ITT: Autistic things you do

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>stay up at night listening to music imagining stories where I am some badass character

>air guitar the solo

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>take a banana and run around the home pretending to be a cowboy
>the banana is my six-shooter, until I get hungry and eat it
I even made a character name for myself. "Banana Bill"
I'm ashamed of it, yet I can't stop

>>39659942
every time I find myself in front of a morally difficult choice, a devious temptation or I'm about to do something I shouldn't do I figure a paladin/crusader in my head, being tempted by ancient evils.
>if I'm alone, I Larp it.

Ex:
>disgusting degenerate porn pops up.
>"v-vile temptation, darkness will not taint my heart! Thy evil will be purged by my resolve!"
>I still want to fap
>"your maddening arcana is strong, but the light will protect me from your powers, give me the strength holy light!"

It usually prevents me from doing something I know I shouldn't do.

That's not autistic, OP.
Oregon

>>39659942
I pretty much do the same thing. Sometimes I make up music videos of songs I'm listening to in which I'm the artist.

>>39660129
>if I'm alone, I Larp it.
that actually sounds like a fun way to stop doing things you shouldn't

>>39660592
Well, you feel kinda dumb and autistic. I've spent countless hours arguing and fighting invisible demons spawned by trap threads and /d/ related things.
But hey, Put your fate in the light, anon.

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>hey anon, how are you?
>good
>...

i kick myself for this every fucking time

>>39660729
are you supposed to say something else?

Pace around the room and talk to myself

>>39660840
this is normal, since i do this aswell

>can't wear anything too soft
>the sound of nylon clothing hurts my teeth and makes me want to cry

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>>39659942
oh god i thought i was the only one

>>39660763
You're supposed to ask the other person how they're doing or it's just a conversation killer

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>>39659942
>imagine seeing my oneitis in a public place
>practice what to say in the shower
>see her in public
>she sees me
>look away and say nothing

Whenever I see a funny 4chan post I pretend I am saying it outloud to my class and everyone laughs.

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>>39659973
>imagine an album im listening to is released by me and im in an interview talking about the deep meaning of it and refusing to take the compliment when the interviewer goes "people have been calling it the OK Computer of the 2010's..."
>get triggered by some news article i disagree with, imagine myself debating the columnist and winning the argument on live TV
>hug my pillow pretending it's a gf

>make engine revving noises
>start shifting when i go faster

>shit post on computer
>go lay in bed and shit post on phone
>alternate

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>>39660959
Damn anon. I know that feel. I think the problem is that I usually imagine seeing her in the more likely places for us to meet but when we just run into eachother at a completely unexcpected time that isnt forecast by either of our schedules I either say nothing or do say hi but inevitably end up sperging out because I'm unprepared.

>>39659942
>open doors the wrong way, if the handle protrudes out I pull up instead of down etc.

I mean it works either way.. usually. but people still point it out

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>female male duetto
>pretend it's me singing with my waifu

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxodZ5ODzMw

>>39660129
Nah son. What you are doing is showing strength of character. Athletes does shit like this all the time. They see the optimal performer in their mind, and then try to be like that person. Do this more often in more situations, and you might go places even a paladin would be proud of.

>>39661030
You actually just described my autistic thought process, thank god I'm not alone

>>39660098
You might be ashamed, but you're the only one keeping those outlaws outta this town, Banana Bill.

>>39659942
>be constantly afraid of people and of failure
>feel out of place everywhere I go and like everyone around me is better than me
>feel less than human

>>39659942
Rub myself and pretend it's my waifu lovingly caressing me to warm my cold, dead heart

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>>39660098
Anon, you take first prize. Quite some original autisting there

>>39659942
>>39660729
>>39660840
All of this.

>>39659973
Been doing this all my life, but some years ago I turned my self-insert into a separate character and treat him as such because I decided I was too much of a faggot to main my imaginary series.
He got to bang the cute blonde, grew a beard and had a cute stoic daughter that inherited his powers in the after story spin-off. Feel good for the guy.

And to contribute to the thread:
>bantering and pranking with my little brother
>i'm 23
>he's 10
>i've lost multiple times

>>39659942
>bite my doggo's ears until he yelps
>tell him that didn't hurt

>>39663258
Anon what the hell man

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>>39662565
Based BB, going where angels fear to tread

>>39661170
Holy shit are you the original me?

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>>39663288
I know and I can't stop.

Ya know that retarded disney movie Snowdogs? There's one innocuous line about asserting dominance to a dog by biting its ear.

It's complete horse shit and it started me down a path of animal abuse on an undeserving dog but I can't turn back now.

I'm addicted to the little offended groans he makes afterwards.

Also stepping on his tail while barefoot until he protests is amazing.

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>>39659942
>Design elaborate campaigns in an expired version of DnD and imagine my cousin and his friends having a great time under my wizardly DM skills that it will almost be like I had friends
>I am 28 and unemployed and haven't seen family for a year

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>>39663321
>>39662565
I even fan it like they do in those cowboy movies when I pretend there is multiple bandits that I need to take down.
I make ricochet sounds and those gun firing sounds in Clint Eastwood cowboy movies like video related.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ucBVz_IFGk&ab_channel=Movieclips
I have a lot of fun with it though.
>>39663220
t-thanks

Give your hands a hard clap, go on, it'll feel good, just the one hard clap.

Feels good doesn't it, this is your new 'thing'

>pretend I am banana bill going around and saving people
he has been my hero ever since I saw him

>>39660914
No stop this isn't true

>play nfl films music
>pick up a football and motion it like im throwing in a highlight reel
im 20 years old

>>39659942
hyperventilate from anxiety
cry
wish I was dead
think about how unlikable a person I am

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>>39661030
>>39662547
Holy shit, I do the exact same thing.

I'll basically imagine being apart of a band and going through it like one of those behind the music documentaries, where I'm talking about our latest albums, connecting with fans and going on tour.

The fuck is wrong with us?

>breach and clear my house
>have roomates so I have to make sure they aren't around
>make up stories around whatever song I'm listening to then LARP it
>quietly for the same reason
>everynight hug my pillow pretending its a girl who loves me
>when i work out i pretend i'm working out with others in some fictional context i.e. WWII, whatever vidya I'm playing
>read fanfiction

Pretend there is a sniper and walk in directions to use cover of the surrounding area, sometimes dive and roll when people aren't around, have been seen a few times, bit embarrassing

Play sad songs and lie still and pretend it's my funeral and imagine people being sad

I post about my fiancee on /r9k/

An ode to banana bill, the hero protecting us, bashing bandits with his banana bullets.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLXQltR7vUQ&ab_channel=Constant-Content

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>>39663648
>I post about my fiancee on /r9k/
>fiancee
leave, please.

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>imagine a scenario where I get the ability to warp reality to my will
>do this so often, and get so deep in the daydream it almost feels real

>>39663724
Me too.

Most of the times it goes like this:
>heard/watch the news
>random crime happening
>start imagining how would I stop it with my super powers, hunt down criminals and take over the country and make it great

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>play a lot of videogames
>decide to get off my ass and do something involving social interaction
>interact with other people
>say something that bothers them
>they get frustrated
>I instantly look for a quick load option
>realize that this is real life and I can't save and reload previous saves
anyone else?

>>39659942

>repeat phrases and certain words a lot
>when walking around my house sometimes have fake arguments and laugh to myself

>raise my hands in front of my with palms turned up and fingers hooked to pretend I am a necromancer who is raising the dead
>pretend I am a plant monster whose rooted fingers burrow through the skull of my enemies
>when I'm peeing I pretend that it's a huge cumshot that I'm unloading onto a girls face

>>39660854
>>39660840
i do this too. i'm not sure that it's normal though, i think it's just because i don't have anyone to verbally share my thoughts with.

>I have long, drawn out conversations with myself about everything, from politics, to things in my life.
>I've made whole fantasy worlds in my mind
>like complicated ass things
>I wanna write it down so badly, but when I start typing, my brain moves too quickly, and I get frustrated at how bad and shit my stories look when actually written down

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>>39659942
Fuck I do this

but I take a step further and watch live michael jackson concerts and pretend I can dance as good as him

>>39663819
>raise my hands in front of my with palms turned up and fingers hooked to pretend I am a necromancer who is raising the dead
I do this too.

>>39663817
o fuck i do both too
i do the first one a fuckton for some reason though

>>39663817
>>39663916
this is getting too real
i cant even focus sometimes without speaking out loud

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>>39659942
>Pretend I'm playing the song I'm listening to flawlessly in front of a large audience

I did this all the time in high school, and fantasize about her falling for me afterwards

thanks for the nostalgia OP

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>close my eyes real hard
>hope that when I open them again, I won't still be here
It never works.

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>>39660098
>Banana Bill
Supremely autistic, but I like it.

>>39663495
I'll be honest Banana Bill, I love this. I might use it as a source of inspiration for my game dev projects

>>39663354
Even if you stop, looking back on those memories makes you feel like utter shit. My dog forgave me, but I didn't.

>>39663530
i do this often when i'm just walking around at work feels good

>>39660098
>Banana Bill
Oh god

>pretend I'm in a music video while I'm in the shower and my music is playing
>pretend I'm a poor folk in the Midieval times when I make stew and bread
>turn my mic off in team games because I sound like an autistic faggot

>pretend I'm a poor folk in the Midieval times when I make stew and bread

I do this too. Also, when I'm eating chicken on the bone, I like to pretend that I was served food as a prisoner and have to get as much food off as possible to avoid starving.

>>39661027
Thus spoke the loneliest man.

I hated cleaning my cum so as soon as im about to cum after jerking it I pinch my foreskin and waddle to the toilet and then release my foreskin and drain the cum into the toilet.

I also listen to songs about being in a relationship and pretend its about me and my waifu. KHV NEET.

>>39664224
Holy shit me too, we're pretty much Larping at this point.
>sometimes I pretend I'm a lonely starving traveler
>strong man whose been through a lot takes me in
>his house is comfy
>feeds me and lets me stay the night until I leave in the morning without a sound

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>talk to myself. A lot
>talk to my dog like he is a person
>repeated movements for as long as I can.
>get lost in my mind, kind of like Calvin and Hobbes stuff, except anxiety and depression instead of spaceman Spiff.
>constantly talk about my obsessions
>constantly hypersensitive to others opinions
>compulsively pick at scabs.
>pick nails
>pick nose
>eat it
>want recognition for things I can do well.
>can't take compliments, just think they are lying or up to something
>cant take criticism.
>never clean, room smells like dirt because of moldy food.
>never shower
>never brush teeth (3 months since last brush)
>procrastinate, literal days before anything gets done.

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>>39664266

What a time to be alive. At least its comforting to know that I'm not alone in my weirdness.

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>put on The Smiths
>stand naked in front of mirror
>use my cock to play air guitar
>waaah waaaaah, I am the son and the heir, of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
>dance around

>imagine myself as really qt girl while doing chores and stuff
>imagine fit gf coming up and hugging me from behind at the waist
>feelings of loss and emptiness ensue
What a time to be alive

>Pretend that i have a gun and play the scenario i create. I play it imaginin that i am in that place i created. In reality i just run in my room. I usually come up with good stories. I do this when my mom takes my computer. Last time i fought with zombies with 2b's help. I had the guns and the armor which were in the last doom game
>I talk to myself often and laugh out to the conversations i am making with myself when im bored. One time i forgot that i was at the grandma's house and laughed at the toilet. Everyone thought i had an accident in the toilet and rushed to help
>Imagine meeting with my online friend in real life. In my imagination she gives me a kiss on my cheek when she first sees me. Then she invites me to her place which i have a dinner with his bf like in the movie drive. I act that like we are just friends but we all know that she fell in love with me. after some time I return to my country like the driver leaving his city/state

I say my girlfriends name out loud at innapropriate times

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>>39660098
Nigga, that's kawaii af.

>>39659942
Almost everyone does this.

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>have lengthy conversations with myself in my head that I will never have with other people. Usually pretend I'm talking to people I've met or just see around
>dreams that aren't nightmares are everyday life situations, just slightly weirder
>tfw getting difficult to tell dreams from real life. Sometimes a few days, weeks, months later I remember something, but can't remember if it happened, I daydreamed, it was a conversation with myself, or dreamed it at night
>this has been going on for years
>sometimes sit in my closet because my room is too big and I feel too lonely
>comfy and comforting, but after a while I get unnaturally anxious and want to cry

I pretend I have a son and I'm teaching him about all I've learned through life that he will need. I go through several revisions of the material making sure I cover everything. For some reason "mom" is never involved, I don't have a gf even in my imagination.

>>39659942
Yes. I also make playlists and go through them pretending.

>>39659973
I used to do this in high school, then I stopped and I haven't been able to return ever since. By which I mean, I wish I could remember the details of my story but I can't and it sucks.

>>39660840
>>39663817
All of the time.

>i like to kidnap cute girls in my imagination and give them a good time against their will
And by good time I mean cooking for them, watching movies, listening to music together, telling her I don't have any intention of sexually and/or physically abuse her, stuff like that while she's all tied up and gagged because I find that hot af. Maybe a little teasing here and there, but nothing too bad.
I like to imagine they find it surprisingly comfy, relax and even enjoy it/go along with it.

... And then I rape them.

My latest victim was Alexa Bliss.

>>39665111
What are you doing outside of /asp/ with those trips?

>>39663354

please kill yourself, the poor doggo dun did nuffin, people who abuse doggos are literally the scum of the earth

>>look out the passenger window while cruising.
>> Visualize myself on a skateboard or dirt bike dodging and jumping obstacles as they go by as if it's a platforming video game.
>>I hit things, say FUCK or SHIT, or I DON'T KNOW loudly to myself, sometimes in public, while feeling anxiety over past experiences.

I become concerned that someone may have heard or seen my behavior and forget what I was thinking of...

>>39659973
Holy shit Info this.

>>39663790
Mmm no. Get help nigga.

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>>39659942
Wish for a better world for everyone or that I had the capacity to help bring it about.
>tfw you will never be Superman

>>39665542
>be superman
>get beaten by a bat with no powers

<oh hey anon what have you been up to
>oh i've just been, uh...
>start thinking about how much nothing my days are full of
>Socialization.exe has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down
>oh, y-y'know, school and stuff

>sometimes mistakenly think literally anybody cares about what I think or have to say

>miss social cues that the joke I was attempting to make is offensive and keep trying to roll with it

>sometimes suffer acute loss of control over emotions while I internally scream at myself to quit reeeeeeeing

>have a tic where I'll think or say out loud "i'm gonna blow my brains out"
>slowly modify it to the slightly less self-destructive but far more insane-sounding "i'm gonna blow up the moon"
>sometimes catch myself and just say "no"

>have conversations with people who aren't there
>rant about politics to myself

also these aren't really autistic but
>watch my sleep schedule slowly evaporate as I slip ever more deeply into bipolar disorder
>drink and send myself into a manic episode where I very nearly reply to an m4m craigslist ad just because I'm out of booze and weed AND cigarettes and the guy said he had poppers which I think are like amphetamines or something but even if they're not I just wanna get high

>>39665111
I want to kidnap my crush and fap while looking at her naked body and then release her

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>>39659942
>watch That 70's Show all day, I just have it on the TV while I browse 4chan
>start getting attached to the characters because I wanted my teen years to be as cool as theirs
>love the circle scenes because I can pretend I'm hanging out with the guys
>sometimes fantasize about teleporting into the show with my phone and showing them stuff from the future
>once teared up while listening to Out in the Street by Cheap Trick (the show's theme song)

Yep, just me and my friends Eric, Kelso, Hyde and Fez...y-yep.

>>39659973
i thought this was normal

OG comment

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>pretend I'm streaming a game and talking to an audience
>ask myself questions as if I'm a viewer and then answer them
>read out posts on this website as if they were comments in the chat
>comment on shit that happens while playing
God fucking dammit

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>sometimes i try to break into my appartment just to look how easy it is
>i spy on my neighbours to evaluate who is a threath
> i talk to my dog about the defensive plan incase someone attacks my flat

ich will aussteigen

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I frequently daydream about having reality warping powers that let me do literally anything. I imagine that God and Satan killed each other in a war between heaven and hell and their powers went to me. I use the powers to brutally murder the people I hate before I create an army of super soldiers that I use to dominate the world.

I imagine futuristic looking soldiers in armor from Jin-Roh gunning down antifa members during a protest, marching refugees into massive death camps and massacring people I hate in countries I don't like. And when the US says they're going to declare war on my forces I reveal starships over every major US city ready to nuke them unless they stand down, while everyone realizes how little they can do to fight me.

I also imagine 4chan's reaction to these events, like a stickied thread on /pol/ about how all the feminsts and such are being put down.

Hello, ASIO watchlist.

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Don't share my memes with people because they won't "get it."

Hoard a 4,000 picture meme folder.

Refuse to share it with anybody.

I have no idea why I do this guys.

>>39660729
How is this autistic?

>>39666303
Damn, it feels weird knowing someone else does the same stuff I do.

The "We're still rockin' in Wisconsin" bit fucks me up every time.

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>>39666402
we're all alright

we're all alright

we're all alright

>>39666340
The fact he thinks it's autistic is why he's autistic. He is incapable of talking to someone like a normal person

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>close my eyes, lick the back of my hand and try to imagine it's a cute guy's face
>steal my brother's sweaty shirt and pull it over my body pillow so I can sniff it and hug it and pretend I have a boyfriend in bed with me
would get a free pass if I was a girl but I'm not

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>>39666449
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhYxqGMkXxU

The feel is going into my heart like a foot up my ass.

When I make a post I think is funny or amusing I instantly pace around the room in excitement. By the time I'm done I may see I have replies and then I start doing it again.

Im old and now my autist shit is basic boring actions. Basically waking up and sitting in front of bright light screens and escaping reality because being an adult autist is no longer fun. 23 btw.

>>39666497
I can kinda relate to the shirt one

>>39659942
>Take songs from different artists and compile them into a playlist and pretend it's my bands album.
>Visualize myself as a 23 year old virtuoso who writes all the songs and produces the album
>I also perfectly balance the line between mainstream and niche audiences like Bowie

I've been doing this for nine years now.

>>39660840
I do this too, but I also do it in public while holding my phone to my ear pretending im talking to someone so as not to appear psychotic.

>>39659942
*imagine myself in conversation w/ Stefan Molyneux on his call in show, talking about my childhood*

goooddd....i will never call in..but i like to imagine the conversation for some reason...

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>>39662106
Shall the light shine upon you anon.
Thy post lighted up my resolve. And my day started with a blissful smile.
In the darkest of the nights, I shall remember thy post and never yield.
Chad of the thunder member, the athlete, may use the same tricks to improve, but they lack the unbreakable protection of our autism plated armours. Blesses upon you! We shall be victorious!

>randomly stab myself and break things
>scratch myself until I bleed
>male stupid noises for no reason
>put feet on office chair and spin around
>stare at a random object for up to an hour and do nothing
>don't sleep for multiple days
>skip eating for up to 3 days

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>>39667246
I will be by your side brother. Together, for the light brother.

>>39666544
Good night anon. Have a good one.

>>39667613
You too, Anon. See ya.

Is it autistic to wave after you're done fapping just in case you're being spied on the government?

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>>39661030
Are you me anon

Orginial comment i

>>39668123
I say "enjoy the show?"

>>39659973
Isnt this a normie thing?

>>39660129
Why did you stop fapping? What's so bad about fapping as long as it isn't degenerate porn?

>>39666193
share. we won't steal. promise.

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>I use a random number generator for every decision I make.
I have become Harvey Dent

>>39664224
I do this a lot when I eat bread

>>39669236
i sadly, can relate to this

>>39659973
Right in the feels
origimanioli

>>39663246
>bantering and pranking with my little brother
>i'm 23
>he's 10
>i've lost multiple times
Have you ever considered suicide

>>39664247
>I hated cleaning my cum so as soon as im about to cum after jerking it I pinch my foreskin and waddle to the toilet and then release my foreskin and drain the cum into the toilet.
I thought i was the only one

>>39666134
Actually pretty good desu

>>39666193
Share just one anon
And not your worst one. Share a medium-quality meme you've got. No bulli you've just got me bastardly curious

>>39660729
Literally just say what you said and add a "how about you"

>>39665772
I do this all the time senpai

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>it's that episode where anon saves the school from a school shooter by using his martial skills

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>>39664247
I just leave the cum in my boxers and let the sweet smell captivate me

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>>39663625
i read this anon

>>39663766
d-donald?

>>39663819
>raise my hands in front of my with palms turned up and fingers hooked to pretend I am a necromancer who is raising the dead

kek

>>39668708
> as long as it isn't degenerate porn?

That's why anon.

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>>39659973
>been doing this for years
>except I self-insert into certain anime, vidya and movies/tv shows I like
>self insert is usually pretty similar to me in both looks and personality
>listen to music while doing it
>sometimes get excited and pace around
I never asked for this

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>>39664692
thanks, it helps me get through the day.

>>39660098
That's not even autistic. 80% of guys would think it was hilarious, and 99% of girls would think it was endearing as hell (assuming you act like a sane human being when you're not billin it up)
>>39659942
Same here, all normies do this.
>>39663790
If you actually mentioned that this was your thought process out loud after you offended somebody and then apologized, there's a 50/50 chance they'll be so caught off guard by your openness and idiosyncrasy they'll let you off Scott-free. You should try it, given you've already pissed em off either way.

>>39666547
Top fucking kek
I fucking hate r9k this is an original comment

OP here, all you guys saying what I do isn't autistic but I'm actually imagining me playing anime or video game soundtracks in front of people, not actual songs, lol.

whenever i eat anything at a table (especially with others), i instinctively put my left hand under my right thigh unless i'm using both my hand
i don't know where this habit comes from and it looks fucking autistic

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>>39659942
>Pretend I'm playing the song I'm listening to flawlessly in front of a large audience

I'm glad there are others. I also make up a backstory for where I'm from if the accent's different.

Some things I do:
>cuddle with old stuffed animal just to stimulate gf
>sit in my room listening to music and imagining myself having an amazing life
But the worst thing was what I used to do
>8 years old
>really into WWE wrestling
>i'd pretend I was a ring announcer and walk through the house WITH PEOPLE THERE announcing the fake wrestling match in my head

>imagine that I had a friend who died tragically
>made a fake grave for them in my backyard
>put flowers on the grave from time to time and cry

or
>take a bamboo stick and run around pretending its a sword
>fight invisible enemies

>Practice out all my conversations before they take place, often writing down specific things
>worry consistently about what I'm going to do once my parents die