I'm in serious trouble robots I don't know how to

>>39008686
>Hey anon working hard or hardly working? Haha
>Hey person who just screwed up, is this your first day? Haha
>Another day in paradise amiright coworkers? Haha
>Hey Mike what day is it? Mike what day is it? Hump dayyyy! Haha
>Hey do you guys watch game of thrones, the walking dead, etc? Can you be live that episode wow.
>Hey check out the floppy hangers on the new girl I'd like to show her where the loading dock is if you know what I mean.

>>39008686

>>39008801
Are these things that I'm supposed to say to fit in? Some of them seem kind of obnoxious.

>>39008801

>Hey check out the floppy hangers on the new girl I'd like to show her where the loading dock is if you know what I mean.

LOL WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

>>39008902
Being obnoxious is the normie way. Generic boring comedy that everybody hates but that we all laugh at. It's not about being funny it's about being familiar and putting people at ease.

>I don't know how to socialize with the normies at work.

then don't??

>>39008936
See

>And when I just be quiet and do my job without talking to anyone I get accused of being unfriendly and cold and not a team player. I'm on thin ice at work now.

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>>39008902
I work on a team in construction. I can confirm most conversations are about work related things or talking about that one girl passing by and how big her ass/tits are. Normies are generally boring. Just pretend you're talking to an NPC, removes all anxiety at least for me.

>>39008957

next time they try and unload this bullshit explain to them that you just wanna do your job in peace and don't have anything against them

with regard to not being a team player just remind them they're welcome to ask you for assistance with anything they require and try to go out of your way to see if they need help to show you care and aren't a slacker

literally normies are the worse but if you do your job well they'll eventually get used to t and leave you alone

Meh, I'm mostly asocial when working and don't talk in the kitchen. When other people joke around I might listen. If attention is directed at me or someone tells me a joke I just smile and laugh.

No one says I'm antisocial really. When it does come up I just double down on being quiet/ dick-ish. It's not my problem. I'm trying to do my job. There's no obligation to be a team player besides doing your duties and making it easier for other people to do theirs.

Team player doesn't really mean team player. It just means you're part of a self serving circlejerk of pointless conversation.

Just act like you're your own critic and you're fine with yourself, and that everyone else is weird to try and seek validation from others. You end up scaring the shit out of vapid people, to the point where they desperately try to either befriend you or knock you down a notch by talking about how "weeeeird" you are behind your back, building a negative impression of you among everyone else.

It also helps if you're objectively better than them/ are going somewhere with your life without the help of others.

Fuck it, I can't do this. I'm just going to kill myself

>>39008801
>>Hey check out the floppy hangers on the new girl I'd like to show her where the loading dock is if you know what I mean.

Alpha as fuck

>>39009093
>Just pretend you're talking to an NPC, removes all anxiety at least for me.

THIS. This is super, super fucking crucial and it's how I learned to start existing in the world. Just treat other, non-essential normies and interactions as just random NPC dialogue. Hell, BE the NPC if you have to. Have a few well-rehearsed lines that apply to a range of subjects and use them. So what if they're boring? At least you're starting.

>>39008686
Just tell people what they want to hear and it works out desu. This is my go to strat when I have to talk to people at work. Ask them a question and then when they answer just act interested and base your reaction off of what they say. If they are telling you about some party they went to, ask for details, if they talk about going out to dinner, ask where they went, what they had to eat. Don't talk about yourself, talk about their lives, what they want to talk about, or the work you're doing and just let them talk.

Honestly, as coworkers they don't give a rats ass about you and only care about themselves, so don't think that they do.

just smile when alot of people are around

just trust me

>>39009946
This
And use their names. Everyone's favorite word in the world is their own name.

>>39008801
>mfw all of these have been said at my work

>>39008686

r u autistic? srs question
if it is then you're pretty much fucked im sry to say

if you're just awkward then u can still salvage it, when u takl to people ask them questions and just keep asking

>tfw you can just tell them you aren't the talkative type and they'll leave you alone but your moronic personal vendetta against DAS_NORMALFAGGENSTEINS makes you incapable of thinking properly

I would suggest you look into custodial work. I had the exact same problem until I found the best kept secret in the job market for introverts and social outcasts. The pay is halfway decent and most of my contracts have been solo gigs where I can go in when I want to and drink as much pop as I want within reason. Just avoid any jobs with the word "hospital" or any sorts of places of learning.

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>>39011248
>r u autistic? srs question
I haven't been officially diagnosed, but lately I've been wondering about that. I strongly suspect that I am. It would explain a lot.

>>39008686
I'm interested. What do you say that get yourself into trouble? Relate one of those occasions.

>>39008686
>I don't know how to socialize with the normies at work.

You're probably not autistic, though it's certainly possible. More likely your natural social anxiety and/or avoidant personality traits have left you with less social experience than your peers. Children and teenagers say stupid, inappropriate, and embarrassing shit all the time because they're practicing. You missed out on that and you need to catch up. You have to be willing to fuck up if you want to improve. Social skills are a *skill*. It takes practice.

If you want to play violin well, you have to tolerate years of screeching where you and everyone around you hates the sound of it. The violinists around you have already been practicing for years, that's why they don't sound like shit, it's not because they're naturally better than you. The difference is that not playing the violin has no impact on your quality of life, whereas not socializing will fuck your quality of life right up.

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>>39011543
Well for instance, I once made what I thought was a mild, light hearted joke about a coworker's age when I found out she's older than I thought. She got mad and all the guys went full white knight mode and asked me how I could say such a horrible thing and made me apologize. But that was a few weeks ago. I thought we had moved on from that until yesterday.

I don't know if any of you will remember, but I'm the anon from yesterday who talked about how a female coworker threw silverware at me. Apparently she's still mad at me for my joke even though I apologized. They made me apoligize again. I'm still kind of mad about the silverware but they all kind of gang up on me and defend her.

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>>39011764
Oh and I want to add on to this.

If some of you think I sound like a jerk for making fun of her age, you need to understand that the group makes fun of me all the time. I don't get mad. I just take it. I thought I would banter back but they just acted like hypocrites. It's really unfair.

They shit on me all the time and it's ok, but I make a joke about her and suddendly I'm the villain.

Ask them unintrusive, open-ended questions about themselves. Let them talk for a while. Then ask a follow up question. Nod/smile while they are answering. They may ask the same question back to you, so just give them some bullshit (non-abrupt) answer. eg. if they ask if you have weekend plans and you don't say "oh, not at this stage" or something. Flat-out "no" can sometimes give you an endearing Seven of Nine-like quality, but it sounds like your co-workers don't go for that.
Some good questions, depending on your work environment and who you are speaking to:
>did you see the <sports game>? (make sure it is a decent sport - don't ask them about the bowling tournament on the community TV channel)
>have you been watching <show popular with normalfags>?
>do you have any pets at home?
>any plans for the weekend?
>any plans for summer?
>how was your vacation?
>enjoying having the kids at home? (in a joking tone; ask if they like talking about their kids and it's school holiday time).

Try to give non-committal responses to political/religion/gossip topics. While this can elevate you with one party, it will probably be more trouble than it's worth down the line. Change the subject if they come up, excuse yourself ("I wouldn't know haha"), return to working, or let them do all the talking ('really?" "oh wow", "that sucks", "damn" etc).

I think that in general you want to avoid saying meaningful things. For some reason normalfags punish that.

>>39011843
Which social actions are appropriate depends a lot on your relative social standing. She seems to have significantly more standing in that group than you, who seem to be at the very bottom. You are so low that mocking you is their bonding exercise. Unfortunately this means that not only are you being shat on, but odds are nobody will want to become your friend/ally, because this will lower their social standing. So IMO your submissive response to their abuse is actually making things worse for you socially. You are validating their assessment that you are their inferior.

I think making a joke at that cunt's expense was a good (though bold) move. Your mistake was apologising after they ganged up on you. If it were me, I would have chuckled at them and said "she's old enough to defend herself, lads" then walked off. If she wants to throw silverware at you, jokingly thank her for the gift. Then if your white knight coworkers want to take issue, tell them "it's fine. Look, would she have given me this lovely fork (or whatever) if we weren't friends?" I'm assuming you did not even offer a subtle message in your apology, like "I'm sorry for upsetting you"? (hidden message: "I can take jokes so I assume you can too. Guess you're weaker than me")

>>39011843
>>39012770 Cont.
Humour in response to social attacks has several advantages:
>plausible deniability (from the outside it looks like friendly banter)
>others may appreciate your humour, either for its apparent content (ie. it is a genuinely funny joke, like passing off an object somebody threw at you as a gift) or it's underlying content (eg. you make a light-hearted joke that upsets Cunt, who is indeed a cunt, thus winning over others who hate her)
>you appear to be a friendly guy, a good team-player
>because you have made light-hearted jokes, they do not really have any approved means of escalation (eg. Cunt appears to be extremely petty for throwing silverware at you. I'm sure even her friends/allies were a little embarrassed to see a grown woman throw cutlery at somebody months after she was the target of a harmless joke. If they weren't, they should have been)
>it sends a message that not only will you not tolerate being unilaterally mocked and will retaliate, but their attacks do not even faze you
>it gives control of the situation back to you, making an upsetting experience (being mocked by others) into a fun one (you are making jokes)

It's ultimately up to you how you will deal with your coworkers, but I strongly recommend you do not remain submissive. It does not end the conflict, because they will continue targetting you relentlessly (why shouldn't they? You are undefended). And it will not even protect your job security. Your boss thinks you are not a team player, and your coworkers would gleefully suggest you should one member of your group have to be laid off.

As you are on thin-ice, I recommend you publicly demonstrate that you have understood the warning by engaging in more friendly behaviour with others. Particularly with your boss, HR person and anyone other relevant local decision makers. Greet them and ask them how they are doing etc. Your coworkers at this stage would probably lie about you, so you want them to see it first hand.

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>>39008686
OP heres what you do you keep doing your job and when your boss fires you sue the company because even though you were doing what you were supposed to do and helped the company and fired you for not being social with your peers you can fuck him over for his wrong doing


Origititus

>>39011764
I do remember you. Did you go to management about the silverware?