>heist flick >"the problem isn't getting in...

>There's no computer alive that I can't hack into!

>>86686939
name 7 Indonesian Moving Images that has this

>>86687024
Ocean's Eleven through seventeen

IT'S JUST A HARD DRIVE WITH GAMES ON IT

>>86686939
> lists reason its impossible
> well how are we going to get in?
> smug look washes over face

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>pacific non-violent character who hates guns has to kill someone in self-defense/to save someone
>is visibly shaken by the shooting, another character asks what's troubling him so much
>"I'm not worried because I feel guilty... I'm worried because I enjoyed it"

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>you have three minutes to-
>aaand done

>>86686980
>computer
>alive

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>Are you in, or are you in?

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>>86687555

>>86686939
>heist flick
>the heist is portrayed as justified

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>I know a guy

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>>86687555

>I told you, I'm out of the game
>Okay. Just one last job

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>cuts a perfect circular hole in the glass

> i'm out
> in 5 min later

>>86687696
>I told you, I'm out of the game
>Okay. Just one last job
>*dies*

>>86686939
>your other left!

>enters from glass roof
>falls down while hanging in rope
>stops just a hair before touching the laser

>explosives expert is just a redneck american guy obsessed with bombs and guns

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>guard patrolling
>hears noise
>"huh what was that?"
>"I must be imagining things"

>>86687748
>I told you, I'm out of the game
>Okay. Just one last job
then the near end of the movie:
>character shoots other character
>"You're out of the game now"

>>86687371
b e s t

>every vault has a weakness right?
>not this one

>>86687859
>guard patrolling
>follows up every tiny noise he hears in the huge ass building

>>86686939
>and your other gun

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>characters crowded round blueprint
>"we enter here"
>smacks finger down on blueprint

<bad guy and good guys guns out of ammo
<last showdown with fists

>This car is leaving in 5 minutes, with... or without you.

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>character is suspended by rope
>touch sensitive floor
>bead of sweat falls off characters brow

>we're going to need some explosives
>"I know just the guy"
>who?
>"One-arm Joe"
>why that name?
>"he was born with only one arm"

>how do you know so much about the security setup?
>I designed it

>>86687738
>who missed me?

>>86687917
>>every vault has a weakness right?
>>not this one
>how do you know
>...I designed it

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>red laser beams

>>86688056
>youre other design too
>this is the other design

>>86687890
>I told you, I'm out of the game
>Okay. Just one last job
>*betrays protagonist*
>I was in the game all along just to catch you

>>86688056
>>86688101
kek

>>86687966
>and your crotch gun

>characters crawling through air duct
>guard walks below
>characters freeze waiting for the guard to leave
>one character almost sneezing due to dust

>villain approaches imprisoned hero
>"we're not so different, you and I"
>other villain kills first villain and approaches still imprisoned hero
>"we're not so different, you and I"

>>86687994
>"You're out of ammo"
>"So are you"
>kung fu fight

>>86688175
>and your armpit gun

>>86688203
>and the other villain
>this is the other villain

>I need 4 hours
>you have 2

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>I like you, kid. What's your name?

>>86688284
>finishes with 1 second left

>>86687890
>>86688133
>shot character left behind
>other character(s) heads to the HQ to grace the money
>shot character shows up
>"you remember that [object given earlier in the movie]? Let's just say it saved my life"
>pulls up gun and shoots the other character(s) and takes all the money for him
self

>>86688000
>protagonist suspended from ceiling
>security guard wandering hallway below
>bead of sweat falls from brow
>security guard notices tiny droplet of water
>looks up
>protagonist is gone

>>86687378
ah-bloo-bloo

>character points handgun at somebody in a gentle motion without cocking it

>foley sounds like a bag of random gun parts being jumbled around or a robot doing a backflip

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>>86688106
>blue or green laser beams

>>86687555
Watch Xavier Renegade Angel

>alarm goes off
>blast doors suddenly drop down
>platoon of fully armed guards march out of door in seconds

>>86688226
>and the shotgun in your pants leg

>>86687981
>real heist is shown while the leader is explaining the individual steps to his crew

>>86688444
>and your other digits

>>86688464
ughhhhhh

>Nooo no no, I just got out the slammer, I ain't doing another job again.

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>>86688464
Topkek

>>86688444
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTrXpDK_EYE

ok

>>86688444
>and the ak47 in your shoe

>Don't worry, I got a guy on the inside.

>>86688293
>I'm [famous historical figure who has been using a nickname throughout the whole historical film]

>according to this map the safe will be to the third door to the left
>*characters enters*
>noow, according to this schematic we'll--
>"uhm..."
>what?
>"this is the laundry room"
>

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>character displays skill or finishes impressive feat
>"Huh...not bad...you remind me of myself back in the day."

>light glints off sword blade
>causes the metal to vibrate in a high-pitched keening noise

>if you kill the villain you'll just be like him!
>*shoots villain*
>"we're... not so different... you and I..."

>>86687378
Lawrence of Arabia was fine, anon.

>we're going to need someone who've got great handling with guns and isn't afraid to kill some guards
>"I know just the person"
>what's his name?
>HER name is *

>cut the green wire!
>the green wire? but they're all green!

>>86686939
>heist film
>I'm Dunheir
What kind of name is that?

>>86688720
>the greenest one of them!

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>team abseils down side of building
>team abseils down lift shaft

>what?! there's guards there. this wasn't in our plan!
>looks like we'll have to improvise

>character assumes refined, masculine looking man is the boss and the small, pretty woman beside him is his maid
>to his surprise, it was the other way around

>Characters rendezvous at the elevator
>"Need a lift?"

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>we got company

>there's no way we'll be able to open that door!
>that's right.. WE won't

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>>86687951
>guard discovers the source of noise
>turns out it was a tiny mouse

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Anyone else see this turd?

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>They will be coming through that door exactly... NOW!

>computers expert
>need
>he's black

Terminator 2, die hard, The Matrix, Fast and Furious....

>Looks like it's time for plan B.
>What's plan B?
>RUN!

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>Protagonist is forced into doing a heist
>"OK I'll do it on one condition. I get to assemble my own team"

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>>86688972
I'm sick and tired of this one

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>>86688992
>computer expert
>types away furiously at keyboard for some reason
>makes mechanical keyboard noises

>wanted man hides from pursuing cops by snatching someone's hat of his hat and wearing it
>the hat's original owner doesn't notice

>team member has to escape/infiltrate through a sewer
>"I wasn't paid enough for this"

>>86688464
>this perfect heist doesn't actually happen and something messy that's gets themselves caught actually happens

>>86689061
>uses keyboard shortcuts for everything
>no need for a mouse

>>86688944
>as soon as he turns around he sees the protagonist standing right behind him
>protagonist pulls pshh nothing personel as the guard tries to scream

>unexpected outcome for heist
>flashback revealing how it was actually done

>>86688992
>computers expert
>Sneed

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>"Huh? This corridor wasn't on the map"

>everything goes according to plan
>safe vault is opened
>"Where's the money?!?"
>this never was about the money
>

>>86688972
>click detonator, nothing happens
>smack it a few times, nothing happens
>turn around go fix it
>BOOM!

>>86689169
>and your other corridor

>>86689186
>vault is filled with cash, gold bars etc
>alright let's get to work
>no time, we're only here for one thing
>it's some type of chip or usb drive

>characters carries the last pouch of money out of the vault
>"there's one more in there"
>character enters and the other characters slams the door shut behind him
>"we figured that with you out of the equation there would be more for us!"

>>86689186
>everything goes according to plan
>safe vault is opened
>"Where's the money?!?"
>this never was about the money
>knowledge was their treasure

>>86689265
>"we came her only for a stupid chip/usb drive?!?"
>with this we will get a lot richer than we could with the money here

>>86689265
>cool War Machine Armor hangs on rack
>maybe next time

>>86687688
RENAM THIS

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>"so how do we get out of here?"
>"this is where things start getting cagey"

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>>86689430
Sure.

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>>86686980
>something technical that takes times is happening on the screen
>"Sir, it'll be done in 20 hours!"
>"Make it 10!"

>>86689529
>"so how do we get out of here?"
>you remember the sewer hatch I mentioned earlier?
>"y-yeah...?"
>there's a cave just next to it behind a brick wall that leads to the outskirts of town

>smart character describes something with scientific terms
>"English please!"
>It wasn't even complicated in the first place

>character explains the plan just as they're doing it on-screen

>>86688968
Morgan's bretty great is it that bad?

>where's the guns? aren't we getting guns?
>"no, it'll only weigh us down"
>what if--
>"we'll just have to improvise!"

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>Characters are about to execute a heist
>"so, what's the plan here?
>"that's for me to know and you to find out"

>>86687378
It's pacifist, inbred.

>suddenly cut to scene of brick wall detonating

>character about to walk into hallway
>other character violently push him back so that he falls to the floor
>"What was that for ?!"
>other character doesn't answer and lights up a cigarette and exhales into the hallway
>lasers appear

>>This way.
>Wait, how do you know it's this way?
>>I can smell her perfume.

>heist movie
>characters attempts to enter mansion through its many underlaying passages
>"now, through this door I believe the safe is located"
>they enter the dark room and turns on the flashlight
>dead people in cages around the room obviously being tortured to death
>"well well well, it seems I've gotten some new toys"
>the character turns around just before being shot with a tranquillizer gun
is there any movies that goes like this?

>>86689831
It's the lovechild of Speed and Ocean's 11's retarded cousin.

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>Protagonist is captured by Antagonist
>Antagonist goes into a lengthy exposition giving the protagonist time to escape or be rescued

Alright /tv/, what's the top 5 in heist kino?

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>well that was... disturbing

>>86690374
The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974 one)

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>white haired chick on the screen
>"MUH BEND THE KNEEE BEND THE KNEE BEEEEEEND. THEEEEE. NEEEEEEEEEE."

everytime

>character goes into a lengthy plan on how to get into the mansion
>"couldn't we just enter the back door?"
>they do

>you've lost him!

>It's OK. I know where he's going.

>>86687994
>one guy runs out of ammo
>other guy drops his weapon so the fight is fair

>>86689898
What if the character was polynesian, retard?

>>86688968
>see Deniro and H-
>open reply box and begin obligatory pleb-post
>waitaminute

I don't even have the heart to look that movie up. I don't want Deniros legacy tainted in my mind any further.

>>86688284
>>I need 2 hours
>>you have 10

>>86688101
Name one fucking film

>>86687994
>good goy has a gun, walks up to the villain who has a steel pipe
>drops his gun and picks another steel pipe

>>86692383
hate this

>>86692383
>MC and villain are fighting with different weapons
>During the heat of the battle they drop their weapons beside each other
>They exchange weapons before resuming the battle

>>86689077
>snatching someone's hat of his hat

>>86691114
>o..oh. thanks man

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>protagonist slides under a closing vertical door
>drops his hat on the other side
>tries to do the Indiana Jones and gets his hand stuck

>our face recognition / enhancing software is not sophisticated enough
>no worries i can use my algorithm
>*types for 5 seconds*
>done
>turns grainy photograph of a reflection on a dirty car taken with a 1999 digital camera with lens covered in greasy fingermarks into perfectly clear picture with the ability to zoom in endlessly to find the culprit

>>86693263
>slides under a closing vertical door

>>86693263
Name one (3) flick where this happens

>>86693444
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhF_56SxrGk
admirable numerals btw

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>cop walking down the hallway in a police station
>he bumps into a stranger
>"Hey! Watch where you're going, pal!"
>No YOU watch where YOU'RE going, buddy!"
>the two get into a loud argument
>police chief walks by
>"I see you two have already met"
>"Who is this guy, chief?"
>"He's your new partner."

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>>86694042
>cop's last partner was killed by a bad guy
>he only worked alone after that
>chief forces him to get along with the new partner
>almost loses his partner again to the same bad guy

>>86688968
> Dave and Bautista

Who's Dave

>after we finish this, what are you going to do with the money?
>I'm gonna retire, spend some time with my kids, be a family man for a change
>*dies before they can escape*

>>86694299
That's really clever dude haha

>>86686939
>Saul: I have a question: Say we get into the cage, and through the security doors there and down the elevator we can't move, and past the guards with the guns, and into the vault we can't open...
>Rusty: Without being seen by the cameras.
Danny: Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention that.
Saul: Yeah well, say we do all that... uh... we're just supposed to walk out of there with a hundred and fifty million dollars in cash on us, without getting stopped?
>[everyone looks at Danny]
>Danny: Yeah.
>Saul: Oh. Okay.
happy pepe jpg

>"you have to be kidding me, this plan is crazy!"
>crazy enough it just might work

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>>86687371
> smug look washes over face

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>>86689531

>>86691114
I laughed, you got me there Anon.

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>>86689077
>>86692702

>>86687686
>cut to guy

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>So can you get us into the place or not?
>heh you're kidding right? Of course I can
>*cut to the scene where they encounter some sort of a problem and cant get in*
>Guys uhhhh we might have a problem
>You told us he was the guy!

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>>86696472
>"But what if he says "no"?"
>"Don't worry, we've knows each other for years, I'm sure he'll-"
>*cut to the guy*
>"No."

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>heist movie
>safe is getting emptied by the crew
>bankowner/CEO/Casino chef looks at the CCTV screens and everything looks quiet
>suddenly something loops obviously on the screen
>they hit alarm and security rushes to the saferoom

>>86697579
>my advice to you: run and hide

>safe expert fails for 40th time on practice replica safe
>"It can't be done boss and we're out of time"
>"It can, and we'll do it live"
>".... Shit, fuck me"

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>>86697752
>"I need 4 hours to open the safe Boss!"
>"you only got 30 minutes"
>"fuck I do it in 2"

None of these have ever happened in any film or tv show.

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>>86697829
>it's locked
>just how long will it take to guess the passcode?!
>by my calculations it will take 160 hours to try all possible combinations
>we've got five minutes!
>gets correct combination just before guards arrive

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>"Meet the team, Johnny, Flonzo, Garner, Strix and.."
>A black guy comes to shake hands "Call me T-Dog, I handle the explosives."

>"there isn't a man alive who can break into that"
>"yeah, no man can...."
>cuts to a woman

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>>86697579
>casino chef

>>86696004
>Really? *THIS* guy?

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>>86687767
...and your other left.

>>86688713
>XIR name is*

>>86688720
>Is it too late to tell you i'm color blind?

>>86689167
I don't get it

>main character walking down street
>Guy comes over to him with an anvil
>Asks ”would you like this anvil?"
>Main character says ”ive got too many as it is!"
>Guy sobs and says "when will I be rid of this anvil!?"

Every fucking movie.

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>>86690134
>and your other scent

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>>86699065
>it starts raining popcorn
>distant tuba noises can be heard

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>>86699065

>man bleeding out of his asshole sitting at a bus stop
>woman bleeding out of her nose looks at him
>"just another one of those days, huh"

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>bomb defuse squad finally reaches the nuke/bomb/improvised explosive
>"I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS TYPE OF FUZE BEFORE SARGE!"
>times is running normally but speeds up when he cuts a wire

>>86699065
The anvil hoarder (1930) is a certifies kino.

>>86699195
>Maverick cop gets partnered with a large gust of wind

>The comic relief makes a scene at the heist site to bid the crew enough time to pull it off.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTf7DDb6KL0
why is this show so good bros

>>86686939
>why'd you have to kill him?
>it was either him or me
>i ain't going back to the pen

>/tv/ thread
>"the problem isn't Sneed's Feed and Seed formely Chuck's......but Chuck's"

>>86686939
>sorry kid, I ain't going back to prison
>*wildly fires into a crowd of police*

>>86686939
>chase scene in city
>characters drive through Chinatown
>"I knew we should've taken exit 3!"

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>thieves cutting into safe/vault with a burning rig
>the money inside isn't burnt up

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>ywn write and direct a movie with all these clichés

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>hacker presses random keys on the computer
>"okay, i'm in"

>>86686939
I never have anything to contribute to these threads because I almost never watch shit movies

>>86703548
>there will never be a movie where every single line of dialogue is a cliche

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>>86686980
>hacker movie
>two people start using a single keyboard at once

>protag unplugs giant power cable on AI supercomputer
>proceeds to put penis in the hole

>>86703548
It hurts.

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>>86703619
I never have anything to contribute to these threads because I almost never watch movies. But I don't let that stop me!

>>86689135
>no need for a mouse
using a mouse is so not schway

We should write a script composed entirely of these posts.

>>86708588
Why not? /lit/ wrote a novel. We can do it.

>>86687371
>smash cut to the team around a table looking at blueprints and schematics

>We're so different you and i
>kill him or you'll be just like him

>woman catches her son masturbating
>"Let Mommy show you how to do that honey..."

>>86687851
Danny McBride's take on the archetype in Tropic Thunder was great

>>86687998
>U2 starts playing

>>86688996
Josefu!

>>86689332
>character dies of starvation

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>final boss is a helicopter

>>86703246
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdZqKVcI9m8

>>86703548
>ywn write and direct a movie with all of these clichés subverted to humorous effect

>>86691156
the italian job?