"I've got a friend I want you to meet today, Champ

File: IMG_3803.jpg (24KB, 372x395px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 372x395px

>>39225304
Fuck you faggot I'm not getting a job

>Fuck off dad, im just waiting for you and mom to die so i can live off the inheritance. I dont work, work is for filthy wagies. When are you dying anyway? You already have grey hairs, you should be one foot away from the grave. PS, tell Jake he can suck muh dick.

File: 1503098040821.png (194KB, 255x239px) Image search: [Google]

194KB, 255x239px

>>39225346
>>39225377
Quitters never win, and winners never quit, Champ. I want you to go back into his office right now, give him a firm handshake, an tell him you're the right man for the job.

File: handshakedadoffice.png (2MB, 928x653px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 928x653px

"Whaddya mean you don't wanna get a job? I think all that unscented dish soap you've been covering those photos of cartoon girls with has been messing with your head, Champ. Working is a part of growing up. Everyone works, Champ. And nothing guarantees getting a job like taking the initiative and speaking with them in person. You've gotta grab life by the horns, Champ; you can't wait for it to come to you. When I was your age, I rucked through the worst snowstorm in state history to get to an interview when my Mustang wouldn't start. They've even got a photo of me in the local paper, marching through all that. The manager was so impressed that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot. I nearly froze to death out there in the driving snow, so you've got it pretty easy compared to me, Champ. Where there's a will, there's a way."

"You've just gotta get outta that shell of yours, speak with the manager about the job, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make."

File: chad.jpg (178KB, 400x800px) Image search: [Google]

178KB, 400x800px

>>39225304
>mfw the new handshake dad comes out

File: 1503129390098.png (2MB, 1000x673px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1000x673px

"Champ, secretly running the entire country at the behest of your globalist overlords is as easy as being married to the President's daughter. And to do that, Champ, all you've gotta do is show up, speak with the guy before he runs for office, give him a firm handshake, and ask for his daughter's hand in marriage. Can't get any simpler than that, Champ."

File: handshakedadtakesyoutochickfila1.png (2MB, 950x678px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 950x678px

"Champ, I figure we have a nice wholesome dinner over at Chick-Fil-A to round out this productive Monday. Whaddya say I get us two Grilled Chicken Sandwich meals with two Sweet Teas and eight pieces of Chick-Fil-A sauce? No tendies, Champ. Fried food is a one way ticket to an early grave on the high cholesterol express. Read it online. A salad would be healthier, and I need you in tip-top shape for that job fair tomorrow. You're gonna be doing lots of walking and handshaking. Hey, cashier, we're skipping the tendies today; he'll have a salad. Good idea, right? *pokes your stomach* Ha, ha."

"I'm afraid that's not the only reason why I brought you here, Champ. While we're ordering, you might as well ask the manager to see if they have any openings here. Stand up straight, speak with him about the job, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Whaddya mean 'why do I have Chick-N-Strips in my hand?' These are for the dog, Champ. You can buy your own once you get your first paycheck."

>>39225304
Dad, I don't get it, yesterday you were pissdrunk, puched me in the face and broke a bottle in my head. You told me I was a good for nothing piece of shit and that I will never become anything of value, afterwards you spit on my face and kicked me in the mouth until I bled. Why are you telling me this now?

>>39225304
Everytime I see one of this it makes me wish my father didn't have dementia.

It hurts so fucking much.

File: handshakedadtakestoapplyatsupermarket.png (1MB, 940x500px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 940x500px

>>39225925
Your mother and I are doing this because we care, Champ. And no one else will. We're not gonna be around forever, so you're gonna have to get started at some point. Doing that is as simple as walking up to the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him that you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Try it out, Champ. Couldn't hurt."

"Whaddya mean the manager turned you away because he was too busy drinking coffee? Champ, you just need to be more assertive. You've gotta get outta that shell of yours and speak with him face-to-face, Champ. It'd be tough for him not to hire you after a display of confidence like that. Where there's a will, there's a way, Champ."

>>39225998
>>39225967
How the fuck does this pass the fucking original filter?

File: 364d5798df9e1de26dc04bb7c9b4f6cd.png (765KB, 672x380px) Image search: [Google]

765KB, 672x380px

>>39226019
Filter, schmilter, Champ. I know your friends on that Mongolian finger-painting eWorld fan club whine about HR all the time, but it's just a matter of getting outta that shell of yours and taking the first step. didn't think I had the gumption to ruck through the blizzard of '67, but by God I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and snow shoes and plunged headlong into the driving snow. Sheer luck I barely got out of there with all my fingers and toes intact, but the manager was so impressed when I got to the factory that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot. I'm expecting a lot from you, Champ, so don't disappoint in there."

File: 1499104403060.jpg (56KB, 300x250px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 300x250px

>("I can't believe I'm working closing today. The only thing that could make this worse is if that kid barged in to check on his application right about now.")
>slurps audibly

File: 1497509306033.jpg (56KB, 504x470px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 504x470px

>>39225304
My dad got me a job mowing lawns under a local company. It sucked, it had no consistent hours (literally didn't know if that day was a working day or not) and it paid minimum wage. I think at least a quarter of the job I spent weeding the boss' garden.

>>39226123
Edit to say this was 10 years ago, not now.

File: 1503106146902.png (2MB, 716x649px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 716x649px

"Nothin' like a visit to a small local business Champ. Folks like these practically built America through their ingenuity, sheer grit, and independence. They didn't need a handout. You could learn a thing or two from them, Champ. Don't gimme that look. Why, my first job was sweeping floors for your great-grandparents when I was 16 years old. It was tedious work, but I earned enough on the side to buy a Mustang and pay my way through the first few years of school. Whaddya mean why don't I help you get a job at the company? Champ, you give a poor man a fish and you feed him for a day. You teach him to fish and you give him an occupation that will feed him for a lifetime. It's all about being independent."

"All you've gotta do is show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Go on, Champ. He won't bite."

>>39225633
You know you're beyond saving when you live in such stinky conditions you believe cum is unscented

>>39225304
You're the best...Dad!

File: handshakestrongsong.png (2MB, 700x965px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 700x965px

In middle of snowstorm
middle of snowstorm
I once marched through to get work at factory
to get work at factory

For you to get good job
To get good job
Speak to manager and give him firm handshake
Give him firm handshake

Son, time to get off computer and grow up
Son, get off computer and grow up
Get in car and make no excuses
Make no excuses

For you to get good job
To get good job
Speak to manager and give him firm handshake
Give him firm handshake

Remove NEET from premises

>>39225304
So, um, am I gonna be doing the interviews here, or am I gonna be the one taking it up the ass on the couch?

File: handshakedad.jpg (22KB, 612x408px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 612x408px

>>39227258
"Now's not the time for potty humor or 'shacking with your Emily,' Champ, especially not after what we found in that UPS package. Your mother and I are disappointed, but we're not angry, Champ. But it is high time for you to get a job. And the best way to do that is to walk into the store, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. You've been sitting here in your room doing nothing since you graduated three years ago, Champ, and that's got us wondering: What do you plan to do with your life, Champ?"

"Some of your classmates have become very successful. Just the other day, I bumped into your old schoolyard friend Chud, Thad, or Chazz or whatever his name was -- you know, the one who called you all sorts of funny names when you saw each other in the hallway? Anyway, he recently got the job as the Emergency Services Manager for the county, and he's makin' bank. He's driving a brand new Acura MDX, and he just moved into the three-story house down the street. He even got hitched to that one dame you were always harpin' on about -- that smoking hot blonde with the funny name: 'way-foo' or 'Juanitatitis' or something. And they've even got a little girl on the way. How about that, Champ?"

"They asked me how you were doing, but I didn't wanna embarrass you. I told 'em you just got home from the Peace Corps. Well, today is the day you look them in the eye and tell them you're working for a living, Champ. Whaddya mean working would be embarrassing? Champ, your mother and I aren't gonna be around forever, so it's time you got out into the wider world and took steps towards becoming an adult -- like your friends did."

File: handshakedadwantsyoutofuckhim.png (373KB, 1272x720px) Image search: [Google]

373KB, 1272x720px

>>39227258
It's time for you to get out of that thick shell of yours. Speak to me about the porno, give me a firm dickshake, and tell me you'll be the best fuck I've ever had. It'd be tough for him not to hire you after a display of confidence like that.

>>39228121
Who is the semen demon that you put Champ's dad's face on? Where can I find that video?

Asking for a friend named Herman the One Eyed German.

File: 1503124108298.png (129KB, 310x266px) Image search: [Google]

129KB, 310x266px

>>39228388
sheehan backroom casting couch

>>39228684
please post on 4chan more dad-kun, i'm so close to cumming <33333

>>39228699
I'm the one who made that request, and I dont appreciate that gross response.

>>39228684
Thanks for the sauce mane.

>>39228684
>tfw she looks better with handshake dad's face.

Just kill me.

File: 1503103419800.png (815KB, 658x415px) Image search: [Google]

815KB, 658x415px

>>39228699
>>39228742
>>39228789
"Time to go job-hunting, Champ, so stop playing with your willy, get dressed, and meet me in the car. Besides, it'd help you to get outta the house. Your mother and I are none too pleased about that 'pornhub' website she found in your computer history the other day, and she's been in hysterics ever since. We're disappointed, but we're not angry, Champ. Nevertheless, it's an indication that it's time you went outside and started living a normal healthy life. Yep, I'm gonna drive you around town to find work, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot."

File: Mom_Mad.png (25KB, 300x250px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 300x250px

>>39229018
HANDSHAKE DAD, HE WAS WATCHING ASIAN WOMEN WITH FEMININE PENISES PLEASURE THEMSELVES! I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE HIM MIRRORING THE EAST'S DEGENERACY IN MY HOUSE, HE NEEDS TO GET A JOB AND SHAPE UP.... YESTERDAY!!!!

File: 1502642969511.jpg (24KB, 612x408px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 612x408px

It's hopeless, Loser. Even the most menial job requires more schooling and experience than you'll ever have. You might as well get used to living off food stamps in a cardboard box.

>>39229018

I'm over 18 dad. I'm legally allowed to watch porn now.

>>39225917
>Fried food is a one way ticket to an early grave

I see no problem here.

>>39229208

Thank god you came to your senses dad.

Now just let me borrow your pistol for a minute and I'll be out of your hair forever.

File: 1503116519105.png (514KB, 448x377px) Image search: [Google]

514KB, 448x377px

>>39229253
>>39229272
"I didn't raise you to be a quitter, Champ. Every job is an opportunity, and every day you're able to do it is a great day. It's up to you to make the best of it. You can do that by showing up early, staying late, and cheerfully volunteering for every task out there. Your manager will love it, Champ. And it all starts when you show up, speak with him about the job, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make."

>>39229301

I'm not signing that dad.

File: 1499107773226.png (168KB, 658x415px) Image search: [Google]

168KB, 658x415px

>>39229351
How about we just shake on it then, Sport?
Now remember, nice and firm, that's the way...

File: screaming aaaa skull.gif (519KB, 500x715px) Image search: [Google]

519KB, 500x715px

>>39229301
Someone please photoshop S.L.A.V.E instead of S.W.E.A.T.
It would definitely be more fitting.

>>39229386

Sure dad. A nice firm shake (fingers crossed behind back)

>>39226921
a-are you saying mommy can smell my cummies when she enters my room?

>>39229637
Oh yeah, went to live at my dads place a while ago when he was on vacation and I had to watch the dog.
When I came back all I smelled was youth and cum. Your mummy knows how potent you are fren.

>>39225633
>working is a part of growing up. Everyone works, Champ

Funny thing is so many Boomers and Greatest Generation people had that mentality.

"If you don't work you're a bum that hangs around the street corner all day" my grandmother would say.

Back then there wasn't anything to do BUT work. We have constant non stop entertainment, in our video games billion tv channels Netflix and internet boards.

They had nothing. 5 Tv channels that didn't show anything good during the day, a small theatre that showed movies only at night, and the occasional public event.

Otherwise all there was to do was work and go to bars at night.

I think people would be more willing to work for Mr Sheckelstein if they didn't have their comfy home life and it was that or stand on a street corner all day.

>>39225304
fuck it gimme the job I'll be the best hire you ever make.

>>39229871
> We have constant non stop entertainment, in our video games billion tv channels Netflix and internet boards.

True, but the economy sucks. We've reached a slow growth stage,

>They had nothing. 5 Tv channels that didn't show anything good during the day, a small theater that showed movies only at night, and the occasional public event.

They had plenty of things to do. Theaters were much more of a thing back then. You could waste half a a day at the movies watching double features. There were more places to hang out. There were more gfs to be had (Supposedly millenials are having less sex than the boomers and gen x). There was more work to be done.

>>39225304
I always see these threads and I wonder how old you are because I've never heard anyone of my parents generation talk like this.

File: smugwojak4v2.png (32KB, 640x400px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 640x400px

>>39225304
This is a comfy office.

>>39225917
>No tendies, Champ. Fried food is a one way ticket to an early grave on the high cholesterol express.
>No tendies
>NO TENDIES
>NO
>T E N D I E S

.....................grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>

>>39225567
That's right, and there's only one winning move. Only one.

>dad was abusive and left at 10
>use these threads to pretend he is my actual dad
help me dad

File: 1495586842872.gif (993KB, 250x250px) Image search: [Google]

993KB, 250x250px

>>39227401
>Juanitatitis