i need to continue this thread from before as my paranoia has not abated.
i have recently been accused of child molestation by my niece when she was staying with us over 10 years ago.
i have realized that there has been much unrest regarding their family and mine which has nothing to do with the accusations at hand but still may yet relate to spites related to our families.
in middle school my elder cousin stayed with us in lieu of attending rehabilitation for drug abuse, the result of which was physical abuse of myself at the hands of said cousin.
during my high school years from 2001 to 2004 elder cousin's sister's daughter and son stayed with my family. as of now i am being accused of this niece who is serving in the military and seeing a psychiatrist that i sexually molested her during that time.
i was involved in heavy arguments over the internet with the cousins' mother via email over allegations of misunderstanding and familial disrespect. it is known that she is incredibly sensititve and harbors a hatred towards the "tainted blood" in my mothers family as my father who is korean having tainted the famliy blood, thus leading to her hatred of him, myself and my younger brother.
i hold an incredible anger in the fact that i never pressed charges against my cousin for his physical assault on me when i was in middle school, and now the fact that i am being accused of molestation of his niece when such events have never occurred. at the same time i am incredibly paranoid that this could develop further into allegations that could potentially slander my reputation and may even land me in jail.
i have moved out from my parents place, happliy married and am on the cusp of landing a career position that will change my life for the better. srsly how can i move on from this?
pic semi-unrelated it's when i used to work at game crazy around the troubled times.
>srsly how can i move on from this?
You can't, not until it's resolved.
Do you know anything specifically about the allegations? Do you have any idea why she would accuse you of molestation?
my best guess is that my door must have been open while i was jerking it during my high school days and it must have traumatized her in some way.
i never fucking did anything to the poor girl. yet her psychiatrist must have fixated on some perverted version of these events to place the blame on me.
srsly i dont deserve to have my name defamed and my life ruined over this shit. i try my best to avoid any kinda family drama, and this is the worst kinda shit i can get thrown on me. i feel incredibly betrayed, not to mention i feel paranoid as shit about what i should or shouldn't say. i want to confront my family and defend myself, but lawyers and anons have advised that the best thing i can do is isolate myself.
i just feel like that makes me more guilty.
Honestly you need to move on and stop stressing about this shit. It doesn't help you with anything. You're just stressing yourself out over some words that have probably been twisted. Just listen to your lawyer and do what he says. You trying to figure shit out isn't your job its his.
Get your life back on track. Keep going forward, looking back does nothing.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I can understand your worry about being defamed but you should know that it's extremely unlikely that you'll be convicted of anything. I know there's a ton of paranoia on this board about rape charges but with zero evidence and it being many years later she has virtually no chance.
your lawyer told you to not speak up about it. So dont. Its his job to tell you how to deal with this. So follow his advice.
It seems the reason for your perception of guilt through silence is because you may feel subconsciously that there is something you can say that can magically remove these accusations and make you look better in your family's eyes. You probably want to explain it to them. The truth is you can't magically change their mind about you, and really you shouldn't care so much. This family sounds messed up and the best thing is to walk away from that hazardous place. You're in a better life with a wife and career. You dont need to prove to your family that youre a good person. Youre proving it to yourself. Their opinion and approval will not matter in the long run.
More than likely what will happen is the charges will be dropped for lack of evidence and it will sort itself out. There is no need for you legally to speak up, either. The only way to put this behind you is to continue to move forward and prove to yourself you're a valuable person above such criticism and drama
Well, what else are you gonna do? Keep beating yourself up, hurting you even worse, and possibly the people around you like your wife. Grow the fuck up and stop caring about what other people think. If people think badly of you should cut them out of your life. If you really want to get back at them the best thing you can do is improve your life, so no matter what they say it's going to be out of jealousy and spite, in which you can take comfort in.
i received the advice of a very sound lawyer and he also said as such; there isn't anything as of now that could come of anything given current events but still yeah im freaking the fuck out. im recently married, got my life on track and am currently awaiting the proposition of a very promising career. i really dont need this shit from my shitty ass family suddenly bringing me down out of nowhere for something i didn't even do. im pissed that they couldn't come to my defense when something that DID happen to me from a very close family member did happen to me during that time. but im not trying to go an "eye for an eye" on this shit, i just wanna move on.
you speak about this as if from experience. are you in the know about such situations? if so, who should i trust or confide on on my point of view? i really want to speak to someone within my family to try and figure this shit out and clear it out without going to court and defaming my reputation within the family. not that the reputation means a hell of a lot...
>Grow the fuck up and stop caring about what other people think.
Actually caring about what other people think is a good thing. Unless you're a psychopath it's totally normal.
And I'm pretty sure if everyone looked at you as a rapist you would care.
who is everyone? your family. Your messed up family
There have been plenty of people who cut off ties to family and became successful. Happy, even. Their opinion is not the end all be all of life.
You have no idea whether or not it would just be his family. And you're speaking as if losing your entire family wouldn't be fucking devastating. Just that is enough to have a ton of anxiety over.
If this happened to you you would become a scared little boy. But it happened to someone else so you act like you're the ultimate alpha male.
>Actually caring about what other people think is a good thing. Unless you're a psychopath it's totally normal.
Well if you care so much that it ends up hurting you and making things worse, then I would argue it's a foolish endeavor. You would be more of a psychopath to keep hurting yourself by caring so much.
>And I'm pretty sure if everyone looked at you as a rapist you would care.
In this situation, even if I cared, stressing out over it is ultimately gonna lead to nothing but more unnecessary bullshit. Not giving a fuck let's you move on without any baggage. Just flip the switch, it's hard to do, probably more so in this situation, but its not impossible.
>Well if you care so much that it ends up hurting you and making things worse, then I would argue it's a foolish endeavor
You keep talking as if it's a choice he can make. Of course it would be great if he could have zero anxiety about this and just live his life but guess what? It's impossible. It's not plausible that a normal person wouldn't care about something so significant and awful.
>You would be more of a psychopath to keep hurting yourself by caring so much.
No, that would be the opposite of being a psychopath. Feeling nothing is what a psychopath does.
>Just flip the switch, it's hard to do, probably more so in this situation, but its not impossible.
It is nothing like flipping a switch. A person can't just say "Don't worry about that anymore" to their mind. If it was that easy then anxiety wouldn't be a major issue.
It's like saying to someone who's going to be executed in a couple of hours "Dude, don't worry, enjoy your last bit of time". Yeah, nice thought, but actually try to do it and you'll find it's a little bit complicated.
Well the point is to try an move on. Which in my opinion is solid advice for this situation. I'm not sure what your advocating, it seems to me you just want to argue, or that you want to hold OP's hand and say "it's okay I understand..." and that's all good and well but at some point things need to move forward. If you want me to be more understanding I can do that too, but if OP wants to get through this he has to do something besides be paranoid, and let anxiety take control.
i feel really bad for what my niece might be going through. that being said, i can't help but not feeling bad enough to admit for something i didnt do to absolve her of whatever her psychiatrist administers what she might be going through that would ruin my life.
im fucking freaking out because i dont want to admit to something i didn't do, nor do i want her to continue to fixate on something i didn't do. whatever family drama has occurred, it shouldn't have to involve her suffering nor me having my life ruined. but my family drama is beyond redemption of logic i believe.
all these things being said, i will continue to move on with my life being absolved of the fact that i have done nothing wrong. i sincerely hope that she'll get better with psychiatric help for whatever is going on with her. PTSD could lead into so much possibilities, maybe im just an innocent victim.
if worst comes to worst from a family confrontation, i will just say that their false accusations towards me are no more likely to succeed than my factual accusations that their own uncle physically assaulted me while he was staying with us when i was in middle school.
i just want to move on from all of this. i really dont need it. the stress is ruining my marriage, as if the fact that my wife's knowledge of how fucked up my family is isn't bad enough.
Youre judging alot of people about their advice. You might have an importance to your family that the people commenting do not. Alot of people will put their parents on a pedestal. Thats fine. Not going to judge that if youre in a loving family home. But if your parent is hurting you, being physically or emotionally abusive, you have to come to a realization. You need to stop putting parents on the pedastal, because in the end a parent or a family is made up of people. Human beings that make mistakes, act inappropriately, be dramatic, and yes, fly ridiculous accusations. They are humans who can be poison to your well being, and like all other relationships you can attain in life, you need to be able to drop the poisonous relationship in favor of your own health and sanity.
I personally, if I had to drop contact with my family because they are vile and poisoning to my well being, I wouldn't be saddened by it. My health, my well being, or the approval of a group of people who may not be worth my time? Sometimes, a person needs to let go and act a little selfishly.
This person is on a good track right now. Going to the past to try and prove something to a group of poisonous people when lawyers and others are recommending not to may be a painful and unnecessary choice. I have been on the end of trying to explain myself to my parents with all intention of having them have a moment of clarity and acceptance. It never happens. They selfishly stand by their opinion and nothing I can say will change their mind. Like all people, you cant force someone to feel a certain way if theyre unwilling to listen.
Its healthier and easier to listen to the lawyer and move on.
If it is bothering you to the extent of hurting the marriage, dont be afraid to seek therapy. Especially this abuse you had as a kid. You might need to, if all this is bothering you.
>Well the point is to try an move on.
By flicking a switch. Which is totally impossible and contradicts everything we know about humans.
>I'm not sure what your advocating
My position is very clear: you're talking shit. OP shouldn't try to not care what people think because that's impossible.
>i want to clarify that im not afraid to cut ties with my family. that being said i really would rather not want to as my wife lived with me for a number of years and has revealed to me how fucked up my family really is.
that being said again, i'd love to prove her wrong and prove they're not that kind of ppl i personally dont want to believe it myself. im probably fooling myself, but i really really want to believe otherwise. this situation isn't helping me otherwise, especially when they can potentially turn against me.
as much as i want to prove myself false, everything im being told is more and more pushing me towards the possibility that i have no choice other than to deny the accusations without any opportunity to defend myself, turn my back on my family and retreat towards isolation.
tis a sad day to be alive anons...
Damn OP you're a qt.
But anyway, >>14991888
>turn my back on my family and retreat towards isolation
your wife and kids(if there's any, if not, future kids) are your family now. I understand how hard it can be to cut ties with the people you've lived for your whole life, but it's just how it is. You should put your wife and yourself before them.
at least some good news has finally come in. the prestigious company im gunning for employment at recently contacted me saying they haven't made a decision yet but im still a primary candidate and to wait for further contact.
regarding the accusations, my heart still weighs heavily. i've had to cut contact with my family before due to previous complications and because that has only recently abated i really dont want to have to go through that again. it seems i have no choice, for the sake of my wife and my future.
i've recently decided to "flip the switch" and turn my sadness into anger. im trying to comfort myself with the words that they can't hurt me over accusations of something that happened over 10 years ago any more than i can hurt them over accusations of something that DID happen over 10 years ago; my physical abuse in middle school at the hands of the girl's drug-addicted uncle.
my brother is coming to visit today. im going to confide in him my troubles. he's on my side and the only family i have left that i love deeply. i can't lose him to this. gonna go to frys with him and help him pick out computer parts he's been saving up money for, then have a couple brewskis and explain the situation. hoping to have some eyes and ears on the inside from here on out.
lol thanks. i actually enjoy crossdressing. it's something my wife's supported because she finds it entertaining that i get mistaken for a girl a lot. man im extremely messed up anon.
Damn OP, this sucks balls.
Have you seen the movie The Hunt? Fucking children, if one decides to say "x molested me" everyone assume they are truthful and the person in question is quite literally fucked, even if it never happened.
My advice, isolate yourself. Your lawyer is not an idiot. Accept the situation. You can't actually "win" this, as your name will never be clean in the eyes of the girl's family.
OP here. When you say I can't win you mean convincing them of my innocence or I couldn't win legally?
I'm isolated in the sense that I don't live with family anymore. I have my own apartment, and the wife really wants to buy a house next year. Maybe have a kid the year we settle in.
Like I said, this is the worst thing that could happen to me.
Listen to your lawyer, don't respond to anymore of your family's bait. They're going to try to get it in your head that you did something you never did. Even if you HAD molested her, there's no way you'd be convicted now. There's no evidence, and they have to prove "beyond a reasonable doubt" that you did this. They can't. They're trying to get you to confess that "might" have, in some way, and use it against you. That's beyond sick.
Shut your mouth, listen to your lawyer, and fuck your family. They're all drinking the poison, and you need to do what's best for your own family's future and let them no where near your wife or future kids.