Anyone here have Schizoid personality disorder? What's your

File: IMG_1905.jpg (81KB, 500x395px) Image search: [Google]

81KB, 500x395px

>>39561189
It's a typical schizoid. I have absolutely no friends online or off and the people that try to get close to me I invariably push away. I work but try to have as little interaction as possible and I can tell people think I'm weird or think that I that just hate them. Suicidal thoughts are a daily occurrence and have been for years because of crushing loneliness. My life is a contradiction in that I desire to have friendships and to be close with people but my brain is simply hard wired in a way that makes those fantasies impossible.

>>39561189
paranoid schizophrenia. close enough. basically a schizoid who gets anxious and sabotages everything in his life.

just dropped some acid before i went to the store to buy vodka. don't really have any regard or care for myself anymore. that's what the current haps are.

I don't think I do but I really cannot confirm or deny
But I've dated two girls who had one
They've definitely made efforts to push me away, but I enjoyed my time with them and wish them nothing but happiness
I fear how other people will treat them, or how they treat themselves without me around

But I want to give you guys hugs, too, everyone deserves it

>>39561189
I'm a schizoid. No IRL friends and a small group of online associates. I start studying physics in a couple of weeks. Kind of depressed but I deal with it through drug abuse. Could be a lot worse honestly, I think it's one of the less unfortunate personality disorders.

>>39561383
>dated a few
your girlfriends were LARPers

File: 1493132109437.jpg (120KB, 720x929px) Image search: [Google]

120KB, 720x929px

That's the thing, I really don't know how to describe how I am right now, I'm just sort of going with the flow in terms of how my overall life will turn out. I'm not completely depressed, because I've come to the understanding that I don't have anything to be truly unhappy about. I still don't know my stance on people, like if I want even superficial friends at all, and I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around those things because my only substantial development in terms of how to interact with other people is how to manipulate them, I've gotten pretty good at that though.

I've decided that I need to stop measuring my life based on other's lives because I know there's a fundamental difference, so I guess right now I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to measure it based on myself. Here's something I'm interested in, what are other schizoid's ideas of being 'there', like that point that you can say "I can relax now?", because I feel like I'll only ever be able to do that when I've secured all my bare minimum living needs in a state that I don't need to maintain them through a job for example, then I could pursue creative and solitary en devours that have no practical use as far as society is concerned.

But maybe I'm fooling myself I dunno.

>>39561415
Fuck off, dude
Neither of them would want to be a paranoid, self-destructive mess

>>39561472
that's not a symptom of schizoid personality

>>39561415
It's a good chance they were but this is a soft science we're dealing with here, we play in characteristics and -esques with these personalities. Schizoid is a gradient.

>social isolation, indifferent to praise, lack of close friends, limited range of emotions, reduced sex drive, or relationship avoidance

Sounds like me but I still wouldn't say I have it.

>>39561488
>1488 GET
nice
but also, if his gfs showed signs of SPD but were also paranoid and self-destructive, they could well have been either schizoaffective or SPD with elements of AvPD. they all share many similarities and tend to roughly fall under the same spectrum.

It's alright, though I'd say pretty boring. Outside of uni all I find myself doing is going to the gym, reading or playing video games. I'm actually pretty content this way. I don't feel the need for friends or family and I love spending all my time alone. I'm pretty sure I'd be fine with living the rest of my life this way.

File: __adam_nier_series_and_nier_automata_drawn_by_as109__c244d9c7b9c3d6467be12e8cdcbfc07a.jpg (248KB, 1240x759px) Image search: [Google]

248KB, 1240x759px

>>39561189
Started uni. Tried going to a couple party / freshman stuff. Got drunk in an attempt to enjoy it, enjoyed it less than sitting in my room.
Tried pretending to be social and available to make the compulsory group stuff easier, dropped that within the first week.
Spend time outside uni mostly in my room on my computer or out excercising and wandering around listening to music.
No friends, online or offline. Even having people on Steam friends list feels like an invasion of privacy and even were I to accept any invites, I'd just ghost them instantly.
Also dysthymic and kind of just want to drop everything I'm doing for the sake of my life and either die or degenerate into either some kind of monstrous recluse NEET, or an enlightened monk living innawoods.

>>39561488
You don't need to believe me, it doesn't matter to me
Have a nice day

>>39561617
>Also dysthymic and kind of just want to drop everything I'm doing for the sake of my life and either die or degenerate into either some kind of monstrous recluse NEET, or an enlightened monk living innawoods.
27 year old anon here; do your best to take advantage of any opportunities that come your way while also keeping a safe distance from the world. ultimately you'll be more satisfied than if you really threw your life away and survived with only the bare necessities, even if it means you're free to spend most of your time within your own mind.

>>39561419
>what are other schizoid's ideas of being 'there', like that point that you can say "I can relax now?", because I feel like I'll only ever be able to do that when I've secured all my bare minimum living needs in a state that I don't need to maintain them through a job for example, then I could pursue creative and solitary en devours that have no practical use as far as society is concerned.
They are essentially the same to yours, at least as far as I can tell. Like you, I have difficulties wrapping my mind around just exactly it is that I want and truly need. Like stumbling in the dark, just going with the flow of what I can grasp to.
I want to live in solitude on an island somewhere in a small cabin with an internet connection, solar panels and maybe generators, never meeting people or doing anything notable, but at the same time there's this small nagging feeling deep inside me that makes me want to do something notable, to have passion and to strive for something recognizable, something great.
But that's all it is. I have no passion, I don't really get excited over anything and music is pretty much the only thing to emotionally rouse me anymore.

>>39561688
Yeah, I'm planning on doing that since I've managed to have a taste of different lifestyles in my 22 year life. NEET, conscription, working, studying. As tiresome and pointless as all the striving feels, in the end if I don't do anything I'll just degenerate by the day into a broken mess that forgets how to talk to people and is afraid of people.
Though I feel like I will kill myself eventually anyway, so I'm not sure if any of it matters.

>>39561189
I think I have an overlapping avoidant and schizoid personality somehow. I've always been avoidant so that would be the base I suppose. not a larper or anything before you accuse me of this, I've had obsessive OCD symptoms since I was in elementary school and was diagnosed with it

>>39561777
As little understood as SPD is in the psychological field, there's thought to be a wide variety of subtypes, including avoidant schizoid, who blend features from both disorders. Hell, I've even read of avoidants developing SPD over time.

I think schizoids could be good at having a tulpa

>>39561879
No thank you anon, I'll stick to lucid dreaming instead of self-induced psychosis.

>>39561331
That's avoidant personality disorder though. Schizoids don't even want relationships. I'm in the same boat by the way.

>>39561879
i toyed with the idea of having a tulpa once but it ultimately seemed dumb and trite. i've always had "imaginary friends" and playmates anyway. i think people who buy into this internet subculture are really just teaching themselves how to use their imagination in unique and unusual ways. also, there are better ways to cope with loneliness and isolation than to pretend you're in the company of a being who gained independence from your own personality. writing stories is one. people with tulpas are still very attached to the social sphere and you see this in instances where they congregate in communities and interact with each other through the "different" tulpae they've created. really it's just a deep expression of the need for human interaction, for kids on the internet who aren't confident enough in themselves to get it any other way.

>>39561939
>Schizoids don't even want relationships.
Catch 22 kind schizoids do exist though. People who want meaningful relationships, love even, but don't want to spend time with people, or be close or in a relationship.
The whole PD is poorly defined and they already wanted to remove it from DSM-V. Probably going to replace it with some kind of scale instead of just a (choose four symptoms) kind of deal.

File: 1503513185652.png (60KB, 871x195px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 871x195px

Like the game or not, this is a fairly good representation of what a schizoid spiral looks like

https://youtu.be/WQBlSnsT5bc

>>39562088
Thats more of a psychosis and doesnt relate to being a schizoid, but still an interesting story

>>39562088
accurately portrays a lot of fundamental aspects. from personal experience i've always chosen the least demanding jobs which allow me to mechanically complete well-defined, mundane tasks so that i could make money and not be completely useless but still be able to allocate most of my energy to imagining and reasoning through things.

>>39561189
Here desu. Gonna start university soon. No interest in feigning sociability by doing typical fresher's week stuff so I'm probably gonna explore the city. If anything I'll try attending some societies.

>>39561879
I considered it a few times but it's basically self-inflicted schizophrenia right?

>>39562088
Pretty accurate, honestly. Maybe a bit far with how utterly detached he becomes from reality and unable to return into it through stimulation, but still.
That simple manual labour / imagination combo is something I know well.

>>39562088
Until it went into being unable to grasp reality that was actually a really good representation of maldaptive daydreaming.

Anyone else here who can't feel or process their own emotions?

>>39562265
writing/music are the only ways i'm able to process my own emotions. i feel everything to the point of crying but only when it has nothing to do with me. in fact i'm extremely afraid of feeling my own emotions, which is one of the reasons it's so difficult for me to have a normal life.

>>39562088
Fuck I dont like that I can relate to that.
>constantly earning praise at work
>people think Im an efficient machine that loves my job
>in reality I mentally check out for the entirety of every shift

The one nice thing about being a schizoid (if you can learn to manage it) is that you become an incredible actor and can turn your emotions on a dime, since you cant really feel them.
For me, its anger and grieving. I have honestly never felt either. When my favourite uncle died in an accident when i was 11 I didnt even shed a tear, despite loving him with all my heart. I just didnt feel any pain. It freaked the fuck out of my parents, and continued to with othet family deaths as life went on.

>>39562292
>boss tells me I'm their best worker ever, says they'll take me back anytime if I need a job
>all I did was move my arms around while exploring unexisting places and concepts in my mind

>>39562333
I think it's mostly tiring that I feel that I should not make myself ostracized by revealing my lack of emotions, so I pretend to care, to be empathetic, to worry, to grieve. Meanwhile I think it's just a complete bother and I wish they didn't even know me.
Can they see that I'm faking?

File: 1488058519910.jpg (454KB, 1079x821px) Image search: [Google]

454KB, 1079x821px

>>39562333
>When my favourite uncle died in an accident when i was 11 I didnt even shed a tear, despite loving him with all my heart. I just didnt feel any pain. It freaked the fuck out of my parents, and continued to with othet family deaths as life went on.
Can relate to this entirely. When my father died I had already been prepared for it and severed all cognitive mechanisms that would cause me to feel anything towards it. On the morning I heard my grandfather had passed away after a terrible battle with lymphoma, I hardened myself before going to view his corpse and wish everyone else the best of luck in their future without this man. Maybe we're just extremely realistic, pragmatic people. It's horrifying to others but then again, you realize that others do not have as complicated and thorough thoughts as you do. You realize that people cling to hope, even when they can do nothing to change events. You realize that people have a fictional view of the world, whereas we have internalized fiction and used it to construct our own worlds, because we are so awfully bored with the reality that everyone seems to lose themselves within.

>>39562333
That also isn't a symptom of schizoid personality disorder... You should still feel things just as strongly as normal people, but you very rarely if ever reveal those feelings in ways other people will recognize. Schizoids aren't fkn sociopaths.

How am I supposed to tell if I am or not?
My head is often impenetrable even to me

>>39562287
You're my double man, where does the road take us from here? How do we live if we can't feel like everyone else? How come people are never able to comprehend what I say because they can't look past conventions and see how things REALLY relate to each other?

>>39562364
>complete bother
I agree with you. Its tiring and pedantic always putting on the act, but it leads to a much better life than what would happen if you took off the mask. Just think of it like a social convention, like asking someone how their day is, or holding the door for an old person.
In my experience, they rarely think youre faking if youre realistic with your act. In general, people want to believe more than they want to disbelieve.

>>39562454
But what is it all for? For what purpose to continue with it?

>>39562428
You said it best, friend. In most cases we have already thought of or explored most possible outcomes with our lives and made ourselved comfortable to all outcomes, to some degree or another. This also means that surprise is just another thing we have to fake, sadly. It took me a lot of christmasses when i was young before I learned I was supposed to shout and jump up and down excitedly when I got what I wanted, rather than just thanking them politely and telling them so.

I feel that I am able to control any thought and emotion that comes from me or is directed at me. This is a gift if you learn how to control it, it's just another way of thinking about things. Like one anon said, it gives great potential to become an actor.

>>39562436
I never even questioned my life until I got older and started noticing a difference. I think that's a very telling sign of someone who is schiz, is that they overthink everything and come to a conclusion about many different possibility. Essentially, we're just very realistic and view the world as is: a very cruel and shitty world with suffering caused by everyone and anything. There's no system to this mess, only organized chaos with causes behind each consequence.
When people think about what it means to not live, they think about their parents never fucking. I think about civilizations never existing, men at certain points of time never meeting, and things never said that could drastically change the course of history and cause a butterfly effect. In my experience, people don't think about all the different realities that could have been or can be. So in a way, their world view is very child-like, genuine to a fault because they have no other prescribed form of thought.

>>39562476
Life has no inherent purpose. Why should you like things? Why should you be kind? Why not just lay down and die? However, the purpose of life is to give your life purpose. In faking your emotions and putting in all that effort, you improve or secure your social standing and image, which is often very beneficial in first world countries, especially corporate and family environments. This social lubrication makes achieving goals easier, as you have connections and people to discuss problemswith, lend a hand or help you in an emergency.
However if you have no goals, if you havent given your life a purpose, then yes, it is nearly useless to you.
It's difficult to create meaningful goals when you have a personality disorder, or any disorder in general, so start small. Things like: I want a new vehicle, to live on my own, to have certain things, etc. then go through the list of things you need to do to achieve thay goal, and an idea of the people who can help you achieve it.

>>39562580
Some of that seems like a normal way to view the world (to me) but I don't understand everything you are saying

File: b08.png (208KB, 660x618px) Image search: [Google]

208KB, 660x618px

I'm schizoid

>Spend most of the day playing vidya
>But I REALLY love writing fictional stories in my originaru fictional universes
>I have no desire to have sex with a living person at all, don't think I ever had, thus I'm a 25 y/o dateless kissless handholdless conversationless virgin but I don't care
>Have weird fetishes that I act out in my head and I only jack off 2D hentai and furry, never real people, I even have a fictional furry waifu

>>39562626
All good advice, admittedly, but sadly nothing I haven't come upon, or come up with before. Sadly there's nothing small I really want. The things I wish for are either impossible to reach, or self-destructive.

>>39562642
Everything about me rides on the fact that this country formed under the declaration of independence. What if that never happened? I wouldn't exist, and so wouldn't many others. So then, what would be the consequences of that reality? What timeline would that follow? These are the tangents that I go off on inside my mind, always thinking of what could have been or what will be. It makes my life seem very small and realizes that I'm the one that shapes and controls my destiny, because I'm the one who has a will and the ability to express it. In a world as chaotic as this where a ostensibly inconsequential decision can have drastic effects, why worry so much about the small day to day things like what people think of you? Without certain civilizations forming and allowing our current timeline to progress, all those people who are complaining about you wouldn't exist. Life is just so small and tiny, a random mess of consequences waiting to be given value. It just seems pointless worrying about things too hard because of that.

>someone asks me how old I am
>panic
why am i like this

>>39562680
Why do you like furry so much? Are you not aroused by depictions of humans?

>>39562750
How old are you?

>>39562434
sociopaths are similar to schizoids but they're like the vengeful and domineering cousin, the guy you run into at a reunion who seems like he's hiding something very dark under that charming and effusive behavior. schizoids on the other hands will be nonetheless entertaining, but they will also be thoughtful and have a great warmness to them, as if you feel they genuinely care about you with every fiber of their being. in actuality they care about very little, but they also recognize that they have a specific position and expectation to fulfill, so they are able to play that role for one day.

>>39562736
have you ever heard of Alan Watts friend?

>>39562434
That's probably what covert schizoids do. Sociopaths are more malicious in their nature.

>>39562782
I haven't, but now I have. Thanks, I'll check him out, it's always nice reading about the things you've been thinking. Makes the world seem not as lonely.

File: 1488920672215.jpg (240KB, 960x960px) Image search: [Google]

240KB, 960x960px

>>39562757
I am 22

It has nothing to do with my actual age, any question that is remotely personal makes me incredibly nervous. People learning personal things about me makes me feel like they are looking at me naked.

I'm schizoid and schizotypal. I'm constantly trying to fit in with the normies but they simply smell that there is something wrong with me.

>>39562841
>People learning personal things about me makes me feel like they are looking at me naked.
desu that sounds like AvPD or something more akin to an anxiety disorder. schizoids tend to lack a sense of identity and are very honest when asked directly, because they do not actually care what anyone knows about them.

I'm not really, the human body is ugly and I despise most of society, at this point my sexuality is mostly tied to escapism and furry, existing as a different thing than most people's, being based only on fantasy with no attraction to real life.

>>39562853
Can you tell be about your paranoia? I suspect I may also be schizotypal but I don't really know where paranoia becomes schizotypal paranoia.

>>39562853
maybe it's a literal odor coming from your body? your haircut? that moment of silence when everyone was laughing and you had a quizzical expression as though you were still wondering what there was to laugh about?

>>39562872
>tfw know this feel all too well
>started to build anxiety that everyone though I was a retard
>began to buy my own BS and became an actual retard
>remember that I never cared to begin with
>go back to being a social chameleon and on top of the world
The lesson is to always be on top of yourself and remember that you already had everything figured out at a young age. Learn to trust the "whys", not the "whats" that you do.

>>39562891
ah, i see. sorry for making assumptions.

Did anyone else ever feel strongly with books or media? When I used to read it would be like I was experiencing everything that the character in the book felt, or that I was walking alongside him and could feel the wind hitting my face and hear people talking.

>>39562924
How do you keep yourself on top of yourself? Lapsing into the mind is far too easy and mindfullness far too challenging.

>>39562893
Well I constantly think people talk behind my back, they know my secrets and laugh at me. I presume people do not like me and that's how I behave, as an unlikable persona which makes me unlikable.

>>39562958
Everyone experiences reality just as differently as me, they just don't notice it because they question everyone shares the same reds or blues. It's not like everyone likes the same foods, or that everyone cares about the same things, right? So why is it so wrong to live my reality when everyone does it too?

>>39562954
Books, yes. Most other forms of media no but I can truly lose myself in a book. I am a night watchman and I have to set a series of alarms because I can completely lose myself in a book for 4+ hours, the only thing that can rouse me being tiredness, hunger or a bathroom break

>>39562988
>they don't question everyone sharing*
can't type today, sorry. Essentially, everyone is just a number that resides into itself as equally as everyone else.

>>39562988
Because you're a faggot and nobody likes you but I'm super awesome

>>39562954
yes. i know exactly what you mean. i used to read a lot of fiction and i never read fast like others, even though i am very adept at symbolic and linguistic interpretation. i had to pause to process a scene, to extrapolate details, to imagine a room or a countryside and ponder how any particular moment could have turned out differently for this or that character, in this or that situation. i have actually had to kind of stop reading fiction because it began to seem almost like there wasn't enough "being said", if you know what i mean. consequently i have also taken to writing my own stories but i often get lost because there is so much to say that i can't reasonably express in a single sentence, a single paragraph, a page, or however long it takes to specify exactly what is happening and why it is happening.

>>39563044
I feel that too. Sometimes it feels like there's more to the picture that when expressed everyone looks at you like you're crazy. To me it's crazy to think that no one can infer as much as I can, or think about things as abstractly as I do. When I explain my viewpoint and how I came to conclude it, that's when people praise me, even if they were silently judging me before. Personally, I'm a retard that just overthinks things, and anyone could come to the same conclusions if they used their noodle as much as I tend to do.

>>39563043
Sure, you're just another person in the endless sea of faces that perhaps shares a lot of similarities to everyone else. What's important is what you believe and how you express it, not trying to get others to subscribe to your linear train of thought that only follows what you've touched and felt.

>>39563084
Is this experience common amongst other schizoids as well? I've been thoroughly surprised at how some surface level analysis of things is considered in-depth or even brilliant by some people. Am I over-estimating the mental capabilities of others or what? Do they just think differently?

>>39563128
In my experience people are shallow thinkers and don't really understand the things they're saying or what it implies. Often I have to explain to people that what they say has many correlations and that them only being able to think about their perspective is the real issue, not mine.

>>39563142
Surely this isn't a schizoid think, but more of a general personality aspect? The more you write the more I can see myself in it.

>>39563174
I don't know, I have always thought about other people and have never felt for myself. All I can do is see patterns in other people's lives and how it applies to everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. It's all I think about, there's no time to think about myself because I already figured out who I was a long time ago. I've been trying to understand people my entire life and feel like I never will because no one ever makes sense to me.

>>39563200
Alright hold the phone this is getting so close to my own experiences it's almost funny. This may be of interest to you with a grain of salt and some time to think about and follow it if it doesn't click straight away.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGUNkFf4_6k

I'll say the same for anyone else just in case our abnormal perspectives of the world helps schizoids understand this better, cannabis helps.

>>39561189
I experience little/no loneliness, have a blunted affect, but have problems with motivation and brain fog, and have a hard time getting myself to do anything. 4chan is basically my only form of social interaction.

>>39563300
Dude this is hitting me hard. I thought I was alone, but now I realize that I'm not. People adhering to their names, their features, the concepts that make them without knowing what they are. It seems all so archaic. I don't have the words to express it, but Alan does a great job for me. Thanks for the share.

>>39563300
>think everyone thought this way
>realize people don't think in concepts/abstractions
>realize just how basic the world is

>>39563340
You're not a person experiencing the universe, you're the universe experiencing a person.

>>39563412
>all of a sudden my life makes sense
For the longest time I thought I was the one in the wrong, but now I see it's everyone else who was. Fuck man, people have always given me weird stares when I point this kind of shit out. It's like people can't extrapolate obvious information, even if it's sitting right in their face.

>>39563300
Thanks for giving my thoughts a voice. This is amazing.

I have a skype group of schizoids

you can add me if you want in: fortune.cookie7


There's also a schizoid forum if you google it.

File: 1504710380813.jpg (520KB, 850x1236px) Image search: [Google]

520KB, 850x1236px

i often delude myself deeply with my own imagination i start acting out/animating body with reactions to imaginary scenarios and even mouthing the words i would say to these fictitious others.

Theres another me that I often get into conversations with while alone in my room. On another possibly related subject, there have been plenty occasions I find the neighborhood dog telepathically communicating with me and reads my mind.

I want to apply for SSI but I have none of this diagnosed or any mental checkups with doctors in the past so I wonder if its even worth trying to get it.

Every time I read into SPD I think I have it more and more but I just don't want to get diagnosed so I'm not going to pretend that I have it. But I so enjoy spending time alone, I seek solitary activities, in fact I go golfing a lot and when they ask me to join onto another group I will tell them "thanks but no thanks" and walk out of the clubhouse. I have very little desire towards sex, I notice pretty girls but I just don't have any desire to pursue them and I don't think I would know what to do if I even got them in bed. I also think I have schizo/avoidant personality disorder comorbidity, there's that phrase "FOMO" or "fear of missing out" and I have honestly never felt that in my life, not after missing a party I wasn't invited to, not after missing a concert I could have gone to, never.

The one thing I will say that annoys me is that there are so many things that you almost need someone else to do, like going out to dinner. I don't remember the last time I went out to dinner because it's so awkward to do on your own.

>>39561331
Basically this

Sad originally

>>39563300
>cannabis helps
I honestly feel that my life changed when I first inhaled cannabis. All of the sudden everything just made sense. And yeah, cannabis makes me lazy and it stunts my ambition and it has a number of bad side effects, but I can't imagine where I would be without it. It's really the only thing I look forward to at work all day. Other than my dog, if it weren't for her I would have no friends at all

File: reflections.jpg (434KB, 1536x2048px) Image search: [Google]

434KB, 1536x2048px

Because I've been going through and non-stop listening to Watts's lectures for a couple of years now trying to further my understanding of the world and myself; and because this is the first time in all my subtle postings of a lecture here and there on /r9k/ that I've gotten some interest, relative to my own life at that, I'm going to post some of the ones that I think the best along with the one I posted earlier, in case it helps or interests anyone else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh-3FJs2pz8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TObWJt68HGw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TjCZRutOKY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOAYivWXTvQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZZWnDC0NSI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8xBjJYLL4c
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY-_ON90iAc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGUNkFf4_6k

No order is needed, I just found that I kept getting more "ah-ha!' moments as my listening history grew, I'm still finding out more and more literally everyday thanks to what these helped me understand.

I only hear voices and hallucinate when I'm smoking weed, but the parnoia and the sense that groups of strangers are watching and discussing me persist. When I'm sober, I feel as if I can talk or receive messages from the universe, or God as some people call it. It's not explicitly like talking though, but more actions and conversions with others, it's hard to explain, but when it happens I get this stark awareness that I'm not talking to the person in front of me but something higher.
People make me want to tear my head out. On one hand, I feel like everyone harbors some malicious intent that they are hiding from me, and on the other hand I crave human interaction and intimacy so bad that I feel they either see me as pathetic or think that I'm gay. Now I just isolate myself as best as possible.
I don't like the diagnosis because I feel accepting that I'm damaged means that I've already lost. I feel my true potential lies within art, music and writing is the only thing that truly rouses me on an emotional level, but being successful requires charisma and ambition, both which I lack.

>>39564125
>I don't like the diagnosis because I feel accepting that I'm damaged means that I've already lost. I feel my true potential lies within art, music and writing is the only thing that truly rouses me on an emotional level, but being successful requires charisma and ambition, both which I lack.
you have not lost, you never will, and frankly, you never can. even if you cannot do things that people normally praise and admire, you are much much more than the sum of finite states in this petty and silly society. the diagnosis is only a reminder that you're a statistical anomaly. in and of yourself, you possess a being that is unlike anything anyone could ever begin to understand.

>>39563625
>schizoid skype group
Its getting a bit too pretensional for me

>>39561554
this.
just neutral on all levels.

i can't wrap my head around relationships because i don't feel anything. socializing doesn't give me anything, i just want the conversation to end each time it begins.
there's nothing to say, really, only actions to do.

compliments do nothing and never go fishing for them. everything i do is 100% thankless and i don't care if anyone notices or not.
this is the closest thing to being a ghost.

File: 1478012089822.jpg (62KB, 623x713px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 623x713px

>>39563625
>are in a skype group
>think they are schizoids

Does anyone with Schizoid personality disorder have difficulty recognising and expressing their emotions? I don't have it, but I always find people with it relatable, so I'm curious. I have alexithymia among other issues and if people ask me how I'm doing, I usually don't even know so I just lie or say whatever.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

It's correlated with, and shares characteristics with, some personality disorders. Usually I'm pretty extroverted and people like me, but I don't think I care for most people and I can be pretty withdrawn at times. Making friends only to abandon them, etc. Maybe I'm lonely, but I can't even really tell since how would I know?
>>39561331
>My life is a contradiction in that I desire to have friendships and to be close with people but my brain is simply hard wired in a way that makes those fantasies impossible.
I get what you mean by this even as a non-Schizoid. Interesting.

>>39564198
I'm just at odds with how to move in such a word and with the people in it. It feels like that scene out of Inception where Leonardo is teaching Ellen Page about dreaming and all the people inside the dream are staring at her and eventually attack when she causes too much of a disturbance. Like I'm an intruder. I want to bring real tangible change to this world, but I can't help wonder if it even matters in the grand scheme.

>>39562736
You see, I've never found much reason to think about the changes in history and potential butterfly effects because so much of those causalities are unknowable that no moderately accurate assessment can be made as to where, when, and how things would go differently. With so little grounded in reality it's just whimsy, which is fine, but to mistake it for analytical reasoning that normies don't have is a mistake.

>>39564350
i have difficulty with the emotions of compassion. i look at compassion logically. i look at most emotions logically.

i understand them, but i can't express them when they're supposed to be expressed. remorse is a huge one. compassion. missing people. i don't miss people anymore. once they're gone, they're gone.

being alive just feels fake and going through motions. when someone tells me they miss me, i'm just saying i miss you too back because that's what they want, i don't actually miss them, i can't, it's impossible for me.
i don't even miss my dad and i don't have a problem with him at all.

File: 307.png (912KB, 1110x1080px) Image search: [Google]

912KB, 1110x1080px

I've never cared about actually having sex, it has always existed as escapism and 2D porn only. Never in my life have I legit had a crush on anybody and never have I imagined having actual sex. The thought just doesn't cross my mind, Sex to me is writing lewdfics and jacking to 2D and that's about it, who else here has this feel?

>>39564534
yeah. i didn't start actually fantasizing about me penetrating women until i was in my 20s.
i used to think that if i thought sexual thoughts about a girl that i didn't truly like her, so i kept all my fantasies romantic.

from 17-24 i realized i had no focus on any girls whatsoever, like i couldn't name a girl i would want to date.
i've still yet to feel like i like or am crushing on a girl, it just isn't there, no matter how good looking they are.

>>39564457
Wow, I understand exactly what you mean. Same, pretty much. I usually look at emotions logically or for how they will benefit me to express them, don't really miss people and I often feel like I'm "going through the motions" saying something because it's the expected response, or the one someone will like. But I don't think it's not really malicious or manipulative, it's just playing the same social game as everyone else except I'm conscious of it. my dad is dead and I don't miss him either.

I find it interesting how schizoids usually don't seem to wish they were any different, they don't even want closeness. I do, but I feel incapable of it, like my brain just isn't wired for it, which seems similar to how the few schizoids who do want connections feel. I can't maintain or become close, and everything remains superficial. Even when I'm aware of everything I feel powerless to do any different since I am who I am.

Do schizoids who don't really want connections ever feel a strong sense of alienation or being different among their feelings of contentedness? Does it ever make them wish they were some other way even if it's only a passing thought that they quickly dismiss before going back to feeling fine?

>>39564649
>Do schizoids who don't really want connections ever feel a strong sense of alienation or being different among their feelings of contentedness?

feel alienation? maybe. but once it happens, you will forget your ties. you will forget you had friends like they weren't even there, they will have to talk you back into showing up.
it's happened to me before more than once.

sometimes i wish i could bond with people, but the feeling is so minute it fades pretty fast.
if you have SPD and you find a goal or mission in life, it's over, there are no other people anymore.

>>39564534
I wasn't always like that, but I don't know why I would ever look back now. Only downside is that I'm falling further and further into 2Degeneracy, but if that really bothered me I would have tried stopping long ago. Maybe the fact that most 3D (on a 2D screen of course) still does things for me is anchoring me to a sane sexual outlet or something.

>>39561496
if they weren't actually diagnosed by a psychiatrist then they don't have anything.

>>39564942
not that guy but real schizoids wouldn't get diagnosed by a psychiatrist because it's useless to go to them.

>>39565074
you know in your heart if you had SPD, trust me. but being able to tell if others have it is totally different. also not that guy who posted in that convo.

>>39564442
Oh trust me, I don't like making judgements either because everything is arbitrary. However, the universe begins and dies with me, and my expression of will is merely a consequence of that. Life is literally what you make of it.

File: george-lassos-the-moon-dan-sproul.jpg (40KB, 900x466px) Image search: [Google]

40KB, 900x466px

>>39561189

I've been thinking about suciding/spreekiller recently. Not out of anger or hurt. It just seems like the rational bookend. Id laugh all the way down. Either way, i won't go out being a camwhore. Statistically speaking, I'll be dead in 10 years anyway.

Drunk every night for a month but the money is running out. Looking for a host. Failing that ill go back to work. Homeless is okay because parents will keep my internet phone but only showers keep the bugs off so no

Salvation nears nigtards. The thought deadens action, both good and bad. Hopeless and content

I'm the same as ever.

>>39565074
No, that's fucking stupid. You get diagnosed because you get diagnosed because your life is a mess and your family tells you to seek help or whatever, that's what happened to me anyways. I strongly despise people who haven't even been to a psychiatrist who come to these sort of threads and lecture people on what is and isn't SPD, the posturing is pathetic and tiring to deal with.

Has anyone else in here gotten a diagnosis they're not satisfied with? I was diagnosed with "mixed personality disorder with primarily antisocial features", and was adviced that I also had clinically significant schizoid and schizotypal traits. I feel schizoid is perhaps accurate (though I might be avoidant instead, hard to tell) and I certainly don't feel like I have ASPD, and schizotypal seems dubious to me. What do I do if I don't really trust or believe what the psych is telling me? I also have hallucinations which IIRC has absolutely nothing to do with any of those three disorders.

>>39565668
Mixed sounds plausible if you have features of several and don't feel confident in just being one. If you don't trust or believe your psych, talk about it with them or find another one for a second opinion if they won't listen.

>>39565740
I'm waiting to get a new one now. My general psychiatrist was awful but after being referred to a psychiatrist who works with the prison population (and by extension, a lot of ASPD types) he said he believes I'm not a psychopath, although he also never specifically said I didn't have ASPD. It's hard to tell if he really meant it or decided to say it because he was of the opinion that the diagnosis was doing more harm than good. It's quite frustrating anon, I went into the mental health system thinking I would get some concrete answers about myself, but I've left with even more uncertainties and the knowledge that I'll probably never be able to get a gun licence.

>>39565806
Keep in mind ASPD doesn't necessarily mean sociopathy or psychopathy even though it's often indicative of them. It's a diagnosis based almost purely on behavioural traits, which also excludes a lot of people who might potentially be sociopathic or psychopathic, but malicious or manipulative in less overt ways, or who have managed to function more normally in society, as well as including people who are potentially neither but simply have antisocial behaviours and actions. Because of these and many other issues, there's a lot of controversy and problem with ASPD and disagreement among psychiatrists, but it's really hard to rectify. So, don't buy into the label too much or what people think ASPD is or isn't, if you're suspected of having it (or antisocial features), because you never have to be bound by a label and everyone with it is going to be different.

>It's quite frustrating anon, I went into the mental health system thinking I would get some concrete answers about myself, but I've left with even more uncertainties and the knowledge that I'll probably never be able to get a gun licence.
I know how you feel, I'm sorry you haven't had an easy time getting answers either. ASPD prevents you from getting a concealed carry license in the US, right? Or are you somewhere else? I think Trump is trying to reduce the amount of screening for mental health issues and make it ultimately so that everyone is able to purchase firearms and concealed carry. I can understand the hesitation, but it's kind of stupid too, that a label can instantly lock you out of things regardless of how capable you may or may not be as an individual.

>>39565987
I live in Bongland, so I sincerely doubt I'm going to be able to get a gun licence now unfortunately.
>there's a lot of controversy and disagreement among psychiatrists
This honestly seems to be what I hear about every disorder. Is the whole field just bunk?

>>39566192
>I live in Bongland, so I sincerely doubt I'm going to be able to get a gun licence now unfortunately.
Ah, okay. That sucks if so, I'm sorry.
>This honestly seems to be what I hear about every disorder. Is the whole field just bunk?
I don't think it's bunk, but it's a relatively new field without being based on much before it, so it's bound to have a lot of disagreement and error in its infancy. Fields that can back psychology and psychiatry, like neuroscience and neuropsychiatry, are also basically in their infancies as well. I think it's just hard to be precise with by its nature, people are complicated, and some kinds of people (such as under the label of ASPD) are moreso and harder to understand.

File: 1504122771891.jpg (19KB, 308x308px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 308x308px

>want to love family
>physically unable to
One death please

File: Everything_KeyArt.jpg (157KB, 1000x563px) Image search: [Google]

157KB, 1000x563px

If you guys like Alan Watts and like Video games, check out the game called Everything

Its super comfy and features a lot of audio files from his lectures

>>39567361
this
Its about the universe in an abstract sort of way. Definitely an art game, but a thoroughly enjoyable one at that. Id recommend it.

>>39561189

I was diagnosed with schizoid and schizotypal. Life is a lot better now than it was when I was younger.

I went from young tearaway from a broken home in economic despair, to ex military with a lucrative craft, married for 5 years. I'm most at home when i'm deep in the wilderness with a pack and rifle.

I have always had only minimal superficial friendships throuought school. I experimented being social and got around 15 friends, but i soon dropped them and returned to 4 people I mostly cheated on tests with in hs and almost never hung out with. After school was over I deleted all of their contacts and have been alone for about 9 months now. Talking only with my parents occasionaly. It has been the happiest time of my life.

File: 1504635427825.jpg (73KB, 1468x1468px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 1468x1468px

>>39561331 tfw schizoid dilemma strikes

Is Schizoid Personality disorder, even a DISORDER of all thing?
From reading the posts on this thread, as well as doing my own research into SPD, it seems that one of the reasons why SPD is so rarely diagnosed is that people that potentially have it don't find help as it doesn't bother them/majorly hinder their life. If that's the case, this makes SPD not really a personality disorder, more like the person is just the ultimate introvert

File: cometbackground.jpg (432KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

432KB, 1920x1080px

bumping
orginalio

File: 20170906_104833.jpg (245KB, 638x638px) Image search: [Google]

245KB, 638x638px

>>39561189
I'm schizophrenic, have Asperger's syndrome, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, and ptsd.

I'm starting mtf transition at 29 after getting paroled out of prison for drug trafficing. Pretty much guaranteed to suicide soon

>>39561617
>Started uni. Tried going to a couple party / freshman stuff. Got drunk in an attempt to enjoy it, enjoyed it less than sitting in my room.
>Tried pretending to be social and available to make the compulsory group stuff easier, dropped that within the first week.
I dropped out because of this. All of my roommates and dorm-mates were nice as fuck but I just couldn't stand being around that many people all of the time.

>>39564744
>if you have SPD and you find a goal or mission in life, it's over, there are no other people anymore.
I know this feel. I guess I never realized that this was the reason I could stay focused on things for such a long time, everything else just vanishes.

File: 1504040601944.jpg (356KB, 800x680px) Image search: [Google]

356KB, 800x680px

>>39562891
>Human body is ugly
I feel you, I have an obsession with incarnating as an anthropomorphic animal entity in a holographic/digitally based simulated reality of my one consciousness divided in time to experience different perspectives as though I were different beings

>>39561189
theyre smart for avoiding people, people are fake as fuck, wonder how that makes them sick

>>39569474
R u pic related?

>>39568794
There's a difference, however, between whether something is a problem, and whether you feel like it is one. For example, narcissists and people with antisocial personalities often don't feel like their problems hinder them, they might even feel like it's their edge over other people. But in reality, it's obviously not an advantage and they're just too sick to realize it's not. Maybe people with SzPD don't feel like they're suffering, but that doesn't mean something isn't wrong.

>>39562088
Schizoids are not Schizophrenic.

File: 1490801393598.jpg (80KB, 927x1200px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 927x1200px

>>39561189
Maybe. It's hard to tell. I got diagnosed with Autism but I tick most of the SPD boxes in this too. (Not sure about "appears indifferent" - I almost certainly appear indifferent, but feel terrible when criticised and fear it.)

Things are okay. I was very depressed for most of the year, then I suddenly got the feeling I could take on the world and get a lot done. That's now dampened off and I don't really feel anything. Slightly anxious since I'm going to university. I've been once and I kind of struggle with how to balance interacting with people. I sort of vaguely like it in the moment but I feel bad later, and it's tiring. No friends since 2014 and only internet ones before then.