Depression Thread

>>39124616
The only reason I am depressed is because of the inevitable and the way that things are, and mostly because I'm going to die anyway.

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>>39124654
>The only reason I am depressed is because of the inevitable and the way that things are, and mostly because I'm going to die anyway.

IKTFB

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Here's one most people here I think can relate to.
>No friends
>Never part of the in-crowd; always on the fringes of conversations in groups unsure what to say
>No gf
>No special talents, interesting points, or other noteworthy features to set yourself apart
>Decent grades but dont care enough to try harder
>Shitpost on r9k after hiding the pain all day
Thats me
Accurate for any other robots?

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>>39124616
I've already done so much in this life that I feel like this is pretty much it. I don't have any aspirations or hobbies. I don't see any reason to keep going. Everything is boring and stale.

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>>39124840
>>No friends
>>Never part of the in-crowd; always on the fringes of conversations in groups unsure what to say
>>No gf
>>No special talents, interesting points, or other noteworthy features to set yourself apart
>>Decent grades but dont care enough to try harder
>>Shitpost on r9k after hiding the pain all day


This is all me.

>>39124856
>I've already done so much in this life that I feel like this is pretty much it. I don't have any aspirations or hobbies. I don't see any reason to keep going. Everything is boring and stale.

This is how i currently feel right now i am just existing and i do want to die.

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>>39124894
I already know how I'm going out I just need money. That and giving/throwing away all my stuff.

>>39124919
>I already know how I'm going out

Pulling a Columbine?.

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>>39124840
This hit close to home, pretty fucking accurate.

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>>39124946
Nah, I'm going out into the sea and drowning

>>39125070
>Nah, I'm going out into the sea and drowning

dont you want to be remembered?.

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>>39125165
Nope. I'm just gonna leave a suicide note telling my family not to bother trying to find my body because it's at the bottom of the ocean. Gotta pretty fool proof plan that won't fuck up.

quit r9k for the reason that i dont find tfw no gf or come to the topic of loneliness is even sad anymore. now ive come back since my depression only comes in waves and gets worse. starting to hate closing my bedroom door behind me, my computer screen, the way my glasses press into my nose all the time and leave a mark, the way i sit in my computer chair now bothering me. i hate food and my bed can't even give me comfort anymore like a dog to pet

>college drop out
>still live with parents
>no motivation or drive
>career choices are increasingly narrowed
>back up plans are quickly running out
>suicide is quickly becoming only valid option

>>39125256
Drowning yourself will be awfully excruciating though. It could take several minutes until you die or lose consciousness

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My father died before I hit highschool. I'm 21 now, I'm still so lost without him. He was a wildly intelligent man with an excellent grasp on how the world works. You could speak to the man about any subject and he would have an encyclopedic amount of knowledge on it. He was a suave motherfucker too, when he was younger he was constantly picking up chicks. But for all his experience the man could not control his fucking liquor once mom divorced him. He died before he could really teach me anything important and I am utterly lost without his guidance. I've been fumbling into adulthood badly. I can only imagine what kind of life I would be living if he was still alive.

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>>39125283

I have a lot worse then you but you still have my pity

>Be 24 yo virgin
>Be hikikomori for 13 years
>No gf
>Family hates me
>No social life
>In bedroom 24/7
>No desire to work or get out there
>Have little to no friends at all
>Never go outside
>Closeted pedophile (Didn't want the attraction)
>Was bullied by peers in school for having autism
>Low self esteem

I have been wanting to die since late 2015 but the only reason i am still here is because i am currently writing my life story and a journal which is me talking about different topics in it i plan to publish these online on the day i kill myself so i can at least be remembered in some way.

>>39125413
>My father died before I hit highschool. I'm 21 now, I'm still so lost without him.

Sorry to hear that anon.

>>39124616
Im still depressed because I fell hard for an e-girl that lied to me for 4 months. It's been over a month since I found out and broke up yet I'm still super fucked up over it, even small things make me think of her. It's so bad I can't fap to my favorite bodytype or to kinks I shared with her. I wish I could forget her but I have strong autism memory so I might be fucked up over her for the rest of my miserable existance.

>>39125485
>Im still depressed because I fell hard for an e-girl that lied to me for 4 months. It's been over a month since I found out and broke up

You know nothing about being lonely fuck off and get out normalfag.

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>>39125365
Several people who have survived drowning have said that it eventually feels like being in a warm blanket, so it could be nice. Either way, it doesn't really bother me too much. It's a surefire way to die with no chance of the survival instinct to save me as well as being a nice calming journey to sea beforehand.

>>39125485
I wish people, and in particular women would take into consideration how bad simple words can hurt under the right circumstances.

Roasties have a tendency to rely on lies to get through life; this leads to a lot of pain onto others but also on themselves as they end up deluding themselves...

>>39125566
a diver stabbed himself in the heart when he knew he was drowning to spare him the pain

>get job
>pick orders, think job is relatively ez
>5 weeks in, get summoned to office
>get told im not a right fit for them, fired on the spot

this happened this week. i genuinely thought i was doing a good job, i got on extremely well with everyone and enjoyed going to work. tell me it all gets better

>>39125980

Who cares fuck off normalfag get out.

>>39125995
why the hostility???
orig

>>39124616
I met my former best friend (and crush obv) yesterday, she was so fucking drunk so she hugged me and we talked about our life, now she is basically a stacy who gets drunk every night and fuck some chads around the way but she would never even touch me

>>39126035
>why the hostility???

Because you dont belong here.

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>>39126110
>you don't belong here, because you don't fit the made up demographic for people visiting this board
>if I call him out for it, others will think I am a robot
>normie and robot are such cool words

This fucking meme bores the shit out of me...

Just let the guy share feels, the way it is supposed to be in this kind of thread, and leave.

I've been depressed since I was 8, so I was destined to be like this. As a result, I became desensitized and can't even smile.
And I don't know what to think anymore. I guess it was my genes.

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>>39126181

Oh will you fuck off summer get out if your here just for edgy memes you stupid normie get out also both you and the other anon dont belong here you know nothing about being lonely so fuck off normal faggots this isn't all a joke you stupid normie fucks get out this is a incel board not a normie board.

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Had to take my cat to get euthanized the other day
It was my first experience with a dying animal ever
To top it off it was just so sad seeing him mope around the house and not eat or do anything
And this fucker's been with me since I was 3 man.
Shit sucks

>>39126312

Damn that is very sad anon.

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>>39125911
I guess it's good to have options then. I'll go ahead and pack one

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>>39126280
Ain't nobody buying that bait anon. But I've got a spare (You) I don't need

>>39126350
>Ain't nobody buying that bait

Im being honest its not bait now get out normal faggot.

I remembered about this only yesterday in a "bone chilling sentences" thread. I'm pretty sure i've been trying to suppress the memory, but to no avail.

>be 9-10 years old
>have 1 friend, 2 when i'm feeling optimistic
>get invited at birthday party of friend
>there are also going to be other classmates
>eat while feeling out of place
>sometimes try to go join a conversation
>they move away as soon as i start walking toward them.

Here comes the part that made me hate myself for a long, long time

>his parents rent some kind of magician
>he arrives and starts making things like coins and shit disappear
>"now children, i usually don't do this, but i can also make people disappear"
>"who do you want me to make disappear"?
>they don't even let him finish the sentence
>they all turn towards me in half a second and say "Anon!" in unison, almost shouting

How to destroy a child's self esteem in a moment.

The guy must've read the look on my face pretty well, considering how he played it off as a joke.

And that's ignoring the bottle game later that evening.

>>39126583
children are cruel, get over it pussy

>>39126583
Tell the bottle game story

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>tfw pulled a muscle in my back
It hurts to live

>>39126614
Not really much to say, except they arranged it so that you could only kiss a girl (or guy, if you were a girl) if the girl (or guy) you were going to kiss was your ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend).

They did it only to avoid getting kissed by or having to kiss me because i never had a girlfriend. I ended up kissing two classmates while almost throwing up in my mouth.

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Ive had the biggest crush on this person for well over a year now. I've spoken to her once, maybe twice, but I would still see her at school (small school. Everyone knew everyone even if they didn't talk to each other). Never had the courage to walk up to her and talk. Till this day I wonder what could have been if I had just been a bit less anti social. I didn't even really want to date her to be honest. I just wanted to be her friend.

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>>39126583
>they all turn towards me in half a second and say "Anon!" in unison, almost shouting
Fuck bro...

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>Been friends with this girl for roughly 2 years now
>Decide to take the plunge for once in my life and ask her out
>Instantly get friendzoned
Sometimes it ain't just worth livin' no more ya know?

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>Reading Berserk
>Golden Age Arc
>At the part where Guts starts to realize he has no dreams, at least nothing similar to Griffith's dreams
>Start to realize I have no dreams of my own, no ambition or wish to succeed at any single thing in life.
>Finally back home after spending 4 years at college pursuing what I thought was my dream.

I've been so busy with school, work, and other things for so much of my life, I never really got a second to sit down and think about what I really wanted. The last time I remember doing that was in kindergarten, when I wanted to be an astronaut and a super hero.

"People bring the small flames of their wishes together... since they don't want to extinguish the small flame... they'll bring that small flame to a bigger fire. A big flame named Griffith. But you know... I didn't bring a flame with me. I think I just stopped by to warm myself by the bonfire."

So where do I go?

>>39124840
>Never part of the in-crowd; always on the fringes of conversations in groups unsure what to say

Of all the feels, this one hits the hardest

>>39125365
Just get knocked out near the ocean and gg.

>implying it's easy.

>>39125505
I'm a kv, I'm no normalfag

>>39125727
yea it's pretty fucked up that she encouraged me to grow attatched and dependent whilst she was lieing to me

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>>39126953
>So where do I go?
Let your best friend to rape your best female friend and swear to get revenge on him.

>>39124616
>be 1994
>be born

>>39124616
>a's in high school(c in math kek)
>spend playing vidya, still suck
>even the weird kids hated me
>no friends
>just sort of there

>>39124840
You speak me to me.

I was diagnosed with chronic depression, fug.

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I've only made two friends in the last 5 years and thrown both of them away because I was certain in due time that they would turn on me.
It's kind of relieving, being the one to throw others away. It's always the other way around, at least the throwing away part.

I think depressed people talk about it because they want attention.

What usually happens when you tell somebody you're depressed?
You get compassion, comfort, people are nice and friendly towards you, careful, etc.
You're seen as the victim, you get treated like a snowflake.
And it feels good. It's a bright light of sunshine in an eternal existence of darkness.

>>39128236
>What usually happens when you tell somebody you're depressed?
Not in my family. They say that i should suck it up.

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I don't know. Don't feel that depressed at the moment. Spent last 3 months on a summer break from uni and starting in 2 weeks.
Didn't really go out that much. I don't really enjoy being around people that much. Saw some buddies a couple times but most have moved away and I still live at parents.
I think I'll try to start maybe socializing next year. Last year I didn't go to any events nor talked to any girls. Or I might not, I'm not sure I want to. I'm happy spending my days alone with anime and manga.
It's nice that autumn's coming. Maybe it'll get better.
pic not related but currently reading it.

>>39126825
You can't be friends with a chick for 2 years and then suddenly ask her out. It's obvious you wanted more but were too pussy to ask her. She knew the whole time.

>>39124616
I don't have if I'm depressed but
>27
>1 friend
>NEET for 4 years
>dropped out of college twice
>had 1 gf like 9 years ago
>rarely have any motivation
>addictive and impulsive personality

>>39128313
This.
You were emotional tampon for her. The beacon of caring when other guys treated her as a sexual object.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. Humans are so fucking scary and intense; I just want to stay home forever and never leave the house again.

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>>39124616
>father could of used a condom
>father could of pulled of pulled out
>mother could've taken the after afterpill
>mother could've gotten an abortion
>another sperm could've taken my place
Yet after all that i'm still fucking here. I hate life and everything that goes with it.

>>39128412
>I hate life and everything that goes with it.
Why?

>>39126328
I'd say just find some way to knock yourself out near the water, that'll save you the pain/fear.

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>>39128236
>you get compassion, comfort, people are nice and friendly towards you
If you're a woman, perhaps. Men are told to suck it up and stop feeling feelings.

>>39128485
I just hate living. Everyday i wake upand dread what's to come. Everynight i go to bed thinking about how i'll kill myself. Everyday i avoid other people like the plague. Everyday i work a job i hate, helping disgusting fucks getting rich. Everyday i pay money to get fucked over

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>>39128587
I planned on getting plastered off of scotch while listening to music in the boat, so I might toss in a sleeping aid or something

>>39128617
When it all started? Childhood?

>>39125413
Aye, I too know this feel, fellow robot.

My did killed himself when I was 7. I feel like growing up in a single-mom household makes it very hard for a boy to learn how to be a man. I'm not sure to what extent this is responsible for my problems, but I'm sure it doesn't help.

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

1/?

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

2/?

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

3/?

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

4/?

>>39128704
I can't identify with this feel because he has a wife and 4 kids.

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

5/?

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

6/?

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

7/?

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>>39124616
Went on a date to olive garden with the first girl i ever fell in love with. It was terrible, we barley talked, she was on her phone most of the time, and live tweeted the entire date. I found out like 2 weeks later. Thats the depressing part.

Years later I gained her trust again, invited her to alot of nice things and made her feel really good. Then I intentionally hurt her by not answering phone calls or messages days at times and making her believe I was literally dead. She also got fat by this point so I enabled her to eat more and get more unhealthy by buying her fucking zaxbys all the time.

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>>39128757
Damn, that always makes me feel.

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

8/?

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

9/?

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>>39125413
God bless man. Sorry to hear your story.

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

10/?

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

11/?

>>39128657
Since i was about 14

>>39128866
>Since i was about 14
Did something happen around that time?

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

12/?

>>39125365
No. You're wrong. Drowning is actually quite peaceful if done properly. Just expel all of your CO2 before going under and hold your breath until you lose consciousness. I've actually drowned 5 times. I was brought back though

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

13/?

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>>39128912
ooh, ooh, let me help, anon

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It has been a year now, more than a year.

She was my first proper love. First girl that made me feel like love is something that actually exists.

Never before have I met somebody that felt so selflessly about me.

She was my little wonder, and all that is fucking gone.

I miss being in her room, sitting on her bed with my back against the wall, her legs around my waist, and we'd just make stupid noises at eachother, I'd kiss her forehead and she'd trace her fingers through my hair, rain outside on a chilly September evening, the mix cds we made for eachother when we were just friends, softly playing in the background.

Never again will I be able to smell her on my clothes after meeting her, for days, that weird mix of grass, fresh laundry and something peppery and spicy. Never again I'll feel her cuddle up against me on those nights we slept naked, never again will she tell me "you feel like home, *anon*". Never again will we bake together. Never again will I have my best friend back.

I miss her, lads. I miss how I had a plan, a goal, when I was with her. I miss how I knew that we'll make things work, no matter what. I miss feeling like somebody out there has your back. I miss how she was the first person I could be myself around. I miss how I was the only one she ever felt comfortable around with sex stuff. I miss how soft her body was, I miss her hair and her eyes and her hands, and her back, and her neck and her nose and the triangle beauty spots on her left cheek, and and her smile and the way her breathing got heavier and heavier when I started running my hand all over her. I miss rainy afternoons, sunny mornings, snowy nights with her.

Autumn is coming again, her birthday would have been a month away from now.

They say it gets better in time, and maybe it does, you start forgetting things, I find myself remembering little inside jokes we had, and writing them down, saying them out loud to nobody in particular, just for the sake of them not being

>>39128772
Meh, this was shit to be honest. Couldn't care less about some school football player and his degenerate, kinky girlfriend.

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Let me post some stuff from my feels folder. Some is depressing; some is uplifting. You might also find some of them cringey/normie or whatever. I don't know. Just feel.

14/?

It's hard to find a place where people understand me. I always feel like I'm stuck between two worlds. One part of me, the abused one, suffers since childhood from crippling doubt and insecurities. The other part is the normie part. The part that had sex, the part that have friends, a normal life and job and adult respinsibilities I succeed in managing. The successful part that any robot would kill to be. The part that, in appearance, has everything to succeed.

But I've been brutally beaten as a kid and teenager, abused in so many different ways, emasculated by step mommy, emotionally stunned and physically beaten by step daddy. Real dad is bipolar, real mom cowered in fear as stepdad abused me every day. Needless to say that I didn't really develop into a well adjusted person.

Well then, how the fuck have I turned into a normie? I'm fucking stubborn as fuck. I never wanted to accept my place as a loser, an underdog. Still, every woman I've loved treated me like shit. My, now married ex first gf was drunkingly flirting with me one day until she just declared she hated me and blocked me. We broke up because she cheated on me. My step mom emasculated me and forced me to stay inside all of my teenages. The girl I last dated fucked off in another country and, while there, just tore in me by telling me every flaws I had that meant we never had a future together, then she sent a pic of her with another guy. Women have been nothing but the most cruel bitches to me my entire life and I deserve none of it.

So back to the two parts of me. One knows I can get bitches, have friends that believe in him and tells him none of these sluts deserved me and that I just had a streak of roasties and that once a woman loves me in return it''s gonna be fine. That part kniws there's nothing wrong with me.

The abused part is terrified, thinks I'm a fuckimg loser every woman hates and look down upon. I can't find anyone who relates. normies don't know the feel, neither do robots.

>>39128935
So she died or dumped you?

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>>39128878
Parent's were divorced, dad was a bipolar alcoholic, step dad who i admired died, depression, introverted, no friends, bad grades, got into drugs etc..

>>39129001
Hatred against world because of step-dad death?

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>>39128943
>>39128737

I can't please everyone. As I said in my preamble, you may not relate to some of them.

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>>39128935
...not being lost to whatever void there is. Sure, it gets better and easier if by that we mean forgetting things, but they never go away. It hits me less often than it did before, but when it does, it fucks me up for hours on end.

All I do nowadays is work 12 hours a day, go home, do nothing, try to sleep, then repeat. I feel like I'm a nightwatch in a tiny old abandoned museum.

>>39128964
Death.

>>39129026
That just grew from constant isolation, depression and paranoia.

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I have a couple from /fit/ around the place too.

15/?

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I have a couple from /fit/ around the place too.

16/?

>>39129058
Sorry to hear that anon. I wish i could help you more besides hearing you out.

>>39129131
I already appreciate you for reading what i wrote. I usually never get (you)'s, let alone someone who actually cares about what i write. It's nice.

>>39129154
Hope you'll meet caring person in real life too.

>>39124856
>>39124894
I feel the same. Comes with age, I guess.

My take on it is the following: in nature, a man aged 25 would already have offspring, and die not long after 30.

There is only so much life has to offer, so there comes a time in any man's life where he feels like this. This means that it is time to give ourselves away to something greater than ourselves, to put something above ourselves. Usually, that will be stuff like having children, but I guess shit like starting your own company or dying in the upcoming race war could also be good depending on your preferences.

>>39129255
>in nature, a man aged 25 would already have offspring, and die not long after 30.
Not that anon but it reminds me that my dad married mom at 22 and had me at 24. In comparison i'm 24 (25 in 4 weeks) khv. What a strange nature.

>>39129056

I know your feel man. Mine wasn't separated from me by death, but she used to make me feel the exact same way. We weren't even a couple, we were just dating, but all the time we were together she used to lift me up so much, made me feel like the greatest man amongst men. Then she moved in another country. Out of all my relationships, she was the one I could say I was really in love with, the first one, actually. What hit me the hardest is that she moved on so fast once she left. In the first month she was already with another guy while I was still crying over her departure. It made me feel worthless, abandoned, undesired. How can the girl who used to tell you you were the best thing in her life just turn around and tell you "It couldn't work cause you remind me too much of my dad, we're too much alike etc + You suck at managing money". and just be with some foreign guy in a few weeks.

I'm still torn by this sometimes. I try to believe love exists, but life is a very cruel thing.

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>>39129255
Pretty much, except I don't have anything to give myself to. I went too far down the hole of apathy to really care about anything anymore. That's why I think I'll just check out.

>>39129255
>>39129305
Same here, but times have changed.

Just find some shit to autistically obsess about.

For me, I started training Muay Thai and focusing on becoming a good fighter about a year ago. Still keeps me busy, focused and fulfilled to this day.

>>39129438
>Just find some shit to autistically obsess about.
As cheesy as it sounds but that cannot fulfill my heart. There were times when video games were enough for a distraction.

>>39129350
Sht, anon, that's rough, I'm sorry. I genuinely am.

>>39129468
Ah well, time to die then, I guess.

What bothers me as well is that since the invention of the atomic bomb no large scale wars between developed countries have occurred anymore (high cost of retaliation and such)

Which is shit because historically seen
- wars were a great way to keep male population low enough to make sure everyone gets a fair chance at getting a girl
- weak, shitty and entitled people were periodically rinsed
- (most importantly to this point) the decision to die was kind of taken for you.

I don't know. Maybe some people were meant to feel like this. Maybe we are living in a completely unnatural society. Maybe you would make for a great hero.

On a side note, let me go all normie on you for a second and tell you to make sure you have contemplated all the possibilities. Like, there are so many possible ways to live your life. Hell, you may as well get a shitty job, save some money and then leave to Thailand for a few months to fuck hookers and do drugs all day. It's your life. Don't adopt any limiting beliefs, is what I'm saying.

>>39129640
>Don't adopt any limiting beliefs, is what I'm saying.
I wish, i'd have something to do but there's nothing. I feel like i'm living in a void and just basic functions like eat and shitting are available for me.

>>39129669
Sounds like you need clinical help, my man.

Hope they will be able to fix you up.

Well either this or suicide.

Either way, I genuinely hope you find peace.

>>39129787
Thanks for concern anon. I've been thinking about suicide as an option for quite a while because i feel like everything i should do is what everyone else expects from me to do.

I'm happy for the first time in my life but I miss comfy depressed apathy. I wish it was rainy.

>>39130056
>I'm happy for the first time in my life
What happened?

>>39125413
Sorry to hear, man, I can't imagine losing someone actually worthwhile to me. But good lord, some days I wonder if I would be better without a dad.
>fat, lazy slob who can't pry his eyes away from MTV for a moment to do anything around the house
>angry and abusive
>loud and obnoxious
>opinionated to levels reaching indoctrination on the most menial horseshit
>treats the rest of the family as his personal servants
>spent his early years being a drug-abusing degenerate before tricking mom into marriage
>absolutely no worthwhile life advice, no ability to hold a decent conversation
At least he serves as an example of how to not be a father.

I was around five years old. My dad, my brother and I were going to a beach of sorts, cause they enjoyed swimming. I, for the record, I couldn't swim, so mostly sat on the beach with my dad. My brother meets up with some of his friends and I'm left with my dad, my dad says "go make some friends, anon". Me, not being the most rebellious of kids, did what he said, and I walked along the beach, looking for people to make friends with. I find this little black kid in the beach. He was alone, so I walked up to him and i made friends with him. Don't really remember much of the conversation, but we talked about a lot, since we had a lot in common. We eventually get to the topic of Pokemon, and which Pokemon is the best. I settle for Charizard, he settled for Pikachu. We were just kids, so we didn't exactly have extensive knowledge of all the pokemons, but I digress.

We got into an argument, a really stupid argument about it, and eventually he got angry with me and left me. I was a bit confused, so I walked back to my dad on the beach. He asks me to go find my brother, because it was time to go home. I didn't know where to look so he told me to look near the tower thingy that you'd jump off of into the water. So i went there, and i searched and asked for him, and no-one had seen him. And then i see the black kid there, so i walked up to him, and asked him if he had seen my brother. He told me he had seen him, and he pointed to the ocean. I looked down there and I told him that i couldn't see anything. He told me too look harder, then he asked me, "What do you see, anon?" I told him, that I just saw deep water, not my brother. And then he says, "Yes... It is pretty deep". And then, he pushed me into the water.

As I mentioned before, I didn't know how to swim, but my survival instincts just propelled me to flail my arms around in hopes that I could stay above water. I did that for a little bit, but, as expected, my arms got tired. (Cont)

>>39125413
If it makes you feel better, I never even got a dad, my mother is insane, and I got shipped off to boarding school at an early age.

I'm socially and emotionally stunted, don't know how to mesh with real humans, and don't really get the dynamics of male-female interaction.

I'm kinda fucked desu,

>>39130827
As my arms got tired, I noticed something. I looked up, to the dock thingie, and I saw my father right there and he was on his knees, looking down on me. I reached my hand, hoping he would reach his out, grab me, and pull me up out of the ocean. Or that he would jump in, and push me up to safety. But he didn't. He just knelt there, watching me flail, and gasp for air. My arms were getting tired again. And this time, I could feel myself sinking. It wasn't that bad, now that I look back on it. It was quiet and it was dark. It was peaceful. But then I felt something grab me by the waist and push me up to the surface. It was just some random teenager, who had just saved my life. My dad grabbed my arm and yanked me back up to the dock thingie (Still don't know what those things are called). I puked right then and there, gasping for air like I'd just ran a marathon and I just cried. The kid stood still stood there, and looked at me with no expression on his face. We went back into the car, and we drove out of there.

On that day, I developed a hatred for 4 things.
1. The ocean
2. The feeling of water on my skin (which makes showers a pain in the ass)
3. Strangers
4. My father.

I still look back on that day. I think a lot about it.

I wish I had died that day.

>>39131048
>My father.
How was your father in general?

>>39125256
I've always thought faking my death would make my life more interesting. Being on the run, creating a new identity, It would actually be exciting and better than anything going on in my daily life.

>>39132235
>Being on the run.
Who is chasing you in this circumstance?

>>39126825

This is the only reason I want to try antidepressants. I hear they stop your sex drive. Which sounds like paradise.

>>39132253
Well really that's the fun of it, no one knows you exist, so I guess I'm not really "on the run", but you're on the run from your past self or whatever.

>>39132591
You're never gonna outrun yourself, Anon.

>>39128236
I'm the exact opposite. I kept my depression to myself for months before I just broke down in front of my mother.

My roommate knows but I refuse to talk about it. I'm almost embarrassed by it and that just makes me more depressed.

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>>39128696
I'm just going to pretend this story is fake because I will never meet a girl like that.
Do they even exist.

I once gave myself an enema with my super-soaker. I thought it would be pleasurable. It was not.

>>39128949
God know this is a feel I know.
Let's call it "Dr. Normie and Mr. Robot".
The normalfag side of me can pull attractive girls. I've been with girls that look like hentai in 3D.
The robot side is a retarded autist who is fulfilled by playing video games mindlessly popping prescription drugs and shitposting on /pol/ while avoiding thoughts of suicide.

I know that feel, Anon. I know it well.