>the year of our lord and savior Jesus Christ, Anno Domini 1065
>verily, there be pepulle within this forum, even at this moment, who bought a Hnefetafl board, rather than Chess
Woe for these commoners, unfit to lick the stink off my boots!
mfw sword fags cant even get close
gg no re Long Bow master race
I can't hear you over the howls your maiden is making after making her my new cum rag
>mfw yurofaggot still using longbows
>Engaging with plebeian games hailing not from fabled eastern realms.
Thou art but a Moor. Why must thou bring thine leprous pastimes to /v/? Dost thee even mahjong, Sodomite?
Yes gweilo, do not buy native game! You no need support local industry! You buy from me and support mine!
That feel when my village was burned down by a dragon and the king just sits in his castle doing nothing. Why is he even the king I didn't vote for him.
not the same fine fellow you've been talking to, but I bet your one of those pussys that use bows & arrows because your too much of a filthy dirt poor commoner to afford a real weapon, like an axe or a sword.
> not playing the greatest game of all time
I shiggy diggy. You should GO fuck yourself
Art thou suggesting denizens of Cathay hold not in secret local holdings? Thoust head must be as empty as arrow loops. Swallow mine redpill, so that thee might then perceive present demons.
Ah the Oriental Merchant!
Truly our greatest ally!
>doth yonder feminism and thine knighthood of the SJW
> wanting to use a literal barbarians weapon
> not wanting to win constantly
> look stylish doing it
> and get mad pussy
it's a spear sword anon. A spear... mixed... with a sword...
Chess has better graphics and AI than all of those other shit games.
I not know what you say! You crazy! Nothing happen in my- their country! We- They not up to nothing!
All these axefags are forgetting the true best weapon - the trusty mace.
>sturdy and dependable
>great for strength and constitution
>simple but effective
>phallic as fuck
'Tis a man's weapon, ye womanly knaves!
WHICH ONE OF YOU RELEASED THE FUCKING DRAGON
I HAD IT IN A CAGE FOR A FUCKING REASON
>not picking up your trusty pitchforke and tearing the dragon a new arsehole
Foul and treacherous serpent, dressed in the guise of the humble merchant, why dost thou not flee to thine homeland from these Britannic shores? Perhaps thee hath no land to call thine own? Perhaps thou hath been exiled from all plains upon which thee hath tread thy cloven feet?
we found a witch!
> wanting to use a glorified club
Ich wolde thou telle that naught but Frenchemenne shirk the bowe.
Art thou schittel-wytted? The pycke dost shatter armour and eke shield press'd 'gainst it. There be nay no duk with a name that discount it.
Methinks thou belongest in the realm of Feminye.
Imagine fighting in a war but instead in the comfort of your home
they are not fun
somebody that travels through time
English language changed you dirty nigger
thou king is a fornicater
utmost of kekaus
reply knave unluss the a craven
>worshipping a false emperor that doth rots on his throne of lies
I pray none of you fellows do this, for the way of chaos and ruin is far superior.
no, a mongoloid could use one. Not like a real weapon that requires training and finesse
That didn't happen until the 20th century, the Ottomans officially called it Konstantiniyye - but regularly called it Istanbul, "The City", just the same as the Greek-speaking peoples of Asia Minor and Greece also called it - Istimbolin. "The City". Everyone knew which city you would be referring to, because for most of its existance it was the grandest and richest city in the world.
>taking stroll with wife
>this knight begins to court her
course of action?
how doth thine stronghold come fellow bannermen?
etching related, installed a new stone keep
Spoken like the pompous ass ye no-doubt are! Were thee truly versed in the art of combat, ye would realize that a skilled maceman would rightly strike down any warrior so foolish as to use a sword so flimsy.
>Wielding anything but a polearm
>965 in year of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ
> not wanting chaos
enjoy yonder peasant removing thine armour with a plowshare
Look Titus, a shelled rat.
A good stabbing will do.
2ith/10ith thine has enough reflective surfaces to blind his own men and attract many a kike to tear it off mid-battle.
I recommend ye to head to the brothel and partake in the blowing of many male rods.
Why doth Earl Gamers get such recognition? Have thoust never seen an Earl before?
Proclaim the most opulent helm thou doth possess.
And Karras said, 'Lay down thy hammer, friends, 'tis yesteryear's trappings.' And so we laid them down, and seeing this, Karras spoke again: 'Now raise up thy mace, The Builder shall fuel thee...and all the followers of Karras.'"
what hast thou magik got against yonder stake I ponder?
while your winding up for a single hit, I can stab you over 10 times. I bet you're a filthy paladin, they all favor some type of typical smashing weapon rather then elegant blades.
Have you thanked thine priest of healing today?
Yea, noble-man, t'would make a display of great dishonour should such fine a skin be run through by bolt and bodkin, as to claim your buttock unto my possession.
I AINT PLAYIN' ANYMORE NIGGA HAND OVER DEM
Brothers, gaze yonder at this tapestry and share thine thoughts with me.
>the year of our lord 1252
>not taketh the maidenhood of a wench on her tenth nameday
AY CHECK OUT THIS WHITE ASS HONKEY AINT EVEN SEE NO GUN
Is there a character stronger than Jesus?
And I’m not talking about New Testament Jesus. I’m talking about lost records Jesus with his ruthless miracle use and god accession and with rikidou techniques, his Papterus sandals, a Perfect deed record and control of his cross lifting powers and wall breaking, with Old Testament's God DNA implanted in him so he also has the seven deadly sins and plague release prayjutsu.
>acquire new winter lodge
>step into it
What dost thou do
Ay! I hath traveled to that land and can explain the nature of this device! It is the way these vile beaths fling their excrements at each other, whoever is covered in the most is hailed their king.
LIKE A BOW NIGGA BUT INSTEAD PULL THE TRIGGER AND GO POP POP POP THEY INSTANTLY DEAD
You are at the local trading post with your maiden when suddenly this ruffian approaches and firmly plants his palm upon her buttocks.
What do you do?
Ye sad, uncouth curs. In mine heart I've naught but pity for peasants such as you. Have you nothing you may lay claim to 'pon the fair soil God madeth? Thou remainest unlanded, lurking in the furthest reaches of thine own parents hovels, with no prospects of marriage. And what doth thou doest? Thou amusest thineself with trinkets and baubles, flights of purest fancy with little bearing on anything. You throwest away your coins for this? Or worse, you takest them without recompense of the hardworking vendor? Good Lord Jesus Christ King of Heaven, I do beseech you, have mercy. There truly exists none lower than this collection of ne'er-do-we'lls what calleth themselves /v/.
Firmly remove him from mine presence
Painting related, it be me with with my sword
Jjajaja mirad a estos plebellos hablar el ingles. Idioma de brutos y sajones. Tened un poco mas de resepto canallas y hablad lenguas derivadas del glorioso Latin , idioma de Roma el gran imperio.
>Implicando que no sois una manada de barbaros y brutos
>implicando que teneis comida
>implicando que producis algo y no os dedicais solo a robar y saquearos entre vosotros
My lord, the kingdom of Tumblr hath declared war on our fair lands! What course of action shall we take?
> Obtained the new Assassin's Creed Vnity Spell
> Perform the application of spell vpon thine self
> Spell isn't optimized for one to cast vpon thine self
> Only optimized in elixir state at same penceworth for a weaker spell
> MFW Spell turns me into a dickless chicken
Nonsense, I've no time to waste on yon tapestries. Nor should you, as many moons as you've seen. How many times has the ice melted for you to still dally with ye olde "merriments"?
Hum, nothing of an individual nature child.
Say that to my faceplate not via a carrier pigeon half-slave see what occurs
Aye, should any of you knaves, brigands, jackanapes, currs, or scallywags ever DARE to challenge a man of my stature, I shall, with great haste, 360quickdraw thine arse quicker than the french line up to watch the guillotine. And do trust, you dog, that your death will be both humiliating and dishonorable. I shall beckon the wench you have dubbed "wife" to look upon your sorry head as I hold it before the portal to your sorry keep.
What in the name of the lord did thou just speak of me, thou minute swine? I’ll have thee know I ranked top of my class in the Knight Academy, and I have been involved in numerous secret raids on Rome, and I possess over 300 confirmed taken lives. I am trained in medieval warfare and am the top lancer in the entire army. Thou art nothing to me but another heathen. I will erase thee with skills the likes of which have never been seen before on this land, remember my words. Thou thinkest thou can escape with speaking such vulgar phrases to me? Rethink, swine. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Europe and thine location is being traced right now so thou had best prepare for the maelstrom, damned fool. The storm that destroys the worthless trinket thou calleth thine life. Thou art damned, child. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can end thee in over seven hundred ways, and that is just with my bare knuckles. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of His Majesty's army, and I will use it to its full extent to erase thine miserable buttocks off the face of the continent, thy little swine. If only thou could have known what unholy retribution thine little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon thee, maybe thou would have held thine cursed tongue. But thou could not, thou did not, and now thou shalt be punished, thy unholy beast. I will pour fury upon thee and thou will drown in it. You are bloody dead, child.
wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked 300 candy bars from tha corner store. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil dickhead w/ a hot mum & fake bling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper rumble. tha rumble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. my homeboys be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o’ newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a’ kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yer a stewpid lil twat, innit? ima shite fury & ull drown in it m8. ur in proper mess ya knobhead.
CHECK ME BONER SHIELD, WASTRELS
ARENT I THE ENVY OF EVERY MAN IN THE KINGDOM?
TRY AS YOU MIGHT IT WILL NEVER DENT, NOT EVEN A MORNING-STAR OR A BROAD AXE CAN HARM MY DINGLEY DANGLE ZONE ONLY FIT FOR MAIDENS
Look-y at all of ees ere,
shinee lordsmen full o' cheer,
'il em wit arrows fore they draw NEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRrrrrrr -
- then steal all of er gold
The superiority of the crossbow is an undisputed fact. The pope, however, has outlawed these frightening contraptions, for he doth fear the power of a common man behind a common crossbow. Aye, and he should. For many a year hath we bowed our heads to these pompous thieves. I tip my hat, sir, for I am enlighted to the clergy's blatant conspiring and schemery.
I AM GENGHIS KHAN
WE WILL STORM YOUR WALLS
>year of our great and merciful 1099
>just moved into Jerusalem
>mfw news incoming crusaderfag invasion
lol you can try you fucking faggots, really think your army of hungry Hungarians can do shit?
I bringith tapestry from beyond the silk road!
Tis a recreation of Alice's Adventure
Ah, and upon a tired and poorly-conceived cue, a knight in shining white armor appears, corpulent in form such that his steed struggles to bear his very weight, possessed of pathetic and wiry facial hairs strapping the neck, and a potent stench. Perhaps today it shall be different, and you shall win the heart and maidenhood of this surely noble lady.
Jokes on you Orient! I'm behind seven walls! Now gaze upon our beautiful wenches and lust after them for you will never reacheth them.
> Χρήση μόνο ένα σπαθί.
> Μη χρησιμοποιείτε ένα σπαθί και την ασπίδα.
Χωρικοί, η παρτίδα από εσάς.
>finally get the Plowstation 4
>all of a sudden some faggot knight rides up
>tries telling me that the Plowstation is shit and that finer goods are crafted in the kingdom of Mircosauft
>keeps going on and on about some ExBaux
>Using good Mongol horsemen for storming walls
>Not pressing their own peasants to do the dirty work
Quick to be a soothsayer, but nay I be the maiden only attempting to stand on my own against you ruffians, perhaps you lack some love in your own life full of war and bloodshed.
Aye, tis a wench in looks but truly a demon
How are those barbarians treating you and your little boys?
Bavaria rolling through this bitch, hope ya'll niggas got some Catholicism.
>Bring forth the notion that filthy barbarians can ever soil the Kaiser's lands
Our most grand Kaiser is crowned by the Pope himself, you French and English dogs have their Kings crowned by peasants.
And if thine are English, enjoy thy Scandinavian Invasions.
And if thine are French, enjoy thy eternal changing of dynastic power.
These lands are for war and bloodshed! Indeed, perhaps ye have not reviewed the laws, but in fact, this very forum was constructed for war and bloodshed! It be of little consequence what sex you profess to, for its only relevance here be to amuseth us with your healthy bosoms, or not at all!
>Some Khanate from the east sends 500 spies disguised as a 'trade caravan'
>Doesn't expect me to notice
These steppe horsemen are rather stupid.
>Filthy Persians want separation from his most gracious's eternal Caliphate
>aquire such a seperation
>are swiftly destroyed by an army of horsemen from the eastern lands of Song
>mine expression wence
Evident that our most gracious lord knows of justice.
Now give me rest, I must return to discovering truths of the universe.
Surely no finer smith hast ever graced God's green Earth.
ON THIS MOST HOLY DAY HAVE YOU BOWED TO HIS MAJESTIC GRACE KING AND EMPEROR MOOT "THE MESSIASH" THE FIRST?
>Be of princely Moorish descent
>continue yonder in the journey of ages
>Perceivath a great rabble of pale men gnashing in a crooked tongue
>Travel-mate goest amongst them to investigate, and returns again with a face bursting with mirth
>"Ha! The cause of their vexation appears to be in relation to the nightly wanderings of the pale women, particularly for the camps of princely Moorish men such as we."
>Claim Moorish descent
>Post portrait of filthy Africus
Have you even place in the Caliphate of Almohad?
>be on travels around his most merciful's lands
>see towns full of peasants and disease
>complaints of "muh taxes" and of "mine servitude"
>laugh as I throw my gold at them
Life as a Mali King has never been so glorious.