Meanwhile in MEDIVEAL /v/
>still playing Jousting games
Thou art Plebeian.
>Go to SwordStop
>Beautiful wench is working the store, her husband must be the blacksmith
>Casually stroll up to here and ask if she can sheathe my blade
>Realize i accidentally made romantic remarks at her
>Grab the closest dagger i can find and slam it on the counter
>It stabs one of my fingers on accident
>Now covered in blood i reach for my gold pouch
>Bloody coins begin to spill out of my breeches and fall on the floor
>Start picking them up
>As im standing back up i knock over a decoration armor set
>Run out as fast as i can crying
My dad works for the Papacy, he says we're going to take back Jerusalem.
This game taught me the proper way to spell medieval.
>Lord brings in new priest
>priest says there's a new tax to pay
>says if we don't pay it we will suffer eternal damnation
>sounds like bullshit
>whip out bible to check
>remember that none of us on this province can read
Oh Yellow faced peasant, have you not heard the news? The clerics of the star of Rock have announced a personus computus version of the religion!
Personus Computus master race claims victory yet again
>the feeling when nary a maiden to call your own
If I could have a lady to court, or even some male companions to enjoy the company of, I'd likely give up archery. I only practice it to fill the void.
Did /v/ knows the newest leak from Nintendkingdom?
My father works to their king, so it is true.
The next Super Smash Horse will have the pope and a secret jester.
And of course,
And as I recall, the craftsman of the Personus Computis made modifications to make the port holy.
although being a peasant in the consoleands I doubt you understand the nature of those words.
>Duke Gabeforth Newelle will never unveil the final chapter of the Half Lyfe scriptures
>He continues to have his tailors produce absurd hats that he charges us for one chicken and a sack of grain each
Can't wait to hit 40, die, and go to Heaven.
What doth the "/" symbol represent, sir?
You are truly the jester for telling such jokes! Everybody knows that the Shogun from the land of the rising sun sent a letter confirming that he was no more than an obstacle.
Truly these purple dragon-sodomites are the worst.
Thou maiden of choice hath had her purity tainted by none other than I, Dio von Brando!
That gluttonous fool will surely meet the fires of hell.
Truly sad to see a once great duke fall to the temptation of gold, yet still the people worship him as if he was their King.
Quick. Summon thine bards. The hour of the witches approaches hastily. We must prepare for ritual song "fire of the night"
I'VE COME UP WITH SOME NEW WITCHCRAFT AND IT IS BANNED FOR CHRISTIAN EYES TOO SEE UNTIL NOW
We have placed an effigy of a woman's vulva atop a marble spire, taking after the Grecian practices. Surely if we pledge enough worship to this totem, we will acquire what we seek.
Soon our way of life will be the norm, and any man who does not follow suit would be treated as a leper and excommunicated!
Have you not seen the wealth Lord Soniger brought upon his land?
At the very least, Lord Soniger nor Lord Nintendius do not employ the watchful eye of Kinecticus on their subject.
>bad food outside of Holy roman imperial
>shit games of the video
Do you kaffir do anything right?
I hear tale of Kinecticus being struck down, by it's own master no less!
Their master make such claims of Kinecticus's necessity, and take it down without so much of a thought.
Who are we to trust?
Crusaders, look! We have a illiterate pleb here!
Laugh at his misery!
I can't read a book
oy, any of you guys ever been to Turkey? I heard they got some really fine
Playstationus vitus doth indeed have scrolls. Ye must trade with Oriental merchants, but I assure thee, these scrolls are more enlightening than those belonging to the Nintendius Threedius. It is the illustrations of fair Oriental maidens what give the Vitus scrolls their majesty
Buffoons! Behold as I arrange these numerals like so!
I do say gentleman. Doth anyone else have thy glorious privilege in residing in the PC Kingdom?
MOVE ASIDE, LESSER NOBLES!
Superior holy roman armor craftsmanship is here, forthwith!
While the other Lords cater to peasants with allusions of grandeur, and for the Personus Computus realm, the royals who stare at rocks from a hair's width, who daren't look at the whole picture in case they aren't satisfied with what they see, as long as the rock looks fanciful.
May you be anathema foul heretic.
You and Martin Luther should both burn.
>my portrait when rome will never ever conquer briton
T'would be fair tae admit that Lord Riddley is unfit to represent House Metroidde in the upcoming Majestic Joust Brethren event the IV. With his stature alone shall he trample the competition, and was previously observed performing in the offstage.
>during the time of the First Crusade to take back Jerusalem from the heathen scum
>continuing to indulge in such base pleasures as participating in children's sport
Nintedussodomites evacuate thineselves
Being of the kingdom of Personais Computus is certainly most joyous!
Why the most abominable rumours from the sprawling kingdom of Merrimentstation reach mine ears! the poor fools have to pay tax in order to communicate across the ether! No merriment is to be found with companions w'thout paying the kingdom!
Myself being safe within my personal tower, I shudder to think of th'most unfortunate souls!
>mfw filthy europoors will NEVER EVER get my chinese gunpowder
They say that the Kingdom of Xboxiar keeps a full days watch on their peasants, never leaving the sight of the guards in fear that they may revolt from the increase in taxes.
Troubled times are ahead my friend.
Behold the glove I purchased from a shopkeep on Market street
he said his name was Mad Catz. Must be Flemish...
It it I thou king tax collector. Payeth to me or thy shall receiveth a beating most cruel.
>my reaction when Lord Playstonia has no scrolls
>using a Welsh castle for the OP
Superior medieval civilization coming through
Lowly serfs such as thyself cannot understand the beauty of a handdrawn maiden, compared to the filth of a diseased three-dimensional whore
pretty sure no one back then knew of spatial dimensions, but whatever
What's the matter, knaves? Can't depend on the strength of your swing to strike down thy foes?
A MAN MOST FOUL WHO DONS THE TITLE OF GEORGE WASHINGTON IS ATTACKING YONDER VILLAGE WITH IRON HORSES
WHAT THE FUCKETH
I bring with me a parchment of numerals and detailing figurines.
Should we pester ye sculptor, Timmothy, to carve them I shall host a tournament of Witches and Wyverns. I have already scrawled out a cave for young adventurers to sally forth into!
though i a bit ashamed to reveal. The fair maiden Clementine is my maiden of desire
Is this where all Romanian qts live?
>my visage when reaching my two-score year and being yet to know a woman
>my visage when our Lord will reward my purity with powers unbeknownst
>my visage when such is absent from this message
I get the joke but it doesn't really work since people don't really think about medieval europe having slaves. He should have just set it in ancient Egypt or at least the middle east.
>Decide one day to purchase new weaponry to display to the peasants over my recently acquired fireplace
>Purchase thine newest longsword from thou merchant
>60 gold tokens for a longsword forged in the heart of Rome
>Take longsword from thou merchant whilst his back turned on me and slash his throat with it
>Attempt to display sword but it refuses to stay on its holders
>It crashes down, knocking everything into the fireplace
>I kneel, sobbing into my hands while watching it burn
>Knights arrive at my door
>Thrown to the dungeon 'til death for wrongdoings
Merchants are bringing upon the end of this marketplace!
i bite mine thumb at electricus entertainment. hath not a jew eyes? hath not a jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions?
>Not wielding axes.
It's like you wish for your quarry to heal from their wounds!
what the fuck did thou just fucking sayeth about me, thou dram brach? i’ll hast thou knoweth i graduated top of mineth class in the King's Guard, and i’ve been involved in numerous secret crusades on the holy land, and i hast over 300 confirmed kills. i am trained in pike warfare and i’m the top archer in the entire land of camelot. ye art nothing to me but just another sinner. i will wipeth thou the fuck out with precision the likes of which hath never been seen on this earth, marketh mineth fucking words. thou thinketh thou can geteth aroint with saying that fecal mater to me over the internet? thinketh again, knave. as we speaketh i am contacting mineth secret network of rouges across the realms and thy scroll is being traced right anon so thou better prepareth for the storm, worm. the storm that wipes out the pathetic dram thing thou calleth thy life. thou art dead, child. i can be anywhere, anytime, and i can killeth thou in over seven hundr'd ways, and that’s just with mineth bareth hands. not only am i extensively trained in unarmed combat, but i hast access to the entire arsenal of the Lord's Calvary and i will useth it to its full extent to wipeth thy miserable ass off the faceth of the continent, thou dram shit. if only thou couldst hast known what unholy retribution thy dram “clever” comment was about to endue down upon thou, haply thou wouldst hast held thy dirty tongue. but thou couldn’t, thou didn’t, and anon you’re paying the price, thou goddamn pompous fooleth. i will shit fury all o''r thou and thou will drowneth in it. Thou art dead, child.
>Thine humovrs are most favovrable to the tomes of the epic poem Halo and therein the adventvres of Knight Errant John 117 as he destroyeth the genre of archery in the first
What hath come to pass brethren?
Hither my arrival, more stoic than mine compatriots, the genitive of them! More endured than hide! You may address me as Knuckles, unfamiliar to Sonic I do not partake in guffaw.
Curses! Nostradamus warned us that a lord called Hister would burn the foul Semites
one can only hope so just a ruler makes no delay in revealing himself
Thou surely are not suggesting that Sir Halo was the primogen of the Art of Archery?
Why, Sir Bond of the Golden Eye was the first to recieve such acclaim; Sir Halo merely appealed to the common masses.
Hwærfor spricst þu n?wne reorde in þissum þræde?
I wish only to grasp the hand of Oriental maidens, for they are more pure than European slags
But the Youtube Caravan brings joy and wonder to many a village! Without them, how wouldst thou enjoy elaborate reenactments of battles throughout history? Or plays involving felines performing humorous feats?
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little knave? I’ll have you know I am the highest order of the Knights Templar, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Holy Lands, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in horseback archery and I’m the top crossbowman in the Britons. You are nothing to me but just another vagrant rat. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over parchment? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Europe and your house's fief is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Knight of the Royal Orders and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
Not accompanied in thy hut at Friday eve? My lord thee art deplorable
Aye, my maiden be the finest of all. Thy body as pure as they heart. And a mind sharper than the tip of my blade. Unlike your whore of a woman!
Any fellow Black Moors looking for trading opportunities?
I sure am. Maybe I should go to Spain or France, I speak both Romance languages.
Trying to sell swords and potions, not to mention knives, axes, goods from North Africa and Rome is pretty hard.
Note: Black Moors were two things: Literal black Moors and what Europeans called all black people
>my joyous visage of merriment when the kingdom of Personal Towers shall't not once know the boundless beauty of the Bloodbourne tapestry, created by the majestuous master craftsman of the east, Miyazaki, whom hath declared allegiance to the kingdom of Crossstation thus ensuring the work of art is never reproduced outside the kingdom
You lot complainin' 'bout not 'aving maidens? I 'ad one I did an' she asked "Goose, doth thine wish to seeth mine ankles?" I called her a harlet an' sent her to church. Nevah came back thhat one, probably swinging from the gallows or a nun.
I am shocked sir! Wounded!
Mine desired maiden is pure of heart with maidenhead unscathed. A truly fine woman, unlike your plebian choice, fueled by naught but lust
I'm sure many a lord and lady (loleth) will join me in expressing disdain for the BRs infesting local jousting tournaments. They only beg for money, refuse to take part and threaten others with complaints to the joust masters.
Bavarians should stick to Bavarian tournaments!
Svrely yov jest, as thov forgeteth yon saga ov Doom-sire.
>Ripeth and teareth
Lucifer's fovl demons doth stand meekly before Doom-sire and his Christendom ov the highest caliber.
Vikings of Denmark comin' thru. By Thor, get out of the way filthy britons or get pillaged.
I Europe is so shit why do you keep trying to invade it every 20 years?
There are tales of peasants on /v/ who have not been enriched with Chinese plays.
>sojovrning into the lands of the byzantine heretics
>for any pvrpose other than gloriovs crvsade
>Anno Domine Twelve-Hvndred and Fifty-seven
Verily, I doth pray thov, mine brothers, commit not svch folly
????? ?? ???????. ????? ?? ???????. ???? ???? ??? ?? ???? ?????.
Stand attendant and laugh, my fellows. These poor fools think tis a brave thing to raid and pillage defenseless fishing hamlets.
Yet, nary a Norse soul is to be found should the King's Men sally forth to do battle! True Norseman indeed I say!
>not using polearms
Too late, I already sold your secret! Salaam aleikum.
That maiden fares among the lowest levels of maidens. Inscribed image be the superior wench
Thou foolishly imply the men of Towers have desire of your crass tapestry?
Why, our weavers may produce three-score panels per lunar month, more than twice as much as of yours!
And say not about the dimensions of our tapestry, for I declare that larger tapestries are the way of the days to come.
I shall not be intimidated by Scandinavians. To think they embrace buggery and the influx of peasant filth from the deepest reaches of Africa and Asia...
truly Northern blood is spent
>Not wanting to spread our influence to the furthest corners of the world.
Surely you jest my brother. An oriental maiden yes, but we gain the benefit of trade routes amongst other technologies. She may be of other origins, but I assure you that her skin is more fair then any maiden we have here. She doesn't even speaketh our native tongue, truly her greatest asset.
On a side note, I've been told that they have a weapon in which the blade has been folded over 1000 times. Think what we could do with such technology, men!
Behold, these be not foreign works, they are named Animus. A jouyous partaking that a simple-minded foreigner could not comprehend.
?? ??, ?? ?????, ?? ???? ???? ???? ??? ????? ????
>Look my liege, I've acquired a tan!
>Hello, black person that looks like my best servant!
The funny thing is that Vikings called black people blue people, because they were so dark-skinned they looked blue.
I think that's cooler.
>that one would infer our most powerful Khan shall not see rockets in all corners of our globe, by the will of great Tengrii
get back to building boats to take the land of weeaboos you filthy chinese pig
You speak of maidens who rank among the peasantry and post the wench whose bosom distorts the minds of men and leads them to heretical acts.
Speak not of purity, heathen. Wash away your sins and bow to a lord whose teachings lead us to a brighter land, without temptresses and succubi to lead us astray!
Wenches and concubines, I say!
>he is a guard
>on the marketboard
>on an oriental marketboard
>he does this for no gain
>he taketh thy profession intently
>he doth it because it shall be his only amount of prestige and influence he shall ever wield in thine mockery of a living
>he erases postings he doth not care for because whenever he becomes enraged he suffers a breathing ailment
>he erases postings he doth not care for because they interfere with thine enlarged catalouge of underage maiden oriental tapestries he hath not read through
>he shall never wield a true profession
>he shall never relocate from thine family's lodgings
>he shall never become a fitting body figure
>he shall never learneth how to cook anything aside cheese and sauce breads
>he shall never claim a maiden
>he shall never claim compatriots
Rabble of the worst kind.
Come to my humble hut and partake in finely done animus.
Hah! Do not maketh me bellow in amusement. Already some of your fellows have come to their senses and now bow their head to the One True Lord, Christ Jesus of Nazareth. Soon all ye fellows shall be Christians in service of the Lord.
Once ye filthy heathens are done away with we shall reclaim ye Holy Lands.
I actually saw Roman graffiti in a cave in Devonshire, England. When they arrived to the shores of the U.K. and stayed in caves for the night, they actually pretty much wrote to the effect of: ''AUGUSTUS WAS HERE'' 43 A.D.
So listen well here's the tale, about a little blue man that lives in the blue realm.
And every sunrise and sunset and everything his eyes meet is blue, like himself, from within and without.
Blue his cottage, with a blue little window and a blue horse carriage.
And everything is blue for him and himself and everybody around
Cause he ain't got, nobody, to hail to...
Be not afraid, it is just simple allusions, created by many pictures at one time!
Hwa hætst þu an wicing? Ic sprece se reord þæs æsctir wera.
Hold! Explain whence found thyself during the great loss of the spyglass of pure angel maidens to Jerusalem or be cursed!
For I found myself in the late hours, just finished tilling my land, when the Lord spread the heavens and decreed, “The chosen people of days past have defiled such a treasure. It is damned.”
And with a heavy heart I declared, “Nay! Such a thing cannot be!”
Mine eyes have seen glory. Is this the work of God?
Thou mean the child that turneth water to wine? Haha, my deep chuckle shakes the very ground beneath me. While you enjoy your petty wine, we shall drink the most delicious of ale sent to us from the gods of Asgard. Mayhaps I should take a big spilling sip above your dead body once I've cleaved you in half with my axe.
Fitting words for a jester pulled away from the righteous path by a buxom harlot with hair as unnatural a color as the pustules that doth caress your rotting carcass!
You will only have so many chances to renounce your despicable ways heathen!
>Participating in a noble jousting tournament.
>Knight after knight falleth to my lance.
>Next opponent is a Muscovite.
>His horse appeareth to stop and leap forward every gallop.
>Right before my lance connects he cometh to a complete stop.
>My lance hits him with great force, but he doth not falter.
>I turneth my horse and ready for the scond joust.
>Suddenly I am hurled to ground.
>The Muscovite looketh triumphant.
>After the tournament I sendeth a messenger to tell him that he is a filthy sorceror.
Damned Muscovites. Why shant they joust in yonder tournament in stead?
You fool! Hath you even an inkling of taste? Fuuka is a maiden of the highest caliber.
Begone with your plebian tastes. Board the next vessel Redditia where you may linger among others of your kind
I bring with me scrolls of the far east! Art thou curiousity playing at thee mind?
>That feeling when Jerusalem was taken by the hethens again
What is your excuse for not joining the next Crusade /v/?
Look at this mighty dwarf i hast discover'd from the future! Thou all hast to agree with me that he looks rather cool. elvish men may anon fall 'ere mine feet!
>>the woven women
My fellow townsfolk! I hath created a repository of names and such for the perusal of all! Find a wife or simply communicate with a local wench, share your thoughts about hoope rolling or joustinge! I calleth it Visage Booke!
Perusal of my repository is free of charge, all I aske is that you allow my fellows from the Jewry to put up banners of their houses and lords in your homes and streets. Surely a price worth paying!
>Striding down the path to the forum at a leisurely pace
>Encounter a muscular man of pale skin and evident normality
>He questions me "Hast thou fallen from the Lord's domain?"
>His words make me uneasy and I am only able to reply with "N-not quite"
>Return to home
>Write letters to acquaintances about this man and the actions he's taken against people of different norms
Why is it that EVERY man from the lands known as "Britannia" act DISGRACEFULLY towards us Roman women? I believe it to be a BLATANT disregard for my rights as a woman in Rome for this filthy skin-of-paste FOREIGNER to so much as communicate with me.
What kind of pussy are you? Thor sends us to battle with no helmets, so that the last thing the britons will see is the golden halo that is our gorgeously blonde long hair.
Tis not witchcraft, but the work of a man! A man tempted by the wealth of Jerusalem! A man who abandons the Lord and his people that bestowed upon him his crown.
No, Sir Knight, for there is no substitute of this world or the next, for I have seen the purest of maidens.
Present me thy Battlestations.
Beware! Even now the king reads our letters to and from Visage Booke, making empty talk about needing to protect us from moors and heathens!
I have taken refuge in the court of the knyaz of the Kievan Rus' since your local nobles will have my head for revealing their methods!
The damned Venetians have been charging out the ear just to ferry my men from Toulouse to Constantinople. The last time they doubled the fee and demanded that the crusaders take quarrel on the Greeks. My uncle was excommunicated because of those knaves and is probably damned to hellfire for eternity. They're worse than the heathens and I dare say they're in league with the Jewry.
>my face when sea-faring thieves get their hands on entertainment.
THE GUARDS BE ABSENT
(USER HATH BEEN NAILED TO THE CROSS AND SET ABLAZE FOR THIS POST)
Why hast thou not written thine own scrolls yet, plebeians?
Will thou leteth thy ideas slipeth aroint without taking action?
Nobleman Dojima? HA! Dost thou think me a fool?
Lord Dojima is of little importance when it comes to this most righteous crusade!
Thine women will be judged in a manner most foul and stand trial for their witchcraft. Why deny Noble Adachi's teachings when all he wishes is blessings for you and your ilk?
He simply asks you reject the concubines and accept your fate as peasantry!
>Swine known 'cross many kingdoms still brandish their worthless longswords
>Praise is granted to northern knights whose folly is strewn across the unwieldy claymores they so clumsily handle
>Brainless Barbarians naively assail the very concept of skill in hon'rable combat with their axes, flails and ghastly maces.
>Yet I and my fellow gallant kinsman are scoffed at while nary a coin is given to us for our dexterity and finesse with the Estoc. Our labor is matched by no other men under God's eye, and yet we have never attended grand feasts like those of our imitators. Our only recourse is that we have acquired expertise far beyond our contemporaries.
For this the future of swordsmanship is doomed!
Why must it be so /v/, why must it be so?
>Western books used to be splendid
>now the auteurs ask that I purchase them before they have even come out
>if I do not do so, the edition I purchase will be of inferior quality since material will have been cut out
I only wish to know if a book is worth reading before spending my hard-earned gold
The low experience of the artist rendered this portrait of mineself to be of low quality, I hope thine doesn't dwell on such details?
>peruseth collection of weaponry
>returneth to mine home
>forgeth a sword of mine own
'Tis the same concept, knave. To copy a scroll is nay comparable to stealing it! Back to Jerusalem with thou.
Dost thou enjoyeth those chinese plays featuring knights of insurmountable magnitude and might?
Curse thee spells, cast upon thee picture
Look knaves, would thou liketh to go to the New World? They have people ripe for the screwing! Plus, you can be an Alpha in this new world! This peasant thinks I be a God to him! He nay not know that I shall slay him and steal his beautiful harlot from him tomorrow!
Of course they didn't, but sadly I don't know Old Norse, or Icelandic or Faroese (since they're the closest equivalent today(need to learn one of them some day soon)). So I'll have to make do.
Her contributions may be minor at times but she hast several moments of great import, such as announcing the presence of powerful foes and their vulnerabilities.
I put it to thee that we cast aside our anger and celebrate our preferred maidens and their differences for we share the common ground of not enjoying the company of whores