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If you were in charge of developing a game, how would you fuck

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Thread replies: 78
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If you were in charge of developing a game, how would you fuck with pirates?
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by uh... not caring
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Console exclusive.
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I'd make a game so good they would want to buy it.
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replace every sound file in the game with clips of gay porn
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Have a point about halfway through the campaign where the MC turns around, kicks the camera over, and yells "Buy the damn game!" before walking into the sunset with all the other present characters, then the credits roll.
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>>267698842
OP was asking about pirates; you're thinking of modders
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I'c lock it to the hardest difficulty. You can play my game, but you're fucking working for it.
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>>267698765
this.

really, you should be developing for one console anyway; developing for console makes it so you can optimize your code much more thoroughly instead of having to optimize for an absolutely humongous amount of hardware configurations. plus, you'll be remembered as "the guys who pushed the x to its limits" rather than "the guys who made a sorta good looking game once".
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Make every object share the same texture
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Difficulty would scale randomly every time the game was loaded so some parts of the game would be pitifully easy, and some would be goddamned impossible.

In the final room before the final boss, the door would seal behind you and there would be a nonstop flood of enemies. No way to stop it, just fight and fight until you die. Then when you die, it wipes all your saves, drops to desktop, then attempts to take and upload a picture to the developer's server along with an IP and user login name, which then posts all that online for everyone and anyone to see.
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>"thanks for buying our game and supporting us, we hope you enjoyed it"
GUILT TRIPPING IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE ANTIPIRACY
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>>267698653
>free roaming space game
>make you get attacked by pirates/raiders far more often than usual
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I'd just make it that you can't crouch. I'd put in loads of stealth sequences and shooting so you'd feel like a retarded man on stilts
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Require controller support with forced inverted on with each stick switched in roles (I.e left is camera and right is movement)
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>>267698765
were screwed
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>make game that isn't shit
>ta da
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Without being a complete jewnigger with shit like always online? Probably something like what others have said, a mechanic which would require you to get far into the game to even notice. It of course would not stop pirating, they would eventually notice it as people play the pirated copy. But at least they got a free demo.

Hopefully they buy a copy.
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Ad popups like a shitty mobile game every 15 minutes telling people to buy my shitty games.
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nothing because pirates are cool B)
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Include a special opening screen ONLY for pirates that's just a long paragraph explaining how making games was my dreams and how thankful I am that they took money out of their wallet to support me and have a good time

I'd feel like shit if I saw that
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>implying i wouldn't upload a torrent of my game myself
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>>267698653
By making a good singleplayer campaign and GOAT multiplayer so they won't pirate it.
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At the end of the first level the final cutscene would show, or whatever significantly spoils the story.
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>>267700918
So would I, this feeling would quickly go away as I get draw into such an awesome game. If not awesome? feel even better.
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>>267699516
That would make new page games more often. Actually, devs should do that anyway.
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Rarer tier items literally never drop. Ever. But you keep grindin' away
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>>267701060
Fucking this
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>>267698653
>>267698842
>>267699000

is this deja vu, or just copypasta?

Im kinda mindblown right now
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>>267700598
>Jailbreak console >Play it anyway
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>>267698653
I'd insert a message on the loading screen telling them to please share the game with others if they enjoyed it.
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>>267698653
Almost all the shit you fags are talking about gets unlocked as well thanks to glorious pirates.

No one can't stop them.
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I'd just dress the main character up like a pirate. Rather harmless and kind of goofy. It'd look out of place. I'm not big on punishing pirates, a lot of game don't do demos.

either that or I'd lock all the dialogue in russian or something
i'd just fuck with people. Nothing malicious.
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>>267698653
I would program a clippy thing like in microsoft word to constantly pop up and offer advice about the dumbest shit.

He'd be called 'protippy'
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They dont do shit like that anymore because people could start thinking that the legit version is broken and a crack that work will be released day one
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An unkillable abomination chases the player through the game.

it doesn't replace enemies. They're still in your way and firing on you as you approach. Die from bullets or die from the monster. The choice is yours.
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title screen says "DON'T BE A FOOL PIRATES AREN'T COOL"

after getting wrek'd that fucking hard no one will want to pirate
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Game would put hardcore cp on their hard drive and contact the feds
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>>267701395
Serious Sam 3 did that
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>>267701301
here

or put everything in the game into 'pirate language'

avast ye scabbards!
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>>267701114
What the fuck did I just say?
>that would make me pirate games more often

Fucking phone.
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Your character's aim would be permanently locked in a drunken like state. You'd shoot like Micheal J Fox on a weekend bender. Anything barring shoving the rifle up their nose would pretty much be shooting blind.
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In the most important cutscene of the game the characters would start talking a bunch of nonsense a-la Kojima interviews style and in the middle of all that this would play:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZsgNHquM
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>>267701501
It has a crack to fuck that shit, though.
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>>267701286
I release the game on consoles only shortly after they're released. It takes several years for a crack to be developed, by which point I've already made 99% of my money and am well on the way to making my next game.

Why the fuck would anyone develop games on PC these days besides multiplayer-only shit designed to run on toasters?
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>>267700642
that is such a horrible thing to do to the poor dog

http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2014/10/08/former-baltimore-city-officer-to-be-sentenced-in-puppy-choking-death/
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>>267699531
really? because the guys who made Crysis made it for PC 8 years ago and are known as the guys who made still arguably the best looking game you can play on any system

your answer is filled with so much reddit tier agreeable bullshit you should be ashamed
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>>267701583
Well, any tactic listed in this thread would too eventually, so what?
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>>267699947
Everything is 99% alpha masked.
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>>267698653
The whole game would be built around hidden DRM.

Entire computer would be infected with a renaming replicating virus that constantly updates the files based upon server values while computer is connected to the Internet.

Online server would switch between IPs while updating client files that check for authenticity.

If something doesn't match up then all of the models are instantly replaced with gigantic penises constantly squirting semen.
All dialogue audio files redirect to farting MP3s.
Background music is Sanic.
Controls are reversed.

This is how the game is naturally without authentication. Authentication mods the game to make it not like that.
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>>267701395
Ate there any games that do that anyway? I think stuff like that is fun.
>resident evil 1, with that freaky chick, and haunting grounds with the big guy at the beginning
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your character would be unable to sprint.
Game could still be able to be finished obviously but during mosnter chases you'd have to mosey.
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>>267700946
>I like making 0 profits

Please, never run any kind of company.
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>>267701616
That is the only shit that will work.
>>267701764
I just posted that because the last time some fags replied to me told me that it was fake and shit like that.
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Just have it to where the main characters weapon gets upgraded midway through the game into a better form, but visually it's just a dick and every attack has various sounds of men moaning.

Add a useless mechanic that adds nothing but ruins gameplay when it comes up, like having your FPS guy have a near uncontrollable bladder that he needs to empty during firefights.
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>>267701883
Make it always online for the authentication to work.

Wait until the peak activity and cut off server access.

Enjoy shitstorm.
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random skeleton screamer, full volume

only way to close it is manually shutting off pc
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>>267701663
And they intentionally rendered an ocean under every level to make only the highest-power gpus play the game.
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>>267698653
By sending two free real life size dildos in the shape of Edward and Haytham Kennway.
Only when you pre order at GameStop.
Power to the boipussy
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>>267702301
>rendering unseen objects
>gpu
idiot
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>>267698653
Lock the framerate at 24 fps
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>>267702240
You mean like that game with the girl who pops up when you close the game?
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Replace lighting with non CUDA based path tracer.
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>>267702146
It wouldn't need to be always online.

Just the authentication would be so rooted that it would take a long time to figure it out, then they would have to get the actual files from the servers and figure out how they are modded into the game.

Finally all distributed keys are stored in tables and verified instead of just checking keys against an algorithm. Any duplicates deny authentication even though it will say "authenticated". This would throw the crackers another problem that would be hilarious.
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>>267698653

Required Online
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Serious Sam 3 had a good idea.
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>>267702574
If I get you right, you're saying the keys are deeply rooted within the game itself to be checked against the server for verification. If this is so you're literally giving the pirates every single key for the game.
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Make a good game

Have the pirated version be it's own weird thing

Half way through every NPC becomes a walking penis with arms and legs and can only make dolphin noises. This would happen instead of what happens in the retail copy

So you have to go out and figure out how to change everyone back
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One third of the way through the game, there is an online PvP dungeon that you have to go through to progress. Think Grave of Saints in Dark Souls 2.

You can complete it offline, but instead of one easy invader to kill, it's almost impossible. No matter who you have to fight for PvP, it is always desirable to fight a human instead of the insane difficulty ramp in this dungeon for not being online.
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Non-authenticated copies can only run in weird resolutions that leave it distorted on pretty much any monitor.
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>>267698831
>Pirates will buy a game if it's good
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>>267699516
>hard
This. So much this.

Hell I would input a hidden difficulty, where only if you pirate the game you would access to this difficulty. I wouldn't even buff the enemies, just Extreme AI that would read your buttons and counters it

and then I would want someone to TAS it.
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>>267703015
Might as well be always online DRM then, because now you're just screwing over people who can only do or prefer offline.
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Game runs perfectly fine, nothing in-game is changed, except that it uses three times the memory and processing power and the process isn't closed when you close the game. Also, the process is named something inconspicuous.
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I wouldn't. Cause of they enjoy it they buy it 9/10 times. Fag
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>>267703318
lol
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>>267701217
>He still hasn't realised that we've been repeating ourselves for months now

Haha stupid faggot please wake up sweetie we miss you I know you can hear me just wake up you're in a coma please
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>>267703209
You can play the rest of the game offline with no difficulty ramp.

It sounds like your main problem with 'always online' is 'muh piracy', when in fact the REAL problem with 'always online' as any legitimate patron knows is that it interrupts the flow of gameplay, like infamous AC2 pausing the game if you lost connection, or Sim City rejecting your saves.
Thread posts: 78
Thread images: 10


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