The more you care about what other people think of you, the more desperate you appear.
If you truly don't care, then you aren't even part of society.
There is a golden place, somewhere between, where when you look at a person, you can tell that they DO care what people think of them, but not so much that they will change their opinion about themselves no matter who doesn't like them.
The key is to not give a fuck if you are rejected right here and now, because you already accept yourself.
All of the prettiest girls have been turned down.
All of the most popular, alpha males get turned down a couple times per week/ month.
If a person can adopt this attitude, it immediately makes them enormously desirable among the elites of popularity. You can't fake it.
When you look at the elites of popularity in any sphere, including things like high school, or college, you will see very quickly that looks aren't necessary, being rich isn't necessary, etc etc etc.
In fact, you'll see only a few of the most popular people have these qualities ( super good looking people will always be popular,.. and rare, "advice" doesn't really apply
The very first step is to let go of your fear of rejection. This is vital: if you're so afraid of rejection thar you can't bring yourself to meet people, you won't be able to build up that mass of good will. The best way to do this is to face it head-on: don't flood yourself, but start getting out and about.
Once you've at least started that process, take a look at your interests. The exact interests don't matter so much; what matters is their number and diversity. Weebs are a dime a dozen, but sax-playing hiker-weebs who study intellectual history and ancient mythology are interesting. The big thing is that it shouldn't be easy for an outsider to grasp how they all fit together: anime, manga, and vidya are all forms of Japanese mass media, but how do you get from anime to playing the saxophone? The key to being interesting lies in these questions.
This being January, it's a good time to pick up something new. I try to attain at least basic competency in at one new thing each year: this year's project is going to be electronics. You might pick something different, and that's OK. Just make it something that, at least at the beginning, you can't relate to your current interests. The goal is not to give up what you like, but to like more things.
Once you've got a good handle on these, the rest is a matter of meeting people. Groups related to your interests, like meetups and clubs, are a good place to start.
After this, it becomes too nebulous to give concrete advice, but by the time you reach it, you should have a good idea of what to do next.
do research or charismatic people/how to become a charismatic person
develop as many interests, hobbies, skills as possible
make self improvement an every day priority
another key to being interesting is getting out and doing interesting things. spontaneity. thinking outside of the box.
embrace life more. embrace yourself. embrace other people.
and you know all those things that you want to do, always think about doing, and know you should be doing? for gods sake start doing them already, its not enough to just have ideas you have to put them into action.
it helps very much to have a sense of humor as well, conversational skills and the ability to come up with witty/clever things to say
and most of all you have to have a sense of identity, be proud of it, and share it with other people
these are all the things im currently working on in my own life : )
>>16651623 adding onto this, its the most obvious thing but you have to actually make an effort to socialize. yeah, its hard, its nervewracking, sometimes its painfully awkward. thats life, and youre gaining social experience from all the shit. u gotta do it. u gotta u gotta. i try to look for opportunities in every situation, to talk to everyone i possibly can.
its a good idea to observe other peoples social interactions, but not exclusively. you have to get in there too and incorporate what you have learned from your observations.
I hate to burst your bubble you sweet innocent baby, but popular kids are popular because they're sexually/facially attractive. Sorry kiddo, I wasn't popular because I'm ugly. The only downside is regret, and the upside (for kids) is feeling of superiority.
>>16652069 i disagree with this, if you have an outstanding personality, an average/slightly below average appearance can be overlooked. i see this all the time. being popular is essentially being well liked, and having many friendships/acquaintances. i mean, come on you have to look presentable and not disgusting obviously but you dont have to be a prince or a god or anything like that. just be pleasant and positive to be around. my ex is not that good looking, in fact pretty unattractive, but he was the most popular guy i ever knew. everyone flocked to him because of his charisma, personality and sense of humor. including me, big mistake tho lol.
I think the problem with this question is that it implies that you're not already popular. Instead of trying to figure out why you're not popular, and how to become popular, instead ask yourself a simple question. Do you think the Kaitlin Jenner is the most amazing woman ever?
If not, perhaps the issue isn't with you, but with the people around you. Personally, I wouldn't suck her dick if it made me the queen of the ball, so why would I want to be popular in a world that rewards people who would?
Simply put ... be yourself, find people who like you, and fuck the rest.
>>16652128 Yeah but people with good looks get it easily because people normally judge by appearance, especially teens. Only when you get to know someone does their personality show, but for the most part appearance is so important. More than anything, why do you think actors and models are literally paid millions for being attractive and having natural talent? I think people have more charisma and character when they're attractive because they recieve positive feedback, while ugly people recieve negative feedback for trying to talk.
>>16652154 youre right there, but all it means is that less attractive people have to put in more effort, which actually in many cases builds character, social skill and generally improves personality. look at strange looking actors, like steve buscemi. what do you notice? he has a clearcut, unique identity that people find charming. that is the same for most unattractive people, because in order to gain positive recognition, they have to improve on their identity, and make themselves into someone that they themelves can love and accept. and then, when they have that self esteem, they can be more outward with themselves and show people that theyre actually a pretty cool guy, and have something to offer other than just superficial bs. and i find that a lot more valuable.
Ricky Gervais isn't physically attractive. Neither is Sean Penn, or Sylvester Stallone. Simon Pegg looks like somebody ejaculated on his face all the time but they're all popular because they're good at what they do.
>>16652334 Idk if you're a male or a lesbian but I know Sylvester Stallone IS attractive. Not to detract from what you're saying, but Stallone has a hot wife and married 3 times to attractives therefor he must not be different, even the top youtubers are all attractive (shane dawson, nigahiga, all those guys I watched when I was 13-14 - they're all above average facially)
honestly, it's just as simple as saying "hey what is that badly dressed black person doing snooping around my backyard" vs "oh a cute little boy is playing in my backyard". I mean that people basically judge on appearance as #1 and all popular people must be at least somewhat attractive pieces of meat to have "charm"
>>16652422 >top youtubers are all attractive Jontron is literally a fat neckbeard and he has quite a following.
But yeah, looks are detrimental in gaining popularity. Those who happen to be both popular and unattractive are a rare exception. Having people get to know you and see your personality depends on people's willingness to talk/associate with you. Looks put your foot in the door, it's an unfair advantage that is very much real. There's no wonder why a lot of popular people look similar, there's a standard that they adhere to. That's the reason why toxic loser communities like /r9k/ have all of these generalizations and stereotypes. There is a winning formula.
Ugly people have to play catch-up, but a majority of the time it's a losing endeavour. If you're unattractive, you'll have to put on a show just to garner half the popularity that attractive people do. Danny Davito is talented and popular, but you'll never hear about him as much as lesser, more attractive actors.
And in a relationship context, nobody is going to date a poor, unattractive, charismatic man for his personality over a more attractive, yet boring man. You automatically lose in this respect.
>>16652689 > nobody is going to date a poor, unattractive, charismatic man for his personality over a more attractive, yet boring man. You automatically lose in this respect.
coming from a female, this is NOT true for most women. who the fuck wants to be with someone who has no personality? thats a guy thing. you guys dont care as long as you have tits and ass to grab onto, and if she services your needs.
>>16653535 Coming from a guy, you're wrong about how we view women. Tits and ass are nice, but they can't make me fall in love with you. I'd take pancake on both with a lickass personality over someone with the perfect body but I felt like I was talking to a brick wall all of the time.
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