twin peaks ended tonight. was strange
been doing reall ybad recently
how are you all doing
I don't know if I'm depressed.
Sometimes I feel that I must be.
But I love life. I truly do. I relish experience. I would never willingly remove myself from the world. But I still feel alone.
>>39504371
hm, maybe more lonely than depressed?
I'm 24 and I make pretty good money for a guy my age. But I don't need it. I don't spend it on anything. I just save it and invest it. I'm planning on retiring somewhere close to 40. And then...
I don't know.
Will freedom from work make my life better?
>>39504401
if you don't like your work i suppose. I feel miserable when i don't work lol
>get online gf
>plan to visit
>get last paycheck
I don't think I will be able to anymore...
>>39504401
If you dont like what you are doing yes it will
Not doing anything can make you feel bad but never as bad as doing a job you hate (in my experience)
so
Hobby no job > no Hobby no job > job you hate
Without a job you hate you will always be above the bottom
>>39504543
how far away is she my dude?
>>39504325
Hello Mr Skellington
Tonight I'm getting drunk and watching Yuru Yuri. It's really cute and it makes me feel happy for a little while.
I hope you feel better.
>>39504625
i cant really handle shows like those desu, they make me a bit anxious. glad you like it though, hope you stay happy for longer than you expect :)
>>39504604
like 3/4th of the US
>>39504651
that bites. travelling across the us is the worst. Maybe you could take a train? Those are way cheaper
>>39504401
I hate ungrateful pieces of shit like you. By having a high paying job you have NO FUCKING RIGHT TO BE SAD YOU PIECE OF SHIT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU HAVE IY BETTER TJAN EVERYONE I DONT CARE ABOUT HOW FUCKING SAD YOU SUPPOSEDLY ARE FUCK YOU
Was depressed but then passed out on the couch for a few hours by accident.
It didn't solve any problems for me but I did manage to mentally check out for a little while and that's something. At least I get respite in my sleep, even if it requires having to drink ten beers by 2pm to get to sleep.
>>39504683
naps are good. You an insomniac or something like that?
>>39504661
I have to look into it more closer to the date but it's not looking good. Thanks for the tip though anon.
>>39504720
i love ronnie
good luck anon
>>39504705
Somewhat. I can't sleep for more than six hours at a time. My brother and I have the same problem and we think it's because we always smoke weed to get to sleep. We just sober up enough to wake up after six hours in. I usually end up staying up for an hour and smoking more to get back to bed, but I'm always tired after the fact. I've never been a good sleeper to be honest.
It was just good to drop out of life for a bit. It's like being dead without the commitment.
>>39504758
hm, maybe start smoking earlier in the day?
>>39504739
Yea me too
Gotta pick up the most recent printed version of whomp sometime
I've also been stress eating more lately
>>39504773
that always sucks. I went thru a period of that a while ago, but now it evolved into stress jerking off
>>39504766
I don't know if that's an option to be honest, I'm the kind of person who has to be stoned all the time. It's the only way I don't break down crying at random times and am able to get to sleep at all.
I also abuse stimulants from time to time, so about once a month I have a period where I'm awake for 40-72 hours.
>>39504325
Everytime something good happens to me I immediately start thinking of the negatives associated with it. No matter how much I try to accept things for how they are, I just keep wishing I was dead. The best thing you can do is give up on getting your hopes up because the higher you get the lower you'll fall.
>>39504325
What have you been up to bro? I haven't seen one of these threads in a while. As for me, I'm drinking (as usual).
>>39504805
whens the last time you were sober my dude?
>>39504832
could you give me an example ?
>>39504786
It's even worse because I have the diabetes
I don't exercise either it hurts a lot because of some medical stuff so I tend to not do it.
>>39504863
I don't actually remember the last day I spent without using at least one drug.
Must have been as far back as my trip to Pennsylvania a year and a half ago but that was only like a day because I bought weed like the second day I was there.
>>39504862
working, looking for a new job, incredibly stressed
hope you're doing ok at least
>>39504875
no exercise at all? Not even walking or anything
>>39504888
have you ever been on antidepressants?
>>39504904
I'm currently on antidepressants.
I just use drugs and alcohol with them regularly. Antidepressants aren't going to magically make me not a terrible person so I don't see the point most of the time.
>>39504919
no, but they can help get out of the lowest parts of the low. Using drugs and alcohol while on antidepressants isnt the best idea, it'll reall yfuck up your insides :(
>>39504904
I mean in the house and walking to a class but that doesn't really count as exercise
>>39504960
I don't actually care about my insides anymore I really hope I fucking die soon.
Drugs and alcohol are the only things actually keeping me going.
>>39505041
you might wanna try it sometime, even if it hurts simple cardio can do wonders. not trying to dismiss yourproblems however, you do what you feel is best for you <3
>>39504863
For example, I had a really good day at work yesterday. Started really shitty but got to joke around with customers and actually enjoyed myself. By the time I was trying to go to sleep my mind was racing with all the things I've done recently that make me cringe. Wish I could just not be me. Think about how I'll never escape being me, that I'll always have a chemical imbalance that will make me feel this way.
>>39505061
I know its not best for me but it's hard to have the motivation to
I have an excercise bike in my little room reminding me every day
>>39505056
Same here. I don't want to be stuck taking happy pills the rest of my life to just be a normie. I've decided to take the slow suicide route, just eat like shit, drink and smoke weed/cigs until I finally get cancer
>>39505129
Yeah I stopped taking the happy pills. They're not going to magically make me not a shitty terrible person. What's the point? I'm never going to be happy with who and what I am. Might as well enjoy everything I can before eventual suicide.
And people think drugs made me depressed, I was suicidal long before I ever touched a single drug.
Hey, I don't know if you remember me. I spoke to you a few weeks ago about some gay feels. About not wanting to age and having bad daydreams of committing suicide with my boyfriend that made me cry.
Anyway, I met a guy. He's exactly what I want. A cute 18 year old boy who enjoys dressing up. We click and we both want a serious relationship. The only issue is we live across the ocean from each other but it's not deterring us. We're developing some strong feelings for each other and I feel what I can only describe as happiness for the first time in a long time. I'm terrified of something destroying this, but I'm trying not to think about it.
>>39505061
what did you think of the new season of twin peaks? I've been saving it for later but now everyone on /tv/ is complaining
I'm thinking of quitting my job because of the stress. It's constant and I can't handle it. I feel I can live off savings while I look for a new job, but it's scary to think about.
>>39505123
i know that feeling though
>>39505160
oh i remember that. I'm glad you're doing better, being happy :)
where'd you meet?
>>39505201
very good, ending was lame. Probably a season 4
>>39505237
get a new job. If its detrimental to your life, switch.
>>39504325
i dont want to get a job, the tought of having to choose a profession to survive makes me sick and anxious. currently i am in uni just to avoid working (my parents pay for everything and I practicly have no tuition fees) but I just cant stop thinking about what I will have to do in a few years. my biggest hope is that basic income will be pushed through which would be more than enough for me but other than that I could get neetbux which are a huge pain in the ass though
>>39505245
I posted a feels thread here similar to what we talked about. He had the same lonely feels on the other side of the relationship (i.e. being a stay at home boywife). He said he was very shy and a lurker, but we still decided to start chatting on Discord and hit it off. He's super clingy and nice and I love it. We've also seen pics of each other so there's no guessing what we look like.
Never thought I'd genuinely find myself in this type of relationship.
>>39505300
Me too anon
I'm luck enough to basically get paid by scholarships for college because of my race and can't stand to think about what will happen after it is over.
What are you going for anon?
I hope I can get ok enough at art that I can bullshit my way into something I can at least do at home...
but the depression makes it hard to focus on that in my free time. I'm tired so much of the time.
>>39505336
oh cool, im glad its working out :)
>>39505300
what would be your dream job, like the thing htat wouldnt stress you out
>>39505337
im sorry to hear that my dude
>>39505396
>>39505410
currently I am just biding my time til I cant bullshit my parents anymore but afterwards I'll try to get into Library or archive work. I recently talked to someone who is a librarian and she said she was a paid unemployed
>>39505447
hey, i'm super into both of those things desu :)
might get my masters in library science
This has been weighing on my mind and I would like to share it cuz why not.
>be me 2nd grade
>getting along great with this girl, I think she is pretty
>kinda my first crush
>play all day during recess
>we play kinda rough, I tackle her she tackles me etc.
>one day my mom is driving me home from practice
>mom starts screaming at me about how I can't beat this girl up on the playground
>I start crying, I'm scared and we were both playing
>she is going nuts on me
>tells me the girl is autistic and the teacher called my mom saying I was bullying her
>mfw I literally had no idea she had any mental problems
>I explained we were playing and my mom apologized
>stop interacting with her because I feel uncomfortable
That is the last time I ever remember feeling an emotional connection to a girl.
>>39504371
I feel the same, I don't want to kill myself but I feel so alone. Sometimes I just grab a cigarette or a cigar and go smoke somewhere alone.
It feels good to accept the solitude but I know I'm going insane. I've started talking to myself and everyday my brain reminds me of some socially awkward or mean thing I've done. I've started reacting to it with noises. When I'm reminded of an awkward thing I did I will mutter or say stuff like "fuck fuck fuck fuck" or "I'm a fucking idiot." It's gotten a lot worse, it happens like 10 times a day now.
>>39505551
it kinda interests me too, which is a rarity these days but 8 hours a day not doing what I want is huge
anyone else not especially like life but dont really wanna kys but at the same time want for you to kys when you get old and youre gonna die anyways?
i feel like a pussy that people can kill themselves and meanwhile the thought of a gun sound alerting everyone around and then what it would feel like makes me feel nervous. there was a girl in highschool who hung herself and one who tried to die using pills but just got her stomach pumped and the fact that they tried but id be too afraid to attempt it makes me hate myself.
I want my last day to end someplace far out in some woods with a noose on a tree and stand on a fold up chair and a in the mouth a 12 gauge. i seriously hope one dat when im old ill be brave enough to do it
>Want to watch Twin Peaks.
>Don't have a 4k TV.
LEEDLELEEDLELEEDLELEEEEEEEEEEE
>>39505577
huh, how strange
parents of disabled children are usually more fucked up thanthe children themselves
also yellijng at a 2nd grader is fucked up
>>39505606
understandable, like, i hate working till seven pm desu :(
>>39505643
never feel like a pussy for not wanting to kill yourself. like thats pretty human nature
>>39505649
yeah, i had to downgrade for the last two eps and it was kinda worse lol
>>39505577
>I will mutter or say stuff like "fuck fuck fuck fuck" or "I'm a fucking idiot."
Me too anon
"fuck" "fucking die" fucking shit fuck you"
I don't even swear but it happens a lot now
I don't even drink or smoke or drugs
too scared of getting addicted to anything
Why do I physically feel numb in all places in my body, it's like I'm not even inside of my body and just floating around in my head.
>>39505727
>also yellijng at a 2nd grader is fucked up
My mom was great most of the time but she had these mental breakdowns randomly and would scream at me. I remember how scary it and out of nowhere it was. It was 0-100 and I never knew what would set her off. Fucked me up and kept me from having a lot of fun subsequently giving me some social problems.
>>39505909
It's starting to freak me out, I feel like I'm watching my sanity fall apart in front of my eyes.
>>39505909
Could be dissociative disorder
>>39505909
anxiety maybe? I'm not really sure
>>39506077
oh, your mom, not the other girls mom. Sorry to hear that anon :(