
Just do what makes you happy.
Don't go on a damn resort holiday then, go the dirty countryside route. Go see some ancient temples and learn of the weird creation storys of random tribes, y'know, something that is actually somewhat alien to your lifestyle. Going to so bright sunny beach place is nice for some, but it's not what traveling is for, it's just hedonistic holidaying. And from movies /TV / AD's the idea of it is very familiar to us already.
I feel you OP except I'm not really looking for a gf. I'm just wondering what I should do with my life. I'm currently in uni, always get good grades but always do the bare minimum to get them. I'm aiming to become a police officer and eventually detective, but I still feel like I don't have a clear goal for life. I want to be part of something more, do something significant, make an impact but I have no idea where to start. Maybe I feel like I need to be a hero or depended on by others or something but I'm not sure.
dude. you're in a far better position than me and I've been in a genuine relationship for 2 years, never had a close emotional connection to anyone before because I hate most of my family. not all girls are unattractively self centered and narcissistic, you just have to find the right one for you.
You're potential isn't going to waste if you're living comfortably and are happy with where you are.
OP, id suggest reading up on Stoicism
The best way to make yourself happy is to make others happy. What have you done today to help someone in need? Even little things like giving a homeless person a smile and treating him/her like a person will already make a difference. Go out and do something nice for a stranger, their reaction to your kindness will make you feel your life has meaning and in return make you a happier person.
Dude, just find a girl who can maintain herself. Then you won't have to worry about her wanting money/richness.
Most women who are worth it don't look for men who can maintain them. Those are shitty women, outcasts that have always relied on their sheer body and beautiness. You won't find true love out of those.
All you have to do is being confident and charming. Try ti find some new hobbies, stick with them and you'll start enjoying them and feel proud of your progress while elevating your self-worth.
Also, most girls want a man who has time for them. My mother has always been unhappy because my father was always absent at work.
Don't believe what those losers tell you about women only caring about your wallet. WE'RE IN THE XXI CENTURY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.