>no slob thread
Let's change that.
>Let's change that.
>OP isn't even a slob pic
Great job, genius
Except it is, genius.
Slob encompasses a great many aspects.
>not like every fucking thing else posted in here thus far
Are you trying to be stupid or what?
I recently wrote a bit of a slob fic and I'm wondering if anybody would like to read it over and maybe give me some feedback?
Not bad, could have been a bit more descriptive - I know that wasn't so present in the original Fitting, but that had a lot of focus on attitude, and wanted to keep Jezebel's size and shape a mystery until the actual fitting scene - still pretty good though
it's great to have an outside perspective on it--thank you. yeah, it could definitely stand to have some more description (that's something I'm working on right now with another story, and I just generally have trouble with that stuff).
If you don't mind, could I ask you for some more specific feedback? I only ask because it's my first slob stuff so I don't know how well I balanced environment with "action", or if there was enough variety to what she was eating/doing. The originals have a very vivid environment that sticks out to me and I kind of wanted to keep that going, but in retrospect, it might be too cumbersome and slow the story.
As for variety, I kind of worry because some of Sic's of Zob's stuff really go to outlandish levels (not a bad thing), whereas I was trying to keep this piece in Onion's setting, and at the same time, somewhat authentic--a little less cartoony. And this all causes me to worry that I only have a few trademark "signals of slob" at my disposal that really push the action. So where Jez drinks a beer and farts, Zob has Coraline save up a tremendous fart, then releases it, and then propels her way out of the fantasy she's in.
If you don't have much else to say, that would be fine--I'll keep working on it all the same. Just interested in your thoughts/opinions to see if they differ from mine
Okay, more specific feedback is go:
The doing-things/environment ratio was okay - there were a couple of oddities that I noticed (at one point she bends down and picks up her singlesuit, which seems odd for both her size and slobbishness) but for the main, it worked out okay.
The "slob signals" are good - you don't have many, as you say, but keeping it realistic to fit in with the existing universe is okay, and it seems in character, rather than just randomly increasing the slobbishness to a cartoonish extent
I'd say keeping the environment to retain the atmosphere of the stories would be worth slowing for - it's very vivid, as you say
One thing I loved about the original stories that yours could do with a bit of work on is Jez's attitude - self indulgent, lazy and pampered to the extreme, with emphasis on shifting any problems onto others - it's not HER fault if the door's too small, everyone else eats four pizzas in a sitting (or floating), gravity and buildings shouldn't be so tough, etc. - this could go especially well if her aunt is supportive and enabling.
As an example, when she can't reach herself, it shouldn't phase her too much - like, who even does that by hand?
Clearly one should have a toy - you can probably get fairly interactive floating ones in that future.
The originals - non-slob, but a great read - for those that haven't read them
that's all wonderful. I'm outlining/working on a second piece right now to see how flexible I can be, but I will go back to Jez and insert more of her bitchiness--and maybe even a few more slobby elements, if I can fit them in without sounding contrived. Thanks again!
Same writefag who wrote >>220279 here. I wrote a thanksgiving thing that I'm pretty happy with (I know I missed the holiday proper by a few minutes). Anyway, it's this: http://pastebin.com/5UXb8Ztg
forgot to mention, please feel free to give me any feedback and tell me what you like, what you don't like, et cetera!
I thought this was very good. I especially like your buildup to the climax. You have a good handle on how to gradually ramp things up, and the culmination of it all is great.
It's hard to say if there's anything I don't like. The little nods to her poor health, the details about her body, it's all great.
I guess the only complaint I have is that there isn't ONE more Thanksgiving. I'd love to see how far she'd deteriorate in another year.
You're not doing the whole smart guy act right. Then again it's just that: an act.
you might want to stop because he's right
Thanks so much! I really appreciate your feedback!
When I was drafting the piece, I should say that I had intended to include another Thanksgiving, but it wasn't the same one you're referring to, rather an ending where she sends the text (a la choose your own adventure), she ends up with her ex again, and things are generally happy. It was all well and good, but once I finished up general beats of the part, it didn't really present itself as a good opportunity for anything slob--just like the first part, which ended up being more of an almost psychological evaluation of the character. Entertaining, potentially yes; slobby, definitely not. Eventually, I ruled against it, instead favoring the "bad ending" which was focused on slob.
Since I had initially wanted a third thanksgiving, I guess a second part wouldn't be entirely impossible...that might be something I pick up again in the near future.
But thanks again! I'm actually generating decent traffic on both stories on pastebin, which is kind of surprising to me--I have no idea where the unlisted links would have been posted or shared. In any case, I'm happy that somebody somewhere is enjoying it
Pretty good anon - I too would like to see a third thanksgiving, really see how the next year has taken its toll
Really liked that bit at the end especially, really shows how she's descending into slobbish hedonism
this ain't slob per se, but it implies some health issues (and I love this drawing) so I present it all the same
writefag here. just wanted to plug my slob fiction again: http://pastebin.com/VjEzAr55
This is an update to my Jez story that I posted earlier in the thread. I made some improvements on Jez's character, as well as added a more exciting conclusion. I'm really happy with it so please check it out! (And let me know if you think that I missed anything!)
Thanks so much, I really appreciate it! I'm really enjoying writing so I think I will be keeping it up!
I've got good news for you, anon.
[spoiler]You missed the slob version which implies even more health issues. Enjoy.[/spoiler]
In thanks, I offer you my favorite slob piece of all time, pic related. Much love
Hey gang, writefag passing through again. I wrote a little Eva fic (featuring /ss/) and I'm pretty happy with it. I guess it would be better suited to a /d/ slob thread, but those kind of went down the toilet (so to speak), so here it is all the same.
It's here: http://pastebin.com/zJHk19kA
It's nice to forego characterization in writing (something already established within the show/series/whatever) in favor of more direct action, which I think came across pretty nicely in this one.
>Are there any comic or cartoon girls you like?
I had to scroll through /co/ just to see what sticks and what doesn't. I like the Boondocks okay; I've seen enough of South Park to have a decent working knowledge of the characters; I thought Gumball was funny; I've seen the Nolan trilogy (who hasn't)?; the watchmen is fantastic; I read archie's sonic for an embarrassingly long time...see my problem?
I don't watch enough western stuff to do a good job with it, in my opinion. I could give it a shot--for example, I like Harley Quinn as much as the next guy, but to pump out twenty pages regarding her gluttonous ways when I barely know her origin and not much else about her?...I guess my problem is that slob stuff is (with notable exceptions) a western fetish, so I'm an outlier in an already outlying fetish.
Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. I've seen some of the disney flicks, I've watched Teen Titans, but idk. There's a lot of great slob stuff already out and about that's western (everything Zob has ever written, as well as a good deal of Sic's stuff), so maybe I just need to buckle down and give GoT an earnest shot or something. Until then, however, I'm not so sure that I can go west
Not him but Power Girl has always been my favorite character to see slobbified, in fact I think it was all that fat PG stuff on /co/ years ago that opened me up to it in the first place.
thanks family. But I do want to get better (although I don't generally discriminate between /aco/ and /d/; it's still fetish fiction to me), and I'll probably try to get exposure to different things just to have more under my belt.
I've had this idea for an X-Men scenario where Mojo (TV producer from another dimension) kidnaps several X-Women and forces them to compete in a cooking competition, eventually getting them so obese that they have to use similar robotic platforms to his in order to move around
His slob work looks better in sketch form than it does fully colored, to be honest. I do wonder if he's being deliberately tame as well considering his followers weren't too eager about stuff like scat.
(And if you're gonna ask about scat in the first place you're probably willing to go whole hog with slob)
Less deliberately tame (though I had one person tell me it was 'morally wrong' to mention scat which was... weird, given it's a smut blog) and more still trying to get a reign on how to properly color/paint slob details. Kinda wondering if going for Gnibs' more cartoony take on slob would look better, but at the same time I don't want to both rip off a style while also shoving it into a different style it might not fit. Somebody pointed out to me earlier that Frankie slob pic I did looked too 'crowded' with the different effects, but I'm guessing that's not the main issue with this Harley pic?
Glad to see the slob threads weren't run out of /aco/ in the end!
I've always really wanted some writing to go with this picture.
The thought of post-mental-breakdown Azula being Fire Lord and gorging herself to immobility and beyond, out of a crazed fear that everyone was trying to starve her, sounds incredibly hot. And of course all the while she's a sweaty, farty, wheezing mess.
Hmm oki I don't know if you guys will like this but I was fiddling around in photoshop and I made what I imagined Marisse to look like in the end from the Spammer story most are familiar with