Post random confessions you need to get off your chest even if

I own a gun

Cont.
I'm still in the trance and eagerly trying jack off because of how horny I am, so I hope over the bed railing and pull the skirt down to pull the tights down. I keep stroking standing and it feels like a mini orgasm, I do it again on my knees then fall on to my back for one big real orgasm and cum all over myself. I finally feel like I've snapped out of it but the mind emptying section still makes me feel like I'm not thinking at all. I use the word bimbo when thinking aloud a lot for an hour after. Just now I listened to a different bimbo video and was completely enthralled by it, and I jacked off while in trance which broke it again. It's thrilling but somewhat scary, and I don't know how to feel other than just to tell meandering internet strangers.

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>>39249274

I've had it for years.

>>39249251
Posted it before but thread got deleted and lost it so ill be short about it.
I know im going to hell anyway.
>be 25 yro me
>15 yro bitch sister
>knows shes cute so she acts like a bitch
>skimpy clothes, attention seeking and the works
>have to watch her on my weekends off because she causes mom problems
>doesnt help that my wife pulled over time that weekend
>bitch sister doing her stupid dances in my living room
>kicks my stand and my ps4 falls onto the pc tower and rips the hdmi cable plug out
>i yell at ger for breaking my shit
>tells me to stfu, i play video games too much, wifes ugly (shes a qt) etc
>lost my shit and slapped her hard
>she attacks me onto the couch and i bite her neck
>lose my mind and im so mad shit gets fuzzy
>start spanking her and yelling at her
>wrap my arm around her kneck and shove my hand down her short shorts
>masturbate her angrily until she stops struggling
>grab her tit until it bruised
>grab her by her hair and drag her up the stairs yelling at her saying something about teaching her stupid self a lesson
>toss her over my dresser and pull down her short
>fuck her as hard and angrily as i could, tore the head of my dick a little
>spank her, scream at her itd her fault why moms in such a stressed state(her hair is falling out and looks haggard)
>make her look at herself in the mirror while i scream at her
>her screaming turns to soft sobbing moans
>gets wet and shes about to orgasm
>i hit her to try and stop it, dont want her to enjoy this at all
>scream at her "who does she think i am?"
>she tries to tell me to fuck off but half blurts out "daddy"
>she orgasms and stops responding
>blew my load, she wears a nuva ring so its safe
>leave her in my room and clean up

>>39249251
>met amazing girl
>we grow close and I want to spend time with her
>she never wants to spend time with me anymore, dedicates her time to other guys instead of spending it with me
>she doesnt do anything and I just wanna spend my time with her because I love her
>gets mad when I hang with other females
>talks to me constantly about hanging with other men
It hurts

>>39249627
>she stays in my room until mom comes to pick her up
>she leaves quietly
>tell mom we had an argument

Ever since then (its been 4 months) shes been far better behaved, helps mom and treats mom better. Moms condition improved too. I still watch her at my house but she sits in the couch and watches tv now.

I fully expected to go to jail but she never breathed a word and ill never speak of it except here, Wife doesnt know and neither does mom.

We spoke about it eventually and she basically missed dad and felt she let him down and thats why he left. Its why she acted out all those years and kept causing us stress.

She likes being yelled at because it lets her know we care apparently.

>spoke about what i did
>tell her im not attracted to her and all my frustration and anger came out fucked up
>both promise to never speak on it again

She still sits abnormally close to me when we all watch movies though but whatever. Take it how you will, hoping i dont get sent to hell.

I don't truly care about anyone or anything, as edgy as it may sound. There's definitely mental illness involved, but I can only pretend otherwise for short bursts that fade into futile realization followed by indignation and frustration. Here and there I'll meet people I enjoy interfacing with, but there's no real substance to who I am. I'm just an extension out into nothingness, and the extension will loop back soon enough. It never meets anything. It just goes, gets tired, then reals back.

I'd like to say that I love my parents, my siblings, or even myself, but I don't.

>>39249251
My nama jeff hehe

>>39249694
why not just talk to her about this anon

>>39249694
Women are terrible, just avoid her. She's being petty she doesn't care for you

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>>39249627
>>wrap my arm around her kneck and shove my hand down her short shorts
>>masturbate her angrily until she stops struggling

This is such shit

>>39249745
you should write a alt-self help book that was a strong story you never hear in the mainstream

>>39249830
I've done it already, anon. Nothing good came out of it. It is awful.
>>39249856
I think this might be the best step, I just need to find another love interest or something to dedicate my time to.

>>39249779
I feel the exact same way, I have no friends, no desire for a gf, all my interactions with my family are basically faked. My mother says "I love you" and I say it back but deep down I don't realy feel anything towards ayone.

I mean it's not like I hate anyone, I just feel nothing, I don't connect with anyone on a genuine level, ever. I think my mother could die and I really wouldn't feel anything other than inconvenience and some regret for her that she died, but I would never cry or have any actual grief or anything.

I feel so empty inside.

>>39249907
You gotta man up, anon.

Tell her: you either date me exclusively, or you can fuck off and I'll hang with whomever I want.

>>39249779
Here I will help you out
quit being overly verbose, you aren't writing a novel about yourself because that sounds cringe and is probably why people dont care for you and dont put the effort to stoke your interest.

My own:
Could drink every day to keep calm, having an addictive personality can be really destructive and I am worried for myself moving forward.

>>39249919
feel the same way anon, I only get those feels when I take psychedelics
I think it's some mental abnormality and we should feel that feel, but obviously the government doesn't want that feel

>meet a girl, she's a bit of a roastie but I've fucked a fair share of women myself
>have similar interests and attitudes, like to fuck the same way. Feels like I found someone who may be special
>move very quickly, exchanging I love yous and shit within days and dump every aspect of our pasts and personalities on each other
>one day she won't talk to me, she wants to "slow things down" which isn't unreasonable
>but I detect there's more
>she starts being flakey and I think she just is done with me
>depressed but trying to accept because it's a new relationship so why be so emotionally involved?
>a few drinks turns into a three day bender cycling between casual conversation and me accusing her of fucking niggers, playing with my emotions, being a narcissistic lying cunt, and all other manner of hateful shit, then apologizing
I don't know why I do these things. She went about this in a wrong way, but I just melted down and ruined one more chance at finding someone. Oh well. Always the kms option when I run out of coupons.

>>39250146
forgot the part where in the middle of all this I destroyed my apartment and had about 8cops show up saying my neighbors thought I was killing myself.

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Not really a confession but I need some advice about something pretty autistic. I have this story I've imagined in my head since I was 7, about this huge sci-fi war, and I've continued it for a decade and a half now. The original main characters died when I left 7th grade but their children survived and became the main characters: specifically their son, Orion. Orion was basically like an alter ego of mine, he looked like me, I put myself in his head for his thoughts, when I imagined a space battle I could effortlessly slip into his POV. Now a few years ago, I had this huge battle I built up to go months, where Orion had a final showdown with the villain who had been part of the story for 12 years. Orion sacrificed himself to kill him by pushing them both into a out of energy. His newborn children survived him. Years later, his daughter starts looking for a way to resurrect him. Now this story was never hard sci-fi considering that there are visions of the future, seeing through walls, and cities built of trees that stand miles tall. But resurrection is something else. I finally came up with a way to handle it, when I encountered the problem of who becomes the main character. Right now, the role is split between Orions children (leo and andromeda) and while they are good characters they don't feel the same as Orion. But if I bring him back, so I juggle all three of them? Make Orion a background character? I miss him so much, I felt deep regret for killing him off a year after it happened. Maybe I'm trying to cling to a part of my life that is gone. Today I visited a place I hadn't been to since my teenage years, and felt depressed realizing how much happier I was then. I don't know, I guess I'm looking for advice on whether to bring this character back to life as I planned. I've left out so much important information but I cannot squeeze it all into one post. Maybe some one can give me advice. I have to decide this one way or another tomorrow.

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>>39250192
godbless the boys in blue

>>39249861
Like i said no clue what brought it on. >>39249869
I really shouldnt, im positive by doing what i did i fucked up something else in her head.

>>39249274
Will you shoot me please?

>>39250226
sometime my theory of the universe is that we are here to experience reality so we can create our own reality. You are god now anon and you can create to destiny of these anon-jrs.

>>39250246
that's ok, maybe you should do it again to make it alright again

*pit of energy
Anyway they are currently searching for the "resurrection chamber." The enemy has what remains of orions body, burnt though it was, hoping to bring him back for their own evil purposes, as a nigh unlikable assassin, and they have him preserved. I have a great comeback for Orion planned if he does come back to life but I have this odd feeling that I am about to do something wrong that will irreversibly fuck up my story. There are a lot of thoughts and emotions at play here that are hard to explain: wanting this character back because he just shouldn't have died, not wanting multiple main characters, wanting to preserve the succession of the story (generation to generation) and leaving Leo and andromeda as almost side characters feels wrong in itself. Also having a resurrection device feels shaky. It will be a one use thing but it feels like the lamest asspull in history.

I shouldn't care so much but this story means a lot to me, I've had it in my life for so long. When bad things happened to me, bad things happened in the story. I felt real sadness, maybe proxy sadness, for certain character deaths. So I don't want to screw it up.

>>39250284
I want it to not be such a horrible plot that it breaks the suspension of disbelief, though. Already with age I can feel my imagination rotting. I walked a path today that I walked seven years ago, where Orion journeyed to discover ancient secrets. I remember being so drawn in, so absorbed, creating felt effortless. Now every move seems weighted down with paranoia. Maybe it's just rose tinted goggles creating an impossible standard that never existed. I don't know.

>>39250349
that sounds awesome
I used to shoot basketball by myself and pretend a game was being played between two pro teams in the multiverse, I would create standings schedules and manipulate certain outcomes for the teams I created
It was just fun and games until I started smoking salvia and reality took a complete different form
I can't answer your problem but part of life is to live and sometimes tragedies happen
I stopped imagining games but I started imagining scenarios that test my psyche, and life bound them together exactly for me to experience them. I feel it's all part of this game of life.

>>39249251
test 234324234fff323f

>>39249251
I always feel like I'm lying to myself, like, I am doing stuff out of alterior motives that I can't pin down. I want to do things to talk to certain people and I want to say things to people to make a certain impression. I always feel like I'm being hostile though in a way that I cannot pin down.
I also feel like I am always trying to hold up some sort of image. Sure, I never lie about my life, but I am so obsessed with being with my oneitis that it is all I think about. I think I am limerant, but I don't want to be seen as limerant so I try not to show feelings or talk about it to people I know. I feel like the person I have feelings for would never want to hear that I have feelings for her. I feel like she has so many more options that I wouldn't even stand a chance. I have no idea of whether or not this is true, but I can't help but to feel inferior. The worst part about this is that she was one of the first girls to take interest in me that I actually found attractive. She liked me because of how I acted when I wasn't full of anxiety, but once I realized I actually had a chance with her I instantly became anxious around her 24/7. God fucking damn, she wanted me so bad but my feelings FUCKED IT UP.
cont.

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>>39250482
I don't know why I even try. I don't feel like anybody that I would want to be with would be able to make me not feel so anxious. Nobody likes me when I'm anxious. I can't fucking function when I'm anxious. The only girls that still like me are ones that I hate/dislike because all the ones there were mutual feelings for made me so anxious that they stopped finding me attractive. FUCK. Why am I this way anons? Why? Why can't I just be able to want intimacy but not be so afraid of it? I don't understand why I am such and idiot. All I have wanted to do for the last couple of years of my life was to go to a park and lay down with a girl I love and say nothing. Nada. Just lay down, cuddle, and exist. I want to not feel like I have to be funny or interesting for them, I just want to lay down calmly and exist. But I don't see that ever happening in my life.
God fucking damn. How do I stop my anxiety huh? It doesn't help that my mom is pressuring me into getting a girlfriend since she thinks I should gain experience in dating. God fucking DAAAAAAAAAAMN. Thinking about this frustrates me so much. I feel so ashamed of wanting intimacy. Like, the fact that I want it means I don't deserve it. Like, everybody tells me that love comes when you aren't looking, but I don't know how to stop. I feel so unhappy with myself. Suicide has not been on my mind more often than now in any part of my life. I want to end it all because of this crap. I don't think I'll ever get what I desire. Why even go on if I can't. Why am I so shameful? Why am I such a loser?

I have a girlfriend, and for as uncomfortable as I would be sleeping with other girls, I have a ton of fantasies where I want to sleep with other girls.

>>39250490
as much as you're sperging out you sound like there's still a chance
I fallen in the same trap but I'm deeper now, and you need to work your way out before you get to where I am

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>>39250461
>part of life is to live and sometimes tragedies happen
Thanks anon. That helps a bit. I just would feel dumb setting all this up to have it amount to nothing, but I guess it's better than messing things up even more.

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>>39250519
>you sound like there's still a chance
this is true but i dont know how to increase my odds
i have no idea how to stop being anxious and be honest with my feelings
i just wish i could stop feeling ashamed for having romantic intentions
i feel like offing myself rn

>>39249251
Idk if my step cousin actually wants to fuck me, but if given the chance I'd totally do it.
>we had full make out sessions when we were younger that she disguised as "oh, I just love my wittle cousin so much (4yr difference)
>comes from a broken home and rumors spread that she has mild OCD, so she ain't all right in the head more lenient to auts shit
>"oh, you didn't take a shower yet either? Wanna go in together? ;) oh lelz just joking with you
>"oh you're feeling grumpy? You should get some sleep. Cmon let's go sleep together ;)"

Bonus points: she's hot af

You're all melodramatic fucks without the good looks to make it tolerable
Is there anything more annoying than a dramatic ugly person? You're already wrong, there isn't.

>>39249251
I want to to be cute but every time I do so I feel such contempt for myself.

>>39250544
yeah dude I feel the same, except it's maybe a few years in the future
start working hard now no matter what, when you're 26 no gf no respectable job, a criminal record for drug possession, shit is seriously horrible
The only saving grace of my life has been an early investment in bitcoin which I plan on using to get me out of this rut when probation is over
as much as shit sucks it will suck more if you let it get worse
I was at a point where I could even watch porn because I felt like such a loser, so please take care of yourself and maintain a certain level of respect
offing yourself is wild, I've considered it but every time I start planning it's easier to just live another day

>>39249627
The fuck, man? Christ.

>>39250649
It's a fake story, that anon is angling to get this entire thread nuked.