How do I get my gf to stop texting her guy "best-friend"? She has this guy who lives in another state that she texts everyday. How do I go about telling her that it makes me uncomfortable and that I want her to cut ties with this guy? I said something about it before and she got sad and said that he was her best friend.
This. I'm sorry OP, but you DO NOT own her, nor are you her parent. Its completely normal, and healthy, to have friends in both genders. If you feel uncomfortable, or jealous because you aren't getting enough attention, then grow the fuck up and communicate with her. Tell her your concerns and ask for more attention from her.
Sometimes its harmless stuff. But sometimes he'll call her things like "bae". But when shes around me she doesn't give really emotional texts like she does me.
Yeah but she also dated him 2 years ago.
Most women need at least one beta orbiter to be truly happy. Sometimes it's a less pretty friend who showers her with attention, more often though it's some guy who probably has feelings for her (and almost definitely wants to fuck her being that he's a guy and all) but is too beta to make a move.
>Yeah but she also dated him 2 years ago.
If it wasn't for this you'd have nothing to worry about, but this means you're in the right. If it were actually her 'best friend' you'd be being a petty jealous bitch, but this makes you 100% right.
First off, she should consider you her best friend, and it's even more fucked up that she considers someone she was romantically involved with in recent history to be her best friend and she's maintaining a relationship with that person. Fine, you want to be friendly and have a decently reasonable relationship with your ex, fine.
What she's doing now is continuing a romantic relationship, and the other guy absolutely wants to fuck her, otherwise he'd be miles away and completely ghosted.
Haha, alright ya you got a point there.
It doesn't matter, you need to communicate with her about it and not people on 4chan. If you are concerned with how they talk to each other, tell her that. If you are concerned that there is a chance she might cheat on you, also tell her that. No matter the situation, you're going to have to have a heart to heart talk with her about it. You can't tell her who she can and cannot be friends with, but you can set your own limits. What actions are going to hurt you if she does them, what you will consider to be cheating behavior, and what is absolutely going to cross your line and lose your trust in her, or lose you completely.
You can't stop her if she's going to cheat, but if she knows your limits and has respect for you and doesn't want to hurt you, then she won't cross those lines. If she does, then you learn something about her and move on because she's not the one for you.
>You can't stop her if she's going to cheat, but if she... has respect for you... she won't cross those lines. If she does... move on because she's not the one for you.
This guy gets it.
OP you' re being cucked. I know you probably won't, but you should man up and dump this bitch. I really really really wish I would have, when I was younger and got into these situations.
Either way, you won't end up with her.
Dont forget that the beta guy also has a dick and the girl has a vagina, eventually those two things get stuck...
Im not proud about it but I've been there and have done that...with two girls
so why the hell is it a problem that a best friend of hers has a penis? fuck dude, it's one of two things here. she's someone you can't trust and shouldn't be with before worrying about her friend's gender, or she's an adult who can have friendships with the other sex and not get attracted. some of the shit in this thread, damn
That doesn't mean you don't need to talk to her. How do you think she'll start to act when you let this nervous feeling grow and start lashing out from it, or being accusing over small thinhs? Sure, you could bottle it up, but then your not only dodging around the issue and making yourself miserable, but she'll never understand what's wrong with you either and why she can never seem to make you happy.
If your worried that she's going to lash out at you for bringing it up, then stay calm, don't accuse, and just say what you need to say. She might get upset at first, and ya, she might start a fight, but after a while-when she's had time to calm down and think, she'll probably see where you are coming from and keep your words in mind, hopefully even talk to you about it. If she doesn't, if she completely ignores your feelings, then like I said before-you learn something about the type of person she is. Then you have to make the choice of whether or not you want to stay with someone that's never going to give a shit about how you feel.
Dude I get where you're coming from but I'm usually that guy friend and it's never good to confront the situation head on I've ended up being the cause of enough breakups to know that (I just wanna be a friend man) of there's been no signs of flirting there is NO NEED to confront it even then if there's a little it can just be playful and friendly, as I do with my friends even tho I'm ace, unless it reaches an extreme level you can't ask her to cut them off maybe you can ask them to time it back but don't tell her who she can and can't be friends with besides, she's obviously been friends with him for a while and still chose you so chin up.
TL:DR; Be a little more delicate, ask her to maybe tone it back if it's flirtatious but if not chill man, she chose you not him.
In fairness I completely missed the 2 years ago relationship thing but still, things change in 2 years, if you dont see anything more flirtatious than bad you should be fine my friend.
On the point you made about if she asked you, but would she ever ask that if you?
You should never have to do that for someone just their insecurity isn't triggered. No matter which way you flip the coin, its controlling behavior.
Also, refer to this:
Let me tell you something OP.
I'm an tired old bastard with my share of experiences. And if there is one thing I that makes me vomit, it's that 'best friend' shit.
Women who have a 'best friend' should be treated very carefully, if best not to avoid them completely. All the women I met with a 'best friend' had him to keep as a backup plan, to fuck behind your back, or just as a beta playtoy. Neither of these cases contribute to your relationship. Yes, there are some women who have a male best friend from early childhood/school and occasionally still meet up while both parties are in a relationship and it is 100% platonic. But that is an absolute rarity and definitely not the type who texts every day like you said OP.
Are her reactions on the more extreme/emotional side, whenever you bring him up? Does she claim that is detrimental to her life to have him? Does she give you the 'he's like a brother to me' talk? If so, be very careful. I'm an older dude and so far, EVERY SINGLE TIME I experienced this scenario myself or heard it from others, it bites you in the ass at some point. Not necessarily that she's cheating on you, but she puts another man over you and hypothetically would save him out of a burning house while you fry like a punished cotton farm nigger.
Oh before I forget: Do not listen to anyone saying you have control issues and/or 'a healthy relationship is based on mutual trust' bullshit. Those are mostly the ones who fuck behind your back.
Yeah this is what I'm scared of. I think I'm going to ask her to explain to me her relationship with him again and then I'm going to tell her that it makes me very uncomfortable that she is still in constant contact with her ex. I'm going to tell her that I feel like he's a back up plan or something. That I just do not feel comfortable with it. Or that she lets people call her hun or bae that arn't me. She loves me a lot, but I don't know if she'll love me that much to stop communication. At best I feel like, she'll just stop talking to him when she's around me.
>she is still in constant contact with her ex
I actually didn't see this when I made my original post. I assumed he was some guy she knew back from school or something. Well, in that case it is clear: You WILL 100% get burned.
Trust me, sooner or later it will escalate. Mark my words.
Steal her phone tonight. Block his number. Replace his contact with a new number leading to a burner phone you have or a willing friends phone. Text her in the am "why havent we hooked up lately." Then you will know the truth.
coming from a girl, lmao
this is not okay, she is interested in her ex
it could be for attention, self esteem boost, she could be bored with you, or she could still have feelings for him
honestly break up with her, she is not faithful to you
when i got bored in my last relationship with my shitty ex bf, or wasnt getting any attention from him, i reached out to my exes and my guy friends to fill my needs. in my defense, he really was shit though. abusive af. but my point still stands. i bet this is the same deal.