Sorting yourself out

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>>39571254
how do I develop a desire to want to sort myself out?

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this is the best thread on /r9k/ all year
pay heed to OP
for they shall receive original content to inspire us all
reeeeeeeeeeeeeee-joice

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>>39571254
>what in your life needs sorting?
direction + the devil finds work for idle hands to do
>why did it become unsorted?
various childhood issues, ongoing issues, mainly externally caused.
>what are you doing to sort yourself out?
starting an internship in 2 weeks as a data analyst

>>39571276
If you didn't have the desire, you wouldn't ask.

I need a career. I'm tired of working mediocre entry level jobs with people I have nothing in common with. I want to do something excellent with my life but I have no idea what I ought to do.

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>>39571276
By recognizing that life can always get substantially worse. So if you're not doing something to improve it right now, odds are it will get worse.

Protip for my fellow sorters: every time I need a cheer-me-up, I sniff my armpits. Manly as fuck.

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>>39571583
>I want to do something excellent with my life but I have no idea what I ought to do.
Consider that your goal posts might be misplaced. It depends how you define excellent. Sometimes, this can be as simple as finding a loving wife and having children to preserve your race ~ desu.

>>39571745
I don't believe I should reproduce. Mental illness and alcoholism run in my family, and I doubt my ability to raise a happy, healthy human being.

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I'm OP, but the main reason I posted this thread is because I need a moment to vent, and maybe someone will listen.

Basically, here is my situation: My life is in dire straits and desperately needs some sorting. After doing the Big 5 test as well as some self-analysis, I realized that the majority of problems I face in life come from the fact that I am
>too introverted
>too neurotic
>too unconscientious
Which lead me to my current situation
>senior in college by 0 friends
>22 years old and never EVER had a gf
>2.2 gpa in a major I hate

My room itself is actually sorted. It's very clean because I'm high in orderliness, but it's barren. It looks like a prison cell. Some steps I've taken to sort myself out:
>tackling introversion
I signed up for a Christian book club
I signed up of a Christian group club where fellow students gather to eat lunch together and later study.
I also try to talk to people more, to be more vivacious and generally extroverted. I'm in a research group at my Uni and I've managed to grow a smidge closer to them.
>tackling neuroticism
I go to the gym and run and lift
I take showers every day
I'm currently on a 5 day nofap streak
I eat a high fat, high protein breakfast that's low in carbs and sugar
>tackling unconscientiousness
I now order my daily routine by google calendar, and I actually feel a little bit better.
I take down more diligent notes
I write down on my planner

Things have been going great, but I've run into a mis-step that threatens the flip of my entire new leaf.

>schedule meeting with Christian group
>excited at chance to possibly make new friends
>neurotically hope to meet a Christian waifu, maybe pic related
>show up in front of dining hall
>heavy rain
>maybe cancelled?
>check email, no notifications
>meeting was supposed to be a 6pm so we could all go inside and have lunch
>double check location
>99% sure location was right
>6:05pm, not a single soul in sight
continued

>>39571254
It would be easier to say what doesn't need sorting. I want to know how someone as disadvantaged as me can meaningfully exist.

Dropped out of highschool because of anxiety and my lack of intelligence. Did a bunch of dumb drugs that ruined my appreciation for life, and now I'm 21 with increasing health issues.

I work out when I can. Hopefully that will help repair my brain. I like to read even though it can be very difficult for me. That can potentially help me become more well spoken. Mostly I just pass time with the hopes that someday something will change.

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>>39571959
>2.2 gpa in a major I hate
found your problem.
Do not chase that which you don't love.
>My room itself is actually sorted. It's very clean because I'm high in orderliness, but it's barren. It looks like a prison cell.
There is no such thing as a prison unless your mind believe it so. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought the same, since my room has bars on its windows and there's very few places I can go but my room. However, there are always options, it's just a matter of looking for them.
>google calendar
Use a physical calendar instead. It's more work, but worth it.

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>>39571959
>ultimately give up
>go into dining hall
>even though I've eaten alone for these past 3 years, this one hurt
>almost start to enjoy my melancholy
>break my diet
>eat lots of tasty food
>even go for desserts
>afters buy some cheetos
>eat 1/2 of large bag of cheetos
>immediately through rest in the trash because was relapsing
>after some minutes I couldn't help myself
>took cheetos out of trash and finished bag
I this point I should also include that I've struggled with my weight since childhood and college has only exacerbated the problem.
>send off to college
>freshman year, first semester
>depressed at my future because of being a Chem major
>no choice though since Dad pushing me to be Chem Eng
>but also that I had no other option
>my passion was history but that was unprofitable
>also sad that I lost all my friends since I moved out of state
>start emotionally binging on junk food
>by end of first semester, I gained 30 lbs
>used to be overweight, now obese
>that alarmed me enough to improve my habits
And I was actually successful for some time. My highest weight was 191 lbs, by the end of sophomore year, I was about 125 lbs. I still looked skinnyfat though, which majorly dissapointed me.
>come junior year
>still no friends
>become very depressed
>fall into habit of binging again
My Weekends would always consist of me, alone in my dorm room with barren walls, in front of my laptop watching a movie with a bowl of Sesame chicken with white rice, a bag of salty chips, some sweets like donuts or brownies, and some sort of alcohol.

This all came to head when one night, I got so drunk I had to lay down on my bed to calm my dizziness. I then turn to my side and vomited on my bed and pillows. It was a horrific sight, and very tough to deal with since it was the middle of the night. I had to scoop the vomit with my bare hands and throw it in the trash. I had to step out of the room and walk around for a breath of fresh air, the stench was horrific.
>continued

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>>39572167
After I had scooped a sufficient amount of vomit, I threw the bed sheets in the washing machine and had to stay up for them to be cleaned. Afterwards I was ready for sleep, but when I tried to go to sleep, I could still smell the strong horrid stench of vomit. I switched the bedsheets so the part with the vomit smell was at my feets end, that way I was able to get through the night.

That happened before the summer and I'm back in my dorm and I still can't sleep on the end where the vomit originally was. You can still smell it, you can still see the stain.

That whole episode, combined with the fact that my weight has skyrocketed back to 176 lbs made me plan seriously of how to develop new habits for this school years. The habits were those that I mentioned before.

But now I'm scared of relapsing into my old habits. Things aren't great at home either. I think my Dad knows I haven't had a gf ever, and now probably thinks I'm gay. I'll bet it's my Mom whose been planting those thoughts.

The thing is though, is that I have actually fapped to gay porn though. It's been one of the causes of browsing 4Chan too much. I still have 0 intention of having gay sex, but I may have to confront possible bisexuality.
It was my Father who pressured me into chemistry. I can't blame it totally on him, as I was complicit. After all, it was his money. But still, I'm frustrated. I never wanted to be a Chemist. I don't want to work in Chemistry. I hate lab work. I not even good at Chemistry. But as it looks like so far, it's either work in Chemistry or McDonalds. I can't even vent my frustrations at my Dad since he'll just say
>WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA DO?
>DIDN'T YOU WANT THIS??
Over this Summer, I got into some serious spats with my Dad, probably changed the dynamic between us. He's a big boss at a company, so he got me an internship which is good. But I had to live with him for all of July and August. Ever single day I spent with him I was seriously annoyed.
>continued

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>>39572369
I'm basically too tired to continue the story. But the long story short is:
>my personality is shit
>my family is shit
>my grades are shit
>my body is shit
>my social life is shit
>my room is shit
and I'm scared things might get a lot worse in the future.

That's that, sorry for the rant.

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>>39572167
>no choice though since Dad pushing me to be Chem Eng
>my passion was history but that was unprofitable
Fuck your father OP. His kind is the leading force in Our Struggle. Disavow your hedonistic and nihilistic material-driven lifestyle: It brings about only illusion and comatose. Why do you care so much about these things? It is simply a fear of the unknown; that you will not succeed.
>you have no friends, are alone and depressed
>instead of attempting to meet anyone seriously you sit alone in your dorm room: your prison. The place you hate. It is a left-loathing action.
>falling for the liquid Jew
>>39572369
>You Dad is a boss at a company
Why does this matter? Unless all your ambitions are of wealth and stature.
The internship is good, I got mine in a similar way. But one rule is to never bow down to anyone who doesn't deserve it. And sorry to say, but your father doesn't.
>>39572407
Don't say you're sorry.

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>>39572428
I can't just do that. He paid for my entire college fund. The ENTIRE thing. No loans. It's about $23,000 per semester! He was the one who got me my internship at the company.

Frankly, I'm trapped. The only way out is just to graduate college. But then what? I'm sentences to an entire life time of chemistry. Hopefully I can move out as fast as possible.

>>39572428
self-loathing*
You have been muted for 4 seconds, because your comment was not original.

Why am I not surprised?

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>>39572548
Okay. So you're going to go through with something for another (2?) years which you loathe, and will continue loathing for the rest of your life (until you finally realise you want to do something entirely different), entirely as a "debt-paying" action to your Dad. You do hear what I'm saying right? Anyways, let's discuss options:
1) You drop out and work full-time at his company, even as an intern this is great.
>your father will respect you for one time in your life actually sticking up for yourself and not giving into him, I can tell. He will definitely be angry at first but this is natural.
>And if he deserves the love you seem to have for him, this is the best option.
2) You complete college, likely getting a lowest passing grade in Chemistry and joining as a junior chemist at some giant drug company you'll learn to hate, will never respect or defend you, and throw you to the curb once you're not useful anymore.
>Being a bitch to an alpha Boss because you were being a bitch to your alpha Dad
3) You kill yourself
4) You switch degrees to history, even if you have to start from year 1
5) You ditch town and become a local bookshop clerk / assistant (or whatever else appeals to amateur historians) for some nowhere-town and live a peaceful life away from your current distractions.
>and finally...
6) You try your very hardest to catch up in your college work and feign enjoyment and interest in chemistry, pass with a 1st/2nd degree and make your father faux-proud as a Jewish worker bee.

>>39571276

I get myself into a mindset of scarcity and have alienated the lazy people in the household.

Every case differs, but what I have done has worked myself into someone violently motivated for success in wherever I see fit. It's a great feeling, like I have finally turned my brain on.

I'm not joking when I said violently either, I hit my father for fiddling with my motorbike, he then apologized to ME!

>>39572753
I'm in senior year of chemistry. It's definitely too late to make a turn around in chemistry. Honestly I don't I haven anything to look forward to in life. I haven't anything to look forward to ever since I started college. Thank you for listening though.

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>>39572818
Then give up, faggot. If you only vent instead of looking to improve yourself and your situation, you are beyond saving.

Gif related.

>>39571254
I have to sort things out because I can't do production work anymore because of an injury I've ignored for far too long. Lets just say, if I continue I could end up parallelized or dead. But all I've done is labor work. I am legit autistic, so it's all I am fit to do. I can't afford to go back to school, and I don't have the financial credit to take a loan. Family doesn't give a damn about me to help.

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>>39571892
>I don't believe I should reproduce.
I've heard this same sentiment from someone close to my heart, and it's very saddening to hear.
>>39572080
nothing will change unless you start pushing stones up hills. Every little helps.
>>39572906
Sorry about that anon, genuinely. Mayhaps try to get into management of said production jobs? If you were loyal to your employers you never know, they might just accept to take you as a trainee which you can use to get a real job. Said options are rarely exhausted.

>>39573047
Heh, fat chance. They've seen my power level. my last job, they were training me to be management. Then I sperged out, and then they stopped and rolled things back.

>Overweight
>Love eating and drinking
>Currently dieting and lifting

Everything else in my life I'm very happy with. I especially love my job.

>>39571583
the peterson himself thus spoke:
90% of people never have a "career" per se. It is a very niche idea for people going to college for a specific purpose with lifelong goals in mind. don't worry about having a career. Do worry about finding work you can be proud of.

>>39571583
>If you didn't have the desire, you wouldn't ask.

Shit, dude. These are just the words that I needed today. I've been beating myself up for not having any drive to do anything lately, I guess I wouldn't be doing that if there weren't some infinitesimal amount left. Slowly gotta build that back up. I might not amount to anything in the public's eye, but at least I'll be happy doing whatever it is I choose to sink my time into.

>>39571892
That's actually very responsible of you and shows a crazy amount of open-mindedness and care for others. That's pretty respectable, man. I'm sorry if you ever did want a child, anon, but take solace in knowing you're also going to have way more time on your hands than most - use it wisely.

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>>39573100
Well, you'd better hope that the Race War comes soon then brother. We take care of our retired labourers. Very respectable job. I'm not sure what to suggest. I'd definitely try to use your experience in some beneficial way though and to try not to start a job in a different field unless completely necessary for survival money.
>>39573215
This. One million times this.
>>39573260
Start rolling stones up your mountain, friend. Every small feat is important to enlightenment.
>>39573283
I somewhat disagree. It is his own fault, but is shifting that blame unto others. It's a fear that he will project that which was shown to him. It is weak, and proves he has not yet fixed himself.

>>39572818
Hey you, you seem like you got your head on straight now, but didn't pay much attention in the past and that's why you're where you are now. You have time to turn it around, man. People get multiple degrees and careers in their life, man. Work at what you're doing now for a little while, learn to enjoy certain aspects of it and go back for history some day.

Don't listen to this guy (>>39572874) I seriously can't comprehend why he's so bitter about all of this.

You'll figure it out, anon, and rejoice in the fact that you have an education and career laid out ahead of you (even if it's not ideal) because that will give you the structure to do what it is that you really want to do later on in life. Keep on trucking, man. Just be sure to plan out better for next time.

>>39573315
and I should add to that last point, it's a hindrance <i> to </i> fixing himself.

>>39573315
>>Every small feat is important to enlightenment.
Thanks, anon. And you're right. I cleaned my house (live alone) for about 20 minutes today. Seems inconsequential, but that was 20 more minutes than in the past few days combined. I'm learning to appreciate that.

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>>39573338
Tough Love.
Kindness only goes so far.

>>39573315
How is acknowledging a genetic history of mental illness and the very real consequences of that for his offspring weak? Doubting his ability to be a good parent sure that's something he can work on, but he'd be plain stupid to ignore the truth.

>>39571745
>preserve your race ~ desu.
>>39573315
>Well, you'd better hope that the Race War comes soon then brother.

would you alt right fags stop making peterson look bad by association

>>39573594
genetically, nobody is born into alcoholism. Mental illness is a majorly environmentally-caused phenomenon. He can overcome this supposed genetic disposition if he were willing and strong-headed. This doesn't seem the case though. Hence, weak.
>>39573634
Look bad to whom? That's the question I pose you.

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>>39573708
forgot to post my all-important photo, forgive me on all who were relying on it

>>39573708
>Look bad to whom?
to everyone who is disgusted by hentai racists on 4chan, IE almost everyone who isn't one
I guess it's not a problem on /r9k/ but it bears saying

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>>39573338
(:

You sound like Peterson, so I'll pretend you are Peterson.

Thank you for your kind words, but it's actually not that simple. Simply put, I don't really know what I want. One of the major reasons why I just followed my Dad's advice to try and pursue chemical engineering (and fail and settle for chemistry) was that I don't I would be happy just teaching history. If I majored in history, I would probably become a highschool history teacher, and that itself is it's own form of hell.

Another reason why I still rolled with chemistry, is that I hope I could use chemistry to land a job somewhere, spend some time doing chemistry, and then do a lateral move to either marketing or sales and then use my background in chemistry as an advantage over my peers (as the product we would be selling would be related to chemistry).

That's currently what I'm banking on. The only trick is trying to get my foot through the door, which won't be easy since because of my low gpa. But I have some redeeming qualities, that I took that internship my Dad gave me, plus I have undergraduate research experience.

Nakedly though, I'm just bad at chemistry. Chemistry in the field actually doesn't involve that much science and is almost similar to factory work but with less heavy lifting.

Btw, on the big 5 scale I'm
>extraversion
overall low but average in excitement seeking
>agreeableness
overall low but very high in modesty
>conscientiousness
overall low but average in cautiousness and high in orderliness
>neuroticism
overally high in everything except anger, which is low
>openness
overall low, except imagination which is high

Can you make heads or tails of that kind of personality? These results have been fairly consistent.

Feel free to ignore the personality stuff, I just sort of want to imagine that Peterson would browse 4Chan.

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>>39573758
By the way I'll be going to sleep now so I'll see any responses in the morning but I won't reply to anything anymore. Goodnight y'all.

>>39573758
You're welcome, just trying to help an anon out. I think that you do have to realize that no job comes without flaws, to include those that we idealize the most or chase after because of our love of the subject. And this goes beyond the actual "work" portion. As you said yourself, you're trying to make that lateral movement, which is a smart move and while isn't unique to your field, there are plenty fields that do not allow for that are are very specialized. Take advantage of what you can, learn your blind spots and the cons to your trade and mitigate disadvantages from that.

I think it would be wise to address your low conscientiousness and start planning out not just one path for your future, but many, in case things go awry or your wants/needs change. Realize that these plans should be flexible as well. And the high neuroticism does not surprise me, considering the website we're posting on lol Do your best to decompress when you can. Someone of your mindset should be able to do this more easily if you consider that stress relief is an activity that is supposed to be without worry and serves a purpose to allow you to excel later on in your day/week. Figure out how to handle your stress not so that you're stress-free, but rather that you are clear-minded and benefit from the rewards of a clean mind.

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>>39573729
I see where you're coming from. However, association is freedom. <Part and Parcel> if you will, of being a celebrity. If your preachings are similar to the ideals of a certain group, the group will become associated to said preacher. Simple as that. I respect JP very much, and think he has many fine things to say, and therefore agree with him on many points. Not all, by far... And that bears knowing. I do not apologise if he becomes associated with the alt-right, or fascists, which I more closely identify with: simply because, the optics will be bad on you no matter what if you pose something which harms the general narrative, whether it's one nazi or a million, the result will be the same seed planted in the public minds.
>>39573806
You will regret not listening. That is all.