>it's yet another day of playing mind games with myself

I gave up in highschool when I realized I'd never live out the exciting adventures I always dreamed of.

27. Just don't care anymore. It's over.

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>>39554989
dog thats a long episode title ur gonna need to reevaluate that and have it on my desk monday morning or its detention for you, buckaroo!

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>it's another "i'll start doing this every day!" but you can't make it past 2 days episode
>it's another takes a shower for the first time in 2 weeks and the only 'clean' towel you have has cum crusted onto it episode
>it's another "anon spends more time dreaming about things he wants rather than doing them" episode

>>39555092
>The Futility of the Pathetic Soul: Part 1

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>>39555113
>worrying about brushing my teeth or getting a workout in when the rest of the world moved light years ahead of me a long time ago

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>>39555121
wow champ beautifully done! full credit and the whole class will get a pizza party because of this. oh and chad? we're moving him out of the class since you two dont get along

I always have a slight thought of "but one day in the future it'll obviously have to be changing..." and it never comes. None of the problems from five years ago have gone away, only more added.

>>39555134
fucking hell this hits too close home

>showering daily is a challenge
>sometimes skip brushing teeth because of laziness
>procrastinate on taking a shit

>>39554989
Just looked up the requeriments to enter in a nautical school and it's 18-23 years old and high school completed (im 22 and turning 23 in december). Females are allowed and it makes my blood boil the fact that roasties have jobs while I'm a depressed neet with no money. fuck this world.

Guys, I know it sounds cliche but please take into consideration that you only have one life, one, and you must do everything in your power to make it right.
I know it's hard, it's extremely hard, but please, please don't do anything that could jeopardize your future.

>>39554989
>try to do something
>dont or get distracted and do something else

>try
That's where you fucked up, normalfag.

>>39554989

>go to psychiatrist and therapist
>tell me to exercise more
>already walk my dog and lift for at least an hour each day
>say take more shorwers
>already bathe at least once or twice every couple days
>this is the only advise they give and i've been doing it for years

Someone help me buy a shotgun, I want off this retarded ass ride.

>>39555212

WHATEVER YOU DO, do NOT neglect your teeth, or you'll end up a toothless fuck like me. Lost 'em all around age 30 from sugar-rot and poor hygienic decisions. It's painful and ugly.

>>39555388
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=armslist

>>39555388
Did they diagnose you with a mentall illness? Did they prescribe you meds? I went to therapy for about a total of 8 months in 2015 because I fucked up and it was kinda helpful, but nowadays I'm oficially depressed so advices/talking doesn't help shit, because I know exactly what I need and want to do, the problem is I don't have the energy to do so because of depression.
I haven't gone to a psychiatrist yet though. I was given benzos in a hospital and coming off them crushed me mentally, I need them again to function

>>39554989
i-i'll be okay

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I really wish I had a klonopin prescription again

at least when I was on them I could go out in public and was able to talk to people and they genuinely seemed to like talking with me

now I'm totally closed off and holed up inside the house all day and riddled with agoraphobia

withdrawals are hell but the shot at being able to live happily again makes them seem more than worth it

>>39555551
Are you me? Why did you quit?
I quit because I was feeling retarded but I was in a excessive high dose.

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>>39555551
im on kpins now 3mg a day, If im going out ill always take one, but most days i just stay inside either in a meth fueled shitpost session or playing tekken. Honestly couldnt go back to a life without benzos

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>>39555574
I was on them for 4 years, quit them 2 years ago along with everything else because for a while I was abusing them, alcohol, and other pills. Been pretty much stone cold sober for the past year and a half minus a couple recreational nights once in a blue moon. There was a point in my benzo use where I was taking upwards of 12-16mg of xanax a day for a few months - it got really ugly

>>39555580
sounds reminiscent, for a while there I had the 90 1mg / month script along with 30 50mg vyvanse. It really is such a waste to use those drugs like that and just sit inside all day but, I've been there. If I could do it all over again I think I'd never get started on the alcohol. I used to mix high doses of benzos with alcohol all the time and it wasn't until after I quit both that I learned of all these people dying or ending up in the hospital from the concoction

>>39555491

I got a few official diagnoses from the doc in the psych ward where I was about a year ago. Got into special programs for the mentally ill around here, but all the advice they give are stuff I'm already doing or stuff that won't help/have already done. Sure, showering feels good, but it doesn't help my depression to feel clean or in fresh clothes. The psych at least keeps my benzo regiment going, so at least I can go outside for a few hours, otherwise I'm holed up in my room with the light blocked out staring at a screen of one sort or another like >>39555551


I feel awful for you bro, I know how the withdrawals go, I've been off and on them since I was 19(am 33 now) and getting a taste of normal functionality is a hell of a drug.

Anger problems, can't concentrate on things for more than a couple minutes, I feel like a chimp or caged gorilla. Got part-time job hauling groceries, cuz I knew the guy hiring from HS, so that's a plus I guess. I have to double up on the meds whenever a shift comes though, so I can just go on autopilot for 8 hours and go home. It's hell and every day gets worse.

>>39555580
tekken 6 hooked me for a while till I sold it, I can imagine doing meth and playing it is probably next level indulgence if you're good. I was mediocre and mained steve fox, I remember playing that game at college while failing out, it was my personal zen space. Waiting in the match making lobby forever. I knew people irl who liked it to.

My life ended at 20.

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>>39555722
t7 is my first tekken and im trying to learn nina, think i bit off a bit more than i can chew by picking her so i think im gonna switch to kazumi. why do you say your life ended at 20?

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>>39555788
Tekken 3 was my first tekken, my older brother would pick me and my brother up from our house sometimes and hang out with us and he had a PlayStation. In retrospect the whole thing is sad due to what I've become. Those were some of the greatest moments of my life, hanging out with my older brother.

My life ended at 20 because it's when reality sank in and I dropped out of college with bad grades, it was the culmination of my life and the climax. Now I'm just a shell lurching along stuck in the past.

At 20 I realized my limitations and it changed me forever, I was a shut in and it was my chance to change and I couldn't. I never felt "free" like everyone around me.

24 now.

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>>39555832
well i can definitely relate to being a shut in, i rarely leave the house, im a paranoid schizophrenic so when im around people my mental state is always like "okay you gotta be ready you could die at any moment if you let your guard down" plus hallucinations etc my substance abuse definitely doesnt help it but it doesnt just go away when i stop abusing them so i continue to. anyway im going to sleep man, i know people around here like to say "it never gets better" but personally im relatively content with my life, and i think you'll reach that state soon. not necessarily happiness but more like "this is okay. this is normal" kinda thing. night anon

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>>39555886
you're relatively content because you're taking 3mg of klonopin a day

>>39555886
Goodnight anon, thanks for talking with me.

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The more I think about it now my life really ended the 1st time at about 14 when I changed schools which I did a couple times and then ending up in homeschool and becoming dropout.

Failing college was just a ripple effect from that. At least I played some video games and watched anime. Always dreaming of getting my act together when I wasn't being miserable.

btw anon, I DID watch that alan watts video you linked me last week

it didn't really do anything for me but I did see what he was trying to say

>>39556039
allen watts videos are useless memes females drool over and men try to scrape through for substance in their empty lives.

>>39556054
I think the general message of "stop trying to give such a fuck" is important though, especially to any robot that's beyond hope but, I cant help but agree with you, there really just wasn't anything incredibly substantive in what he was saying besides trying not to beat yourself all the time

>>39556120
he said a lot and it had an abstract consistency, prickles and goo and so on and how these forces effect our lives.

most of us are too much goo in the first place.

idk if we're normal people though, we dream of being prickles as goo.