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Gather round, ye children. It's time for a text adventure.

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Thread replies: 418
Thread images: 89

Gather round, ye children.
It's time for a text adventure.
>>
RUles:
quote my psot.
highest final post number within 1 minute of the first rpely is the winner.
>>
>>251228360

Dance like a ninny
>>
File: Kurt and Grahs.png (24KB, 576x505px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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Our Valient Heroes.
>>
>>251228360
Get ye flask and drink deeply.
>>
>>251228549
>>
>>251228792
Lament your flaskless existence
>>
>>251228792
Find ye flask, damnit!
>>
>>251228792
Stick head into ground
>>
>>251228861
>>
>>251229132
Call up superiors. Ask for flask
>>
>>251229132
Cast Anger, punch where your flask should be.
>>
>>251229132
Cry more
>>
>>251229272
>>
>>251229703
Summon Merc
>>
>>251229703
Ask if Grahs has a flask you can borrow.
>>
>>251229703
Accuse Grahs of stealing your flask
>>
>>251229703
Grahs stole your flask. Kill him
>>
>>251229795
>>
>>251230152
Try harder
>>
>>251230152
Ask Grahs why he stole you Updog
>>
>>251230152
Switch to Grahs, slap Kurt out of his insanity.
>>
>>251230209
>>
>>251230606
Giggle like a slack-jawed retard.
>>
>>251230606
"My ass"
>>
>>251230606
NOT MUCH MAN, YOU?
>>
>>251230738
>>
>>251230991
FLy like a majestic eagle to your destination
>>
>>251230991
Hold up the Jar of Nanomachines and scream "NANOMACHINES SON"
>>
>>251230991
Head towards the forest
>>
>>251231102
Swim.
>>
>>251230991
sharpen equipment
>>
>>251230991
Eat your nanomachines
>>
>>251230991

Seduce Grahs.
>>
>>251231227
>>
>>251231771
Polish armor to a shine
>>
>>251231771

INVESTIGATE IMMEDIATELY!
>>
>>251231771
Tactically advance in the opposite direction.
>>
>>251231771
Fart in Grahs' general direction
>>
>>251231771

Seduce Grahs.
>>
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>>251231873
>>
>>251232387
Take a nap
>>
>>251232387
Aim Tesla Cannon in the direction of the noise
>>
>>251232387
Tell Grahs it's okay and that it's just a teddy bear.
>>
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>>251232457
>>
>>251232832
Do one of those spinning kung fu jumps where you quickly get off the ground and dodge attacks.

Then once on your feet assume a battle stance.
>>
>>251232832
Fire a shot at the cyborg
>>
>>251232832
Roll into cover and then take aim at the cyborg.
>>
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>>251232972
>>
>>251233486
Fire at the cyborg's shooting arm. Attempt to disarm, or disable it.
>>
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>>251233578
>>
>>251234297
Toss a grenade at the two advancing cyborgs and fire again at the one attacking Grahs.
>>
>>251234401

Seconding this.
>>
>>251234297
suck your own dick
>>
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>>251234401
>>
>>251235013
Suck your own dick and play video games
>>
>>251235013
Use shield shot on Cyborg B
>>
>>251235107
this
>>
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>>251235107
>>
>>251235552
Summon Jesus
>>
>>251235552
Finger your butthole and play video games
>>
>>251235552
Shoot cyborg B so we will only have one opponent to deal with.

Also for the future, remember to never do nonsensical things in battle.
>>
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>>251235609
>>
>>251235953
Shield shot.

Also swear to never do anything completely nonsensical in battle again.
>>
>>251235953
Shoot the remaining one in the dick
>>
>>251235953
finger butthole
>>
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>>251236048
>>
>>251236003
see>>251235013
The game says you can only do one thing per turn.
>>
>>251236572
Fuck that shit, rape the corpses
>>
>>251236572
I don't even know what action does at this point, but action.
>>
>>251236572
action
>>
>>251236572

ENERGY GUNS
ZAP SOME MOTHERFUCKERS
>>
>>251236636
Well one is a physical action and the other is a mental one. We might not be able to shoot 4 guys in the time a single turn takes, but maybe we could shoot one guy, and then think about shooting another.
>>
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>>251236663
>>
>>251237045
Love
>>
>>251237045

ACTION
>>
>>251237045
Energy guns I guess, we need someone to cover our ass.
>>
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>>251237129
>>
>>251237539
finger butthole
>>
>>251237539
Use your computers that are built into your armor to hack the dead cyborg's brains.
>>
>>251237539

SEDUCE GRAHS
>>
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>>251237596
>>
>>251237869
>>251237670
>>
>>251237869

SEDUCE
GRAHS
>>
>>251237869
Kill Grahs
>>
>>251237869
shoto and shield shot grahs
>>
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>>251237928
>>
>>251238213
snap his neck now that he has his back turned
>>
>>251238213
Stop doing sexual things for no reason, swear it.
>>
>>251238213
go after him.
>>
>>251238213
>>251238307
>>
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>>251238307
>>
>>251238710
Swear to stop doing shit that will harm your team mates, that is sexual in nature for no reason, or will get you killed.
>>
>>251238710
Rape him.
>>
>>251238710
Break down crying and start lamenting about "the good old days"
>>
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>>251238808
>>
>>251239085
Vow to not sexualize the Grahs
>>
>>251239085
head to new gilead with no interupptions.
>>
>>251239085

Walk to New Gilead stylishly.
>>
>>251239085
Hack the cyborg's brain implants and see if you can get information on the enemy.
>>
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>>251239160
>>
>>251239437
remove armor, freely exposing your underflesh to the harshness of the outside world while building character and morale
>>
>>251239437
Now hump the ground
>>
>>251239437

head toward new gilead until something interesting happens.
>>
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>>251239475
>>
>>251239798
Quickly grab one of the cyborg's heads and try to hack into it's systems as you head along.
>>
>>251239798
Roll after him.
>>
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>>251240009
>>
>>251240213
Climb a tree and get your bearings.
>>
>>251240213
Fuck that shit, unleash your inner sanic
>>
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>>251240262
>>
>>251240515
Describe it to Grahs and see if he knows what it is.
>>
>>251240515
>>251240557
>>
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>>251240557
>>
>>251240785
Lets move fast, we have no time for dawdling.
>>
>>251240785
run toward the thing, stripping off all armor.
>>
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>>251240919
>>
>>251240785
Pelvic thrust your way to New Gilead.
>>
>>251241246
Do the helicopter dick
>>
>>251241246
Seduce Cyborg
>>
>>251241246
Thrust dick into nanomachines
>>
>>251241246
Get the fuck out of there.
>>
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>>251241359
>>
>>251241662
GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE
>>
>>251241662
Raise Kurt as a skeleton using necro powers
>>
>>251241662
Fucking run
>>
>>251241662
Whip it out and beat off to the memory of your dead friend.
>>
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>>251241768
>>
>>251241979
Activate kurt's armor's self destruct sequence and book it.
>>
>>251241979
Run
>>
>>251241979
Whip it out and do the helicopter dick
>>
>>251241979
grab the tesla cannon, shoot him and scurge pride.
>>
>>251241979
Fuck you magic totally exists
>>
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>>251242072
>>
>>251242483
Quick, shove the jar of nanomachines up your ass
>>
>>251242483
>>251242051
>>
>>251242483
Do this >>251242021, then run and take cover. Please for the love of the adventure, don't let it end like this.
>>
>>251242530
Too L8
>>
>>251242657
;_; why, I just wanted a fun adventure not to have it end less than two hundred posts in.
>>
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>>251242528
>>
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>>251242824
And I wanted a pizza. But can't all have what we want all the time.
>>
>>251242921
>>251242530
pls
>>
>>251242921
Helicopter dick harder
>>
>>251242483
Morn Kurt's death and accept your own.
>>
>>251242942
;______;
>>
>>251242921
Ascend to godhood
>>
>>251242921
Tactically advance in the opposite direction!
>>
>>251242921
Try to convince cyborg to spare your life
>>
pray for favor from the gods
>>
OP, after we die, give us a simple impromptu adventure without the HUD? Shit would be cash.

Make us go on and adventure to get doritos. What's more /v/ than that?
>>
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>>251242997
>>
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>>251243332
yay
>>
>>251243332
again again
>>
>>251243332
Resume the game as someone who was left for dead in a pile of bodies but miraculously survived.
>>
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>>251243332
Atleast we went "swinging" Huh? Huh!?
>>
>>251243332
OP please this
>>251243293
>>
>>251243332
Really the best and only way to go
>>
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>>251243332
SHIT
>>
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should i?
>>251243293
>>
>>251243332
Ok now let us play as a cyborg destroying the humans.
>>
>>251243512
Be reincarnated in the past and given a second chance at adventure.
>>
>>251243512
fuck yes OP
>>
>>251243512
No
>>
>>251243512
what about a zombie survival adventure?
>>
>>251243512
Do iiiiiiit!
>>
Military or otherwise trained PCs should have some sort of perk that keeps them from doing suicidally stupid nonsensical things, at least skip the first suggestion or something.
>>
>>251243512
helicopter dick adventure
>>
>>251228792
Head Dennis.
>>
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>OP spends a bunch of time planning this adventure coming up with a backstory and everything
>Gets ruined by a couple of shitposts

Be honest, OP, do these things ever disappoint you?
>>
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what
>>
>>251244108
kek'd
>>
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>>
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>>251244108

>>251244172
do the helicopter dick
>>
>>251244172
Realize we forgot our fedora. GO GET IT!
>>
>>251244063
the only one that REALLY disapointed me was Stephen Carlisle.
If I ever really got pissed at you guys, I'd stop and never come back.
>>
>>251244172
Destroy children, with your copter dick
>>
>>251244172
Pull out your phone and ruin an adventure thread on /v/. That will calm your nerves.
>>
>>251244247
Do you at least have fun?
>>
>>251244292
>2014
>having fun
>>
>>251228309

>analog guns
>>
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>>251244257
>>
>>251244490
Unleash your copter dick on the unsuspecting masses
>>
>>251244490
Do the helicopter dick while walking down the street
>>
>>251244490
Scream in Victory and proceed to uncontrollably shit yourself
>>
>>251244490
What >>251244241 said.
We need as much protection from sunlight as we can
>>
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>>251244548

>>251244292
for the most part. when i stop having fun, i'll sometimes throw an incredibly powerful enemy at you and see what you do.
>>
>>251244778
>>251244536
>>
>>251244778
Start lumbering towards the store. Becoming more and more out of breath as you go.
>>
>>251244778
Summon Jesus Christ, the final boss
>>
>>251244845
the outcome would probably end up alot like >>251241979
>>
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>>251244835
>>
>>251245056
Do the helicopter dick at them
>>
>>251245056
Do the only thing you know how to do, call him a casual and yell at him for not understanding how hardcore you are.
>>
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>>251245108
>>
>>251245297
helicopter dick while walking towards the store
>>
>>251245297
lumber toward the end of the street.
>>
>>251245297
Grab one of them before they escape and interrogate them.
>>
>>251245297
Chase them down while screaming yelling about how they're underage scrublords
>>
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>>251245369
>>
>>251245536
Obviously we go left, we are cowardly by nature.
>>
>>251245536

Right path.
>>
>>251245536
right
>>
>>251245536
seconding
>>251245604
>>
>>251245536
Left. We already have to deal with the sun
>>
>>251245536
Go right, and walk in a way that you think would impress the edgy kids
>>
>>251245536
Left
>>
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>>251245604
>>251245657
>>251245660
>>
>>251245882
Insult her for not being a part of the PC master race
>>
>>251245882
smack it out of her hand and clal her a casual
>>
>>251245882
Laugh at the casual
>>
>>251245882
fuck her


i mean attempt to seduce her by saying "m'lady" a lot
>>
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>>251245936
>>251245936
>>
>>251246180
write her address down and send her a mean letter telling her you hate her
>>
>>251246180
Sniff the grass where she was sitting. Then go on /v/ and make a post about how you showed a dirty casual the correct path in life today.
>>
>>251246180
Friendzoned again. What a bitch.
>>
>>251246180
go up to her door, and bang on it, tellign her that youre not finished informing her.
>>
>>251246180
Declare yourself the Lord of Sppaghetti
>>
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>>251246316
>>
>>251246570
Find some italians
>>
>>251246570
scratch your own neckbeard and continue on to the store.
>>
>>251246570
make a crown and cape out of spaghetti
need to make sure everyone knows you are the king of spaghetti
>>
>>251246570
Feel so tired out by all this social contact and walking that you take a nap on the grass.
>>
>>251246570
Take off pants
>>
>>251246570

Decide that you've fucked around enough and lead a one-man charge to the convenience store.
>>
>>251246570
Get a thirst for mountain dew
>>
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>>251246673
>>
>>251246961
Bend over and pick up a rock in case you need to defend yourself.
>>
>>251246961

Mumble some statistics about black crime as you pass him.
>>
>>251246961
Use fried chicken as bait and run as fast as you can
>>
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>>251247029
>>
>>251247269
smash the rock as hard as you can into his bloodshot eyes and run until you cannot run anymore
>>
>>251247269
OH GOD HE WANTS REVENGE FOR TRAY TRAY, LETS GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

run into the woods
>>
>>251247269
Summon its greatest enemy: The White Man
>>
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>>251247369
>>
>>251247491
Shake your ass at it
>>
>>251247491
Quick camoflage self with dirt and pretend to be a nigger
>>
>>251247491
tip your fedora
>>
>>251247491

Realize you were hallucinating your Summon attempt due to your low roll and do what >>251247353 said instead.
>>
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>>251247589
>>
>>251247865
Seduce the nigger with your thunder thighs
>>
>>251247865
Unleash the 'copter.
>>
>>251247865
Cower and piss yourself shouting "Please don't kill meeeee!"
>>
>>251247865
AH SHIT, RUN AWAY AT THE SPEED OF SANIC
>>
>>251247865
bash him with the rock and shout:
CAN'T FLIM-FLAM THE ZIM-ZAM
and run
>>
>>251247865

Haul ass to the store and hope he doesn't follow you.
>>
>>251247865
tell him it's because you are the spaghetti king
>>
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>>251247939
>>
>>251248087
Fly away like a majestic phoenix
>>
>>251248087
bash him with the rock and shout:
CAN'T FLIM-FLAM THE ZIM-ZAM
and run to the store
>>
>>251248087
Make a post on /pol/ about your triumph.
>>
>>251248087
Go on /v/ and rant about how a nigger tried to rape you, because /v/ is the place for that
>>
>>251248087
continue to the store like nothing happened
>>
>>251248087
*Attempt* to throw the rock at him with your fat sweaty sausage finger hands
>>
>>251248087
Continue you to shop in hopes you can find something that could you seduce him. I need a dick in our sissy ass
>>
>>251228360
>Gilead

Man I swear every thread I go into has a Dark Tower reference its bizarre
>>
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>>251248209
>>
>>251248349
RUN BITCH, RUUUUN!
>>
>>251248308
give me other examples
>>
>>251248349
Continue to the store like nothing happened
>>
>>251248349
Sprout wings and soar
>>
>>251248349
Find white wominz
His nigga instincts will come flowing in
>>
>>251248349
Go to /fit/ and ask how to defeat niggers in combat while trying to remember your CQC training
>>
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>>251248439
>>
>>251248543
Unleash your inner Hulk
>>
>>251248543
Reach for the gun in his pocket

captcha: 187
>>
>>251248543

Roll for class talent "Running the Fuck Away".
>>
>>251248543
Pull down your pants an offer your ass to him, but accidentally have explosive anxiety caused liquid shit coming out of your ass like a fire hose.
>>
>>251248543
Beg forgiveness and ask him not to make him your prison bitch
>>
>>251248543
wait 8 years
>>
>>251248543
Cry for forgiveness and tell him all about your autism so he forgives you
>>
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>>251248629
>>
>>251248725
tell him you know where to get some drugs
>>
I appreciate these threads op, they make me chuckle
>>
>>251248725
Beg forgiveness and offer our boypussy in return
>>
>>251248725
Apologize to your ass
>>
>>251248725
Cry.
>>
>>251248725
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ermp8SQYsjo
>>
>>251248725
Tip your fedora, then proceed to lecture him on the mis use of violence, in the middle of your lecture shit yourself uncontrollably.
>>
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>>251248848
>>
>>251249074
Cry
>>
>>251249074
Quietly at first, but increasing in volume, begin slapping your cheeks and yelling nonsense while rolling up your eyes for effect
>>
>>251249074
A jewish man comes up to ask us if we're okay
>>
>>251249074
Realize that your mother has actually been dead for three years and cry
>>
>>251249074
Follow the nigger with newfound respect and kinsmanship.
>>
>>251249074
W-wait! you are meant to rape me!
>>
>>251249074
Run up to him, and whisper you're not going anywhere you double nigger. Then proceed to stroke his back.
>>
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>>251249127
>>
>>251249074
cry like an injured whale

here's an example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OFzMfZ2Z88
>>
>>251249074
Call the police and follow the nigger saying he raped you over and over
>>
>>25124907
Run up to the nigger and touch hands, refusing any protest from him as you attempt to make an ally out of him.
>>
>>251249289
Follow him and try to take his shirt.
>>
>>251249289
Crawl home
>>
>>251249289

It's time to go to the store.
>>
>>251249289
>>251249263
>>251249263
>>
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No matter how old I get retarded text adventures always make me lose it. Thanks OP.
>>
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>>251249348
>>
>>251249590
Roll to the store.
>>
>>251249590
Crawl to store
>>
>>251249590
Go Home.
>>
>>251249590
Attempt to steal a car
>>
>>251249590
Carry on, however you feel the unstoppable march of your shit through your bowels, needless to say you take off your fedora and let rip into it.
>>
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>>251249719
>>
>>251249907
Run into a jewish man
>>
>>251249907
Hop to the store like some sort of retarded rabbit
>>
>>251249907
crawl toward the store
>>
>>251249907
Become extremely hungry and eat grass
>>
>>251249907
Sprint to the store in spite of egregious amounts of pain.
>>
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>>251250000
THE QUADS COMMAND IT
>>
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>>251250000
QUADS WILL IT
>>
>>251250321
Shove your butt up his nose
>>
>>251250321
Yell "HITLER DID NOTHING WRONG!"
>>
>>251250321
Make the jew join your party
>>
>>251250321
protect your shekels
>>
>>251250321
offer to suck his dick in exchange for doritos
>>
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>>251250429
>>
>>251250626
DON'T TAKE MY SHEKELS YOU FILTHY JEW! HITLER DID NOTHING WRONG!
>>
>>251250626
Don't let the scrubby Jew take your valuable minute!
>>
>>251250626
RUN AWAY
>>
>>251250626

Listen in to what he has to say.
>>
>>251250626

>>251250536
>>
>>251250626
Run in fear that the jew will 9/11 you in an event faked under a guise as a false holocaust.
>>
>>251250626
"I don't know, do you have a GAS CHAMBER?"
>>
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This is satire at its finest.

Makes me glad I helicopter dicked us to death in the first adventure
>>
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>>251250747
>>
>>251250974
Point at Hitler's general direction
>>
>>251250974
"WHY? SO YOU CAN TAKE MY SHEKELS? DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Helicopter dick away
>>
>>251250974
Successfully throw doritoes at him to banish him from this current realms like the proper pre-magical catalyst for banishment rites they are.
>>
>>251250974
Point him toward Aushwitz
>>
>>251250974
W-w-why do you ask, does someone want to s-s-sue the guy?
>>
>>251250974
Eat him to assimilate his jew powers and to get extra dosh for some mountain dew with your dorites.
>>
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>>251251057
>>
>>251251287
We must stop the jew from reaching our house! The doritos can wait! We must kill him!
>>
>>251251287
Agitate his ashtma.
>>
>>251251287
Steal his wallet so we can figure out who he is and what his business at our house is
>>
>>251251287
Assure self that Hitler will protect it
>>
>>251251287
Attempt to seduce the Jew

Show him your asshole
>>
>>251251287
Successfully become the Jew and accompany the pudgy man-child you previously saw before you on his quest to obtain doritoes
>>
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>>251251398
>>
>>251251625
Shit on it
>>
>>251251625
LOOK IN THE BRIEFCASE
>>
>>251251625
Obtain your new weapon.
>>
>>251251625
Run off with the briefcase. Maybe there are doritos in there
>>
>>251251625

Steal the suitcase in hopes of acquiring shekels and high-tail it to the store.
>>
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>>251251748
>>
>>251251953
Attempt to open the briefcase
>>
>>251251953
Cower in fear of bbeing 9/11d and accumulate more shit for future usage within your young, nubile, heroic man-child trousers
>>
>>251251953

Crack open that suitcase like it was a nice, refreshing can of Mountain Dew, available now for just $4.99 for a 12-pack!
>>
>>251252040
Can we not get ourselves killed again with such reckless action?
>>
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>>251252069
>>
>>251252336
Quickly limp to the store.
>>
>>251252336
Make a new thread and roll a d10
>>
>>251252336
Think about the teenage girl from earlier
>>
>>251252336
Look inside the briefcase
>>
>>251252336
Waste a turn assessing how many more turns you have remaining before dorito withdrawal.
>>
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>>251252419
>>
>>251252630
>>251252435
>>
>>251252630
Conserve energy and Roll to the store using your enormous girth as a sort of wheel.
>>
>>251252630
Zip zop boobity bop like a mango in a peach tree
>>
eat my neckbeard for energy
>>
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>>251252697
>>
>>251253006
Open it!
>>
Eat it and jack off into a nearby garbage can
>>
>>251253006
shit in it
>>
>>251253006
Close the briefcase immediately, after dropping the envelop on the ground and stomping on it and make haste towards the store.
>>
>>251253006
Lick it
>>
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>>251253083
>>
>>251253269
Open the envelope
>>
>>251253269
Fucking open the envelope
>>
>>251253269

Open the damn envelope
>>
Give it back to the jew with the shit in it. The smell will kill him.
>>
>>251253269
>>251253152
>>
>>251253269
Open it mang
>>
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>>251253359
>>
>>251253707
Go to the costume store and put on a jew disguise
>>
>>251253707
Arrive at the store.
>>
>>251253707

Get to the store and acquire Doritos. You can't fight the Juden on an empty stomach.
>>
>>251253707
Shove it up ya bum
>>
>>251253707
THE ILLERMINUTY IS AFTER US. Oh god why did we have to learn the truth on /x/.
>>
>>251253707

Look up pictures of your waifu to calm yourself down.
>>
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>>251253837
>>
>>251254062
Burst into treats
>>
>>251254062

Ask where the Dewritos aisle is located.
>>
>>251254062
>>251254093
seconding this. And I mean literally what it says, burst into treats
>>
>>251254062

Tell /v/ about your first time going outside in almost 5 months
>>
>>251254062
Look for the familiar image of the Doritos pope, most likelely a poster or cardboard cut out to guide you to the objective.
>>
>>251254093
welp
>>
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>>251254390
>>
>>251254479
Huzzah!
>>
>>251254479
Now reform as Candy Man.
>>
>>251254479
lmao
>>
>>251254479

Fucking hell, man....Redo
>>
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>>251254479
>>
>>251254479
Why do shitposters ruin everything?
>>
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>>251254479
Just before we actually get anything done we die.

I love it.
>>
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>>
>>251254479

>No helicopter dick battle

You can't just walk away from that.
>>
>>251254735
What is this casual shit. Die again.
>>
>>251254735
Shitpost on /v/
>>
>>251254735
kill yourself
>>
>>251254735
pray to lord gaben for guidance
>>
>>251254735
Combust.
>>
>>251254735
>>251254229
>>
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>>251254786
>>
>>251255102
Great success
>>
>>251255102
GG no re. Thank you OP.
>>
>>251255102

god fucking damn it /v/
>>
I hate all of you.
>>
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>>251255102
>>
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>>
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>>251255102

Way to go /v/
>>
alright. night all.
ill add this to the archvie soon.
my twitter is here:
https://twitter.com/ZBKCxskpyw

laters
>>
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>>251255348
Yep, that was good.
>>
>>251255348
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzDOpvukhNo
>>
>>251255513
later faget
>>
>>251255348
>>251255513
Goodnight. I hope the next adventure actually has a good end for once.
>>
>>251255986
You know it won't
>>
>>251256143
;_;
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq1kfSC4OLg
Thread posts: 418
Thread images: 89


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