Who would win, /a/?
Goku (Dragon Ball Super) Vs. Jesus (New Testament)
Jesus turns it into plenty of fish
Jesus turns it into some wine ass wine
>Goku goes in for some close combat
Jesus just ports in and out of some cave
this fight wouldn't go anywhere anon
Jesus let the soldiers take him, he could have made them kneel with a single glance, did you even read the bible?
He had the whole thing planned out, he even told the apostles so days ahead of time.
He even had to make Peter stand down when he was about to go postal on the romans.
>Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels?
>But how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?”
Just a reminder that even if he was the sun of God he was still stuck in a human body that can bleed needs shits and pee. A single punch from goku and Jesus is Fucking dead let alone a kaio ken. In DBZ they are throwing each other into rocks with enough force to carve out a goku shaped area in a rock. What makes you think Jesus can with stand this. He got rekt by Roman soldiers and has a tough time carrying that cross which goku could do with 1 Fucking hand. Jesus has no chance in hell against goku and super saiyan goki
Daily reminder that Jesus' true form is at least Planet Destroyer Tier.
>>Jesus is portrayed as a humble man of piece that would chose death over hurting others
You missed the passage where he whipped the fuck out of some jews for getting their greedy jew hands over his church.
Jesus is always depicted with light around him, his ki is so powerful even at rest it can't be contained.
He can probably go at least Super Jesus 3. Or probably Super Jesus God Super Jesus.
>Jesus is a pacifist!
>When there's an entire book written on how he's going to wreck shit for non-christians when he finally feel like coming back for real
lol. Goku's only chance of winning if he decides to convert to christianity.
Have you read the bible? He's kind of an asshole.
>Tells a storm to fuck off because he wanted to nap.
>Calls Joseph Satan because he wants to take a break from hiking.
>Violently throws merchants out of a church.
>Gets physically upset when his disciples question him.
I don't know where the image of Jesus being a super tolerant nice guy came from.
>Jesus is not god.
"Speak my name, for I am all things to all people."
YHWZ The Christian god is everything, nothing, and specific things according to the trinity of spirit, flesh, and mind.
God the mind represents all things as ideas.
Jesus the flesh, represents specific things as tangible.
Spirituality represents things that are not there, but do not need to be there to still exist.
Goku doesn't have any sins.
Or get Satan to help him and give him HELL POWERS.
Nah, he would solo as a SSGSS.
Marth could solo Jesus.
It's the Haruhi of their generation. Like four people wrote about Jesus' life and whoever compiled the story put it all back to back so you get to read about Jesus' life with small differences four times in a row
Anime over the Crusades when?
Featuring Saladin's younger sister (whether or not that's actually historical)?
>literal creator and infinitely powerful ruler of the entire universe
>an alien that can shoot lasers
Always bet on JC
Because it was the earliest form of light novels.
Only in "recent" years have they begun to adapt the work into manga and comic forms.
Are biblical stories just the ancient equivalent of shonen/capeshit?
Will people be looking for Goku or Superman's existence thousands of years in the future once the current civilization has been wiped out and someone's comic book collection is unearthed from a long-forgotten basement?
Are you guys stupid? Jesus is God's firstborn creation and the second most powerful being in the universe after God himself. He is virtually omnipotent and saying otherwise is blasphemy.
I said best girl anon, every one knows that Jesus has god like tastes and would pick the true choice
No it isn't read a Bible Catholic. I am pretty sure your Pope allows you guys to read it now.
I will quote Revelations 14:14-16
"14 I looked, and there before me was a white cloud, and seated on the cloud was one like a son of man[b] with a crown of gold on his head and a sharp sickle in his hand. 15 Then another angel came out of the temple and called in a loud voice to him who was sitting on the cloud, “Take your sickle and reap, because the time to reap has come, for the harvest of the earth is ripe.” 16 So he who was seated on the cloud swung his sickle over the earth, and the earth was harvested."
That's only his first form on the book, Goku can't beat JC
Read the fucking Nicene creed
We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made,
of one Being with the Father.
Through him all things were made.
New Testament is shit
You would think that now they can actually record the stories on paper the plot would be more cohesive, but nope, marry sue ass pull after marry sue ass pull
Old Testament was much better
Nicene creed is neither scriptual or canoical. Let me guess you worship the virgin Mary and pray to saints?
The trinity/hellfire/immortal soul are all pagan teachings that Emperor Constantine adopted so that Catholic Christianity would be more appealing to his pagan subjects
>Tips fedora M'lady
>implying David and Solomon parts weren't the best parts
Do you even Christianity?
I read the whole Bible and I also read the revised New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures
Maybe? I mean, Magdalene repented and became a follower. And in recent times, people were wondering if she actually became Jesus' secret lover or wife, depending on interpretation of some vague lines.
>Half is random tales from all over the world trying to explain how shit works
>other half is over 10 people trying to narrate the same story about some gary stu hipster with a really edgy final story
That's why it's simple.
The random tales are too fantastic to be believable in real life, while the remainder is a power fantasy to wishfully self-insert into and interpret your way.
>not jews themselves
Stop posting that pic pls
Exactly, Jesus is a reality warper on a universal scale. I doubt Goku would be able to handle a simple cherub let alone a seraphim.
Read the Bible my friend you might learn something. During armegeddon God through Jesus and his angels will wipe out the wicked and imprison Satan and his demons for 1000 years until their final destruction.
>To beat J.C. requires another J.C.
Is there anyone in anime that could beat Jesus Christ? I'm not talking about Gospel of Matthew Jesus who walked on water. I'm not even talking about Acts of the Apostles Jesus who blinded Saul. I'm talking Revelations Jesus surrounded by 4 living creatures, seven angels, and 144,000 follower, with eyes like blazing fire and feet like bronze and a voice like raging water.
These are the type of people that His Holiness, Jesus Christ inspired
Just try and post people who Goku inspired.
If Jesus was the Ted Neeley version I'd vote for him.
But book!Jesus is crap.
Would Satan count if he was reborn a full demon and had both fallen angels and demons on his side?
Posting a Satan's father and mother because I can't find any pictures of the Satan himself in my DxD folder.
Reminded me of Paradise Lost. Demons (Fallen Angels at that stage) and Angels waging war through heaven, epic battles all day everyday. Lucifer and his main guys were so powerful that their faction might very well win the war, even having only 1/3 of the heavenly beings on their side.
Then God goes "yeah I guess that's enough for a lesson, go there and put some order in the house Jesus my boy".
Jesus simply lifts his hand as if to dismiss the opponents and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM is instantly obliterated and confined to the depths of Hell.
That image isn't true and is passed around as fact. Take a look up on Wikipedia or your source of factual information. Very few other deities have similarities with Christ. I'm not even a christfaggot, I just think like mythology.
Genesis, the story of Lot.
>And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
>Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
>And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
>And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
>And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
>Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
Hey guys? If you toss out the mysticism and read the Bible scouring for science fiction elements, it actually becomes really fucking interesting.
For example, how much evidence can you find that Jesus was actually an alien?
Well, let's see...
>The abnormally bright "star" in the east? The alien mothership in orbit.
>Immaculate conception? Artificial insemination.
>Power to heal the sick/blind/deaf/mute/crippled/demon possessed? Advanced medical technology.
>Prophetic abilities? Statistical analysis based on past behavior.
>Resurrection? Advanced medical technology.
>Departure? Alien teleportation technology.
>Teachings? The ideals of an advanced and peaceful off-world civilization free of conflict, boiled down into metaphors, hyperboles and parables for an ignorant, hostile and savage race of planetary inhabitants.
>Subsequent appearances (i.e. to Saul) ? Holographic projections.
The things Daniel and John talk about in their prophesies are really science fiction-y too, like the beast with four faces and many wheels that moves north, south, east and west without turning. The story about Satan leading a revolt against God with a 3rd of the angelic host and losing boils down to an interstellar civil war fought by the inhabitants of an ancient alien civilization called Heaven.
Your turn, /a/. Tell me why the "burning bush" appeared to be on fire but didn't burn up, and projected God's voice for Moses. Or how the angels at sodom struck the rapey faggots OUTSIDE the house blind while they were INSIDE.
What other unusual fetishes does the Bible mention?
I know Sodom and Gomorrah are technically the stand-in for any and all sort of non-standard sexual fetish, with some arguing from bestiality down to sodomy and homosexuality, but did we ever get any actual non-standard stuff besides the story of Lot?
Supposedly harems, depending on how you want to translate things, prostitution/slavery, and that's about all?
I only ever read Genesis and the last part of Revelations. And I only remember Revelations because I was obsessed with how awesome a title were the "4 Riders of the Apocalypse", as well as all the shit that goes down as the horn of end times sounded and the angels of heaven turn the earth into hell in order to purge the unclean and unfaithful.
>the best part of the bible
No way you would say that if you actually read it. Old Testament is boring as hell. Shit goes on for dozens of pages just meticulously describing alter decor and telling us how many cubits long some aprons should be.
That counts. I mean, surely she must have fucked an ass and a horse at least once to know how it feels.
And there definitely were some bestiality brothels, where men and women went if they wanted a quick fuck or an extremely raunchy fuck.
33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father who is in heaven.
34 Think not that I came to send peace on the earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
35 For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law:
36 and a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
at least post the verse before and a few after to get the whole picture, dont cherry pick.
>Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.
>But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.
Moses knows how to take care of his soldiers
>nostalgia fags and edgy fucking mexicans belives that Goku can beat our savior
Did you read the story about A/m/non and Tamar? It's just like one of your incest/reipu animes, except Amnon was a total dick and wanted her to gtfo after he did the unthinkable, totally refused to take responsibility for his actions. Her brother Absolem killed him later though, so it all came out in the wash.
Song of Solomon is pretty ecchi, too.
Chapter 2, Verse 3.
>With great delight I sat in his shadow,
>and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
>He fucked my face
>and I loved every second of it.
This was actually part of a quarantine, since the last time the Jews fought these people they sent out disease-riddled temple whores to seduce and infect the army, and given their religious and sexual practices, it wasn't safe to sleep with any non-virgins. And they killed the male children because they didn't want any Midianite Prince Vegetas growing up and avenging their people. Makes sense from a tactical standpoint.
Funny how the Bible is so boring and yet it is the most sold book in the history of mankind. It's so boring and it's still being sold in hundreds of different languages and versions around the world.
And wars are being waged around different interpretations of it. Just like the wars over which anime medium is better.
Some like the LN because more details and tells everything. Some like the manga because it condenses a few things. Some like the anime because it condenses even more. And even then, there's fights over which translation to use, in the case of a series getting two or more different translations.
What about his holiness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster vs Goku?
>Jesus, an all powerful omnipotent and omniscient being, losing to anyone
The only reason he was killed was because he planned it and let it happen with no resistance. How can ANYTHING match that?
So, was dying was part of the plan then?
Meme aside, the story goes that human beings are born into a state of sin. God requires death as payment for sin, and being human in body but God in essence, Jesus made good on that payment for anyone willing to accept it. Acceptance means eternal life.
This, however, I came to realize, is nothing more than going through life in denial, being okay with dying because you refuse to accept the temporal nature of life and invest all your stock in a second life which simply cannot be proven to exist. It is good to accept that life ends, but not at the expense of the here and now, feeling either free to act badly with impunity or wracked with guilt every hour of every day because you fear you're gonna be heaven's toilet scrubber every time you resent the guy who cuts you off in traffic.
>he who has seen me has seen the father
Don't have to, faggot.
>no anime where the conflict in the middle east eventually culminates in Yahweh and Allah duking it out DBZ style, and an Eva-styled Jesus vs Mohammed mindfuck as Jesus is reluctant to kill another holy spirit that claims peace
fuck off anon, Mexicans (normie, shit taste tier, etc) almost sucks ''Koku'' dick 24/7, and not only Mex, Latam in general...and im fucking Mexican, maybe the only country with that exception is Brasil.
according to Christianity some of the verses in OT where it says "angel (which means messenger) of the lord" or "voice of the lord" are supposed to be read and interpreted as Jesus. Like the shining light that saves Daniel from the furnace. Or so I've heard from a couple of different sources.
Come on OP, Jesus is supposed to be omnipotent, no way this is a fair fight.
I've been planning to kill myself today, but then I saw this thread and remembered why I love you guys
Jesus is a fucking meme character, stop fucking posting it everywhere
there's like ten Jesus fanclubs in my town where you can go if you want to talk about him, but ZERO places where I can talk about the much more mature themes of Dragonball
>Implying you can talk about Jesus on those places
They are worse than anime clubs, you go there and some fucker in cosplay vomits his shitty interpretation onto you, and you have to just accept that his interpretation is better than yours
Dude, how many times is this picture going to be posted before people realize that this shit has been debunked a billion times! Take Krishna for example, he was the 8th child, so his mother was in no way a virgin. He was not resurrected in anyway similar to JC, and had no need to be since he had performed what he was incarnated to do as an avatar of Vishnu.
Take Horus, he was not born 25th of December (because the bloody damn Egyptians didn't use the calendar we use today) and neither was Jesus, as a matter of fact, even if Horus was born the 25th of December, it still wouldn't mean anything because nowhere in NT is it stated that Jesus was born that day. Horus was born from a union between Isis and Osiris, so his mother was not a virgin, and he was a teacher of 16 sages (not 12 disciples). Mithra was born of a cliff and didn't have a single disciple.
Did you know that there are prizes that can be won if you can show where in the ancient scriptures any of these claims about Horus, Attis, Mithra, Krishna, Dionysus are made. No one has been able to claim those prizes for obvious reasons.
Jokes on you onii-chan, I fapped so many times that I can barely feel my scrotum anymore. No lust here.
Jokes aside, that picture clearly shows that whoever made it had no idea what Jesus was saying. Here's what Matthew g:27-30 means.
Ancient aliens please go. Maybe it's the other way around, maybe aliens are the demons pretending to be aliens. And when mankind becomes curious of their teachings (hoping for advanced tech and philosophies) they end up being deceived. After all, the bible does mention how many will fall away from the faith during the end times, and that there will be deceiving spirits ready to lead these people even further astray.
After all, why would an advanced civilization travel countless light years just to talk to some uneducated plebs and then leave. We all know demons got nothing better to do than to lie and deceive, so it's more likely that aliens are actually demons, rather than the things of the bible to be made/done by aliens.
Ajimu Najimi would wreak the shit out of Jesus by using her plothax powers.
>people are still watching this crap
Face it already, Jesus really went downhill after that ridiculous asspull at the end of S1. Fucking "back from the dead"? Way to suck all the tension out of the series.
Only nostalgiafags still care about it.
>Reading that piece of shit after Jesus' birth
Just how FUCKING long is Jesus gonna be on his training timeskip? It feels like we've been waiting for AGES.
This shitty filler in the meantime has been really boring. They introduce like a million "saints", all of whom are supposed to be capable of doing miracles (Wow, way to make it not special, by the way. It was cool when only Jesus could do it ) but then they barely ever use it.
When are we gonna get some canon material?
>some satire some ridicule
>actually makes me want to read my bible and become fully devoted
wow. probably the most useful thing you've ever done /a/, you've converted me.
but I got to say this is probably by far the most weirdest thread ever made on /a/.
> has the power of levitation, flight, walking through matter, going to countless worlds beyond this one, able to multiply into thousands of tulpas of himself
> defeated armies of demons from Mara by turning their weapons and mountains they threw at him into flowers
> transcended the realms of samsara meaning he's above not only demons but also gods such as whis and beerus
So does that mean they pranked Hitler into unknowingly allying with them?
Even if jesus could turn a kamehameha into fish flood the sheir kinetic impact of the fish bombarding jesus would destroy his body even with jesus's holy cloak of protection on
You guys have to understand that Jesus came stronger than ever and opened the gates of heaven when just roman soldiers killed him and that when people sold stuff outside the church Jesus got mad as fuck.
So what do you think will happens when blasphemous guy calls himself Super Saiyan GOD comes around? Sure Gou can kill him but Jesus can resurrect without Dragon Balls, its just an endurance test desu sempais.
>anon doesn't know about historical Jesus
Hitler-sama trusted the Japs and even made them honorary Aryans. That's some fucked up shit.
But I don't have that one.
I do have Budda vs Jesus though.
Tag Team Match
Jesus and Godoka
Saitama and Goku
why do people forget that as an aspect of God, Jesus literally has an army of unkillable semi-deities at his command?
>says Jesus can't win because he doesn't exist
>he's fighting a fictional character
Wow anon, way to turn the edge up to full blast on that one.